Northern Lights Trilogy

by Lisa Tawn Bergren

  He turned away from the rail, rubbing his eyes as if to rid himself of the vision. He didn’t want to think of Elsa. Nor of Peder. He had arranged for his Ramstad Yard checks to come to an accountant in town so that he himself need not correspond directly with the Ramstads. He wanted them to remain a part of his past while he actively sought his future. But would the future always feel this desperately lonely? Was he following the right path? Was it normal in the Christian walk to feel this distant from the Lord?

  Or was he the hypocrite his father had called him? He had not respected his best friend’s marriage by removing himself before his infatuation with Elsa got out of hand. He had remained in their presence, aware that destruction was imminent, unable to extract himself in time. If he had acted wisely, he could have stayed in Camden, overseeing the Ramstad business while Elsa sailed with Peder, rather than dance with the devil he suspected John J. Hall to be.

  “I am unworthy, Father,” he whispered. “I am unworthy to be called your son. Forgive me. Release me from this burden. Release me!”

  But as he stared out at the dark water, no answer soothed his heart, no voice stilled the anguish in his soul. Would he ever get beyond these memories that tortured him? For when he was truly honest with himself, he knew that if Elsa had not stopped his kiss, he would not have stopped himself.

  Forgive me, Lord … forgive me, he prayed silently.

  A feminine hand startled him, drawing his hands away from his face. He had not heard Alicia join him on the deck. “Are you all right, darling?” she asked softly, her voice solicitous.

  “Fine. Just a bit of a headache. Sorry I ran out on you.”

  “It’s no surprise if you’re suffering. The noise and heat probably got to you.” She slipped her arms around his waist, looking up at him. “Is something else bothering you?”

  Karl looked down at her. In the soft light, she was even more attractive, her auburn hair even darker, but softly reflecting like burnished copper here and there. He studied her eyes, so different from Elsa’s but equally as beautiful. Alicia clearly loved him. Was he beginning to love her? Or was it just mutual attraction, a welcome diversion from Elsa Ramstad? Inside, all he could feel was emptiness, despair. In her eyes, he saw hope, the future. And he knew John hoped they would marry. Why on earth would he not want this lovely creature in his arms?

  “No,” he finally responded. “Everything is all right. It has taken me a bit by surprise.”

  “Surprise?”

  “All my life I’ve struggled to reach my goals. Then I step off the train in Saint Paul, and suddenly all is right before me. My career, my home, my … wife.” The word slipped out, and Karl was glad to find he did not regret it. It was obvious, after all, what was right. Elsa belonged to another. Alicia was in love with him. And in time, he would grow to love her too.

  “Karl Martensen, are you proposing?”

  As if in a dream, Karl knelt before her, taking her small hand in his own. “Alicia Hall, if your father will give us his blessing, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  “Gladly, Captain Martensen,” she said, sitting down on his knee and kissing him tenderly. She drew back slightly, smiling with delight in her eyes. “I know our courtship has been fast, but I thought you’d never ask.”

  As the tugboat brought the Sunrise alongside a pier in the San Francisco harbor, Elsa sighed in relief. Even from the wharf she could see towering buildings clinging to the steep hillsides, testimony to the city’s prosperity. Here in this bustling, civilized place, they could resupply and find a suitable physician for Peder. He had refused to stop farther south, wanting to push closer to their goal. They would winter here if necessary, but she hoped that, since it was only mid-July, they could get to Washington Territory then back home to Maine before winter. It all depended on Peder’s health.

  Riley looked at her in question, and Elsa nodded. They were releasing Stefan without pressing charges. She was eager to be done with the man and did not want to haggle with the harbor master or police. Sighing, she approached Stefan, but stayed slightly behind Peder’s shoulder, despite the fact that the former first mate still wore chains. He looked miserably gray after his weeks in the hold and blinked in the bright sunlight.

  “You helped us past the Horn,” she said simply. “I will not press charges. But go from here and never come near a Ramstad ship again.”

  Stefan looked her in the eye as Yancey released him, rubbing his wrists where the manacles had chafed.

  “You heard the woman,” Peder said. “Be glad I did not whip your back to shreds for making such advances toward my wife.”

  Stefan did not say a word, just smiled insolently, turned, and walked down the gangplank to the pier and melted into the crowd. Her eyes followed him until she caught sight of Riley, speaking to a man who was writing furiously on a pad of paper. Once in a while, the man would look up to the ship rail and stare at Elsa as he listened. What was Riley telling him?

  Peder broke into her reverie. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

  “I am fine,” she said, placing her hands on her hips. “But you are going to a hospital for a thorough examination, and that is that. I want to be certain you are completely recovered.”

  Peder guffawed and met her look. “Elsa, I am fine. A sailor often grapples with malaria. It is part of the trade.” She remained there, simply staring back at him, until he sighed. “If it will make you feel better to have some city doctors fuss over me, I’ll get it over with. But we leave here within the week. Understood? I need to get to Washington Territory to pick up that load, or Henry Whitehall will telegraph someone else to do it.”

  “From what I hear, there is more than enough lumber to go around. If Henry’s shipment is gone, we’ll simply load another and sell it ourselves.”

  Peder smiled in open admiration. “Well, listen to the captain’s bride,” he said to the sailors around them. “She sounds more sure of herself than your captain.”

  “You married well, sir,” Riley said, joining them aboard the ship and shaking Peder’s hand. “Good to see ya ready to go ashore on your own two legs, Cap’n.”

  “Good to be out. Now will you kindly show us the way to this harbor’s hospital?”

  “This way, Cap’n. Oh, and the missus, of course.”

  “Riley,” Elsa said, following him down the gangplank, “who was that man you were speaking to? He looked at me strangely.”

  “Aw, jest some reporter. From The Chronicle. By next week, yer name’ll be known all over, ma’am.”

  They stepped onto the pier, and Elsa reached out to touch his arm. “What did you say?”

  “It ain’t every day a lady takes a ship most of the way ’round the Horn. Oh, and you’ll be a-wantin’ this, missus,” he said with a cheeky grin. He handed her a fat packet of mail secured from the harbor master. Knowing she was being distracted, Elsa looked anyway. She was so hungry for news from her loved ones! She opened letter after letter as they walked, scanning them for pertinent news, looking up once in a while to make sure she did not lose the men.

  There were two letters, forwarded overland from Maine, from her mother. She opened them according to postmark date.

  “Papa is rallying!” she said to Peder, almost tripping over a barrel in her excitement. She mumbled an “excuse me” as she bumped one sailor’s shoulder and a “pardon me” as she brushed past another. Peder pulled her closer to his side as Riley parted the crowd before them.

  “And Carina and Garth are engaged, due to marry in the fall.” She grinned at her husband. “Peder, can you believe it? Carina and Garth—married. We simply must find a way to go …” Her voice trailed as she buried her nose in the next letter, searching for news. “This one is from dear Kristoffer. A girl! Tora had a girl and named her … She left! Oh, I knew she wouldn’t stay. But what about Jessica? … Oh, Judy Gimball’s helping out with the boys … And here’s some news for you about the yard.”

  “Elsa!” Peder said in frustration. “Y
ou are driving me crazy with these snippets. Slow down! How about if we wait until we reach the hospital, then you can read me every letter to the word?”

  Chastised and a bit miffed, Elsa folded the letters away and followed her husband and Riley to the closest thoroughfare. There they hailed a cab and set off at a brisk clip.

  “May I read as we ride?” Elsa asked stiffly.

  “Well, of course,” Peder said with a sigh. He scowled at Riley, who was hiding a smile, clearly enjoying the tiff. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” he said in a low voice. “I am as anxious for news as you, but it is maddening to hear mere selections of what is bound to be an opera. Just read me the whole letter if you’re going to share any of the news.”

  “Fine.” She sighed. “Forgive me. I’m being silly. Here,” she said, stretching her arm out to him. “Another one from Kristoffer, addressed to you. Probably about the yard.”

  Instead of opening another to read for herself, she hugged the letters to her chest and watched as Peder read his. It would take her all evening to read and savor all the mail! For now she was content to enjoy her happy anticipation since the letters, with both their good and bad tidings, felt like gentle hugs from faraway friends and family.

  She stared at her husband as he read Kristoffer’s letter. Was she being overly sensitive to his brusque manner and irritation? He was, after all, still battling to get well. Yet Elsa could not get over the idea that something was deeply wrong between them. At some point Peder had become dissatisfied with her, and soon, very soon, Elsa intended to discover why.

  When Peder awakened the next morning, he felt better than he had in weeks. A long night’s restful sleep between cool, crisp, clean sheets, and the care of physicians and nurses, had restored his spirit. It still bothered him to be fussed over, and he had remained in the hospital mostly for Elsa’s sake. When he’d thought it through, however, he realized that if Elsa had been the one taken ill, he would have insisted on the same. And despite himself, he’d enjoyed the best night of sleep he’d had in a long while.

  As he opened his eyes and looked around, he was pleased to discover Elsa by his side, with the curtains drawn about his bed, closing them off from the other patients in the ward. Then he noticed the tears in her eyes and on her cheeks.

  “Elsa? What is it?”

  “Papa. He died,” she said, choking on the words. “Last spring.”

  “What? I thought you told me your mother wrote he was rallying!”

  “That was the first letter.” She sobbed and tried to get her tears under control. Peder waited patiently. “In the second, she told me he had passed on.” Her voice cracked again. “She said he rallied just for her. He even got well enough to walk outside. Then he kissed her that night and was gone by morning.”

  Peder sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m sorry, love. So sorry. I know how close you were to your father.” He pulled her from the chair to the bed and into his arms, trying to think of something to comfort her. “Perhaps your mother will consider coming to America now.”

  Elsa simply sobbed in response. Feeling helpless, Peder said nothing more.

  Nearly an hour later, Elsa was quiet, yet remained in his arms. “At least you are well,” she said softly. “I was so frightened, Peder. So afraid that you might die.”

  Peder smiled ruefully. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  He leaned back against the pillows and studied her. He was suddenly weary again, so weary, and wondered about the woman he had married, thinking back to the feminine, inexperienced girl on the cliffs of Bergen in comparison to the capable woman at his side, seasoned by the past year. If he had died at sea, what would she have done? Contacted Karl? He pushed aside the thoughts that had plagued him for months, memories that had drifted through his fever-ridden torment.

  She was his wife, and he liked the way she was changing, growing. “I feel I’m just beginning to know you,” he told her. “To understand the woman I only knew as a girl.”

  She took his hand. “Thank you for bringing me along on the Sunrise, Peder. I know you have had doubts about the wisdom of having a woman—your wife—on board. And matters were not helped by Mason Dutton, Karl’s departure, Stefan, the Horn … I know those incidents probably made you think twice about it. But this is right, Peder. It is right for me to be by your side. And I would like you to look back at all those events and think as I do: that God has smiled on us. He has shown us that we can weather all that and still be safe in his arms. Isn’t our arrival here evidence of that?”

  “I am still not convinced, Elsa. I do not know if I am being selfish and stupid for bringing you along or wise and gracious. But since you raised the matter, there’s something I need to discuss with you, love.” He paused to choose his words carefully as his thoughts went again from Elsa to Karl’s departure. He lowered his voice, conscious of other patients nearby. “Something that has eaten at my insides since the West Indies, and it is high time I get it off my chest.”

  Elsa grew a shade paler. “Yes?”

  Peder took a deep breath and plunged on. It was time he knew. “Did something transpire between you and Karl that I should know of ?”

  Elsa’s eyes met his and narrowed, her brow furrowed in a deep frown. She shook her head. “What do you mean?”

  Peder shifted, uncomfortable in phrasing such a difficult question. “I mean something … of a base nature. Did Karl … Do you know why … That night on the island, did he hold you? What I mean to say is … was he ungentlemanly in any way?”

  Slowly she took his hand, and Peder prepared himself for the worst. “Peder Ramstad, I have never been unfaithful to you. Never. You have to believe that.”

  “But that night,” Peder insisted. “Karl had that chest wound, and there was blood all over your dress, yet you were unharmed.”

  Elsa looked down at the sheets across his chest as if visualizing that night. She licked her lips and spoke. “Karl Martensen saved my life. More than once.” She looked into Peder’s eyes. “I think you’re aware that he felt something for me. I … I realized it too late.” Her eyes begged him to understand. “We were trying to find our equilibrium after the fight. He kissed me, Peder, nothing more, then you arrived at the clearing. I think that’s why he felt he had to leave. I’m sorry. I should have—”

  “You let him kiss you?”

  Elsa looked up, embarrassed by his loud, personal question. “Please, keep your voice down. No. Yes. I mean, I did not intend—”

  “What did you intend, Elsa?” He felt his face flush with rage. “I told myself that it could not happen. Certainly my best friend was faithful to me, and certainly my wife—”

  “Peder, you must understand. I did not realize in time. Karl saved my life. I was shaking so badly I could not stand. He picked me up just before I fainted, then I was in his arms and … Oh, please, Peder!” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “You must believe me. I did not know it was coming. Surely you understand that had I known, I would not have let him near.”

  Peder pulled his arm from her hands. “Go away, Elsa. Leave me for a moment. I must think this through.”

  Swallowing hard and wiping the tears from her face, Elsa rose with as much dignity as she could muster. She had chalked up Peder’s emotional distance to the malaria, but all along there had been something more. He had suspected the truth that night but said nothing.

  “I never intended to come between you and Karl,” she said quietly, then turned and swept out of the room as six other patients covertly watched her departure. Her husband did not.

  Tora studied her reflection in the dormitory mirror as she waited for Trent to arrive. She wrung her hands nervously. They were taking a train to Saint Paul that afternoon to attend the wedding of Alicia Hall’s older sister. And she was certain that the one man who could destroy her would be there. Karl Martensen. Now Alicia Hall’s fiancée. He knew her secrets yet had said nothing that day on the train. But she also knew that Alicia Hall h
ad taken note of Karl’s attention to her. The girl had watched her with catlike eyes, and Tora knew the look. It was one she could picture on her own face.

  She did not want to mess with Alicia Hall. No, she and Trent would attend this wedding, and she would do her best to blend into the crowd. Surely a society wedding like this would be crowded with people. Tora had even taken care to wear the simpler of her two ball gowns, choosing the silver over the red. “Get in and get out,” she coached herself.

  It was the giggling that tipped her off that Trent had arrived downstairs. “He’s here,” Missy Alexander said, ducking her head in the door, her face covered with a silly grin. “Oooh, you look lovely!”

  “You think so?” Tora fretted, for once in her life wishing she did not. Not because she did not wish to attract Trent, but so she would not be noticed by Karl or his fiancée. Alicia and Karl could destroy her chances with Trent Storm: Karl through his knowledge of her past, and Alicia through a well-placed word with her father. John J. Hall’s business was much too important to Trent for him to ignore the man’s wishes. No, Tora did not want to invoke the ire of either Alicia or Karl.

  “Tora?” Missy asked from the doorway. “Are you going down? Mr. Storm’s waitin’ on ya.”

  “I know. I’ll be down shortly.”

  Missy backed away as if stung. Served her right for meddling, Tora thought. She paced back and forth. Perhaps she should not wear the silver dress. Maybe a plain Sunday dress would be a better choice. But that would never work, not for such an important social occasion. Besides, such a modest costume might arouse Trent’s suspicions. A knock at her half-open door made her jump. It was Trent, hat in hand.

  “Excuse me, Tora,” he said apologetically. “If we do not leave right away, I am afraid we will miss our train. I asked Missy to come back up and get you, but she refused.” He looked puzzled.