Becoming Edward

by Meredith, Faye

  ‘Clive, you are a star,’ said Cassie, planting a big sloppy wet kiss on his face. Everyone else crowded round him, patting him on the back, suffocating him with praise.

  Eventually Rachel walked up to Clive towing Lewis reluctantly behind her, as if he were a broken-down car.

  ‘We really owe you one, Clive,’ she said.

  ‘It was nothing. Couldn’t let my friends get hurt could I?’

  ‘Lewis wants to say something to you, don’t you Lewis,’ said Rachel.

  Clive could see that he didn’t, judging by his body language. Lewis was agitated, and he looked everywhere except in Clive’s direction. Rachel nudged him.

  ‘Er, Clive,’ Lewis said, ‘just like to say thanks for stepping in there. It was, er, very brave.’

  Clive held out his hand and Lewis shook it. Clive had the sensitivity to keep his reply brief. He knew he had just saved Lewis from doing something he would regret for the rest of his life. If Clive were in his shoes he’d be feeling pretty uncomfortable right now, so he didn’t see the point in rubbing it in any more than he had to.

  ‘No problem,’ Clive said.

  The strange mix of friends who had been thrown together by the night’s events all looked at each other. Apart from Olivia and Clive, everyone bore the marks of the night’s battle - a torn shirt here, a cut there, blood staining their clothes - not all of it was theirs, thankfully.

  ‘I can’t go home like this,’ said Cassie.

  ‘Me neither,’ said Matt.

  ‘We all look a mess,’ said Rachel.

  ‘I know,’ said Lynn. ‘We could all go back to Ginster’s.’

  ‘What?’ said Ginster. He was the only one who didn’t live with his parents. He’d been looking forward to an evening sunk in a bean bag with a take away in one hand and a video game controller in the other.

  ‘Come on, Ginster,’ said Lynn. ‘We’ve all had a bad night, plus, I’m a good seamstress, I could fix everyone’s clothes.’

  ‘Lynn, you are a dark horse,’ said Cassie. ‘Kung fu ninja woman who also sews, that’s one hell of a handy combo.’

  ‘What do you say, Ginster?’ Lynn asked.

  ‘Er, okay. On one condition.’

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Rachel.

  ‘We stop at KFC on the way back.’

  ‘Defo,’ said Matt.

  ‘Now you’re talking,’ said Clive.

  ‘Oh yeah, large fries and something unhealthy,’ said Cassie licking her lips.

  ‘Done,’ said Lewis. ‘Come on, let’s see if I can fit eight people in a Volvo.’

  Chapter 21

  *

  The clock on the dashboard read 3:19 am. The adrenalin from the fight had drained away long ago and after overdoing it with the Kentucky Fried Chicken, Lewis could feel his eyelids being tugged downwards. After leaving Ginster’s he’d been taxiing everyone home one by one, and now he only had Clive left. Olivia was in the backseat fast asleep, her head lolling around like a nodding dog.

  He pointed his car through the hollow streets, willing himself home and to the comfort of bed. He wasn’t driving like a Cullen anymore, he didn’t have the energy or the concentration. Crashing was the last thing he wanted to do so he played it safe and stuck to the speed limit.

  A silence like a stench hung in the air between Lewis and Clive. They weren’t talking and that suited Lewis just fine. His jaw ached like hell and besides, he still felt humiliated after Clive had stepped in and stopped him from going berserk with a steel spike. The thought made Lewis cringe. He was losing control. How had that happened? He’d always been cool and laid-back. Now he was acting like someone he didn’t know. A feeling came snaking up his spine. It was sickly and repulsive, and Lewis didn’t know what to make of it so he shrugged it off. But it came back, this time in the form of a song that spontaneously played in his head. It was Radiohead’s Creep. Was his sub-conscious trying to tell him something? Was he a creep and weirdo?

  It had all seemed so right before. But now this Edward thing had possessed him. He’d gotten off on the fact that he looked like Edward. It made him feel powerful, but it had also brought out the worst in him, revealing a side he didn’t know he had. The old Lewis wasn’t perfect by any stretch, but the new Lewis was a lot worse.

  As if reading his mind, Clive suddenly broke the silence: ‘You still don’t get Edward, do you?’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  Clive had been looking out the passenger window, but now he swivelled around to face Lewis. ‘You look like him. You really do. It’s uncanny, but you still don’t get what Edward’s about.’

  ‘Oh, I think I do,’ Lewis replied. Who the hell did this guy think he was, giving out lectures on Twilight theory. Lewis had read the books, he knew what Edward was about.

  ‘Sorry, I’m not being rude or anything,’ said Clive, ‘it’s just being Edward isn’t an act, it’s an attitude.’

  Lewis could feel his fingers digging into the steering wheel. Clive was being patronising and smug, and he hated it. As much as it wound Lewis up, part of him knew he was talking sense and he wanted to find out where this was going.

  ‘What’s your point, Clive?’ Lewis asked.

  ‘Okay, this is just a personal observation. I think if you carry on with this you might lose Rachel.’

  ‘Not you as well,’ Lewis replied, letting a little of his anger show. ‘Have you been talking to Olivia?’

  ‘Yes, I mean no. Not about this, I’d never discuss this with anyone else.’ Lewis stole a quick glance at Clive. There was no malice in his face whatsoever. He was being honest. ‘It’s just, I’ve known Rachel for a long time, I know what she’s like.’

  Lewis knew Clive wasn’t being nasty, but he still went on the defensive. ‘Is this the bit where you tell me she’d be better off with you? Like Jacob Black.’

  ‘No, not at all,’ Clive said, holding his hands up.

  ‘Come off it Clive, I’m not blind. I’ve seen the way you look at her.’

  ‘Okay, you’re right, I was attracted to her. But I realise I’m not right for her. Besides, it’s you she’s mad about, not me. All I’m saying is …’

  ‘What? What is it you’re saying?’

  ‘You’re her Edward okay.’ Clive spoke slowly choosing his words carefully. ‘But being Edward is not about looking like him, it’s more about behaving like him. You don’t need the pantomime bit.’ Lewis didn’t say anything and looked at himself in the review mirror. His bouffant hair and his yellow eyes reflected back at him. ‘Sorry,’ said Clive, ‘that was out of line. You probably know this already. I’m telling you how to suck eggs.’

  ‘No, no you’re not,’ said Lewis with defeat in his voice. He was tired and his resistance was low. Lewis had to admit Clive was right. He was nothing like Edward. In looks, yes. But in thought and deed he was further away from him than he had ever been before. It had started off innocently; he’d just wanted Rachel to know he was different. But all the attention he’d got and double-takes from passers-by had gone to his head. It was feeding his vanity and making him selfish. He was a phoney and a narcissist. He had the car, the clothes, the hair and the looks but inside he was wretched and ugly.

  This epiphany made him feel sick. He started seeing himself for what he had become, not Edward at all. He was more like the ass from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, a grotesque and ridiculous creature. And Rachel was Titania who’d been bewitched into falling for him. Soon the enchantment would wear off and she’d see Lewis for what he really was. An ass.

  Since transforming into an Edward clone he’d upset Rachel and gotten her into two fights. What sort of man did that to the girl of his dreams? Not only that, he’d dragged a load of other people into getting hurt, all for the sake of his silly obsession. Lewis groaned as bile pushed its way up his throat and burnt the back of his mouth. Lewis was waking up from a mental hangover.

  He pulled the car over and switched off the engine. His head flopped forward on the steering wheel
as the shame and guilt of it all became too much.

  ‘Lewis, are you okay?’ asked Clive. ‘Do you feel sick?’

  ‘It’s nothing I don’t deserve,’ Lewis replied, with his forehead still resting against the wheel.

  ‘I can walk from here,’ said Clive, turning to get out of the car. ‘You get yourself and Olivia back home.’

  ‘No, don’t go, Clive.’ Lewis managed to lift his head up, even though it took all of his effort. ‘You’re right about everything. I am the biggest idiot on the planet. I’m no Edward. I haven’t got a clue about being Edward. All I’ve done is bring pain into Rachel’s life. I can’t believe the things I’ve done.’

  ‘Lewis, we all make mistakes.’

  ‘Not as big as the ones I’ve made. If you could see what’s been going on in my head you’d run a mile.’

  ‘That makes two of us. I have these stupid conversations in my head …’

  ‘Yeah, but look what I’ve done – I’m too embarrassed to even say it out loud, and then I got everyone into a fight tonight ...’

  ‘… Take it easy, Lewis. You’ll give yourself a heart attack. We all do stupid things. All blokes are like that. We don’t really understand girls and what they want, so we make it up as we go along.’

  ‘You seem to understand them.’

  Clive shook his head. ‘No, I haven’t got a clue either. But I think I get why they like Edward. It’s because he really cares about Bella, more than he cares about himself. He’s selfless and that’s what women want.’

  ‘You deserve Rachel more than I do, Clive. You’re more of an Edward than I’ll ever be.’

  ‘Thanks, but like I said we’re not right for each other, besides she’s nuts about you.’

  ‘But I’m no good for her. I should get out of her life otherwise I’m going to wreck it.’

  ‘Now that’s more like Edward.’ Clive looked directly at Lewis.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He’d put her needs before his own, sacrifice his own desires to make sure she was happy.’

  The penny dropped. Lewis was starting to get it. It all seemed so obvious now. Being Edward was about doing the right thing, and doing what was best for Rachel, not himself.

  ‘That’s it then.’ Lewis sighed. ‘I’m going to finish it first thing tomorrow. She deserves someone better than me.’

  ‘No, don’t. You’ll break her heart.’

  ‘But it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.’

  ‘I know, but why don’t you try and change instead? Become a real Edward this time.’

  ‘I feel like I don’t deserve her, not after the way I’ve behaved.’

  ‘Everyone deserves a second chance,’ Clive said.

  Lewis realised that Clive had come to his rescue twice tonight: once to save him from the Sherwoods, and second to save him from his own ego. In fact, he’d been helping him all the time. He didn’t understand why, but he was glad he did. Clive was a decent guy and Lewis knew he could learn a lot from him. Even if he was bit geeky.

  ‘You’re a good man, Clive.’

  Lewis held out his hand. Clive shook it firmly and they both grinned.

  ‘I’ll walk from here,’ said Clive as he stepped out of the car.

  ‘Clive,’ Lewis called out, ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Don’t mention it,’ Clive replied.

  Chapter 22

  *

  Rachel stood outside on the steps of the cinema. Her unsensible clothes did nothing to repel the cold sneaking in through every porous, but fashionable, fibre. The night was bereft of clouds and riveted with stars. Beautiful, she thought, staring up like it was the first time she’d seen them.

  A car horn interrupted her thoughts. Olivia drove past in her white beetle waving furiously out of the window. She parked up and got out, smiling her usual warm smile. The passenger door opened and Clive appeared. He smiled too, something he was doing a lot more of these days. Olivia ran up to Rachel and hugged and kissed her.

  ‘Where did you get that? I love it.’ Olivia said, pointing at her gorgeous but impractical top. She never tired of giving Rachel compliments.

  ‘It’s only New Look,’ Rachel replied.

  ‘Really? Cool, I want one. Is my brother here yet?’

  ‘No not yet.’

  ‘Will you guys wait for him? I’m going in to get the tickets.’

  ‘Yeah, course,’ said Rachel.

  Olivia disappeared into the cinema leaving Rachel and Clive alone.

  ‘So?’ said Rachel, grinning like an idiot.

  ‘So, what?’ said Clive.

  ‘You know? You and Olivia ...’

  ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘Come on, Clive. I’ve been dying to find out. Are you?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Clive, that’s fantastic. She’s so lovely,’ Rachel said, giving a little jump.

  ‘I know, I can’t believe it. I mean, she’s totally out of my league.’

  Rachel shoved Clive in the arm. ‘Don’t be daft, Clive. You’re a good-looking guy.’

  ‘Really?’ This was news to Clive who always thought of himself as, not ugly, but more like wallpaper - bland and unnoticeable.

  ‘Yeah, course you are,’ Rachel said, giving him another whack on the arm.

  ‘I don’t think I am.’

  ‘Well that’s part of your appeal - you don’t think you’re God’s gift like most blokes I know. Girls like that.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ said Clive. ‘I never get any attention from girls. Well, apart from Olivia.’

  ‘Don’t take this the wrong way,’ Rachel said, ‘but you do always look like you’re really pissed off all the time.’

  ‘Yeah I know.’ Clive didn’t want to tell Rachel why he always looked like he just stepped on an upturned plug. She had been the reason he’d been that way. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had Olivia now and she was good for him, more so than Rachel. Not only was she the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, she brought out the best in him and made him see the sunny side of life; he was happy. Whereas the closer he’d got to Rachel, the worse he’d seemed to feel.

  There was a silence, but it wasn’t awkward. They looked at each other and smiled. Clive realised it was probably the first time the two of them had smiled properly at each other. They were definitely better apart. Clive put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the front of the cinema where large red letters spelt out the name of the film.

  ‘Can’t wait to see this,’ he said.

  ‘Me either.’

  ‘Is Lewis coming?’

  ‘Yeah, he should be here any minute.’

  ‘Have you two sorted out the …’ Clive stopped himself just in time. The whole thing was still a sore point for Rachel.

  ‘I haven’t seen him since my birthday,’ she said. ‘I think it might take a while, but I think it’ll be worth it.’

  ‘You know, I think Lewis might surprise you,’ said Clive.

  ‘I hope so.’ Rachel felt the temperature of her cheeks rising. Clive sensed his last comment had made her feel uncomfortable. He knew tonight could be very hard for her, depending on how Lewis chose to behave. This would be a big test for him. He decided to leave her alone with her thoughts.

  ‘I’m going to find Olivia,’ he said.

  ‘Alright, I’ll wait here for Lewis.’

  ‘See you in there.’

  Rachel shivered a larger than average shiver when she thought of Lewis arriving. She didn’t know what to expect.

  The sight of someone struggling to get out of a parking space took her mind off things. The space was huge, but the man driving was being massively over cautious. The engine revved in agony, yet the car only shuffled backwards and forwards an inch or so. He was a mature man with an archaic car that had thin chrome bumpers and cushions on the back seat. She could see he was worried about hitting the cars around him.

  Rachel was enjoying the mini drama unfold but she reali
sed that if she was in his position it wouldn’t have been so nice. She got annoyed at herself for taking pleasure in someone else’s misery. She walked over to his window and asked if he wanted her to direct him. Relief flooded across his face like a monsoon in the desert. Rachel patiently guided him out of the space until he was safely on the road. He drove a few feet then stopped and wound down the window, waved and said thank you. Rachel stood back on the pavement again, just as a large red van reversed perfectly into the space.