by Kata Čuić
She pins me with a mock glare. “That part goes without saying. You are the only person who’s ever seen my lacy underwear…and what’s beneath. I’d like to keep it that way.”
I don’t like to think about it, but her words make absolutely no sense. “What about that other guy? You said you didn’t take off your bra, but…”
Evie’s face turns a curious shade of red. One I’ve never seen before.
“That’s true. I didn’t. But, I also insisted on keeping the room pitch black. So, he couldn’t see me. And so I wouldn’t have to see him.”
“You didn’t want to see him?” I can understand why she didn’t want him to see her.
“No.” She shakes her head, then resumes her previous tracing of my face with her fingers as she studies me like she’s trying to mentally map all my features. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to go through with it if I could see him. The sound of his voice was like the worst kind of discord. I tried so hard. I really did. But, in the end…he wasn’t you. I’m not here because I have to be, or because you make me feel safe, or because I had no other options. I’m here with you because I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”
That’s all I need to know. Everything I’ve ever wanted to hear from her lips.
I remember saying something very similar to her a few months ago. “Are you over it?”
Her laugh sounds bitter. “I was never into it enough to have anything to get over. I don’t even miss him, even though we were friends somewhat.”
“No, not him. Her. Are you over Julie?”
Because if she’s not, I’ll keep moving the chains to make it happen. Until everything we’ve been through is just a bad memory.
Evie’s deep breath echoes through my own chest. “I never meant to hurt you the way I did, but I still think you needed that. Needed to be with someone else, someone…easier. Different, at the very least. You would never have gone through with it if I hadn’t pushed, so in a way…I gave you to her for a little while. As long as I get to keep you forever, then that’s all that matters in the end.”
I brush my lips over hers once, twice, three times to be sure, and a fourth to seal the deal. “No, not the end. The beginning.”
Because forever won’t be nearly long enough with this woman.
It’s funny how time and age changes our perception of things once so familiar.
These halls look far less menacing now than the first time I passed through them, feeling like an outcast in a sea of people who were all, like me, struggling to just get through another day.
The navy lockers don’t look quite so tall. The overhead fluorescent lighting isn’t as harsh. And…well, it’s nearly empty.
No throngs of bodies to be tossed around in and…in potentially the best twist of fate to ever befall my life, no one to run into so hard my ass was bruised for days from the impact on the floor.
“It’s weird to be back, isn’t it?” Rob murmurs, almost like the same feelings of nostalgia are washing over him.
They probably are.
We’re surprisingly similar for all our differences.
“It really is.”
A few stragglers gawk at the towering man beside me, no doubt recognizing him. His records remain unbroken on the plaques in the lobby, even six years later. Ironville football hasn’t had another junior as its varsity quarterback since Rob.
“Are you sure spring is the best time to host a football camp? These kids have baseball on the brain.”
“It’s the perfect time, actually,” Rob assures me. “Their heads aren’t in the current football season, so they’ll be more likely to listen and take the time to fine tune their skills.”
“Wouldn’t summer be better? When they’re not focused on a different sport?”
His dimple makes an appearance with his grin. “We agreed during the school year was also the best time to host Sing Out assemblies, remember? There’s no way I can swing that during the fall. You’re the up-and-coming CEO who wanted to expand our reach to a younger crowd, to ‘open their eyes and their minds while they’re still young enough to be swayed.’”
Hearing my own words sounds…odd. This must be how Rob feels when he sees an interview of himself on TV. “Are you seriously quoting me?”
“Hey,” Rob shrugs. “It was an amazing acceptance speech that provided a valid business plan for the future of the organization. Especially since you threw it together on the fly because you didn’t expect the oversight board to vote you into the position.”
No, I certainly didn’t. I’m not qualified to be the CEO of Sing Out. Other than being a survivor of the very thing we’re working to eradicate from society, a college graduate with a bachelor’s degree in general business is ill-equipped to run an actual business, even a non-profit one.
Which is exactly why I’m enrolled in an MBA program which starts in the fall. Our lives, and schedules, are months away from getting far more complicated.
There are so many people who stand to lose if I fail at this.
Not only that, but Sing Out is our baby. I’ll put in as much hard work as possible to see it grow and thrive.
“Thank you for agreeing to continue to be the public face of the organization. I know I’ve said it before, but– “
He cuts me off with a kiss which is highly inappropriate for our current potential young company to witness. “Are you seriously thanking me? I’m your husband. I’ll do anything I can to support you. Just like you’ll attend all my games, even if you have to take a break from getting a graduate degree and saving the world to be there.”
My laughter echoes off the linoleum floor and lockers. “I don’t know about saving the world. Changing it a bit, hopefully.”
Rob stops our forward movement again, grasping my hands in his. “You definitely changed my world. Right in this very spot, in fact.”
I glance around and realize he’s right. We’re standing at the same corner where we literally ran into each other…ten years ago. “I would say that was such a cliché meet-cute, but everything that’s transpired in the past decade kind of negates that idea. That, and you confessed you set it all up.”
“Ooh.” Rob winces, then pulls a folded piece of paper from his shorts pocket. “If you think coming back to the exact spot where this all began is a cliché set up, then you’re really not gonna like this.”
He hands me the note, then shuffles his feet a bit, looking every bit like the nervous boy from so long ago.
Suddenly, it hits me. “Oh, no. You’re not going to propose. Not again. We’ve already done this; I don’t need a redo!”
“What? No…” His cheeks flush a furious shade of red as embarrassment creeps into his expression. “Proposing here would be too easy. We’re Falls. We work for what we want.”
“Proposing isn’t necessary,” I remind him. “We’ve been married for over two years. Please tell me you haven’t forgotten. I have a tattoo if you need physical proof I’m your wife.”
He shakes his head, then drops a kiss onto my nose. “Still such a smartass. I put a lot of time and effort into this scavenger hunt, so as my wife…amuse me. I’ll see you in a bit.”
I follow him with my gaze as he strides down the hallway toward the athletic wing of the building. It’s strange to see him as a man walking through the same halls where I first fell in love with the brilliant, shy boy who eventually grew into quite simply, my everything.
The square of paper is neatly folded, but the inside isn’t a scavenger hunt at all.
Not only isn’t it an entire list of items to find or activities to complete, but it’s a cute little rhyming riddle.
He’s not romantic. Sure.
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me.
You’re starting at the beginning
Of you and me.
So many things I did wrong and so
few right.
I should have asked you to be mine
From the first moment I saw you.
Instead,
I put up a self-inflicted fight.
Go to the place
Where I watched you perform
From afar
Night after night.
That’s simple enough. All performing arts concerts were held in the Ironville High auditorium.
I push my way through the double doors, expecting a dark, empty space, but to my surprise, the performance lights are on. In the center of the stage sits a lone chair with a music stand beside it.
I climb the steps at the side of the stage, taking the bait.
A dozen yellow roses grace the chair, and there’s another note on the stand.
I almost laugh aloud, all alone in the empty room.
I would have bought yellow
Instead of red.
But I was too scared
To find out what secrets were in your head.
Lucky me, that chance fell into my lap
Even though you were convinced it was a trap.
Go to the classroom
Where you revealed more
If you want to know what other secrets
I have in store.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get into the biology classroom while it’s occupied with students, but no sooner do I turn down the appropriate hallway than I have my answer.
Mike’s leaning against the wall outside the door, a distinctly bored expression on his face.
He doesn’t look surprised to see me, so he’s obviously part of this game.
“Well?” I hold out my hand for another note.
“What? No ‘hello?’ No hug? Nothing?” His smile is good-natured. “I see where I rank now.”
Properly chastised, I give him the greeting he deserves after not having seen him since my visit to New York months ago to confess everything and beg for his forgiveness. “I’m sorry your playoff run got cut short. I really expected the Wolves to go all the way this year.”
Mike groans. “That’s what happens when your starting quarterback snaps his collarbone in the first round. We were doomed the second McGorski stepped in to replace him.”
And rookie quarterback, Leo McGorski, will be spending the spring looking for a new team who will invest the time to train him on how to lead during a playoff run. The poor guy was thrown into the deep end, then shown the door when he couldn’t handle the pressure.
Football can be such a thankless profession, sometimes.
I’d rather focus on that than on thinking about how my quarterback could be injured during any game.
Mike digs another folded square of paper out of his pocket. “I had this whole big speech planned about how you better make him work for it every day for the rest of his life, and how I’ll still beat his ass if you ever need me to, but I’m going to be late for my part of the mini-camp.”
“I see where I rank.”
He shakes his head, but plants a kiss on my cheek before handing me the note. “See you soon, little sister.”
That’s cryptic, but maybe he’s just speaking in generalities. I’m too anxious to read another note to give it much more thought.
I sat in a booth with you
Your first night there.
I wanted so badly to kiss you,
To touch your hair.
Instead you thought I was gay.
I learned a very important lesson that day.
(My friends are assholes.)
From that “not” date on,
My fate was sealed.
I sat in that booth as much as possible;
I was heeled.
Time after time,
You served me.
It was never enough
Interaction to quench my need.
Go to the place
Where my favorite waitress
Knew by heart my favorite meal
This is going to be a more involved scavenger hunt than I first thought.
Byers is waiting outside with a car, a sly grin on his face when I slide into the passenger seat. “I’ll be taking you everywhere you need to go.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “You already go everywhere I go.”
We knew it was a risk to return to our hometown, Jackson’s old haunt, with his whereabouts still unknown.
Rob and I made the joint decision to not let him dictate our actions, our life.
For now, our families still live here, and we aren’t going to miss out on seeing them because of someone who doesn’t deserve a second of our thoughts.
Byers was suspiciously on board with our resolve.
Now, I know why.
Rob has clearly been planning this for some time, and had help in doing so.
“Do you know where the Ironville Diner is?”
He laughs. “I have GPS pins for every stop we’re going to make.”
And he does.
At the diner, I find Margie, who squeezes the air out of me, and confesses she was always “Team Rob.” CJ has long since moved on, but my fond memories of our time spent joking around in the kitchen still make me smile. I really did love this job.
She hands me another note, and off I go.
To the bonfire fields, the chocolate factory, the coffee shop. Old friends who decided to put roots down in Ironville have more papers waiting for me at each stop.
Rob and I made memories in every part of this town, whether we were both aware of it at the time or not. His notes give me clues about all the places he tried so hard and failed to find the courage to ask me on even a simple date.
The little confessions both warm my heart and break it.
So much wasted time.
I remember feeling so grown up, so in charge of my life as a teenager. I had my own job, my own car which I paid for. Sure, I had to follow my mother’s rules and the restrictions at school, but I was convinced I had life all figured out.
As it turns out, my narrow mindset and ironclad plans for the future after graduation weren’t a life preserver. They were drowning me, keeping me tethered to safety, but barring me from finding my own courage.
To live life on my terms. To find and hold onto something worth fighting for. To truly be free.
In accordance with the riddle on the last note, Byers pulls to a stop in the Falls’ driveway. It still boggles my mind I have no recollection of the first time I stepped foot in this house. Years later, no memories of the days I lost have returned to me.
Patty steps onto the porch, wrapping me in a hug that feels almost as comforting as my own mother’s. “How are you feeling, honey?”
“Good.” I nod to sell it, but then give up the ruse. I don’t need to wear masks anymore. “He’s sent me on a wild goose chase today, though, and I’m getting really tired.”
“I’ll bet.” She laughs, and just still looks so…elegant.
Time and circumstance have not dulled this woman’s sparkle one bit. I only hope I can age as gracefully as Patty Falls.
No, not Falls. Nowak. Patricia Nowak.
She got the house in the divorce settlement. She also got her name back, and her freedom.
“So.” I raise my eyebrows in a way I wouldn’t with my own mother. There’s something special about my relationship with my mother-in-law. Friends, yes, but also more. “Has Dr. Lawson made any house calls, lately?”
Patty’s cheeks redden, just like her son when he’s embarrassed. Apparently, chameleon eyes aren’t the only thing he inherited from her. “No, of course not! This is my family home! I couldn’t…in the place where my son slept! No!”
I can’t help but laugh at her flustered response.
“Do you think he suspects?” she whispers, like Rob might be hiding around the corner to overhear us. “Has he let on at all that he knows?”
“I don’t think he’s figured it out.” I rack my brain for any sign over the past few weeks, but come up empty. “It’s getting harder to hide the longer this goes on, though.”
“I don’t doubt it. You have your work cut out for you.”
“As long as you keep up
the distractions, we should be good to go until it’s time.”
Patty kisses me on the forehead. The gesture is more a blessing than it is a sign of affection. “That, I can absolutely help with. In the meantime, I’m supposed to lead you to the basement.”
We arrive at the intended destination, then she hands me another folded piece of paper.
A sad smile accompanies her words. “As a woman, I’m sorry you’ve forgotten this. As a mother, I don’t want to think about it too much. As your mother-in-law who loves her son more than life itself, I hope there are many more where this came from.”
She leaves me alone to read his words.
I know I’ve told you this tale
About what you forgot.
Despite that fact,
It wasn’t for naught.
You kissed me for the first time here,
In this very spot.
I’ll keep these memories for us both
And retell as often as I can quoth
(Is that even a word? I suck at this.)
I kept your trust
Through your slumber.
I knew even then
There would be no other.
From this night
You held my heart in your hand.
Now go to the place
Where I made my first stand.
This one takes me a little longer to puzzle out. After throwing up in the downstairs bathroom, then refueling on orange juice and crackers at Patty’s insistence, I remember another confession of Rob’s.
He switched our Calc notebooks on purpose.
We pull up to my house and another surprise is waiting for me. Tini’s car is in the driveway.
I bound up the steps and through the front door, not waiting for Byers to secure the perimeter or accompany me.
I will never allow myself to feel unsafe in my family home ever again.
It took me years to be completely relaxed in the kitchen where my father betrayed my love.
I don’t think I felt at ease in that room until Rob gave me a cupcake there. He renewed my hope before I even allowed myself to realize it.
