Delphi Collected Works of W. Somerset Maugham (Illustrated)
Page 314
Well, as I was saying, I know I’m a gentleman. It’s a thing you can’t ‘elp, so what’s the good of being proud about it? If I meet a chap in a pub, and he invites me to have a drink, I don’t ask him if he’s a Lord.
Basil.
But you just take it.
James.
Well, you’d do the same yourself, wouldn’t you?
Basil.
I dare say. But will you have a drink now?
James.
Oh, bless you, I know what it is to be engaged. I don’t want to disturb you canary-birds. Me and ‘Alliwell ‘ll go and have a gargle round the corner. I see you’ve got a public nice and ‘andy. [To John.] I suppose you’re not above goin’ in there now and again, eh?
Jenny.
[With a laugh.] He came into the “Golden Crown” every day of his life, and chance it!
John.
I’m afraid I’m in a great hurry.
James.
‘Ang it all, one’s always got time to have a drop of Scotch in this life.
Basil.
[To James, handing him the box.] Well, take a cigar with you.
James.
[Taking and examining one.] If you are so pressing. Villar y Villar.... What do they run you in a hundred?
Basil.
They were given to me, I really don’t know what they cost. [He lights a match.] Won’t you take the label off?
James.
Not if I know it. I don’t smoke a Villar y Villar every day, but when I do, I smoke it with the label on.
Jenny.
[Laughing.] Jimmie, you are a caution!
John.
[Shaking hands with Jenny.] Good-bye and — my best wishes.
Jenny.
Thanks. You didn’t expect I’d marry Basil when I used to mix cocktails for you in the “Golden Crown,” did you?
James.
Come on, ‘Alliwell. Don’t stop there gassing. You’ll only disturb the canary-birds. So long, old tart, see you later. Ta-ta, Basil, old man.
Basil.
Good-bye — Jimmie.
[John Halliwell and James go out, Jenny goes up to Basil impulsively.
Jenny.
Kiss me. [He kisses her, smiling.] There! Now I can sit down quietly and talk. How d’you like my brother?
Basil.
Oh — I hardly know him yet. He seems very amiable.
Jenny.
He’s not a bad sort when you know him. He’s just like my mother.
Basil.
[Raising his brows.] Is he? And — is your father like that too?
Jenny.
Well, you know, Pa hasn’t had the education that Jimmie’s had. Jimmie was at a boarding-school at Margate.
Basil.
Was he?
Jenny.
You were at a boarding-school, too, weren’t you?
Basil.
[Smiling.] Yes, I was at Harrow.
Jenny.
Ah, you don’t get the fine air at Harrow that you get at Margate.
Basil.
Shall I put down your cup?
Jenny.
[Placing it on a table.] Oh, thanks, it’s all right. Come and sit by me, Basil.
Basil.
[Seating himself on the arm of her chair.] There.
Jenny.
[Taking his hand.] I’m so glad we’re alone. I should like to be alone with you all my life. You do love me, don’t you, Basil?
Basil.
Yes.
Jenny.
Much?
Basil.
[Smiling.] Yes.
Jenny.
I’m so glad. Oh, I don’t know what I should do if you didn’t love me. If you hadn’t been kind to me I should have thrown myself in the river.
Basil.
What nonsense you talk.
Jenny.
I mean it.
[He passes his hand affectionately over her hair.
Jenny.
Oh, you are so good, Basil. I’m so proud of you. I shall be so proud to be your wife.
Basil.
[Gravely.] Don’t think too well of me Jenny.
Jenny.
[With a laugh.] I’m not afraid of that. You’re brave and you’re clever and you’re a professional man, and you’re everything.
Basil.
You foolish child.
Jenny.
[Passionately.] I can’t tell you how much I love you.
Basil.
I’ll try with all my might to be a good husband to you, Jenny.
[She flings her arms round his neck and they
kiss one another.
End of the First Act.
THE SECOND ACT
An Interval of One Year Elapses Between Acts I. and II.
The drawing-room in Basil’s house at Putney. In the wall facing the auditorium there is a door leading from the passage. On the right two doors lead into bedrooms, and opposite these is a bay window. The same pictures and plates decorate the walls as in the preceding Scene; the writing-table is between the side doors. Jenny’s influence is noticeable in the cushions in the wicker-work arm-chairs, in the window curtains and portières of art serge, and in the huge chrysanthemums of the wall paper.
[Jenny is sewing while James Bush is lounging
in one of the arm chairs.
James.
Where’s his lordship this afternoon?
Jenny.
He’s gone out for a walk.
James.
[With a malevolent laugh.] That’s what he tells you, my dear.
Jenny.
[Looking up quickly.] Have you seen him anywhere?
James.
No, I can’t say I ‘ave. And if I ‘ad I wouldn’t boast about it.
Jenny.
[Insisting.] What did you mean then?
James.
Well, whenever I come here he’s out for a walk.... I say, old tart, could you oblige me with a couple of sovereigns till next Saturday?
Jenny.
[Pained to refuse.] Oh no, Jimmie, I can’t manage it. Basil made me promise I wouldn’t let you have any more.
James.
What! He made you promise that? — Ugh, the mean skinflint.
Jenny.
We’ve lent you so much, Jimmie. And ma’s had a lot, too.
James.
Well, look here, you can manage a sovereign, can’t you? You needn’t say anything about it.
Jenny.
I can’t really, Jimmie. I would if I could. But we’ve got a rare lot of debts worrying us, and the rent will be coming along next week.
James.
[Sulkily.] You can’t lend it me because you won’t. I should just like to know what Basil spends his money on.
Jenny.
He’s had a bad year — it’s not his fault. And I was so ill after the baby died, we had to pay the doctor nearly fifty pounds.
James.
[With a sneer.] Well, it was a wonderful fine thing you did when you married him, Jenny. And you thought you done precious well for yourself, too.
Jenny.
Jimmie, don’t!
James.
I can’t stick ’im at any price, and I don’t mind who knows it.
Jenny.
[Impetuously.] I won’t have you say anything against him.
James.
All right — keep your shirt in. I’m blowed if I know what you’ve got to stick up for him about. He don’t care much about you.
Jenny.
[Hastily.] How d’you know?
James.
Think I can’t see!
Jenny.
It’s not true. It’s not true.
James.
You can’t get round me, Jenny. I suppose you ‘aven’t been crying to-day?
Jenny.
[Flushing.] I had a headache.
James.
I know those sort of headaches.
Jenny.
We had a little tiff this morning. That’s why he went out..
.. Oh, don’t say he doesn’t care for me. I couldn’t live.
James.
[With a laugh.] Go along with you. Basil Kent ain’t the only pebble on the beach.
Jenny.
[Vehemently.] Oh, Jimmie, Jimmie, sometimes I don’t know which way to turn, I’m that unhappy. If the baby had only lived I might have kept my husband — I might have made him love me. [The sound is heard of a door being closed.] There’s Basil.
James.
Good luck to ’im.
Jenny.
Oh, Jimmie, take care not to say anything to make him angry.
James.
I’d just like to give ’im a piece of my mind.
Jenny.
Oh, Jimmie, don’t. It was my fault that we quarrelled this morning. I wanted to make him angry, and I nagged at him. Don’t let him see that I’ve said anything to you. I’ll see — I’ll see if I can’t send you a pound to-morrow, Jimmie.
James.
[Defiantly.] He’d better not start patronising me, because I won’t put up with it. I’m a gentleman, and I’m every bit as good as he is — if not better.
[Basil comes in, notices James, but does not
speak.
James.
Afternoon, Basil.
Basil.
[Indifferently.] You here again?
James.
Looks like it, don’t it.
Basil.
[Quietly.] I’m afraid it does.
James.
[Becoming more aggressive as the conversation proceeds.] Are you? I suppose I can come and see my own sister?
Basil.
I suppose it’s inevitable.
James.
Well?
Basil.
[Smiling.] Only I should be excessively grateful if you’d time your coming with my — with my going. And vice versa.
James.
That means you want me to get out, I reckon.
Basil.
You show unusual perspicacity, dear James.
James.
And who are you with your long words, I should like to know?
Basil.
[Blandly.] I? A person of not the least importance.
James.
[Angrily.] Well, I wouldn’t put on so much side if I was you.
Basil.
I observe that you have not acquired the useful art of being uncivil without being impertinent.
James.
Look ’ere, I’m not going to stand this. I’m as good as you are any day.
Basil.
That is a fact I should never dream of contradicting.
James.
[Indignantly.] Then what ‘ave you got to turn up your nose about, eh? What d’you mean by sneerin’ and snarlin’ at me when I come here?
Jenny.
[Nervously.] Jimmie, don’t!
Basil.
[With a smile.] You’re very eloquent, James. You should join a debating society.
James.
Yes, go on. That’s right. You seem to think I’m nobody. I should just like to know why you go on as if I was I don’t know what.
Basil.
[Abruptly.] Because I choose.
James.
You can bet anything you like I don’t come ’ere to see you.
Basil.
[Smiling acidly.] Then I have at least something to be thankful for.
James.
I’ve got a right to come here as much as anybody. I come to see my sister.
Basil.
Really, that’s very thoughtful of you. I was under the impression you generally came to borrow money.
James.
Throw that in my face now. I can’t ‘elp it if I’m out of work.
Basil.
Oh, I haven’t the least objection to your being out of work. All I protest against — and that very mildly — is that I should be expected to keep you. How much did you want to-day?
James.
I don’t want your dirty money.
Basil.
[With a laugh.] Have you already tried to borrow it from Jenny?
James.
No, I ‘aven’t.
Basil.
And she refused, I suppose.
James.
[Storming.] I tell you I don’t want your dirty money.
Basil.
Well, then, we’re both quite satisfied. You seemed to think that because I married Jenny I was bound to keep the whole gang of you for the rest of your lives. I’m sorry I can’t afford it. And you will kindly tell the rest of them that I’m sick and tired of forking out.
James.
I wonder you don’t forbid me your house while you’re about it.
Basil.
[Coolly.] You may come here when I’m not at home — if you behave yourself.
James.
I’m not good enough for you, I suppose?
Basil.
No, you’re not.
James.
[Angrily.] Ah, you’re a pretty specimen, you are. You mean skinflint!
Basil.
Don’t be abusive, James. It’s rude.
James.
I shall say what I choose.
Basil.
And please don’t talk so loud. It annoys me.
James.
[Malevolently.] I dare say you’d like to get me out of the way. But I mean to keep my eye on you.
Basil.
[Sharply.] What d’you mean by that?
James.
You know what I mean. Jenny has something to put up with, I lay.
Basil.
[Containing his anger.] You’ll have the goodness to leave the relations between Jenny and myself alone — d’you hear?
James.
Ha, that’s touched you up, has it? You think I don’t know what sort of a feller you are. I can just about see through two of you. And I know a good deal more about you than you think.
Basil.
[Contemptuously.] Don’t be foolish, James.
James.
[Sarcastic.] A nice thing Jenny did when she married you.
Basil.
[Recovering himself, with a smile.] Has she been telling you my numerous faults? [To Jenny.] You must have had plenty to talk about, my love.
Jenny.
[Who has been going on with her sewing, looking up now and then uneasily.] I haven’t said a word against you, Basil.
Basil.
[Turning his back on James.] Oh, my dear Jenny, if it amuses you, by all means discuss me with your brother and your sister and your father and your mother, and the whole crew of them.... I should be so dull if I had no faults.
Jenny.
[Anxiously.] Tell him I’ve not said anything against him, Jimmie.
James.
It’s not for want of something to say, I lay.
Basil.
[Over his shoulder.] I’m getting rather tired, brother James. I’d go, if I were you.
James.
[Very aggressively.] I shan’t go till I choose.
Basil.
[Turns round, smiling blandly.] Of course, we’re both Christians, dear James; and there’s a good deal of civilisation kicking about the world nowadays. But, notwithstanding, the last word is still with the strongest.
James.
What d’you mean by that?
Basil.
[Good-humouredly.] Merely that discretion is the better part of valour. They say that proverbs are the wealth of nations.
James.
[Indignantly.] That’s just the sort of thing you’d do — to ‘it a feller smaller than yourself.
Basil.
Oh, I wouldn’t hit you for worlds, brother James. I should merely throw you downstairs.
James.
[Making for the door.] I should just like to see you try it on.
Basil.
Don’t be silly, James. You know you wouldn’t like it at all.
James.
I’m not afraid of you.
&n
bsp; Basil.
Of course not. But still — you’re not very muscular, are you?
James.
You coward!
Basil.
[Smiling.] Your repartees are not brilliant, James.
James.
[Standing at the door for safety’s sake.] I’ll pay you out before I’ve done.
Basil.
[Raising his eyebrows.] James, I told you to get out five minutes ago.
James.
I’m going. D’you think I want to stay ’ere? Good-bye, Jenny, I’m not going to stand being insulted by any one. [He goes out slamming the door.]
[Basil, smiling quietly, goes to his writing-table
and turns over some papers.
Basil.
The only compensation in brother James is that he sometimes causes one a little mild amusement.
Jenny.
You might at least be polite to him, Basil.
Basil.
I used up all my politeness six months ago.
Jenny.
After all, he is my brother.
Basil.
That is a fact I deplore with all my heart, I assure you.
Jenny.
I don’t know what’s wrong with him.
Basil.
Don’t you? It doesn’t matter.
Jenny.
I know he isn’t a Society man.
Basil.
[With a laugh.] No, he wouldn’t shine at duchesses tea-parties.
Jenny.
Well, he’s none the worse for that, is he?
Basil.
Not at all.
Jenny.
Then why d’you treat him as if he was a dog?
Basil.
My dear Jenny, I don’t.... I’m very fond of dogs.
Jenny.
Oh, you’re always sneering. Isn’t he as good as I am? And you condescended to marry me.
Basil.
[Coldly.] I really can’t see that because I married you I must necessarily take your whole family to my bosom.
Jenny.
Why don’t you like them? They’re honest and respectable.
Basil.
[With a little sigh of boredom.] My dear Jenny, we don’t choose our friends because they’re honest and respectable any more than we choose them because they change their linen daily.
Jenny.
They can’t help it if they’re poor.
Basil.
My dear, I’m willing to acknowledge that they have every grace and every virtue, but they rather bore me.
Jenny.
They wouldn’t if they were swells.
[Basil gives a short laugh, but does not answer;
and Jenny irritated, continues more
angrily.
Jenny.
And after all we’re not in such a bad position as all that. My mother’s father was a gentleman.
Basil.
I wish your mother’s son were.
Jenny.