Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1)

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  I needed space to breath – O’Reilly’s hasn’t allowed that.

  “I’m just glad I’m not going crazy on you!” Sean boasts, laughing heartily. “Can’t lie, thought someone was fucking with me when you first said her name. I think I’ve heard all the stories. Part of the job,” Sean jokes, trying to keep the conversation light. “I didn’t believe we lived in a time where this sort of thing happens. Never heard of any of the details, just heard she got passed around all the time.”

  "I always heard she's right crazy," Charlie adds, picking up the glass to finish drying it. "Once heard how she gutted a guy for giving her the wrong look."

  “Oh, that’s some hearsay bullshit!” Sean replies, waving his brother off.

  “Okay, okay, that one may be a lie. But I definitely heard how she chopped a man's fingers off for groping her ass without asking first. Someone said she did it with a smile on her face … only stopped when some guy named King got her and she wasn’t seen for a while. Thinks she's a right little lady she does." Charlie shudders at the thought, flexing his fingers as he does so. "Not like your girl, though, Lawson. She'd ask any man politely before killing them."

  "If she gave them the breath to do so," Liam grins, giving me a wink. "Your old lady is one hell of a woman within The Firm."

  "Problem is she's not my lady," I add, my tone far too defensive and it's too late to take it back. The mere mention of her has caused my emotions to explode, creating a frenzy. "Jesus … this is all so fucked up."

  “Do you think she knows?” Nate asks, treading carefully.

  “Why would she?” I ask, my tone deathly low. “She disappeared remember?” I ask, a little too bitterly. “She has zero right to know anything about my life anymore. Especially seeing as Ashley is nothin’ to me as well.”

  “Didn’t seem that way,” Liam comments, almost in an inaudible grumble.

  “What was that?” I ask, lowly, swinging my head around to look at him.

  “You looked cozy,” Liam starts, shrugging and shaking his head. “That’s all I’m sayin’. It didn’t look like nothing.”

  “Yeah, she’s definitely only got eyes for you, Lawson,” Sean muses from the safe distance.

  “Didn’t take long for her attachment to our main man here to grow.” Liam puts his arm around me. I shrug him off and his continues, “And I know you want to kill me for this, but it’s the fuckin’ truth. That girl soaks her panties for you, boss.”

  “It’s nice to see you givin’ a girl a look after everything,” Frazer comments, dragging a cigarette from the packet. “You might be resistin’, but she’s going to play hard.”

  “And I’ll play harder to get,” I mutter, starting to peel the label off my beer. “Almost tried to kill the girl already … and yet she still flirts with me.”

  “That was more than flirtin’,” Liam quips, getting my fist solidly slammed into his chest.

  I keep tearing at the label, telling myself not to explode at Liam. He’s right, that was more than flirting. I’m a guilty man of letting myself get led astray by the attention of a female. I allowed carnal desire to take over and all because I yearned for the escape.

  “Can we discuss the elephant in the room, please?” Sean questions, breaking the moment.

  “What is that?” I ask, meeting his eyes as they look at me across the room, allowing him to steer the conversation.

  “How are you going to break the news to her?” Sean asks, still leaning against the bar. “I mean … you can’t believe things will stay dead quiet within The Firm.”

  “I’m not,” I mutter, gruffly. I resist giving any eye. “Like I said Ashley is nothin’ to me. Nothin’ but a little bit of fun on the side clearly. Likewise, she is nothing to do with my life anymore. She’s the one that disappeared, remember?”

  “But she will be,” Harrison adds, sobering the moment by reiterating Sean’s sentiment. “We know how this firm works. Nothin’ is ever kept a secret. When she comes back, she will find out, so better it coming from you than someone else.”

  I don’t speak. I know how The Firm works, I’ve lived it too long to feign being oblivious to it all. It’s one of the reasons I want to cut a loss – I want a life that is my own. One like Tess has the luxury of living. Sadly, that’ll never happen while I remain respectful to my family.

  I watch as the door that leads to the back of the pub opens and Sean’s father Seamus comes out. He has his half-moon spectacles perched halfway down his nose, his attention grabbed by the bullshit on the paper in his hand. He left us hours ago taking the contract to inspect with him. I wanted all the answers I could find, and I trusted no one more than Seamus O’Reilly to dig for dirt.

  Timing was never more bittersweet now that Ashley has left and I feel my heart struggling with overwhelming trepidation as I watch him stalk toward us.

  “Well?” I ask, calling out to him as I start sitting upright.

  He meets me with a solemn look, and I know it’s bad news.

  “Sorry, Lawson, I wish I had better news, but this is all pretty legally bound,” Seamus says, crossing the bar. He’s still reading the contract over. “I checked it and tripled checked it. It’s all legit.”

  “There’s no way out of it?” I question, hope dying.

  “Not that I can see now, sorry,” he states solemnly. “You killed Bryce. Therefore, she’s all yours until your untimely demise and then she’ll move on ... or vice versa.”

  “Fuck,” I mumble reaching for my beer.

  “I’m not happy about this,” Seamus admits, waving the paperwork at me. “Leave this with me, and I’ll do some proper snooping, get some associates to do a little digging, see what they can find out about it.”

  “Is there any details about how this came about?” I ask, furrowing my brow. “This type of thing doesn’t just happen every day.”

  “I know, that’s why I tried to find out before I left my office. There was nothing coming up from a surface check. The names on the documents don’t check out on basic databases as a partnership, but like I said, leave it here, and I’ll make sure to find out more.”

  I can feel all eyes fall heavy on me and I hate it. I work with these men, eat with them, live with some. Fuck, I shit with these men. Yet here I am, the worried man because some kill got me caught up in the wrong deal.

  A wrong deal I’m giving the wrong signals to.

  “Don’t look so troubled, son,” Seamus says, sitting on a stool opposite me. “Was there anything about the guy who dropped this off?” Seamus asks, delving for more information.

  “I didn’t answer the door,” I say, rubbing my jaw in the hope to loosen it. “I was talkin’ to Ashley at the time.”

  “I answered. Well, me and Harrison did,” Liam speaks up, setting his scotch down. “There was no one there. They jacked the surveillance cameras, too. They knew what they were doin’.”

  I want the shock to dissolve. I want it to unfreeze me, leave me be and let me tackle this like any other job I’ve been given in my life, but it just won’t go. I feel weighted, and I know it’s because this will mean I’ll have absolute hell to pay if she doesn’t work alongside us.

  No one enters The Firm unless blood-related or the big bosses need you. Ashley is an inconvenience – to me, to my men, and to my livelihood.

  “So, Lawson’s stuck with this girl for the meantime, right?” Liam asks, speaking for me. “There’s no way to get out of it?”

  “Yeah, there’s one way,” I grumble, taking a swig of my beer. “I have to die.”

  I never opted to die for any fucker; I’ll never choose to do so for some stranger I’ve barely shown a morsel of love for since meeting. I berate myself for even letting her come home with me. I could’ve left her and never see her again. She argued that point, but I’m a secretive man, I have to be, there is no chance she would’ve found me.

  I pitied her, I guess. She lay in Liam’s arms with no shoes, in a tiny dress, completely knocked out cold. The weaker part of my con
scious wanted to help Ashley. I wanted to give her a fighting chance.

  “And that’s not gonna to happen easily, is it?” Liam asks, knowing me too well. “We won’t let it happen either, boss. We’ve worked by your side for too many years to let some girl change the game.”

  “Too right,” Frazer agrees, holding his bottle up. “Let the shit hit the fan for the evenin’ and tomorrow we make a battle plan. I reckon we could make sure you two never crossed paths if you want.”

  I scoff a bubble of laughter and reach for my beer again. My mind is becoming consumed, overrun with every scenario that could come of this and I know the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach is because I’m left in limbo.

  Purgatory never did a man any good except drive him crazy.

  I’m it’s next victim.

  While each of my men – my colleagues and friends alike – sit in total silence, their attention is on me, waiting for me to bring myself back, I fear the one issue stuck in my head will hold me back most.

  “You know she can never find out, right?” I say dumbstruck, my voice rough.

  There’s going to be hell to pay.

  But even bringing her to light shifts a weight from my shoulders.

  They all laugh.

  “Thought she wasn’t your woman anymore to worry?” Harrison asks, mirth lacing his every word as he tries to suppress the bubble of laughter. “You two did crash and burn last time.”

  I barely resist the urge to laugh as I listen to them. They are so well versed in all things to do with my ex, even more so about the toxic relationship I have with her.

  “And the time before that,” Sean remarks.

  “And the time before that,” Liam quickly adds, resisting his laugh.

  “Okay, okay! I’m a glutton for fucking punishment!” I declare, holding my hands up. “Can you fuckin’ blame me, though?” I ask, melting into laughter as I decide to loosen up and join them. “That ass is the perfect fit for these,” I gloat, holding my hand mid-air, imagining her ample ass in front of me. “I mean it’s like she was made for me.”

  “She used to say the same about you,” Sean mocks, leaning against the bar. “Shame fate seems to do everything in its power to force you apart.”

  Fate, a little voice snarls from within, and I laugh inwardly. That fucker has never had my best interest at heart. It never intervened with my recklessness. It’s never offered some gloriously life-changing moment to stop me making the decisions I do. I’ve always destroyed everything good that ever presented itself to me. It’s like my brain hits the self-destruct button and that’s it, I’m a goner.

  Fate has never – and will never – look after me.

  Just like it hasn’t Ashley, I think.

  That’s a sobering thought.

  “The path to true love was never easy,” Seamus counters, offering a bit of wisdom to us all. He gives me a wink, holding the paperwork up as he bails on the conversation and starts to leave the group. “Remember that.”

  “He would,” Harrison remarks, a twisted smirk on his face. “Except this path now has Ashley Johnson on it.”

  Fuck.

  My past suddenly blackens over, losing some of its potency.

  All because of one name – Ashley Johnson.

  I stumble through the parking lot, buzzing with alcohol.

  I’m leaving Nate while he goes to check things over – ignorant of the fact he’s drunker than I am and barely standing.

  As I stagger toward the doors to the elevator, I notice Ashley and Tess getting out of a car, glad to see my men doing their job and bringing them home safe. It took me until almost midnight to throw the order out, but I’m pleased that three hours later they’re home.

  I watch Ashley laugh, carefree and merry.

  “Good evening?” I ask, pleased my sobriety is finally returning.

  “Amazin’,” Tess muses. “This girl danced her way through it.” She throws a hand around Ashley’s shoulder, slightly unsteady on her legs. “She’s Mardi Gras ready, bro.”

  Ashley gives me a small smile, holding onto my sister.

  “Tess,” I start to say, walking toward them. “Go and make sure Nate is okay. I’m going to take Ashley up. I’ll have a coffee waitin’ to help Nate sober up.”

  She nods, saluting me in her tipsy state and heads over to where Nate is arguing with a shadow of the car. I watch as she yells at him and he jumps, startled, and melts at the sight of her, too happy to see her.

  I put my arm out, letting Ashley go first. I push the button to call the elevator; the doors open and she steps in. I follow, occupying the opposite wall and push for the loft on the eighth floor. I settle against the railing, dragging my eyes over Ashley’s slender, petite frame.

  Liam was right – she does look real good in these dresses.

  My eyes lift, realizing she’s watching me, her lip caught between her lip and I feel that same rush of warmth south that I did when she came to challenge me at that game of pool earlier.

  The elevator shudders and suddenly and violently comes to a halt, spiraling us into total darkness, Ashley stumbles, her stability impaired by the alcohol she’s drunk tonight, and I barely catch her as she trips forward. She grips onto me, but before I can set her steady, the green like comes on, illuminating us in a new light, and her grip tightens.

  “What just happened?” she asks, standing taller, but hasn’t released her grip on my arm.

  I move to the panel of buttons, she still holds on, and I hit the buttons, trying in vain to get us moving.

  “Not sure,” I say, realizing there’s no hope.

  “Boss!” Liam’s voice comes muffled through the shaft. “Boss! You okay?”

  “Yeah!” I shout back, and look to Ashley quickly, checking for signs of injury in this shit lighting. “You okay?” I ask, and she bobs her head in affirmative. “Yeah! We’re good!”

  “Hold tight; we’re lookin’ at what the issue is!” Liam shouts down. “Looks like you’re stuck between floors! We’re working on somethin’ to get you out!”

  “Okay!” I yell back and lower my head, realizing we’re going to be stuck here for a while.

  I tell myself to let Ashley go, but as our eyes meet, I feel this intrinsic pull between us. This closeness, the buzz of alcohol heating my veins causes the chemistry between us to boil. I watch as Ashley bites her lip and as she releases it she brings them to meet mine. Slowly and carefully, her lips meet mine in a tender embrace, and I do nothing to stop her.

  Whoa!

  I don’t know quite what I’m doing, but I can’t stop myself from embracing the kiss. A hand comes up to cup Ashley’s cheek, she mews in pleasure, and I deepen the kiss further.

  What-am-I-doing?

  I had once sworn myself off women, vowing never again to let one fool me with lust, but here I am, apparently falling for a girl I barely know.

  I feel her fall even closer, allowing my strength to hold her body up. Slowly, I start to draw away, only to hear her protests.

  “Wow,” she says, biting her plump bottom lip, bruised from the kiss.

  I watch her become coy, looking away from me. If it weren’t for the green light, I reckon I would be staring at beautifully pink cheeks. I feel my cock pressing harder against my pants and level my breathing at the thought. It’s been a long time since a female made me feel things like this and I can’t lie that my body isn’t welcoming of it.

  “Don’t be like that now,” I tell her, putting my hand to her chin and forcing her to look up at me. “Do you regret that kiss?” I ask, and she shakes her head. “Good,” I breathe, feeling a carnal need erupt in me. “Would you regret if I did this?” I only ask as I push her against the wall of the elevator, her body fitting flush against the wall. Drawing her arms up above her head, I bring my face close to hers, our lips a few centimeters apart. “Well?”

  “No,” she exhales.

  “Good,” I say again and initiate a kiss this time. “I’m not a forever kind of guy, Ashley. This
, whatever it is I’m feeling, won’t last.”

  “I don’t care,” she says, but I can sense the lie. “I just need someone who wants me for me … for now.”

  I know kissing her would create promises I couldn’t keep, ones that weren’t becoming of me. I can’t promise the sort of love I’ve experienced because that was a once in a lifetime. All I can promise her is the lust I’m feeling in having her close, feeling another beating heart besides mine.

  “We shouldn’t be doin’ this,” I say, shaking my hand as I loosen my grip on her wrists. It’s almost like my rationale has kicked in. “I’m not to touch you.”

  “But I want you,” she argues as I let go of her wrists entirely, placing my hands flat to the wall of the elevator. “Lawson,” she says tenderly, her hand coming to touch my cheek. “You’re my hero. What I feel for you is something I have never felt before.”

  I hesitate, keeping the gap between us. She senses my sudden inner confliction, and she moves closer, bringing her other hand to my cheek.

  “Just give in for a second … a single second,” she begs, her eyes searching mine. “Just get lost.”

  Against my better judgment, I give into need and allow myself the greediness of lowering my lips to hers. It feels right, giving myself this, allowing myself to depend on another for life. I feel the chaos of my life, the thunderous momentum it moves with slow and calm.

  But not for like as I hear noises and the doors open, light penetrates the elevator, and as it does I jump away from Ashley.

  “You got it!” I hear Liam shout. “You okay in there, boss?” Liam asks, crouching down to look into the tight space. “It doesn’t look like this is going to budge, so you’re going to have to climb out.”

  “Ashley first,” I say, stepping forward. “And you need to let Nate and my sister know. They’re downstairs.”

  “Sure thing, Boss,” Liam says, taking my order. “C’mon, Sweethawt! Let’s get you out of there.”

  I don’t say anything, I put my hand out to guide Ashley, but she shrugs off my help, obviously hurt by my denying her just now when the doors were opened. I allow her the hurt, but don’t quit from helping her. I push Ashley up, allowing her to get free of the small space first. Once she’s free, I put my hands on the ledge and hoist myself up, allowing my men to help me get out completely.