Teen Titans Go!: Growing Painz
Page 1
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 DC Comics
TEEN TITANS GO! and all related characters and elements © & ™ DC Comics and Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
(s17)
Cover design by Carolyn Bull.
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Little, Brown and Company
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First Edition: May 2017
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Library of Congress Control Number 2016954134
ISBNs: 978-0-316-54843-4 (pbk.), 978-0-316-54841-0 (ebook)
E3-20170331-JV-PC
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Let’s Get Serious Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Two Parter: Part One Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Two Parter: Part Two Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
CHAPTER
1
It was late at night. Far at the edge of Jump City stood a military storage building with a large barbed-wire fence surrounding it. But tonight there was a gaping hole in the fence. From deep within the building, a soft thump could barely be heard. Then another, but louder. Suddenly, the door to the building was thrown open. The five members of the H.I.V.E.—a notorious team of super-villains—emerged. Gizmo, the pint-size leader of the group, was the first to appear. Close behind him were Mammoth, See-More, Billy Numerous, and Jinx. Each villain was holding a large radioactive tube. The team members chuckled with delight as they carried the dangerous tubes to a nearby van.
Just then, a harsh voice filled the air.
“This ends today, H.I.V.E.,” called out the mysterious voice.
The five villains gasped and spun around. Their archenemies, the group of super heroes known as the Teen Titans, were standing nearby. Beast Boy, Starfire, Cyborg, and Raven glared at the villains. The leader of the Titans, Robin the Teen Wonder, took two steps forward. He pounded his fists together as he continued to yell at the H.I.V.E. team.
“Today, justice will reign,” Robin said triumphantly. “Today, evil will…”
BLURRRRRRRRPH!
Robin was interrupted by the sound of a loud fart. It came from one of the Teen Titans standing behind him.
Robin sighed deeply, cleared his throat, and continued to speak.
“Today, evil will fall to its knees. Today…”
BLURRRRRRRRPH!
Robin turned around to glare at his teammates. He was annoyed to see that all four of them were giggling.
“Shh, shh,” whispered Starfire. “Robin is looking.”
Robin turned back to the villains and resumed his speech.
“Today, hope for the city is renewed…”
BLURRRRRRRRPH!
Robin spun around again, just in time to catch Beast Boy with his tongue extended far beyond his mouth, creating the loud fart noises. The other Titans were doubled over with laughter.
“Excuse me for just one moment, please,” Robin said politely to the five villains, as he slowly backed away to approach his teammates.
“Titans, a word…” Robin said through clenched teeth.
When he was just inches away from the other Titans, Robin started yelling, “How many times do I have to tell you to not make fart noises when I am striking fear into the hearts of the enemy and…”
BLURRRRRRRRPHHHHHHHHH!
Beast Boy fell to the ground with laughter. He had just created his best fart sound ever!
Robin shouted, “This is supposed to be the final showdown, and you’re ruining it!”
Cyborg sighed and said, “Dude, why do you always take yourself so seriously?”
“Yeah, have a laugh once in a while,” suggested Raven.
“We are the last line of defense for this city,” Robin argued passionately. “And if we can’t be serious about being super heroes, then who can? It’s up to us to…”
WHOOOOOSH!
Robin was interrupted by the sound of three super heroes zooming above his head. As the Teen Titans stared in astonishment, the grim-faced teenagers flew past them and landed next to the H.I.V.E. villains.
“Wow, it’s some of the heroes from Young Justice,” said Cyborg. “There’s Aqualad, Miss Martian, and Superboy!”
“What are they doing here?” asked Robin.
CHAPTER
2
WHAAAAAM!
With one mighty swing of his water dagger, Aqualad laid into Mammoth. The giant villain toppled to the ground.
OOOOOF!
Miss Martian stretched out both her arms and slammed her two giant fists against the heads of Gizmo and Jinx, knocking both of them out of the action.
“Whoa, look how serious they are,” said Robin with admiration.
TWINKLE!
In the middle of his fight, Superboy glanced over at Starfire and gave her a quick wink.
Starfire blushed and whispered with delight, “Oooo… Superboy has the sparkling eye of righteousness!”
Superboy spun around and grabbed See-More and Billy Numerous. With ease, the hero slammed the two evildoers together. He then quickly snapped handcuffs over the wrists of all five villains.
“Wow, none of those Young Justice heroes are even smiling,” observed Beast Boy.
“I feel so intimidated,” admitted Cyborg. “And I like it!”
“Now those are real heroes,” said Raven admiringly.
Aqualad crossed his arms and glared at the five groaning villains.
“Send these five cretins to our base in the Kratoa Nebula for further investigation,” he said to Superboy.
Aqualad paused dramatically, and then he mused, “Something tells me this is only the beginning of our problems with…”
“Hey there, Aqualad!” Robin called out, interrupting Aqualad’s grim musing.
Aqualad looked down with annoyance to see that Robin was standing in front of him. Robin’s head barely reached Aqualad’s mighty pectoral muscles.
“Oh hello, Robin,” Aqualad said with an impatient sigh.
“Those were some pretty sweet fighting moves back there,” Robin said.
Aqualad ignored the compliment and instead stared off into the distance. A noble expression of self-importance filled his face as he said, “I do what must be done.”
“That reminds me of the time I–” Robin began.
“Now, uh, you’ll have to excuse me,” Aqua
lad said grimly as he backed away from Robin and glanced at the beeping telecommunications device strapped to his wrist. “It appears that there is an emergency in the Gamma Delta Quadrant that needs my attention.”
Robin quickly reached for his Teen Titans cell phone and punched a few buttons. “Cool, cool,” Robin said as he peered at his phone’s obviously empty screen. “I’ll probably head out there, too.”
Aqualad snickered in response, muttering under his breath, “Why? Is it on your way to a pie-eating competition?”
Robin frowned and said, “What is that supposed to mean?
Before Aqualad could answer, Cyborg and Beast Boy suddenly appeared on either side of him.
“Did someone say pie?!” Cyborg shouted.
“I love pie!” Beast Boy howled.
Robin lifted both hands in the air and screamed at his teammates, “Not now!”
Beast Boy and Cyborg slowly walked away, glaring at Robin.
“So just what did you mean?” Robin demanded.
Aqualad sighed, and then he replied, “I did not wish to say anything, but you and your team have brought nothing but shame to all the real super heroes. The Teen Titans are a disgrace.”
Robin’s mouth fell open in disbelief.
“Hey, you are way off base, buddy!” Robin argued. “There’s no difference between our teams. We may do things a little differently, but we’re both just trying to take down bad guys however we can.”
“Is that right?” Aqualad asked skeptically as he extended his hand and pointed. “Take a look over there.”
Robin glanced over to the area where the handcuffed H.I.V.E. villains were gathered. Raven and Starfire were quickly undoing the handcuffs that held Jinx.
“Hurry, before they see us,” Raven whispered.
With Jinx’s hands now free, Starfire smiled broadly and asked, “Who is ready for another of the Girls’ Night Out celebrations?!”
“Yay!” hollered Raven and Jinx as all three girls jumped into a nearby police car and drove off.
Aqualad frowned and turned to Robin. “Super heroes are supposed to inspire hearts and teach valuable lessons about friendship and life,” he lectured.
“We do that… sometimes…” Robin said grudgingly.
Aqualad sneered and said, “You mean lessons like ‘Books Can Be Dangerous’ or ‘What Is Better: Burgers or Burritos?’”
“C’mon,” Robin said a bit defensively. “What’s so bad about being a little silly from time to time?”
“I’m all for a good laugh,” Aqualad said with a frown on his face. “But the Teen Titans cannot be serious for one single moment. Good day!”
Robin opened his mouth to argue, but Aqualad was already walking away. “Um, okay,” Robin said with embarrassment. “Good talk, Aqualad. We’ll catch up later. Maybe I’ll see you in that… uh… Gamma… Quadrant… um… Delta… place…”
Robin looked around. His Teen Titan teammates and the Young Justice heroes had all departed.
Robin’s shoulders slumped, and he let out a very serious sigh.
CHAPTER
3
The next morning was sunny and bright outside Titans Tower, the team’s HQ. In the living room, four of the Teen Titans were hanging out on the couch. Beast Boy and Cyborg were locked in a fierce video-game battle. Raven was reading. And Starfire was cuddling with her tiny pet, a mutant moth larva named Silkie.
At the other end of the living room, looking forlornly out a window, Robin stood alone. He let out a deep sigh and then glanced behind him. No one was paying attention to him. He sighed even more dramatically.
Cyborg looked up from his game controller and asked, “What’s up with you, dude?”
Robin shook his head sadly and replied in a raspy voice, “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about my dead parents.” He paused. “So tragic.”
The other Titans looked at one another in surprise.
“Whoa! What was that?!” Cyborg asked.
“Yeah, try to keep it light, dude,” Beast Boy loudly suggested.
“Where did that come from?” muttered Raven.
“I have the sadness now,” Starfire said as she wiped a tear from one eye.
Robin frowned and said, “Sorry, I’m just brooding.”
He then resumed looking out the window.
“Can you brood in the kitchen, dude?” asked Beast Boy. “And maybe bring me back some pickles and peanut butter?”
Robin stomped his foot on the floor and said angrily, “No! I want to brood here! And it wouldn’t be so bad if the four of you could brood, too!”
Starfire put a hand sympathetically on his shoulder and asked, “Robin, are you down in the dumpster because the real heroes made us look completely inadequate?”
“We are real heroes!” shouted Robin. “But we’ve forgotten all that because you’ve all become real jokesters! Even Raven!”
Raven looked up from her book and said with surprise, “What are you talking about? I’m no jokester.”
“Don’t play dumb,” Robin said. “I saw your act at the comedy club.”
“Oh, yeah,” Raven said with a smile. “Some of those routines were great. Remember this one? ‘The good thing about having a demon as my father is being immortal. The bad thing is having to deal with him for the rest of my life!’”
As Raven chuckled quietly to herself, Robin continued. “Try all you want, Raven. But you’re not funny! None of you are!”
BLURRRRRRRRPH!
Beast Boy’s tongue waggled in the air as he emitted a super-loud fart sound. Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire all started giggling.
“Admit it, Robin,” said Raven. “We’re a little bit funny.”
Robin shook his head and replied, “Aren’t you tired of being two-dimensional? There’s so much more to us. I mean, look at Cyborg. He’s half-man and half-machine!”
Cyborg smiled happily and pumped his metallic biceps in the air as he boasted, “I know! Pretty cool, right?”
“No! It’s not cool at all,” argued Robin. “In fact, it should be tearing you apart. Are you a man, or are you a machine?!”
Cyborg’s smile drooped and turned into a frown.
“Whoa,” he said sadly.
“That’s heavy stuff, dude,” Beast Boy said sympathetically.
Starfire turned to Robin and asked, “Could not being more serious fracture our team?”
Robin nodded his head and said, “Yes, but that’s how we become stronger—by being torn apart and then coming back together!” He slammed his fist into his other hand for dramatic emphasis. “Preferably in front of an epic sunset!”
Starfire just looked puzzled. “I do not understand, Robin,” she said.
“Of course you don’t, Star,” said Robin. “Because you’re an alien, and that’s your struggle!” He then turned to his other teammates and shouted, “You should all be struggling!”
Cyborg looked thoughtful and said, “Maybe Robin is right. Aqualad and his friends looked really cool.”
“They sure did!” agreed Robin.
“And I want a tough face and tight muscles,” Beast Boy admitted as he pumped his tiny biceps.
“Of course you do!” said Robin.
“I have always wanted to visit the Gamma Delta Quadrant,” added Starfire.
“We can interrogate some filthy cretins there right now!” Robin said eagerly.
Raven said, “I’d like to say to a villain, ‘It’s just you and me now…’”
A smile filled Robin’s face as he slowly intoned, “Then let’s get…”
“… serious?” asked Beast Boy.
“Serious,” added Raven.
“Serious!” shouted Cyborg.
“The serious,” agreed Starfire.
SERIOUS!!!!!
All five Titans jumped in the air and pumped their fists together!
CHAPTER
4
Seconds later, a strange transformation took place in Titans Tower. All five Teen Titans magically and instantly chan
ged their appearances. They doubled in size, and their muscles began to bulge and ripple. Robin’s neck tensed as he lowered his chin dramatically, glowering and stretching his lips into a tight grimace. Starfire’s eyes narrowed, and she opened her mouth wide to display her gnashing teeth. Cyborg’s sharp, metallic edges clanked dangerously as he pounded his two giant fists into each other. Raven scowled beneath her hood as an aura of darkness surrounded her. Sharp fangs grew within Beast Boy’s mouth, and he let out a menacing growl as long, pointy claws shot out from his fingertips.
Even Silkie doubled in size and started snarling seriously.
“To the rooftop, Titans!” Robin bellowed in a husky voice. “It’s time for us to shout out our action-hero one-liners!”
Each Titan marched grimly up the stairs and stepped out onto the roof of Titans Tower.
“If you’re not gonna help, then get out of the way!” shouted Cyborg.
“I work alone,” said Raven. “You’ll only slow me down.”
“I’m saying the one-liner, like a real hero,” added Starfire.
“There is good, and there is evil, and the line between them is clear!” Robin cried out as he perched dramatically on top of a gargoyle that no one had ever noticed on Titans Tower until now.
“I need to use the potty,” admitted Beast Boy.
The other four heroes glared at Beast Boy.
CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!
The next morning, the newly enlarged, amply muscled, and now very serious members of the Teen Titans gathered around the kitchen table to eat their breakfast. The only sound to be heard was the five Titans chewing their cereal through gritted teeth. Finally, Robin broke the silence.
“Who here would like to make a silly comment about eating pie?” he angrily demanded of his teammates.
“How can I talk about pie?” grumbled Cyborg. “I’ve been so conflicted and unhappy all this time, and I never even knew it!”
“Yes, Robin,” agreed Starfire with a frown. “There is too much suffering in this world for such merriment.”