Until We're Home

by Lina Langley

  Puck looked down at the floor, balling his hands up into fists. “I made you uncomfortable.”

  Jesse looked at him, unsure what to say. Puck was upset. He always seemed confused and bewildered.

  “You didn’t upset me,” Jesse said. “I’m just a little shaken up. Why don’t you put some clothes on? We can watch a movie or something. Finish our pizza.”

  Puck took a deep breath before looking at him. His cheeks had turned red along with his ears. “You are my host. I am meant to defend you.”

  “No,” Jesse said, swallowing, but seeing from the look in Puck’s eyes that there would be no point in contradicting him.

  * * *

  It was clear that Puck had no idea what an LGBTQ center was, even though Jesse had continually talked to him about it. He had to be so sheltered, Jesse thought. Puck walked into the room ahead of him. Jesse couldn’t see his expression, but Puck stopped in front of him suddenly. Jesse squeezed Puck’s shoulder, which startled him. “Shit,” Jesse said. “Sorry. I forget that you’re not used to people touching you.”

  Puck nodded, swallowing. “I like it when you touch me.”

  Jesse laughed. “Keep your voice down. I have a reputation to uphold here.”

  Puck looked him up and down and nodded again. Jesse sighed and looked around, trying to spot Rayne. When he finally did, she was leaning over a bunch of leaflets, trying her best to organize them.

  “Rayne!”

  She looked up and smiled. “Jesse!”

  “Hey,” Jesse said, walking towards her. “This is my friend Puck. I think Peter may have already told you about him.”

  Rayne nodded. “He did. Nice to meet you, Puck.”

  “Thank you,” Puck said.

  “Give us a second, Puck,” Jesse said. Puck nodded and looked at him. Jesse and Rayne exchanged a look. “Go over there.”

  He nodded again before following Jesse’s instructions. Jesse sighed as he watched him.

  Rayne lowered her voice before she spoke. “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah,” Jesse replied. “I don’t know. He’s so exhausting. He’s like a full-time job times a million.”

  “Thank you for taking him in,” Rayne said. “I don’t think any of the placements we have would suit him. He trusts you.”

  Jesse shook his head. “I feel like such an idiot about all this. It’s weird because I don’t want to do the work but I want him around.”

  “You like him,” Rayne said.

  “Yeah. He’s sweet.”

  Rayne watched him, not saying anything.

  “So can he stay here for a couple of hours?”

  “Yes,” Rayne said. “I can always use another pair of hands.”

  “Thanks, dude. I’ll pick him up at four,” Jesse said, turning his eyes to Puck. He was standing up, his eyes moving around the room, his hands in his pockets. He wore the hat that Jesse had pulled out of the glove compartment. Rayne put her right hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

  “Don’t worry,” Rayne said. “I promise I will look after him. Don’t you have to go?”

  Jesse swallowed. “Yes. Sorry. Bye. I’ll see you later, Puck.”

  Puck watched him, his eyes wide. “You are leaving?”

  Jesse stopped being able to look at him as soon as he said that. “Only for a couple of hours. I’ll be back soon. You just need to help Rayne with a couple of things, okay?”

  Puck nodded, but Jesse wasn’t able to see him anymore. He walked to the door, not looking back once.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Puck’s hands ached. Despite his fingers being long and slender, he rarely used them for delicate, detail-oriented tasks. He wasn’t used to feeling clumsy. Rayne had told him that they were going to organize flyers for an upcoming event. He had no idea what that meant, but it had seemed simple enough. The papers slipped out of the spaces between his fingers and flew onto the desk and all over the floor once again. Puck sighed, kneeling down to pick them up.

  The task wasn’t difficult in theory. All he was supposed to do was stack up the squares of paper neatly on top of each other, side by side, like Rayne was doing.

  He was aware that Rayne was watching him. That made the entire thing more difficult. Maybe she was assessing him for something and he hadn’t been informed. The council did that sometimes. He hated it then and he hated it now.

  Still, he was relying on these people's kindness to feed him. Jesse had given him clothes and allowed him to stay in his “apartment”, which was what he called his dwelling. And Rayne wasn’t bad to look at. She was small and slim.

  Everyone had different length hair. Jesse’s was really short. So was Rayne’s and the healer’s. He wondered if it had to be uniform for different clans. At least that would make sense.

  Her eyes were close-set and brown and she wore slacks and a black jacket. She smelled sweet, like honey.

  “Puck, it’s okay,” she said, walking over and kneeling down in front of him. “You can leave them.”

  “Jesse said I was to help you.”

  “You don’t have to do everything Jesse says. And you can help me in a different way. Give me those.”

  Puck handed Rayne the fliers and watched her get to her feet.

  “I don’t have to do everything Jesse says?”

  “No,” Rayne said. “Of course you don’t. You can do whatever you want.”

  Puck frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand about it?”

  Puck shook his head. “I don’t understand how I can do whatever I want.”

  Rayne looked him up and down. “You just do it, sweetheart. Like if you wanted to have some different food or wear different clothes or go somewhere else, you’re totally allowed to do that. Look, I get it, I come from an abusive environment too. But you don’t have to do that to yourself anymore. You’re your own boss, okay?”

  Puck nodded, though he wasn’t quite sure he understood. It felt like the right thing to do.

  Rayne sighed. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere more private. We can talk about it a little more extensively. I want to hear more about where you come from. Is that something you want to do?”

  Puck looked at her. “I don’t know.”

  “Alright,” Rayne said. “We can decide there. Cool?”

  She seemed to expect an answer, but Puck wasn’t sure what to say, so he just followed her to a small door in the back of the room.

  * * *

  Rayne dragged two chairs from behind the table and set it in front of him. She sat down and crossed her legs before she smiled at him. He guessed that he was to do the same.

  He remained silent. He was curious about what she would say.

  She looked away and then down before she spoke. There was a sheet of paper and an odd, long, circular contraption in her right hand. “So, I don’t know how much Jesse told you about us and what we do here.”

  “He said you would help.”

  “Right,” Rayne said. “We’re here to help. I want to help you, Puck.”

  Puck nodded. “I don’t need any help.”

  At least Jesse explained why he needed to do things, most of the time. Puck still didn’t know why he had to talk to Rayne, and it upset him.

  “Everyone needs a little help. It’s not a reflection on you or anything.”

  Puck struggled to understand what she meant. He didn’t see any reflections on him. And he didn’t need help. He didn’t understand why she was insisting.

  “Anyway,” Rayne continued. “I’m the social worker here. It’s my job to make sure that the people that come in here are happy and healthy.”

  Puck nodded again.

  “But to be able to help you, I need to know a little more about you, you know? Not just what you need but what you want.”

  “I don’t need anything,” Puck said.

  She clicked the pen with her thumb and made a mark on the paper. “Okay. Well, how about we start with your name? I know Jesse gave you the Puck moniker.
So, my name is Rayne. What’s your name?”

  He blinked. “My name is Puck.”

  She made another note on the white paper. Puck sighed. This felt wrong, as though he was failing a test, He tried to remain as stoic as possible.

  “Do you know what your name was before Puck?”

  He closed his eyes for a second and tried to recall. He could remember playing with his sister, standing around near his friends, being punished by the council, but not being addressed. He even recalled deciding to use his real name for the rest of his life. Jesse must have summoned it for him through the use of powerful magic, he decided. “There is no way to be certain. I believe it was Puck.”

  “Alright,” she said. “There’s a part of you that believes it was something different?”

  “Jesse said my name was Puck.”

  “Yes, I know. I meant before then. Do you know what it was?”

  He looked down at his feet. He was wearing leather boots with black laces. They weren’t made especially for him but they were fine. “I don’t. But Jesse does.”

  “Okay,” she said, putting another mark on the paper. “Do you remember anything about where you came from?”

  “Yes,” Puck was relieved to be off the name topic. “I can remember everything. Once someone is banished, they’re stripped from their name. They’re not stripped of their memories.”

  Rayne nodded.

  “Folk tales say that the further you go from our realm, the more likely you are to lose your memory. We cannot know that. No one has returned from another realm yet.”

  “Right,” Rayne said, scribbling something. “Does that mean you won’t get to go back?”

  “It could. The Conjurer said I was to be sent to this realm to learn my lesson. It was my punishment for breaking the rules.”

  “What rules did you break?”

  “I was tried for burning their letters. The day after I came of age. My other infractions were forgiven due to my age.”

  “Would you mind talking to me about your other infractions?”

  “I don’t understand,” Puck said.

  Rayne nodded. “What got you in trouble before?”

  “Part of it was my clan. My father wanted the Lahtinen clan to have our own dwelling, instead of living in the castle. The council didn’t grant his request. He built one with his own hands on the outer edge of the citadel, but he was not a builder and was forbidden from continuing. I do not know much about the outcome of this venture except that it never came to pass. He was banished and us children were left.”

  “You have siblings?”

  Puck nodded. “A sister.”

  “Do you know her name?”

  “Yes. Salisei. Salisei Lahtinen.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  The Richardson’s house was beautiful. It had been a couple of days since Jesse had introduced Rayne to Puck, and he knew that he couldn’t get out of dinner at the Richardsons. Being there didn’t seem to make Jesse happy, despite the delicious food that they had been given and the palatial amount of space.

  Puck didn’t inquire about it. They had eaten something called kebabs, impaled meat with vegetables in the middle. Puck noticed that after the breakfast incident, Jesse had been careful to keep him away from forks and other metal ornaments. Their food had consisted of something called burritos, wrapped meats that they bit into over a dish to catch the falling trimmings.

  Jesse looked at the sofa and then away. They were waiting for drinks from their hosts. Jesse tapped his index finger over his leg rapidly.

  “You are upset,” Puck said.

  Jesse smiled at him. It wasn’t a smile like he had seen before, it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it wasn’t unkind. “The Richardsons are the nicest people I know. But I stayed on that couch for the darkest summer of my life. It doesn’t bring me good memories.”

  Puck frowned.

  “What?”

  “You classify memories here,” Puck said.

  “You don’t?”

  “No, memories are just memories. They aren’t good or bad, they just are.”

  Jesse looked at him. “Well, I mean, that’s one way of looking at it. Some people think only the present exists and all that. Still, I can’t help but feel a little sad when I’m here. I know I shouldn’t. I should feel happy that they took me in, but it’s just… sorry, I’m rambling. You don’t want to hear this.”

  Puck tilted his head and looked at him. “I like your voice.”

  Jesse twisted his lips. “That doesn’t mean you want to hear me talking about my shitty life.”

  Puck looked away for a second before shaking his head. “I think I do.”

  “Oh,” Jesse said. “Alright. I don’t know, it’s the same story you’ve probably heard a million times before. My parents are really conservative, you know, Asian parents, and they freaked out about me being gay so they kicked me out and I was basically homeless until Peter and Rayne took me in.”

  “Your parents banished you? They can do that?”

  “Yes, in my case, they most definitely can,” Jesse said and sighed, throwing himself back on the sofa. “Isn’t that why you got kicked out?”

  Puck shook his head. “I was banished for burning their letters. The council said I was disrespectful towards the rules. They were concerned I would never adapt.”

  Jesse smiled. The way Puck talked about his past was so strange but little bits of it seemed to reveal tons about him. He didn’t want Puck to think that he didn’t believe him.

  “Why did you burn their letters?”

  Puck shrugged. “I didn’t like them. They kept telling me what I had to do, and the consequences if I didn’t, but never why.”

  “Come here,” Jesse said. Puck walked over to him and sat down by his side when he saw Jesse’s gaze fall on the cushioned sofa. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

  “What?”

  “I wanted to apologize,” Jesse said, looking at his fingernails. “I think I may have misread the situation when we met.”

  Puck watched him. “You’re upset.”

  “No, not really, more like… embarrassed. That’s the right word,” Jesse said. “I should have known.”

  “Known what?”

  Jesse kept looking at his hands. He had to stop himself from touching Puck, from stroking his face, from brushing the hair away from his forehead. “Look, I don’t know what your deal is. I feel like I kind of, I don’t know, took advantage of you a little bit.”

  “Took advantage of me?”

  “Yeah,” Jesse replied, looking towards the kitchen. Peter had implied he needed to have this conversation and now that he was having it, they had given him plenty of space. Too much. And they were taking so long talking in the kitchen. “Like, you thought you wanted it, but maybe you didn’t. Maybe you couldn’t know.”

  “I don’t know if I wanted it,” Puck replied. “I needed it.”

  “That’s the point,” Jesse said. “You’re supposed to want it. Not just, you know, feel a physical drive to do it. So I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t understand,” Puck replied. “I had fun. I don’t understand why you don’t want to touch me anymore.”

  “Alright,” Jesse said, smiling at him. “I do want to touch you. I just shouldn’t.”

  Puck thought for a moment, furrowing his brow and staring at Jesse’s face. “Is that part of the rules?”

  Jesse laughed. “I don’t know. I know I don’t feel good about it.”

  Puck nodded.

  Jesse sighed. “Oh, don’t look so disappointed. You’re making me feel bad.”

  Puck nodded again. “I have a question.”

  Puck had taken off his hat and it was hard for Jesse to keep from staring at his hair. “Okay, go.”

  “It’s not against the rules to touch me. You want to but you shouldn’t,” Puck repeated, very slowly.

  “That about sums it up, yeah.”

  Puck smirked at him. “So that means I can tou
ch you if I want to?”

  Jesse looked down at the floor, biting his lower lip and smiling despite himself. Peter walked in before he could think of what to say. That was good. His mind was going totally blank.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Puck focused on the television. The rectangle had already provided him with hours of entertainment, but he was still learning as much as he could from it. People during the day seemed to have a lot more problems than at night, where people seemed to still have problems but laughed a lot more. The entertainment—which Jesse called television shows—was interrupted by product placements and advertisements for different television shows.

  Whatever Puck thought about any particular show, he knew that the people of this realm were very, very busy. He wondered if it was cyclical. Jesse didn’t seem that busy then but he dropped him off at the center every now and then because he had to go to classes. Rayne had tried to get him to talk to another social worker but Puck had found her boring. He spoke to Rayne because he had to, but now that he knew that he didn’t have to do anything, he simply did it for Jesse. That was what Jesse seemed to expect.

  He had only been there for about a week—that’s what Jesse called the night and day cycle. He wondered if Isocrice had made a mistake. Maybe she had sent him to the wrong realm. There were no rules here, like The Conjurer had said, but there were no consequences. Everyone seemed fine. People had food and clothing and lodging and they weren’t afraid. They all seemed to have access to magic, though he supposed that since he was a transplant, he simply didn’t.

  If it was meant to teach him a lesson, he didn’t understand it. He had found himself smiling without the use of magic, something that he had never thought possible before, unless he was standing up to the council. Even then, he had tried his best to be reserved around them. He didn’t want his punishments to get too bad. That hadn’t worked out well.

  Jesse walked into the room. He was wearing nothing but pajama trousers. The sunlight streaming through the windows made his skin look smoother.

  “Hey,” he said, glancing at the television. “You can turn it up if you want.”