As Good as the First Time

by K. M. Jackson

  Clayton’s first instinct was to put the kibosh on this, but seeing Hope’s face and her excitement let him know he couldn’t squelch her dreams; he’d just be sure to tell Caleb not to let his daughter down. Hope loved fishing, and she liked spending time with Caleb. He’d be sure to give his brother a reminder that if he made a promise to his daughter, he better keep it. He leaned down and put a kiss on top of Hope’s forehead. “That sounds like fun, baby. I know it’s been way too long since I’ve been able to take you out fishing, and your uncle Caleb needs to have a little fun. If anybody can get him smiling, you’re the one to do it.” Hope grinned wider before she was pulled back toward her game by one of the other kids.

  Clayton let out a breath and turned his attention back toward where he was headed. Livia Gale. Might as well keep this party going. On from one temperamental woman to another.

  Chapter 11

  The view never failed to calm her, and after that meal, calm was definitely what she needed. That and this cherry pie. This pie of Aunt Joyce’s was magic, the way it was soothing her nerves after enduring lunch sitting next to Clayton Morris. Really, the man could have chosen any of the twenty or twenty-five mismatched chairs today at that long farmhouse table, but he had to choose the one next to hers. Liv frowned. It was as if he knew exactly what to do to get under her skin. Was the fact that she was back in town some sort of new game to him? This thought pulled her up short, and her frown deepened. Though frustrated, Liv forced herself to smooth her features. At this rate, she’d age three years in the few weeks she was in Sugar Lake.

  But the thought of Clayton Morris playing her for a fool was almost too much to take. Was he playing with her now? And more so, was what she thought they had when they were young just some sort of teenage game to Clayton, even back then? Just then, the wind picked up and she felt a prickly sensation on the back of her neck, and something, as if a strange calling, made her shift her head. Liv turned and glared. It was him. Of course. Well, she wouldn’t let him know he was getting to her. Not this time. Not anymore. She sucked in a breath, let it out, and smiled before taking another bite of pie and turning back toward the lake. This time the sweet cherries tasted almost sickly syrupy and stuck in her throat as the memory of the bitter pain of finding out he was gone, possibly never to return, that summer when she’d just turned eighteen and had come back to Sugar Lake ready to rekindle their romance came rushing back to her in his gaze. As hard as she tried, she’d never forgotten all they shared. The promises made their last day and night together. Of love, of the future and forever. She swallowed down hard, determined to get the stuck bite down, when Clayton’s voice reached her ears.

  “I would say it looks like nothing’s changed, but you know as well as I that that’s not true.”

  She turned and looked at him, shocked to find him so near. But he wasn’t looking at her as he spoke; instead he was watching the kids playing by the water’s edge. Once again Liv marveled over how very similar Clayton’s daughter was to him at that age. The vision gave her a conflicted knot in her stomach, and she hated herself for her intense, petty jealousy as shame engulfed her. How could she have anything but kind feelings and goodwill for Clayton’s choices? Look at what it yielded him. He had a beautiful little girl and a chance at happiness in life. How could she deny him or anyone that?

  So what, she was the idiot who believed in a teenage boy’s lies? That was on her, just as it was on her for holding on to a dream of forever and fidelity for way too long. She couldn’t fault Clayton for her own lack of judgment or for her lack of moving on. It wasn’t up to him, or anyone else for that matter, to secure her happiness in life.

  That was on her, and it was high time she realized it. She gave Clayton an easygoing smile. “No, nothing is the same, but that’s okay. We are who we are in the end. I’m just happy to see you here now doing so well,” she said lightly, hoping that even if she didn’t quite feel her words, that in saying them she could make her heart believe they were true. She nodded toward the children. “And your daughter is beautiful. She looks so much like you. You should be proud.”

  Clayton’s smile came fast and wide. “Thank you. I really am proud of her. She’s the best thing I’ve got in this life.”

  His words, so sincere and true, brought Liv up short and, from anyone else but Clayton, Liv would be standing up and giving this man an ovation for showing such true and open love for his child, but still all it did was twist at her and highlight all she’d missed out on. Immediately, she felt like a million times a fool. And most embarrassingly, Clayton seemed to pick up on it.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” His gaze swept the ground in embarrassment before he looked back at her with sad eyes. “I really am sorry. It seems I’m putting my foot in my mouth over here.”

  “Stop. You have nothing to apologize for. Especially not when it comes to expressing how you feel about your daughter, and you really don’t owe me any type of apology.” She smiled at him and hoped it was convincing. “Please, don’t worry. Just enjoy yourself this afternoon.”

  “Thank you for that,” he said sincerely. “Though I’m not sure I can agree with you. I feel I owe you a lot more than just an apology, but an explanation too.”

  Liv felt her heart rate begin to ramp up. She wasn’t quite sure she was ready for this. Not today, maybe not ever. She looked back toward the house. Why wasn’t Aunt Joyce giving her a call, or where was Rena with all her boisterousness when she needed her? “No,” she said, trying to cut Clayton off. “You really don’t.”

  Clayton stopped her, his eyes going serious, but his expression soft. Dang it, he looked good. Too good. “Like I was saying,” he started, “I don’t agree. I won’t get into it all. Not here and not now, but I will start with apologizing for how I acted at lunch. I didn’t mean to come off sounding so stern back at the table or coming on strong. That was uncalled for and frankly out of line. After all we’ve been to each other in the past, you deserve better.”

  With his words Liv had to remind herself to breathe, but she looked at Clayton, and he was looking so nervous that she didn’t know who she felt sorrier for, him or herself. She gave a half grin to break the mood, and on nervous impulse, she stuck out her tongue.

  “Lighten up, Clayton Morris. It’s not that deep. If I recall, I was always the one out of the two of us who took things way too seriously.”

  Clayton’s eyes went wide, then he grinned too, thankfully giving her a moment to let out a breath and think about her escape from this awkward situation. She was just about to make her exit when he spoke up again. His nervous tone was not quite hidden in the rich tenor of his voice. “Well, since we’re talking and all”—he paused, way too long to be comfortable for either of them—“I was wondering, they do give me time off for lunch at the firehouse, so maybe we could meet for lunch or have coffee and I could hopefully give you that apology and explanation that’s long overdue.”

  Liv couldn’t help the frown that pulled at her brows again. She knew she’d talked up a big game, but this new leaf thing called for baby steps.

  She fought to find the right words that wouldn’t make her sound as if she were rowing backward. “You know, we really are fine. I meant that, but lunch, coffee? I don’t know. Like I said, you don’t owe me anything, no apology, no explanation. Nothing. Coffee or lunch may be a bit much for us.” Liv shook her head. “At least beyond mixed company.” She looked around, catching sight of his mother, who was sitting with Aunt Kath, both their gazes trained on where she and Clayton were standing. She gave her head a little nod in their direction. “Besides, you know how small towns are, and I’m only here for a short while. All my focus should be on helping out Aunt Joyce and getting her situated. I wouldn’t want to go giving people the wrong idea.”

  Clayton’s gaze went over to where his mother and Aunt Kath were. He seemed to catch his mother’s pinched look and gave a short snort of laughter as he looked back over at Liv. He nodded. �
�Okay, I hear you, but the invitation remains open. You’re right, this town is small, but just know you’ve always got a friend here in me. In case you need someone to talk to, besides the usual family, that is. I can understand how suffocating that may be.”

  It was then, as if on cue, a bit of that suffocating family came sauntering into their space in the form of Brent. Liv supposed she should’ve been grateful for the intrusion and breakup of the awkwardness of being stuck alone with Clayton, but honestly she wasn’t. Brent came over with his slick salesman smile coming on strong. He gave Clayton a quick handshake and threw a head nod Liv’s way. “What’s up, cuz?” He looked back and forth between the two of them and raised a brow. “You two picking up where you left off ?”

  Liv felt her eyes go toward the top of the trees.

  “Not hardly, Brent, and don’t go getting any ideas or spreading rumors either. I know how you can be.”

  Brent shifted his stance as Liv noticed a shift in Clayton. She didn’t know if this posturing was a reaction to her quick comment dismissing Brent’s words about them rekindling their relationship or if it was just to Brent in general, but something had gotten Clayton’s dander up. Still Brent continued. “Yeah, cuz, I got you. Listen, you were always smart.”

  Liv pulled a face. “Am I supposed take that as a statement or a question?”

  She heard Clayton chuckle from over her shoulder as Brent held up his two hands. “Oh, stop it, you know exactly how I meant it. I’m just saying you’ve always had a good head on your shoulders.” He paused, giving a bit of a self-satisfied smile. “Like me, you’re smart and you know a good deal.”

  Liv braced herself.

  “So, I’ve been doing pretty well so far in the real estate business.”

  “Aren’t you fairly new to the business?” Liv interjected. “I mean, that’s what Aunt Kath seemed to indicate the other day.”

  She noticed a bit of tension around Brent’s jaw, but he quickly softened it with his usual flash of a smile. “Oh, please, don’t go listening to my ma. She’s always one to underestimate me. I’m not half as new as she thinks, and I know a lot more than what she or anyone wants to give me credit for. Besides, you know how mothers are. They like to think their sons will forever be their baby boys. Am I right, Clay?” With that last comment, he gave Clayton a bit of a nudge in his bicep and didn’t quite get a wholehearted affirmation back.

  “If you say so, man,” Clayton mumbled.

  But Brent chose to completely ignore that response and focus on Liv. “Like I was saying, I’m about my business and I pretty much know what I’m talking about. The market around here is on the upswing. In high demand. Although some of the locals don’t like the changes, tourism is up. Way up, due to urban migration. And that could be good for all of us. Why this spot we’re on right now is worth way more than our parents, and certainly way more than our grandparents, probably ever even thought of.”

  Liv got a sudden prickly feeling. She had a feeling she knew where this was going and she knew she didn’t like it. “So you mean gentrification?”

  Brent frowned and was about to speak again, but Liv held up a hand. “I’m gonna stop you right there, Brent, though I pretty much don’t have any say-so in the family’s land, I’m sure if that’s where you’re going, Aunt Joyce or any of the other aunts or uncles would not like to hear any sort of land-selling talk.”

  Brent gave a dramatic eye roll. “I’m not talking about selling the land, or at least not all of it, and who’s to say all the aunts wouldn’t be on board? Sure, Aunt Joyce is a hard-liner, all about the family legacy and all that mess, but I’m sure your mother’s more open. I mean, just think about maybe even renting cottages on some of it, or leasing part. We could be making a killing.”

  Liv shook her head; thankfully, Brent could tell she was shutting down. Lord, was he really doing this now? At a barbecue in front of Clayton Morris. “No problem, no problem, I get it. Like you said, you don’t really have anything to do with it and this is supposed to be a party, we’re not here to talk business. I’m just trying to open your eyes a bit to the possibilities of what’s going on here in Sugar Lake. This is no longer the sleepy little town you left. A lot is happening with the new country club, and there’s a mall not far away. We’ve got the best of both worlds. We’ve got your lazy sleepy town plus we’ve got something for the nouveau riche. There’s a lot of potential here. Even with Aunt Joyce’s bakeshop. Prime real estate like that doesn’t come along often, and with her getting old, she needs to start really thinking about the future and what she wants to do with that location. That hip has to be whispering something to her about retirement.”

  Oh, the urge to go totally and completely off was so intense. The nerve of Brent! But Liv fought hard to appear calm. “Like I said, Brent, I’m only here to help Aunt Joyce out while she’s getting back on her feet. I don’t see any reason why things can’t continue as they are.” She gave him a hard stare. “I’m not here to add any more stress, and I don’t think you should be either. But if you’re feeling bold, why don’t you head on over to her now and see how far you get with that retirement talk.”

  With that Brent looked over to where Aunt Joyce was sitting, not far from the action. She was pointing at Uncle Clint and clearly giving him an earful about something. Brent turned back to Liv. “Maybe some other time. This is supposed to be a celebration.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Liv said as he walked away.

  As he headed back to the house Liv tried hard to shake off the feeling that there was something more behind his words, but then again it was Brent and there really was no reason to put more weight on any words he gave out. Brent always had some sort of scheme going, and after that scheme fell through he was on to the next. This month it was real estate, next month who knew what it would be. They just had to ride it out. She suddenly felt for her own parents and Elijah with his never-ending studies and lack of commitment to a career. She looked up at Clayton and gave him a weak smile. “Sorry you had to deal with my cousin, he’s always got something going on.”

  Clayton shrugged. “Hey, Brent is Brent. It’s no big deal. Like many here, he doesn’t change. But what he was saying about the town changing, that part is true, and what he said about certain people not being happy with the changes is true too. On the one hand it’s good. The progress helps taxes and it helps infrastructure, but it’s not all positive. It doesn’t help the small businesses, and we’ve even noticed a small uptick in crime. Before you know it we’ve lost our small-town way of life. Not to mention property values. As they go up, the taxes get out of hand for the locals who live here. That’s the worst part.”

  Liv could tell it was something that had been weighing on him. “I can tell you’ve been thinking about this for a while,” she said.

  “I have.”

  “Though I can’t tell exactly what side of the fence you’re on,” she said.

  He tilted his head as if he was weighing the pros and cons as he looked out onto the lake for an answer. “It’s complicated.”

  “That’s a Facebook status. You can do better.”

  He smiled. “Well, I see both sides, so I am a little bit torn, as you can tell by the way I’m talking. I get the side of progress and I can fully understand it. But my heart, for the most part, is with the townspeople. I can take progress, but not at the expense of others.”

  Liv nodded, understanding what he was saying, but something in his last line, the bit about the expense of others, hit her solidly in her gut. Was it something he truly believed, and was that something new for him? Did he think about the toll his leaving would have on her when he left without a word? Liv cleared her throat and looked down at her now totally cooled pie. She no longer had an appetite and no longer wanted to continue this conversation. “Listen, I better head on in and start helping with the cleanup.” She felt herself bite at her bottom lip and quickly stopped when she caught it for the nervous tic that it was. “Like I was saying when you f
irst came over, there is no reason to give people more of an excuse to talk. Despite what Brent is saying, the town has only changed so much, and it is still a small town. No need to fuel things. I’ll see you around.”

  Clayton nodded at that, and Liv turned to join the party. But her nerves were too much of a jumble, and she forgot how rocky the terrain was over by the edge of the lake. So when her foot caught on a rock and she tripped over herself, it was like the cherry on top of a perfectly imperfect day. One moment she was upright and the next she was tumbling toward the ground, only to be stopped by Clayton blocking her fall with his hard chest as he stepped out in front of her, smashing her body flat against his own, her chest banging against his hard chest. The only buffer was a wet mash of cold leftover cherry pie as it smashed between the two of them. Liv let out a loud “Oomph!” as her eyes went wide meeting his and embarrassment enveloped her from head to toe.

  But Clayton only laughed as his arm went around her waist, and he pulled her in impossibly closer, causing her to heat even more as he gave her that ridiculously dazzling smile. “As I was telling you, I’m here for you whenever you need me. I won’t let you down. Not again.”

  Chapter 12

  He was there for her. He wouldn’t let her down? What kind of game was he playing now? Liv tried to puzzle out those questions in her mind as Aunt Joyce once again opened the bakeshop at the crack of dawn early on Monday morning. She knew she was wasting her time and energy though. Falling right into his hands, and falling off her game. This was probably exactly what he wanted. Clayton Morris wasn’t her reason for being here in Sugar Lake. Aunt Joyce and the shop were. It was time to focus.

  But how was one to focus when one’s mind was still a jumble of sultry eyes, hard pecs, gorgeous smiles, and cherry pie, Liv thought as she followed Aunt Joyce and Drea inside the shop to open it. She went about what she was quickly learning were her usual duties as they got the shop ready for the morning’s customers as the crushed pie incident stubbornly stayed in the forefront of her mind.