Nerd in Shining Armor

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  She thought the Jennifer Aniston part was a nice compliment, but she wasn’t sure about the rest. “Did you like your high school English teacher?”

  He didn’t answer her, and his grin softened as he continued to gaze at her. His eyes got sort of dreamy, too. “Jack?”

  “Gen, I suppose there’s no guarantee about how this will turn out. I don’t think we’ll be stranded here forever, but…the thing is, I just want you to know that I—”

  “We most certainly won’t be stranded here forever. Not if I have anything to say about it. Come on. I’ll show you how we’re going to shimmy up these rocks in no time.” She headed off toward the most likely spot for hand-and-footholds. If they stayed there another second, Jack was going to say something embarrassing, something he’d never be able to take back.

  That would be bad enough. The trouble was, she might say something just as embarrassing in return. They needed to get themselves rescued before she gave in to that temptation. It was only being stranded here together that was making her think that she was falling for Jack. She’d figure that out once she got herself back to Honolulu.

  “I need a boost, Jack.”

  Jack gazed up at Gen’s bikini-clad bottom hanging about two feet above him. He didn’t dare look down. The only way he could deal with this climb was to pretend that the sand was exactly the same distance away that it had been twenty minutes ago.

  “Hey, you down there!” she called again. “A little help, please! I can’t quite reach the next handhold.”

  “Uh, wait a sec.”

  “How long of a sec?”

  “I’m assessing the situation.”

  “Assess this, boy genius. I’m holding onto a piece of rock no bigger than the hind tit on a sow, and if you don’t give me a boost in the next two seconds, I’m liable to lose my grip, fall down on top of you, and send us to the bottom, which is about a hundred feet. How well do you bounce?”

  “A hundred feet? We’re five stories up?” He saw spots in front of his eyes.

  “God bless America. Are you informing me at this late date that you’re afraid of heights?”

  “What if I am?”

  “You could’ve opened your trap and told me, is what! Here I am needing a boost, and you’re afraid to let go and give me one. A fine kettle of fish this is. I should be carrying the suitcase, too.”

  “You mean in case I don’t make it, you’ll have the supplies?” The sweat poured down his back. His hands were sweaty, too, but he didn’t want to think about what might happen if they got too slick to hold onto the lava rock.

  “No, that is not what I meant. The suitcase is adding to your problems, maybe throwing you off balance a little. You could probably climb better without it.”

  He hadn’t really thought of that, but now he started sweating even more. She was right. The suitcase could be the death of him.

  “Listen, Jack, if it’s you or the suitcase, I want you to take that thing off and drop it.”

  “No way.” He hadn’t forgotten how much she loved the silly thing. “I couldn’t take it off now, anyway. I’d fall for sure.”

  “You’re not gonna fall.”

  “Right.” He swallowed hard.

  “Forget giving me a boost. I’ll just stretch a little higher and get that handhold.”

  He had a sudden vision of her stretching, missing, and falling on account of him. “Don’t stretch! I’ll do it! Give me a couple of seconds to psych myself up, okay?”

  “Do you want me to pass you the glasses? Would that help?”

  “Hell, no, I don’t want the glasses! The only thing that’s saving me is that I can’t see what I’m doing.”

  “We’re almost to the top, Jack. I can see it from here. About two more handholds and I’ll be able to pull myself over the edge.”

  “And then we’ll be six stories up.” Jack thought he might be sick to his stomach.

  “Don’t think of that. Think of…think of the last condom. What do you say, Jack? When we get to the top, wanna use that last little raincoat?”

  As diversionary thinking, the concept was a real winner. His prize was right above him, but he wouldn’t get it unless he let go of the rock and boosted her up. But if he let go of the rock, he’d be able to cup his hand around one of her firm little butt cheeks.

  If he didn’t give her a boost, they would both fall five stories and die. It should be an easy decision. “Are you serious about the last condom?”

  “Just get me up there and I’ll show you how serious I am.”

  Filling his mind so full of sex that he didn’t have room for any images of going splat on the sand, he peeled his right hand from the chunk of black lava rock that had been his security, got a handful of Gen, and pushed upward.

  “Yee-haw!”

  Heart pounding, he latched onto his rock again and stared after her with lust in his heart. She scrambled the rest of the way to the top and disappeared over the edge.

  He felt instantly desolate. “Gen?”

  Her head popped over the edge. “Right here, big boy. Come and get me.”

  He wished she’d taken that last part a little slower. He’d been used to putting his hands on the same outcropping where she’d had her feet and pretending they were rungs on a ladder. Now every outcropping between him and Gen looked the same.

  “Come on up, Jack,” she called again more gently.

  He tilted his head to look up. Nothing showed but her head against the bright sky. She was very blurry and very far away.

  Looking at the rocks right above him, he searched for a place to grab on to. Once he found a handhold, his feet usually took care of themselves. But nothing looked good. Five stories up. Five fucking stories up. His stomach pitched.

  “Okay, I can see you need a little motivation. Hang on.” Her head disappeared, then popped back into view. “That was a joke, Jack. Hang on. Get it?”

  “Sorry. Can’t laugh. Might go splat.”

  “Poor Jack.”

  He should have been insulted by that, but he was too scared to be insulted.

  “Here you go. This should help take your mind off your problems.” Gen reappeared over the edge. “Ouch.”

  “What happened?”

  “It’s just that these rocks…ouchy…aren’t exactly comfortable, but what the heck.” She wiggled closer so that her shoulders came into view. “Are you looking at me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Concentrate on these babies, and climb on up to mama.”

  Jack blinked. Surely she wasn’t dangling her bare boobs over the ledge to entice him up there.

  “Hurry up, Jack. There’s a piece of lava rock making a permanent dent between my ribs. Or maybe my twin beauties don’t turn you on the way they used to, now that you’ve seen me prancing around the beach in my birthday suit most of the day.”

  His tongue stuck in his throat, but finally he managed to croak out his question. “You’re hanging naked over that ledge?”

  “Correction, I’m hanging topless over this ledge. But since you’re not moving, I must be using the wrong fishing lure.”

  Two things finally penetrated the fear holding him flattened to the cliff. She really would have sex with him when he climbed up there, and with all the adrenaline surging through him, it was going to be one hell of a ride.

  “I’m moving.” Gritting his teeth, he reached up, trusting his hand would find the right spot. The indentation wasn’t huge, but enough. He moved his other hand, then a foot. The suitcase banged against his hip.

  “Jack, Jack, he’s our man! If he can’t do it, nobody can!”

  He glanced up again and she was wiggling her breasts at him. The sweat still rolled down his spine, but saliva pooled in his mouth, too. Apparently he wasn’t scared spitless. He located another indentation in the lava, and another.

  “Give me a J, give me an A, give me a C, give me a K! Gooooo, Jack!”

  He drew closer, focusing on those shimmying breasts. “Two tits, four tits, si
x tits, a dollar. All for Jack, stand up and holler!”

  Smiling grimly, he came within six inches of reaching one bobbing nipple.

  She scooted back out of reach, out of sight. “All the way, big boy, all the way!”

  Panting, he fumbled for the top of the ledge.

  “That’s it,” she called. “Come on up.”

  A little more. Just a little, and—his foot slipped. Gen’s scream stabbed his eardrum as he clutched at the rocks and she latched onto his arm.

  Her fingernails dug into his skin as she hung on. For one long, agonizing second, he thought he’d pull them both to a dusty death. They’d be swallowed up by the sand, like a scene out of The Mummy. And he would no longer be her knight in shining armor.

  That thought alone gave him the strength to grip the rock with his free hand and shove his feet into places that probably weren’t even places. “Look out!” he bellowed. “I’m coming up!”

  He wasn’t even sure how he did it, but moments later he was lying facedown at the top of the cliff, his cheek pressed against a very sharp rock.

  Gen’s breathless voice came from somewhere above him. “Move away…from the edge.” She dragged at his arm.

  He managed to struggle to his hands and knees and crawl a few feet before collapsing again. The suitcase bumped along with him.

  “Jack, are you hyperventilating? Roll over so I can see.”

  With a groan, he rolled to his back and the suitcase flopped onto his stomach. “Just…ventilating. Nothing hyper.” He closed his eyes against the sun’s glare.

  “Here, let me take that thing.” She managed to work him free of the suitcase. “Thank you, Jack. Thank you for bringing that all the way up here.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “It’s so strange, you being scared of heights, when you aren’t scared of flying.”

  Gradually his head stopped spinning. “And you’re scared of flying but not of heights. Go figure.”

  “I guess it’s a good thing we’re both not scared of the same things, huh?”

  “Guess so.” He opened his eyes and used his hand to shade his face as he looked up at her.

  She was kneeling beside him, her breasts still bare, her hair tousled, and his glasses perched on her nose as she gazed down at him with concern. “That was too close for comfort.”

  No other woman could look so adorably sexy and so earnest at the same time. He thought of the way she’d instinctively grabbed him, hanging on even though she didn’t know if he’d eventually pull her over the edge and down with him. His stomach lurched again. “You shouldn’t have tried to catch me.”

  “You would have done the same for me, and you know it.”

  That much was true. Still, he didn’t want her sacrificing herself. “I think you saved my life. If you hadn’t grabbed me, and I hadn’t been so scared that I’d pull you with me, I might have given up.”

  “I wouldn’t let that happen.” And then she did the most amazing thing. She cupped his bearded chin in both hands, leaned over him, and kissed him soundly on the mouth. It was a quick kiss, one he’d barely registered before she leaned back and took her hands away.

  He stared at her, dazed by the affection in that kiss. It hadn’t been about lust. Well, mostly it hadn’t been about lust. There had been a slight hint of tongue there. “What was that for?”

  “I’m, um—” She cleared her throat. “I’m glad you didn’t go splat, is all.”

  “So am I.” And suddenly he didn’t want to use the last condom, after all. He wanted to save it, in case they spent another night marooned on this island. He wanted to have one more time to look forward to. But he wasn’t sure how to explain that to her.

  She glanced at the suitcase, as if she might be thinking of the condom, too.

  “Let’s save it,” he said, hoping she’d understand.

  She looked back at him and nodded. “Yes, let’s,” she said softly.

  “It’s so rocky here, and I’d like the last time to be…special. Not rushed.”

  She swallowed. “Me, too.”

  “There could be another beach, with a slope down to it instead of a cliff.”

  “I guess there could be another beach, Jack.”

  “Absolutely.” His heart thudded in anticipation. Something was happening between them, and he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but he was doing it anyway. She was hoping for another beach.

  She pushed herself to her feet and retrieved her bikini top from where she’d thrown it onto the rocks. “We might as well look around before we make our big X.”

  “Might as well.” He sat up and gave himself the pleasure of watching her put on the bikini top, arching her back as she fastened it between her shoulder blades. He liked the idea that she’d put it back on, because it would give him great pleasure to take it off again.

  When he finally struggled to his feet, he longed for the sand instead of this rocky surface. It was about the size of four football fields, and from here he couldn’t tell if there was a gentle slope anywhere. He sure hoped so, because he wasn’t going back down another cliff like the one he just climbed, no matter how inviting the beach.

  Nothing grew up here, but the view was incredible. Scary, too. The ocean stretched endlessly all around them, unmarked by land or boats. Even a whale spout would have been welcome. Nothing.

  Way off to the east he thought he could make out another island, but it could be shadows from the clouds hovering near the horizon. He glanced over to where Gen stood looking around, her mouth hanging open.

  “Jack,” she said, almost whispering. “We are out in the middle of the frigging ocean.”

  “I know it looks like that, but there has to be land to the east of us. We didn’t fly west for that long. My best guess is we’re on one of the Leewards.”

  “The Leewards. I read about them in a bird book. There are some interesting birds out here.” She glanced around. “If we’re lucky, we might even see an albatross.”

  “If we’re even luckier, we’ll see an airplane.” Jack started walking gingerly over the rocky terrain. It was hell on his blistered feet, even with the saltwater treatment he’d given them this morning.

  “Your feet still hurt, don’t they?”

  “It’s not so bad.”

  “Your mouth is all scrooched up like a catfish, so I know they hurt.”

  “Don’t yours, walking on these rocks?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve gone barefoot all my life. What I hate is putting on shoes to go to work. This is heaven.”

  “Could have fooled me.”

  “Then why don’t you just sit on the suitcase and let me look around?”

  “Because then you’ll think I’m a wuss.”

  “No, I’ll think you’re smart to take advantage of the strengths of your partner.”

  Partner. He liked the sound of that word. And his feet were killing him. “You talked me into it.” He hobbled over to the suitcase. “Are you sure it’ll hold me?”

  “It’ll hold you. It may not be stylish, but it’s tough. I’m surprised the handle came off, but I guess those wet clothes weighed more than a full barrel of moonshine.”

  Jack eased himself down on the suitcase, and when nothing seemed to be giving way, he put all his weight on it and stretched out his legs.

  “Perfect.” Gen smiled. “Now relax and I’ll go out on patrol.”

  She was the best-looking patrol he’d ever seen as she strolled the perimeter in her tiny bikini. He’d let her keep the glasses, and she should have them since she was doing the walkabout instead of him, but he wished he could see her better. It wasn’t every day you watched a goddess walking barefoot on the moon.

  On the far side of the plateau she turned and made a megaphone of her hands. “Jack, guess what? There is a beach on this side, and the way down isn’t bad at all!”

  “What’s your definition of not bad?”

  “There’s a sort of trail running down it! You’ll be fine!” She started back in
his direction.

  A trail. Hot damn. They could make their giant X on the top of the island and saunter back to the beach. And this time, when they used the last condom, he planned to make it about more than sex.

  A grayish bird perched on a rock at the edge of the water. Nick wasn’t sure what kind it was and didn’t much care. Whatever it was, it was a dead bird. He crept up slowly from behind, a baseball-size rock in his hand. He’d tried and failed so many times to kill one of these damned things, but this time he’d make it.

  At first he’d thought maybe he could grab a fish with his bare hands. Then he’d tried using his shirt as a net and had accomplished nothing but ripping his shirt on a piece of coral and gashing his toes on a seashell. So no sushi for him.

  If only his .357 were dry enough to risk firing it, he’d have a meal in no time. He hoped to hell it was dry by the time the idiots picked him up, if they ever picked him up, or he’d have to swipe one of their guns in order to kill them both. It was an added glitch, but not insurmountable. He could always fake it with his gun until he could trade for one of theirs. In the meantime, he had to get something in his stomach, or he’d be too weak to outsmart even those morons.

  At first the thought of eating raw meat hadn’t appealed to him, but as the day wore on, he got a lot less picky. This bird was going to give his all for the cause. Nick eased closer, his arm cocked. He’d been a decent pitcher in high school. He could do this.

  Taking aim, he held his breath and hurled the rock as hard as he could. The effort threw him off balance. As he landed facedown in the sand, he heard two things—the splash of a rock falling harmlessly into the waves and the vigorous flapping of wings. This was turning into a really shiny day.

  Then he heard a woman scream. At least that’s what he thought he heard. Maybe the sun was frying his brain. Or maybe one of the birds flying around this godforsaken place made a noise that sounded like a woman screaming.

  Spitting sand, he got to his knees. Lack of food was making him a little dizzy. He’d found a puddle in a rock that had captured some of the rainwater from the night before, but he’d long since finished that off. He barely had enough spit to rid his mouth of the sand.