Foolish

by Anna Black

  “I know, sis. I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I love him so much, and I hoped he’d come home by now. I just don’t know if we are gonna make it.”

  “You will. It’s just seems bad right now, but I promise you it is going to be okay. I can see a happy ending.”

  “Come on, April, don’t soup me up with your predictions and psychic visions. This is my marriage, and I’m terrified that it is over.”

  “November Shareese, don’t say that. I’m not feeding you no mumbo jumbo. I’m for real. And I am so sure that this is gonna work out. Trust me. And when this is all over, you gon’ stop calling me crazy and recognize that I do see things. When I look at you, there is a bright background with rays of light, meaning that this will pass. I’ve seen gloom on folks, honey, and I knew that tragedy was coming. But this is just your test. You and Tracy will have a happy ending, I promise.”

  November smiled. “Thanks, sis. You always know what to say and do. And I know you’re not crazy. I just don’t have the gift of seeing what’s to come, and right now, I’m frightened that my marriage is over. I don’t think I’ll be able to help him.”

  “Listen to me. This is far from over. You and your husband are just going through a rough patch. You are doing what you are supposed to do, and that’s praying. So start trusting and believing that God is working it out for you. Don’t make me call your daddy on you, ’cause you know Daddy will hit you with the Word,” she said, teasing.

  November laughed. As odd as her family was, they believed that God was in control. “No, please don’t call Daddy.” April laughed with her.

  “Tracy loves you. I knew he was gon’ marry you from the day I met him. And I see you and him having a little sister for TJ, too. I feel it, so don’t worry. It is going to work out.”

  “Oh, yeah? And what about the farm and all that other mess you told my husband before we got married?”

  “Chile, I was just messing with him wit’ that. I got jokes, too,” she said, and they laughed.

  “Girl, let me get my baby’s coat so we can get back to the house.” While April went to get his things, November put on his coat, went to her SUV, and loaded him into his car seat.

  She drove home listening to Mary J. Blige’s “Be Without You” on repeat. She stopped at a red light and looked over her shoulder at her baby sleeping so peacefully. When she got home, her house was cold and empty. She wished her husband were home.

  She took TJ up to his nursery and put his nightclothes on and put him in his crib. In her bedroom, she picked up the phone and checked the caller ID. No calls from Tracy. She went downstairs and poured a glass of wine, turned on the stereo, and picked the smooth R&B station on her satellite radio. “The Way” by Jill Scott was playing. She sat on the sofa with her glass in one hand and the bottle in the other.

  “Tracy, please call me,” she said out loud.

  When nothing happened, she got up and looked out the window. She stood there frozen, looking for Tracy to pull up. But he didn’t. Her cell phone rang, and she dashed to get it from her purse. The ID showed it was another private call. She answered it, hoping it was her husband.

  “Hello,” she said. No one said anything. “Hello,” she said again. Still silence. As soon as she was about to hang up, he spoke up.

  “November, please don’t hang up,” Kendell said.

  “What do you want?” she asked sharply. She wondered why he was calling her. She had made it clear she didn’t want to talk to him ever again.

  “I need to talk to you, Novey.”

  “About what, Kendell?”

  “Listen, November, I know you hate me, and I know I’m not one of your favorite people right now, but I need to know if you forgive me. Please. I am going crazy not being able to talk to you. I know that is something I’ll have to get over, but please, I want you to know I am sorry. I am. And I wish I could do it all over again differently.”

  “Well, Kendell, understand this: I don’t care what you are going through. Do you think I’m not going through it too? Do you think all is well in my life now? I can’t blame you for everything, but you played a part in deceiving me. You went along with a foolish scheme that you allowed to go on. You and my husband treated me like I was a whore, and I haven’t gotten past that just yet, okay?”

  “I know, November, and—”

  “And what, Kendell? You love me? Really? If you cared about me, you would have told me what was going on. I’m just so angry with you and Tracy for what y’all thought was a great idea to do to me. My marriage is in the balance right now,” she cried. “I still love a man who paid someone to seduce me. I want to not love him, but I love my husband in spite of what he has done to me. And I do, Kendell, I . . . I do forgive you. But you shouldn’t call me anymore. We have nothing to talk about or discuss. We cannot be friends, and I’m sorry that my husband dragged you into our dysfunctional marriage. I wish you well, but please don’t call me again.”

  “November, I know we can’t be friends, and what I feel for you may not ever change, but I want what I’ve always wanted for you, and that is for you to be happy. If you don’t want me to ever contact you again, I won’t.”

  “That’s best, Kendell.”

  “Okay then. I wish you well, November. Take care of yourself, and I hope you and Tracy work things out.”

  “Thanks, Kendell. You have a nice life.” She hung up and cried after their conversation because at least Kendell was concerned about her. Not that she could say the same for Tracy.

  She dropped her phone on the floor and picked up the wine bottle that was on the coffee table. It barely had enough in it to halfway fill her glass, so she went over to the wine cooler and grabbed another bottle of chardonnay and opened it.

  After two more glasses, she was feeling good, so she picked up her cell phone and called Tracy. After it rang five times, his voice mail came on again. She hit end and then threw the phone on the sofa. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but her son was upstairs sleeping. Calm down, Shareese, she told herself, fighting tears. It’s gon’ be okay. It’s gon’ be just fine. This will be over soon.

  “No matter what, you got you,” she told herself as she climbed the stairs.

  She peeped in on her baby and smiled at the sight of his little body sleeping in his crib. She watched his fat, round little belly go up and down as he slept, then she eased her head out and pulled his door closed a little. She went back downstairs to turn off the stereo and put her glass in the sink. She rinsed it and wondered what she was going to do with herself if she and Tracy didn’t get back together.

  As much as she loved her husband, she was starting to feel bitter toward him because of what he was doing to her. At that moment, she told herself that it may not work, and if she wasn’t able to help him, she would have to just move on with her life. She wanted to be in a normal relationship with someone who loved her and she could love back. That was simple enough for her. She felt that if the love were strong in his heart for her, he’d come home.

  She was about to turn out the lights when she heard her baby crying. She sprinted up the steps and picked him up. “It’s okay, baby, Mommy’s here,” she said, rocking him.

  “Dah, dah, dah, dah,” he said, looking around and reaching in the direction of the door. “Dah, dah, dah, dah.” He squirmed in November’s arms.

  “Shhh, baby, Daddy’s not here. What’s wrong, TJ?” she asked when he seemed to throw a tantrum. “What is it?”

  He twisted and pulled away like he wanted her to put him down. “Dah, dah, dah, dah,” he said again.

  “Look now, TJ, you better stop it,” she said firmly, and he calmed down. She kissed him on the cheek, and he rested his head on her shoulder. She kissed his head and swayed with him in her arms. “That’s my little man. You tried to cut up on Mommy. That’s what you were trying to do, huh? I know you miss your daddy, baby. Mommy misses him too.”

  She walked him back down the steps with her to set the alarm.

 
; She went back up and put him in a fresh diaper and decided to put him in bed with her. He fell asleep, and she drifted off to sleep shortly after he did.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  The next morning, November and TJ were up early. She was in the kitchen fixing him eggs and grits, and he was in the family room on the floor. When she came around the counter to get him, she found him standing up all by himself. She froze and watched as he took one step and then another and then another before he fell on his bottom.

  “TJ, baby, you walked,” she said picking him up and dancing around. “You walked, little man.” He laughed as she lifted him up in the air. “Oh, my goodness. I gotta call your daddy.”

  Her smile faded when she remembered he was gone. She kissed her baby, put him back down, and went back into the kitchen to get his breakfast.

  She put TJ in his high chair and tried not to think of Tracy. After she was done feeding him and cleaning up his mess, she called April to tell her the good news. Mother and son spent the day together, and by the afternoon, her son was walking around like a professional. Over the next couple of days, all she did was play with her baby and struggle not to think about her absent husband.

  It had been nine days since she heard from him. How could he just not call or say anything to her? How could he not call and check on his son? He had missed their child taking his first step, something major, and he missed out on it because of his foolish and selfish ways. She refocused and shifted her thoughts to another place, because every time she thought about him, she got mad.

  She turned out the lights, took her son upstairs, and gave him a bath and rocked him to sleep. Then she took a long, hot shower and dried off. She put lotion on and stood in front of the mirror looking at her reflection. She rubbed her hand across her tummy over all the stretch marks and wondered how she would get another man at her age with a son. She wasn’t the young, sexy twenty-five-year-old woman she had been. Imagining what dating would be like at her age and starting all over again made her cringe. She looked at her face closely and smiled. She was a pretty woman. She wondered why it took Tracy to come into her life for her to realize that she was beautiful.

  She put on her PJs and climbed into her empty bed. She felt so lonely, and she wished Tracy were there to hold her close through the night. Hell, some dick would be nice, too. She grabbed her novel from the nightstand drawer. She opened it and began to read before she drifted off to sleep.

  By the third week of no husband, she was not only getting used to being without Tracy, but she had accepted that he wasn’t coming back. She had her moments, but she was able to refocus herself. She wasn’t stressing about him anymore. The money was still there, and their bills were paid. Tracy hadn’t taken her off any of their accounts or frozen their money, so she was okay.

  She went on the Internet to look around and see what jobs were out there because she knew she would have to get a job if Tracy decided he wanted out. She still wanted her own business, though. She might also have to look for a more affordable house, but she wasn’t ready to go to that extreme just yet. It wasn’t like he had given her divorce papers.

  She looked at her baby and smiled and wondered why she was even thinking about a job when she had him. He was still small, and it was nice to be at home with him.

  Kendell used to always tell her that if she wanted to start her own business, he’d show her the ropes. Now that they weren’t even speaking, that wasn’t something she could count on anymore. But she was still determined. She made up her mind. She was going to do it. She was going to use this time to gather her resources and do it.

  She went online again, this time looking at office spaces for lease. Then she decided to call Jonathan because he would be of help in the real estate department. She got his voice mail and had to leave him a message to call her back. She was going back to the computer when her doorbell rang. That was odd because nobody ever came to her house. And if someone was coming over, they’d call.

  She looked through the peephole and saw the FedEx guy, so she opened the door and signed for the package. She opened it and found a check from Kendell’s company to Tracy. A note was clipped to it.

  Trey, here is your money. How I let you talk me into doing what I did is beyond me. That’s not who I am, and I’m so ashamed of what went down. Understand this: November is a good woman, and she didn’t deserve any of this. If you don’t stop and realize that for yourself, you are gonna lose her and then you will be sorrier than what you already are.

  I know I owe you more for November’s investment, and you will get it soon, I swear on my life. After that, you will never hear from me again. Take care of her, man, and I know it is a stretch, but try to make her happy, because she deserves to be happy.

  Kendell Gordon

  She looked at the check, and her eyes popped. She could see why he had taken Tracy up on his offer. It was more than enough money to start her own business. She went back to the computer and continued to look at office spaces, then decided to look for a new place to live. She decided to look for something with the option to have an office space downstairs and maybe a condo or loft upstairs. That would help her and be more convenient for her to start. That way, she would just be paying one mortgage.

  After she surfed for a while, she decided she’d wait for Jonathan to call her and she’d tell him what she was looking for. She got dressed and dressed her son, and they went to the bank and deposited the check that Kendell had sent into an account that Tracy didn’t monitor or question. He had opened the account for November that had a direct deposit of $1,000 a month for November to shop and get her hair, nails, or whatever she chose done, without her having to go to him for petty cash. His name was on the account, but after the bank card came, he handed it to her and told her to set up her own online login, and he had never once asked her about the account. Chances were he’d never check the account.

  They went by the mall and shopped a little and then went to the grocery store to get a few items. She was on her way home when her cell phone rang. It was Darlene.

  “Hey, Darlene,” November said, turning down the radio.

  “Hey, how are you and the baby?”

  “We are good. How are you?”

  “Girl, drained and tired.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I called you to tell you the news.”

  November thought it might be about Tracy. “What news?”

  “Well, I’m pregnant. Again.”

  “Wow. Get outta here.”

  “I know, right? I just hope this one is a girl because, after this, I’m getting fixed.”

  “Well, I hope you get your girl outta this one.”

  “Even if I don’t, I’m still getting fixed.”

  “I know that’s right.”

  “Yes, and the other thing I called to tell you is I overheard Trent talking to Tracy this morning,” she said low. “Now, I don’t know where he is actually staying, but I’ve been working on it for you. I do know he is in Chicago, and, Novey, he’s been seeing someone.”

  “My husband is cheating on me?” November yelled.

  “No, no, no. I’m talking about a doctor. I overheard Trent asking him how his sessions were going.”

  “Oh, Darlene, thank God.”

  “I just thought you should know. I have been on Trent, but he won’t tell me nothing.”

  “Thank you for calling. I miss him so much, and I am just glad to know that he is all right and he is getting help. You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that.”

  “I know, baby, but don’t worry. Be patient. It will all work out.”

  November’s eyes welled. “Thanks, Darlene.”

  “Listen, Trent is coming up the stairs. As soon as I know something, I’ll call you.”

  “Okay, thanks again.” November ended the call and cried all the way home. Why won’t he just call to say something? she wondered.

  When she got in and got settled, she decided she couldn’t
wait for Darlene. She called Trent herself.

  “Hey, Novey, what’s going on?” he asked.

  “Don’t ‘what’s up’ me, Trenton Lorenz Stone. Where is he?” she demanded.

  “Where is who?”

  “Don’t play games with me, Trent. I know you know where Tracy is, and I need to talk to him.”

  “I don’t know where he’s staying, November, I promise. He won’t tell me either.”

  “Please don’t do this to me. I need to talk to him. He hasn’t called in three weeks, and I’m going crazy without my husband.”

  “November, for real, I don’t know where he is. He will not tell me. I just talk to him on the phone. That is it.”

  “Can you find out for me please, Trent? This is my marriage we are talking about. This is my husband. I’m not some deranged girlfriend. I miss my husband. I need my husband. My son needs his daddy to come home. Can you please tell him that for me, Trent? Can you tell him I love him no matter what and I’m dying without him?”

  “November, I know, and I’m sorry you are going through what you are going through, but I can’t promise you anything. I’ve told him time and time again to go home, and I’ve told him time and time again to call you.”

  “Trent, do you love your wife?”

  “Of course I do,” he said.

  “Tell me something: if Darlene left you and didn’t talk to you for weeks because you were having problems, how would you feel?”

  “It would mess me up,” he admitted.

  “That’s the thing, Trent. I’m messed up, and I need Tracy in my life, no matter what. So please call him and tell him that for me. Tell him I love him,” she said, crying into the phone.

  “November, I will call him, and I will tell him everything you said. I promise I will.”

  “Thank you, Trent,” she said, sniffling.

  She hung up and fell on her knees and cried. She begged God to help them and to put it in Tracy’s heart to come home.