by Kirby Howell
We rounded a familiar corner, and I saw my small closet door up ahead, a comforting sight. I’d be able to pull my door closed soon and shut out all of the unhappy people I now found myself in the middle of. I also hoped I’d be able to part with Todd, who was following behind us. I had a suspicion he wanted to speak with me just as he had with Grey.
I had a sudden moment of panic when I realized the three of us would never fit in my small closet of a room.
Then I heard Connie. “Ben and Rissi can stay with me. With Shad still in the infirmary, I’ve got two extra beds in here. Autumn is just across the hallway,” she said and pointed. I opened the door and showed them how small my room was.
I introduced them to Connie, whose smile beamed with happiness. She knelt down, hands on her knees and smiled at Rissi. “I’ve heard so much about you from Autumn. I’m so glad you came to live with us.”
Rissi looked her over and asked, “Are you a teacher?”
It caught us all by surprise, and I covered my mouth, hiding a smile.
“I was. Before everyone got sick, I taught first grade,” Connie confirmed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. She hadn’t mentioned that to me.
"I’m in first grade!” Rissi crowed in excitement.
Connie laughed and looked at me, excitement mixed with the tears in her eyes. She stood and hugged me. She smelled like clean powder, and her skin was soft and warm. She whispered in my ear, “Please tell me before you do something like that again. Not that you are going to do anything like that again.” She looked sharply at me, and I nodded.
Todd stepped in and said, “All right everyone, it’s pretty late. Let’s get to bed.”
After Rissi hugged me tightly, Connie showed them into her room, and I entered my own.
Todd hovered in my doorway, blocking most of the light from the hallway and said, “Autumn, I want you to know what you did was very stupid.”
I examined a loose string on my mattress. “I know. I’m sorry. But I had to.”
“I understand why you did it. That’s a cute little girl there, and Ben, well he seems like he’ll be able to contribute.” He kneeled on the edge of my mattress. I suddenly had a flashback of my Dad giving me a “talk.”
“You put a lot of people at risk for those two. I’m not just talking about what The Front could’ve done to you and your friends. I’m talking about every soul in this place.”
“They’re my family. I couldn’t leave them,” I said, staring back at him.
“What you’ve done hasn’t made you very popular. There’re a lot of people who don’t trust you. If you have any trouble, I want you to come to me, okay?” Todd said. The gravity of his tone made me feel like I was in danger.
“Do you think someone will hurt me?” I asked hesitantly.
“Just come to me if anyone starts to give you a hard time. I don’t want that kind of behavior here. We all have to stick together, or this place doesn’t work. I’m counting on you to do what’s necessary to blend in.”
“I will. I promise.”
“In the meantime, I want you to prove to everyone that you’re a valuable member of this place. You’re going to have to regain their trust over time. Understand?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll leave you alone.” He got up to leave, but before he pulled the door after him, he gruffly said, “Oh, and welcome back.”
In the morning, I was woken by a high-pitched giggle from the room across the hall and was instantly comforted. Didn’t that sound make all of this worth it? I could take the whole camp hating me for a while if it meant I had Rissi and Ben with me. And Grey. Grey had come after me. He helped me get my friends to safety at the risk of everyone here mistrusting him, too.
I got up from my bed and winced as I put weight on my feet again. I quickly found an Aleve and swallowed it, marveling that I’d been able to sleep with the pain pulsating through my sore muscles and feet. I focused on not limping as I crossed the hall. Before I entered the room, I heard Connie say, “I’ve heard you have the most beautiful fairy wings in all of Los Angeles. You know, come to think of it, there’s a nickname for the city. Do you know it?”
I peeked into the room and saw Rissi shake her head.
“The City of Angels. Do you think perhaps they named it after you, little miss Rissi?”
Rissi giggled and nodded her head.
Connie poked Rissi’s tummy delicately, tickling her. “Yes, I think you’re right. They must have known you would get here eventually.”
“Hey, gimpy,” I heard Ben say from the other side of the room. I rolled my eyes in response as Rissi dashed to me. She hugged me around the waist.
“Morning! Did you sleep well?” Connie asked. “How do you feel?”
“Better. I feel like I could sleep all day, though.” I yawned and stretched.
“Me too,” Rissi said.
“You only walked half of what Autumn did, and you slept most of the way, butthead!” Ben teased her.
"Did not!”
“Oh, so that big lump I was carrying on my shoulders was some other little girl?” Ben said and tossed a pillow at her. She squealed as it zipped past her.
“Hey, do you guys have any food down here? I’m starving,” Ben said, rubbing his stomach.
Connie and I showed Ben and Rissi to the cafeteria, and, as we ate our instant oatmeal, I explained how The Underground worked, the food, the chores and the rules.
“You can’t leave unless Todd says its okay and one of us are with you, okay, Rissi? Just like at The Water Tower,” I explained.
“I know, I know, jeez.” She rolled her eyes dramatically as she shoveled a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth. I was reminded suddenly of Sarah and busied myself by adjusting the multiple pairs of socks on my feet. I was used to sudden memories of my parents and Sarah stabbing me with no warning, but I was usually able to control myself enough to keep from weeping at inopportune times.
“Where do we pick up our water?” Ben asked, shaking me out of my thoughts of Sarah.
I motioned out the door, “Down that hallway.”
He jumped up and collected our empty bowls and spoons and dumped them where I’d shown him. I was glad Todd excused me from helping in the kitchen today. Standing up washing oatmeal-encrusted bowls was not something my feet were up to at the moment.
“Ready to go?” Ben asked.
As if my feet and legs could hear Ben’s words, they began throbbing in time with my heartbeat, and I leaned back in my chair to take as much weight off them as possible. “I think I’ll stay here for a little while.”
“You’re looking kinda pale. Still hurting?” Ben asked.
“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired,” I replied wearily.
Connie leaned forward, concerned. “I thought you said you felt better this morning? Maybe we should take you to see Grey or Lydia again.”
“I’m really okay. They’re too busy for something like this. It’s not like I was shot or anything. Besides, I already took an Aleve I had in my bag.”
“She’s not gonna go on her own.” Ben adjusted his glasses, then grabbed me like a rag doll and dumped me over his shoulder. I screamed in shock.
“What are you doing?! Let me down!”
“Which way to the infirmary?” Ben asked Connie.
“This way. I’ll show you.” She headed toward the door of the cafeteria, past a horde of staring people.
Embarrassed, I struggled harder. “Ben! This is stupid. Put me down right now!”
“Nope,” Ben replied. “You’ll just go back to your room and tell us you’re fine, and next thing you know, I’ll be assisting with an amputation procedure. Then we’ll have to find you a wheelchair, and, let’s face it, that’s just a pain in the butt with the condition of the sidewalks these days. Consider this a favor.”
Some favor, I thought. Now my butt was first and foremost if anyone saw us coming, like a massive target sign. I had never been more humiliated in my life. And this was certainly no
t what Todd had meant about me keeping a low profile.
We reached the infirmary, and rushed inside. That’s when we heard heated voices. I knew at least two of them. Grey and Todd.
“Maybe we should come back?” Ben whispered.
“That’s silly,” Connie said. “This is where we treat our people, and Autumn requires assistance. Plus, I’d like to visit with Shad for a moment. They’ll just have to take their argument somewhere else.”
“Put me down now!” I whispered sharply to Ben. If Grey was here, I certainly didn’t want him seeing me over Ben’s shoulder with my rump in the air. Ben didn’t respond, so I pounded my fist into his back a few times, hoping it would throw him off balance enough for me to dismount.
Connie led Ben to the curtained area, where she loudly cleared her throat to let the others know they were no longer alone. Grey opened the curtain, revealing Todd, Lydia and a few others I recognized. I shrank back to hide behind Ben.
“Grey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping you or Lydia might have a moment for Autumn.” Connie motioned to me over Ben’s shoulders.
Grey walked around Ben and leaned down to look at me. “Are you okay?” he asked me.
“They’re overreacting. I’m fine,” I said. My hair was mostly covering my face at this angle, and I felt ridiculous. But then it got worse. Ben slapped my butt, hard.
“Ben!” I yelped in shock.
“Tell ’em the truth. She was complaining in the cafeteria,” said Ben in his most matter-of-fact tone. It seemed like Grey hadn’t appreciated Ben slapping my behind any more than I had, but I couldn’t be sure. Grey had such a refined air about him and was good at masking his feelings. I was never really sure of what was going on inside that beautiful head of his.
Grey reached down and parted my hair so he could see my eyes more clearly. “I’m sure having all the blood rush to your head isn’t helping, hmm?” He instructed Ben to set me on the table.
“Did we interrupt a meeting?” I asked Grey. Todd and the others had filed out of the infirmary. I could hear snippets of their conversation from the other side of the curtain. They sounded worried.
He shook his head and said, “Look over here.” Grey held a finger up to the right of my head. I focused on it, and, in my peripheral vision, a light flashed in my eyes. Then he said, “The meeting was over a while ago, but I don’t think they noticed. Look at me.”
Something fluttered in my stomach, and I looked directly into his cool blue eyes. I didn’t even notice when he shined the light in mine. His eyes were shaded sapphire pools, their cold depths silent as a forest in winter. I felt frozen as stone.
“Autumn,” Grey said, and I realized he’d said my name twice now. He was holding a finger up to the left side of my face. “You okay? You zoned out for a minute there.” He was staring intently at me. I nodded and quickly looked at his other finger. He flashed the light in my eyes a third and final time, then leaned against the exam table beside me. “Your pupils look a little dilated, but you seem okay. I think you just need more rest.” I swallowed and nodded again. He was so close. His hand brushed mine. I wasn’t sure if it was an accident or on purpose.
Connie had gone over to Shad’s cot, where he slept soundly. Ben, on the other hand, made his way over to the curtain and appeared to be straining to hear the conversation that had moved to the other side of the room.
“We’re going to have to leave,” Grey murmured to me.
I glanced up at him, surprised. “They’re that close now?”
“They’ve got more people in the subway tunnels searching. It could be any day now. We have to move... quickly.”
From the other side of the curtain, I heard an unfamiliar voice angrily say, “There are too many people for a mass evacuation. We can’t get enough supplies through the crawlspace to last us more than two days, even if we could evacuate without being seen.”
“We’re out of options,” Todd said. “Grey is right. We’ll be sitting ducks in here. We’ll send a team ahead today to feel out the situation up in Hoover. Discussion’s over.”
“I could help with that,” Ben said loudly as he pushed the curtains aside. “I’ve been to the Hoover Dam before.”
“Ben!? What are you doing?” I started to get off the table.
Grey put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. “Wait here,” he said and joined the group.
Connie appeared beside me. “What’s wrong?”
“I think I just heard Ben volunteer for a scout!”
“Who’re you?” said an auburn-haired man. I remembered him coming in with the supply run the night Shad was injured. I thought his name was Daniel.
Ben drew himself up to his full height of five foot nine inches and said, “Name’s Ben. I’m seventeen, and I’ve been to the Hoover Dam several times. I know everything about it.”
Todd shook his head. “No, you’re not going. I don’t care if you know how much the friggen dam weighs, you’re not going. No new people leave.”
“Six million, six hundred thousand tons.” Ben blinked owlishly from behind his glasses.
Everyone stared. He continued, “It took twenty-one thousand men five years to build, and one hundred twenty-one men died during that time. The water flowing through the dam can generate up to two gigawatts and powers most of the Southwest, which, I’m assuming, is why you want to go there.”
Daniel gawked for a moment before responding. “Well, long as we agree he doesn’t get a weapon, I’m sold. This kid could be useful.”
“I dunno. I’m not a fan of newcomers on scouts,” Todd said, eyeing Ben up and down.
“I heard you guys talking. None of you have ever been there, and I’ve been three times. I know how it works. I’ve been on all kinds of tours inside the dam. I can fill everyone in on the way. Plus, you’re the one who wanted us to pull our weight if we stayed here,” added Ben in his most persuasive tone.
Todd smiled at having his own words thrown back at him. “Grey, what do you think?” It was the first time I’d heard him sound so uncertain.
“He’s survived alone a lot longer than any of us have. And, based on what I saw in the apartment he and Autumn were living in, it appears he’s been living there for a while. It’s doubtful he’s affiliated with The Front,” Grey reasoned aloud. My jaw dropped as I listened to him. He was telling Todd to let Ben go on the scout. He couldn’t go! People got hurt on scouts. I started to panic.
Todd nodded approval, and Ben smiled widely. Then Daniel clapped him on the back and said, “We leave in an hour, kid. Bring something warm to wear. We’re planning on stealing a plane or two from Whiteman Airfield and flying to Hoover. Be prepared to be gone for a few days.”
When Daniel left the room, Ben turned toward me, a proud, almost smug expression on his face. He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. “What do you think you’re doing!? You can’t go with them!” Ben’s face fell. He had obviously been hoping for a different reaction, but I was furious. He didn’t know how dangerous these scouts could be. He hadn’t seen Shad brought in that night.
“I just wanted to help,” he said as I stared angrily at him. “Sounds like they could really use it, too.” I turned my head then, not even wanting to look at him. He was being an idiot. I ignored the hand that Ben offered as I slid from the table.
“Try to get some rest before the scout,” Grey said to Ben as we left the infirmary.
A few minutes later, as we walked back down the hall, Ben’s mood changed. His face clouded, and he muttered to himself. I hoped against hope he might have changed his mind.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.
“I don’t like him. He acts so high and mighty. I don’t know why you like him so much.”
“Who? Todd?”
“No, Grey! He thinks he’s so important. He’s weird. All those questions he wouldn’t answer on the trip home. You know I didn’t notice anything out of place with the elevator, like if he’d hotwired it or something. And what about that explosio
n? I don’t trust him.” He paused and looked down at me. “And you know what’s worse? It’s like he’s got some kind of spell on you or something.”
“Oh, yes, I’m the one acting irrationally here,” I said sarcastically. “Grey doesn’t answer a few questions the way you want, and he’s the bad guy. But you go off and volunteer for an incredibly dangerous scout right after I nearly kill myself to get you here. Sure, Grey’s the one I should be upset at, clearly.”
“At least they think I can do it. I’m not a kid, Autumn! I don’t need you to protect me. Do you know how bad you made me look in there?!”
It took me a second to respond. I realized I’d completely undermined him, emasculating him in front of the leaders. I hadn’t meant to hurt him. I just wanted him to be safe, but he was right, he could take care of himself. If he wanted to prove himself on a scout, I couldn’t stop him. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Just, be safe while you’re gone. Don’t do anything, you know...”
His face began to soften as he raised an eyebrow at me “What? Stupid? Please,” he chuckled, “Me? Stupid?”
I looked back up to him. “Yes, you.” I forced myself to smile at him. I memorized the lines of his face as they curled into a crooked smile, hoping I’d get a chance to see him again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I slept fitfully that night. My body refused to relax, and my feet burned and ached underneath the bandages. But Rissi was bunking with me now while Ben was gone, and I tried to keep as still as possible so I wouldn’t wake her.
My mind raced, despite my utter exhaustion. My thoughts switched back and forth between worrying about Ben on the scout and wondering about Grey and the many unexplained things about him, including the mysterious past he seemed to want to tell me about. My inability to concentrate reminded me of flipping the television between two shows I couldn’t commit to.
I tried a trick my dad taught me. I closed my eyes and started a movie in my head. I chose my favorite one, It’s a Wonderful Life. I knew every line of dialogue, every music cue, every camera angle. I saw the opening credits in my head and heard the first few strains of music. I imagined the first scenes down to the costumes and body language of the actors. This usually helped me relax, and I would fall asleep within minutes. But it didn’t work tonight. I was at the part where George and Mary threw rocks at the windows of their future house when I realized I was picturing Grey as George Bailey instead of Jimmy Stewart. I sighed and turned over.
