Radclyffe - Love's Melody Lost

by Love's Melody Lost (lit)

  "Do you mean to say you live here?"

  "Yes, I do," Anna replied stiffly. "Im Anna Reid."

  "Christine Hunt-Blair." After slight hesitation, the woman offered a soft and well manicured hand. Anna was acutely aware of the calluses on her own palm. Anna regarded the haughty woman before her, trying not to dislike her. After all, they had only just met. The visitor surveyed her critically, then shrugged in dismissal. "Yardley looks rather run down. I suppose it could use a caretaker. Poor old Helen probably cant cope any longer, and Graham wouldnt notice if the house were falling down around her, as long as it didnt fall on the piano." After a moments pause, she added, "From what I understand, of course, Graham has no reason to care what it looks like any more."

  Anna was stunned by the heartless remark. It was inconceivable to her that any one could make light of Grahams injury, especially the woman who had supposedly been so close to Graham. What on earth had Graham found attractive in this shallow, insensitive woman? Maybe its the fact that shes exceptionally beautiful , Anna couldnt help thinking, flushed with a possessive anger that only confused her more.

  Oblivious to Annas indignation, Christine announced, "Ive come to see Graham. Where is she?"

  "I imagine shes in the music room. She usually is this time of day. If youll give me a moment, Ill take you in."

  "Oh, there's no need," Christine laughed, turning toward the house. "I should have known thats where shed be. I know my way quite well."

  Anna watched her retreating back, feeling more than a little foolish. After all, this had nothing to do with her. Her mood did not lighten when she entered the kitchen an hour later to find Helen preparing an elaborate dinner.

  "Graham asked that we have dinner in the dining room tonight! I was so surprised; we havent had a formal meal in there for years. And Ive barely had time to prepare!" She was clearly harried, hurrying to arrange appetizers on a large silver platter while she watched over other items in the oven and on the stove.

  "Can I help?" Anna asked.

  "Oh no dear. This is the most excitement Ive had in years!" Helen laughed. "Of course, in previous years, if Graham were entertaining, I always had help in the kitchen, and a butler to serve! Thank goodness there are only a few of us tonight!"

  "I dont think Ill be joining you," Anna said. She didnt think shed enjoy watching Graham and Christine reminisce, and she didnt think she could tolerate Christines proprietary attitude.

  Helen stopped what she was doing, taking conscious notice of Anna for the first time. She had that tight look around her mouth she got when she was upset, and it didnt take much to think what that might be about.

  "Have you met Christine?" Helen questioned cautiously. Anna was usually calm and good-natured, but she had a temper where things concerned Graham.

  "Briefly, in the drive. Is she with Graham?" Anna couldnt help but ask, as much as she had promised herself she wouldnt think about them.

  "Shes waiting for Graham in the library as Graham instructed," Helen informed her. "Graham specifically asked me to inform you of dinner, my dear. Im sure she expects you to be there."

  "And I dont suppose she would broker any debate," Anna sighed in resignation. Oh well, I can stand it for one meal , she thought as she left for her room.

  Anna never would have lingered by the open door if she hadnt caught a glimpse of Graham entering the library. Anna stopped in surprise when she saw her. Graham had obviously dressed with care for her meeting with Christine. She was resplendent in a starched, finely-pleated white tuxedo shirt and formal black-striped trousers. A blood red cummerbund encircled her narrow waist; gold and diamond cuff links sparkled on the stiff French cuffs of her sleeves. Her barber must have come, because her usually unruly mane was trimmed and expertly styled. She looked ready for the concert stage, and Anna knew she had never seen any one so magnificent. If Anna hadnt been so taken by that tantalizing view of the woman she had hitherto only imagined from photographs, she never would have witnessed the scene that would haunt her unmercifully thereafter.

  "Graham, darling!" Christine cried as Graham stepped into the room. Christine rushed forward, one arm outstretched, catching Grahams right hand in hers. "Oh, my darling, you look even more exquisite than I remembered," she said throatily.

  Graham lifted Christines hand, bowing her head to brush her lips across the soft skin.

  "Hello, Christine," she murmured.

  Christine slid her other hand into Grahams hair, raising Grahams head. "Is that any way to greet me after all this time?" she questioned breathlessly. Not waiting for a reply, she stepped forward and pressed her lips to Grahams.

  Anna turned from the door as Graham pulled Christine firmly into her embrace.

  **********

  Anna stood staring out her bedroom window, seeing nothing of the view. She kept searching for something to erase the image of Grahams response to Christines kiss. She kept searching for some way to lessen the terrible desolation the vision produced. She kept asking herself why she felt this way, and she kept running from the answer.

  She finally forced herself to perform some normal task. She was after all expected at dinner. She showered and was pulling on one of her fancier blouses when she was surprised by a knock on her door. She finished buttoning hastily as she crossed the room. She was astonished to find Graham standing in the hall. Graham had donned a midnight blue silk dinner jacket. She was more than stunning. Anna tried desperately to quell the surge of jealousy, knowing that Christine had prompted this display from Graham. What in gods name is happening to me? she wondered frantically. I feel like Im losing my mind!

  "Anna?" Graham questioned, surprised by the silence.

  "Yes?" Anna responded, more abruptly than she had intended. All she wanted in that moment was to get away from Graham Yardley and the unsettling emotions she provoked. "What is it? Do you need something?"

  Graham smiled slightly and shook her head. "May I speak with you a moment?"

  "Of course," Anna replied, becoming alarmed. Graham had never come to her room before. She stepped aside to allow Graham entry. "Sit down, please. The chairs are before the fireplace, where theyve always been."

  Anna found Grahams expression impossible to decipher. She waited while Graham made her way without faltering to the seating area. She followed somewhat reluctantly, sitting anxiously in the opposite chair.

  "I wanted to tell you myself that Christine will be staying here at Yardley for some indefinite time," Graham began in a low voice. "Apparently, she is thinking of leaving her husband and needs time to consider her future."

  Annas heart lurched, and for once she was glad that Graham couldnt see her face. Christine to stay at Yardley! As if it werent perfectly clear what Christine expected her future to be! You only to had to look at the way she looked at Graham to know her intentions. Anna was too upset to notice that Graham did not appear overly happy with her announcement.

  "Does this mean that you wont need my services any longer?" Anna asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice from shaking. Annas mind recoiled from the thought of leaving Yardley. This was her life!

  Graham sat forward in alarm. "Good god, no! Why ever would you think that? You belong here at Yardley, and I would want you to stay as long as you are happy here. I merely wanted to tell you about Christine myself, so you wouldnt be surprised at dinner." She couldnt believe that Anna would imagine she wanted her to leave. That thought was the farthest thing from her mind. In fact, it was unthinkable. "Anna, please dont be upset. It wasnt my intention to concern you. This has been a difficult day for me. Im sorry."

  For the first time, Anna noticed the tremor in Grahams hands. Her resolve to distance herself from Graham disappeared as soon as she recognized Grahams distress. She was helpless in the face of Grahams need. She simply couldnt bear to see her like this. Grasping Grahams hand, she said softly, "Its all right. Please dont worry about me."

  Graham held Annas hand for a moment, her head bowed. Abruptly she rose and began pacin
g. "I couldnt turn her away, Anna. Not afterafter all wed been to each other." She sighed, knowing her words were inadequate. How could she begin to explain what she could barely grasp herself? When she heard Christines letter the day before, she had been plunged instantly back into that dark night, into the twisted wreckage of her car. Her last memory was of Christine trying to escape from her. She had imagined Christines return so many times, dreamed of Christine telling her it was all a nightmare, that she had come home. Month after torturous month she had waited in the silent darkness of her room, listening for the quick footfalls in the hall that signaled Christines arrival. More than a year had passed before she would believe that Christine was truly gone. The day she accepted that was the day she accepted her blindness, and the knowledge that the music had abandoned her as well. In an instant her life was devoid of everything that had given it meaning. She had neither the hope nor the desire to fill the emptiness with anything, or anyone, else. And so she had accepted her fate without protest, allowing time to pass unnoticed. These last few months since Annas arrival were her only clear moments in the long torturous years since her world had shattered. Only the fragrance of the flowers, and the memory of Annas hand on her arm as they strolled through the gardens, brought a faint smile to her lips.

  She had felt only confusion when she thought of confronting Christine, instead of the celebration she imagined she should experience. She spent the previous night awake, leaving the chair where she passed the evening hours to walk through the gardens before dawn. When she felt the first warmth of the suns rays on her skin she returned to the house for her preparations.

  It was important to her that Christine see her as she had once been, not as the shell of a being she had become. Pity from anyone was intolerable, but it would be devastating from the one woman who had claimed to have loved her. It seemed from Christines greeting that she had succeeded in that at least. Christines kiss still lingered on her lips, and the words that followed were still fresh in her mind.

  "Ive missed that so much," Christine whispered against her neck. "You were the only one who ever made me feel so alive."

  It had seemed the most natural thing in the world to take Christine into her arms, to bend her head to the lips she knew so well, to hear the soft intake of breath she remembered with startling clarity. Christine stirred against her as she had a thousand times before, softly moaning her name. Nothing had changed, and everything was different. Graham saw them together in her mind's eye, but her body remained untouched. Whereas once the mere stroke of Christines fingers against her skin could make her heart race, now she felt no surging of her blood, no flaring of her senses, no answering passion. Gently, she loosed her hold on the woman in her arms, stepping back from her embrace.

  Christine had always been able to read Grahams mercurial moods. "You dont believe Ive missed you, do you, darling?"

  "Perhaps if it had been a year, or two, or even ten," Graham replied without anger, for strangely she felt none, "I might have."

  Christine slowly traced the faint scar across Grahams forehead, then reached up to kiss her lips once more. "Give me time. Ill make you believe again," she whispered.

  Graham shook her head, in disbelief then, in wordless frustration now. She new Anna was waiting. "Im sorry, Anna. I wish I could explain. Theres simply nothing I can say."

  "Thats all right," Anna said stiffly. "You dont need to say anything. She is clearly important to you, and it certainly isnt necessary to justify yourself to me." She knew she sounded cold, but she couldnt help it. She wasnt even certain what bothered her so much about Christines return. If Christine could ease Grahams deep desolation, if she could restore some happiness to Grahams life, Anna should be grateful. Of course, Anna wanted to see Graham happy. Oh, it was all too much to deal with, this whole nightmare of a week! Why was it that the very things that seemed to ease Grahams discomfort -her physical reserve, her emotional distance, and now Christines presence - were the same things that made Anna so miserable!!

  "Ill be down for dinner, Graham," Anna said wearily.

  Graham started to speak, then merely sighed. "Yes."

  Chapter Eleven

  Anna was the first to arrive in the dining room. The long highly polished table was elaborately set with starched handmade linens, antique silver cutlery, fine crystal glassware and china place settings. The formality of the scene was more than a little daunting. Anna reminded herself that there had been much more to Grahams previous life than she had gleaned from the newspaper accounts. The understated way Graham lived at Yardley now was a far departure from her earlier life. She was a world-renowned artist, recognized in every civilized country, and surely she would have traveled in the most elite circles. She would have been feted at every turn. It made Anna wistful to think she would never know that part of Graham.

  Angrily she reminded herself that Graham Yardley obviously had all the companionship she needed with the arrival of Christine. Whatever diversion Anna had provided was surely unnecessary now. The only person who would miss their moments together was herself. She felt at once helpless and irrationally saddened.

  "My dont you look nice!" Helen exclaimed as she bustled into the room, mercifully delivering Anna from her introspection.

  "Helen!" Anna greeted her with relief. "You must have been working for hours in here! Its wonderful."

  Helen beamed with pleasure as she began setting up the large buffet along one side of the room. "Youre right, it did! And it couldnt have been a happier chore. For just a moment there this morning, when she was telling me what she wanted done, Graham seemed like her old self."

  Helen had no idea that her words had wounded Anna, who instantly thought that all it had taken to motivate Grahams recovery was Christine's return. Helen continued, unaware of Annas growing depression. "I do wish she would let me serve, though! She insisted that I prepare a buffet, and that I eat with you, but it just doesnt seem right! If only I had time I could have found help!"

  "I dont have much experience, but I could probably manage the serving," Anna said dubiously. In her state of mind, anything seemed preferable to sitting down to dinner with Graham and Christine.

  "Nonsense," Graham said from the door, having heard Annas remark. "Im sure we can all manage ourselves just this once, Helen."

  Anna turned at the sound of Grahams voice, her heart freezing at the sight of Graham and Christine together. Christine, who had changed into a revealing black evening dress, stood with her arm wrapped through Grahams, leaning slightly so that her body pressed against Grahams side. They made a stunningly attractive couple, and Anna had to admit thats what they were. There was a connection between them that was undeniable, regardless of the years that had separated them. Christine held onto Graham as if she owned her, and Graham seemed content to let her. Anna averted her gaze, unable to tolerate the insurmountable evidence that Graham was still very much involved with Christine.

  "At least let me help you set up," she said to Helen, grateful for any diversion.

  "Thank you, dear," Helen replied kindly. Annas reaction to Grahams entrance had not escaped her. She could only imagine what the poor girl was thinking. And she probably didnt know Graham well enough to know that Graham was behaving exactly as she would with any guest at Yardley.

  "You really didnt need to open the guest room for me, Helen," Christine commented as she allowed Graham to seat her to Grahams right at the table. She smiled without the slightest trace of warmth, her gaze fixed on Anna. "It wasnt necessary, you know."

  Anna glanced at Graham, whose face remained expressionless. But Christine had made her point, if she wanted to make it clear where she intended to sleep. Why she felt it necessary that Anna understand her claim on Graham, Anna couldnt imagine. As if it would make a difference even if Anna did care. Anna gritted her teeth and resolved to make this the last meal she shared with Graham Yardley and her Christine.

  The dinner proved to be every bit as difficult to endure as Anna feared. Graham, although a
ttentive to Christines needs and unfailingly courteous, remained distant and distracted throughout the meal. Christine appeared not to notice Grahams preoccupation, regaling them with social gossip and endless anecdotes of her travels. It did not escape Annas notice that Christine never mentioned anything remotely to do with music. For her part, Anna had nothing to contribute, and remained silent. She breathed a sigh of relief when at last she could depart with the excuse of helping Helen clear the table.

  "You know you dont have to do this, dear," Helen chided when Anna joined her in the kitchen. " But I do appreciate it."

  "I work here, too," Anna said, more sharply than she intended. "Believe me, its a pleasure compared to sitting in there."

  Helen studied her speculatively. "I gather the company wasnt to your liking," she commented mildly.

  "It was wonderful to finally share a meal with Graham," Anna admitted. Anna had enjoyed Grahams presence immensely, despite Graham's obvious distraction. She only wished it hadnt required Christines arrival to prompt Graham to join them.

  "Christine can be a bit overbearing, but you must remember shes always been indulged by every one."

  "Including Graham apparently," Anna said ungraciously. She sighed in disgust, as much with herself as the situation. "Oh, I dont know, Helen, it just annoys me the way she hovers over Graham. She poured her wine, she served her food - the next thing you know shell be cutting her meat! You know very well Graham doesnt need that kind of help!!"

  "Maybe thats the only kind of help Christine has to offer," Helen suggested sagely.

  Anna stopped what she was doing and stared at Helen. "What are you saying, Helen?"

  "Christine has always been more glitter than substance. And Graham has always demanded a great deal from people - even before their accident, Christine was frightened by Grahams intensity. If she were to truly confront Grahams needs now, she would be overwhelmed. "