Jingle All the Mitchell Way: A Holiday Novella

by Jennifer Foor

While Amber would be on set, the three remaining adults, me, my brother and Reese would be in charge of managing the twins, and making sure life went on while Mommy was busy becoming more famous.

  I worried it was all going to fall apart. It was only a matter of time before someone lost their shit being cramped together in such a small space for a long period of time.

  Bear in mind, Jake and I spent most of our lives sharing everything. It wasn’t the two of us who would get annoyed first. Normally Amber and Reese got along, but these circumstances were different. Amber would be working long hours. There was a chance that some of the days would turn into nights, forcing her to stay away until the job was completed. We’d talked about it several times, both of us knowing it was part of her job. She was doing this, not only for herself to fulfill a dream, but also to give our girls a better future. Let’s face it, we weren’t hard up for money, but having more never hurt anyone, right?

  After driving several hours, Jake got a call from our father claiming he’d left us a few presents. Right away we speculated on what they could be, and if it would be something we’d be able to handle, like backing up the sewage, or filling the water containment system with fruit juice. Since the motorhome had been stored closest to his house, there was no telling what he’d done, and a part of me wanted to pull over just to look around.

  “I’m kind of concerned, dude.”

  “Dad wouldn’t endanger the twins,” Jake replied. “He’s probably yanking your chain. He knows how much I spent on this, he won’t screw with anything structural or otherwise. We’re cool. Worst case is he stuck something in a compartment to make the place stink.”

  Since we were constantly hiding fish guts in inconspicuous places to get a rise out of our father, it wouldn’t be unlike him to return the gesture to us, especially since we were forced to be under such close quarters for the next month.

  “The girls will flip out.”

  “They can take it up with pops. Let’s just worry about getting Amber to her first location, and then we’ll scour every nook and cranny to figure out what the old man did or didn’t do.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  It wasn’t even fifteen minutes later when we heard screaming coming from the back of the RV. I pulled over on the shoulder of the road and hauled ass behind my brother to discover my wife and Reese staring into the toilet. A large fake snake was coiled within, sticking out just enough to touch them when they sat down. “Which one of you morons did this?” Amber was furious.

  I shrugged, as did my brother. “It wasn’t us, baby. I swear.”

  “Who then?” She requested.

  “Dad. He said he left us presents.”

  Her eyes widened. “Presents. Like plural? How many?”

  “No clue. I’ve got to say,” I paused for a moment to take a second look. “That one was pretty good. Did you see it before or after you sat your ass down on the seat?”

  She growled while pushing past me to go back and sit with the girls. “Jerks!”

  Reese shook her head while following behind, never giving either of us her two-cents.

  I gave a glance in my brother’s direction, watching as he fished the snake out of the toilet. He put his foot on the lever for the small wastebasket and tossed it in, finishing by washing off his hands.

  “Ew, was it wet?”

  “I’m not taking any chances. I wouldn’t want your wife’s pee on my hands. God only knows what type of aphrodisiac it contains.”

  “Trust me, she’s never peed on me. I’m not into golden showers like you. I’m also opposed to defecating on each other. If you and Reese dabble in it from time to time I’d prefer it if you keep it to yourselves. I happened to prefer clean fucking.”

  “Jax!” Amber scorned. “The girls. Watch your language.”

  “You two are sickos,” Reese added.

  “Don’t get on me about it,” I argued. “It’s your fetish.”

  While she did her best to ignore me, Jake and I got back on the road, determined to make good time getting to our first stop.

  With our destination set on New Orleans, we knew we’d have a full night’s worth of driving. By taking turns we’d be able to make it without stopping, allowing the girls and the twins to get a good night sleep. Amber would have two days before she began filming. She’d been running lines in anticipation, but I knew her nerves were shot, though she refused to admit it. With no formal training, I prayed my wife would have what it took to play the role with ease. She’d done plenty of videos, so it wasn’t far-fetched to believe she could do a good job. I wanted the best for her. The idea of her getting bad reviews, or being told she was horrible wouldn’t sit well with me. It was my job to protect her, and even though I’d never be a rich movie star, it was clear I’d always be her hero. I planned on keeping it that way too, so one of those wealthy schmucks couldn’t try to take her away from the life we had back in North Carolina.

  “Dude, are we there yet?” Jake asked after we’d been driving on the same road for several hours.

  “If we were there my ass would be in bed with my wife. Quit your complaining. You’re supposed to be looking for deer before they run out into the road and fuck up this pretty machinery you plan on keeping.”

  “I’ve got insurance,” he mumbled while checking out our surroundings anyway. The area we were driving through was pitch black and cloudy. Not even the moon could be used to illuminate our way. I was getting tired of following my headlights, praying I’d come up on a tractor trailer to follow behind to keep focused.

  Jake began humming a familiar holiday jingle. As much as I hated Christmas carols, I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. After a few seconds we both began belting out the lyrics, paying no mind to the sleeping crew in the back. “Jingle Bells. Jingle Bells. Jingle all the way…”

  Jake played air guitar in the seat next to me while finishing. “Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.”

  We pointed toward each other. “Hey!”

  We finished the song, continuing on with another one of our favorites. For a few minutes it was entertaining, making the monotony seem a little more bearable, up until I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. “Are you two having fun?” Reese said in a soft voice.

  “Is everyone asleep back there?” Jake asked.

  “They won’t be for long, not with you two having a rock concert.”

  “Sorry,” he apologized. “We were trying to pass the time.”

  “How was Amber? Is she freaking out yet?”

  “She took a Xanax. I guess it helped her go to sleep. I told her I’d manage the twins if they woke up, that’s why I’d appreciate it if you kept it down. She needs her rest. Tomorrow is going to be huge for her. It’s not like meeting a movie star on the street. She’s going to be working with these people day to day. She wants to prove herself worthy. Amber doesn’t want recognition for her pretty face. She’s determined to make a name for herself. I’ve got to give her credit. I’d never be able to put myself out there. People are assholes. I wouldn’t want the scrutiny.”

  “That’s why she’s the star and you’re the sidekick,” I added. I wasn’t trying to give Reese a hard time. In her own way, she was stunning, but more like the hometown chick every guy had a crush on. Amber was the type of woman you couldn’t get out of your mind. She had me hook, line and sinker from the first time I laid eyes or her, and as hard as it was to believe, she’d picked me to spend the rest of her life with.

  With her career blossoming, I’d promised to pick up the slack at home, and in this case, on the road. The most important thing was for us to be a family, and we were both determined to make sure we didn’t take another for granted.

  During my momentary reminiscing, I felt a strong pull on the steering wheel, causing me to immediately slow the vehicle down. “Holy shit! Something is wrong.”

  “What do you mean? We just got this thing,” Jake argued.

  “Dude, did they do an
inspection?”

  “Yeah, remember when I took it back to finalize the paperwork? They said everything was still new.”

  “Just because it hasn’t been used doesn’t mean shit won’t go bad. Didn’t you learn anything from working all these years? I’m pretty sure she’s got a flat tire, and your ass better hope there is a real replacement, or else we’re going to be camping out on the side of this road until help arrives.”

  Jake didn’t seem too sure of what the motorhome came with. He’d made a purchase on the whim, not thinking it out like he normally did. As much as I appreciated what he was doing for my family, a part of me was angry he hadn’t put more care into the trip.

  “Ugh! I better go check on the kids. They’ll probably wake up since we’re not moving. Apparently it’s freezing outside. Make sure you put on some coats before going out there.” Reese exclaimed while heading toward the rear of the RV.

  “We don’t need coats. We’re men. We’re invincible,” I suggested while Jake and I made our way out in the frigid temperatures. Reese was right. Even though we’d headed south, the weather had changed drastically. A chill struck me the moment my feet hit the asphalt. I contemplated going back in for a coat and gloves, but didn’t want my brother calling me a pussy. If he could endure it, so would I.

  Jake and I discovered right away that the left front tire was completely blown.

  “Damn.” I mumbled. “We were lucky.”

  “It must have just happened.”

  “Let’s hurry up. I don’t need frozen balls. I won’t be able to drive if my nuts aren’t comfortable.”

  “I don’t want to know these things about you, bro. Keep your ball talk to yourself. Quit your bitching.” He ran to the back, where the jack and other supplies were kept. It took him a few minutes, so I took a piss to kill time. As I zipped my jeans back up in the closed position I heard him talking. “Dude, it’s a real tire.” He was laughing, and it made me think he was going to play a prank on me.

  “Thank God. It’s cold as Hell out here. What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing. I saw something that made me laugh, that’s all. It’s got nothing to do with you.” Jake handed me the jack while responding. “By the way, I’m pretty sure Hell is hot.”

  “I’ll let you know once this trip is over. I’m sure it will be a similar experience.”

  “It’s going to be fine,” he tried to reassure me. “You’re such a girl. We’re going to have a good time.”

  I rolled my eyes, trying to remain focused on the task. “Reese will start bitching within a week, probably even before it.”

  “Shut up. She’ll be fine. Can’t you appreciate we’re doing this for you?”

  “Of course I do. This means everything to Amber. She’s had a hard time, always feeling as if she’s still got to prove her parents wrong.”

  My brother shook his head. “I still can’t believe those assholes told her she should have been the one who died instead of her sister. Who does that shit?”

  “I know, right? Look, she’s trying to let them be a part of the twins life. I bite my tongue. As much as I want to kick the shit out of her father, I have to respect they’re her parents. It’s her decision, and as long as I keep my wife happy, she will continue to give me ass. The haters are going to hate. The Jaxinator always wins, dude.”

  “Is it weird that I know the name of your dick?” He shook his head. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. Anyway, you can’t think sex is the most important part of life, Jax.”

  I opened my hands up as I spoke. “Hey, I live an easy life. We were basically handed a job when we were kids. We’re surrounded by family. My girls are the cutest on the planet. My wife is a fucking movie star. Who could ask for more?”

  “True. When you put it that way I’m envious.”

  I shoved my brother. “You already took my girl, once, dude. It ain’t happening again. I’ll cut off your balls and feed them to the goats.”

  “It’s been years, Jax. Stop giving me shit when you know you’re happier with Amber. Besides, we don’t even own goats.”

  “I’ll buy some,” I corrected. “They eat the garbage. Do you have any idea how many dirty diapers we accumulate?” Then I settled myself. Even a goat wouldn’t be interested in baby shit. “No, I’m thankful. It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s the fucking famous assholes we’re about to be around I’m scared of. Jake, what if she falls for one of them? What if fame changes her?”

  “You really think that will happen? Have you seen the way she looks at you? Amber wouldn’t. She’s not deceitful.”

  “I don’t know. Don’t you read the magazines in the grocery store? You can go from humanitarian to whore in a matter of days.”

  Jake laughed at me. “I don’t go to the grocery store. I work and my woman does the shopping. You’re such a pansy. I take back what I said. Amber might want someone who acts like a man, instead of her bitch.”

  He obviously didn’t take me serious. “Extreme couponing takes time and expertise. I happen to think it’s therapeutic.”

  My brother wasn’t amused. So what if I’d taken on chores that enabled me to spend time with my wife. While I was clipping coupons, she would rub my achy feet. When we went to the grocery store, we found new items we’d like to try, and never forgot to grab a bottle of whipped cream, just in case we needed a bedtime snack.

  “We’re making great time, man. Amber’s going to wake up in Louisiana.”

  Then it started to sleet. We’d made it to Georgia only to have the temperature drop due to a low pressure system moving up the coast. My parents had warned me about it, but in all honesty I thought they were joking. What started as a predicted thirteen-hour drive had now turned into a two-day haul.

  The sounds of the tiny ice shards hitting everything around us was only a reminder of how dangerous the road conditions would be. It was important to keep everyone safe, even if it cost us travel time. I had to find a place for us to park and wait out the storm, before our traveling house cost us all our lives.

  “So much for seeing Louisiana tomorrow.”

  “It’s moving out of here fast. Besides, we’re headed south. We can park this sweet ride somewhere and get some shuteye before continuing. It’s no biggie.”

  “No rest stops, Jax. Remember what you told me about them? I wouldn’t want you being abducted by men looking for romantic flings while on the road.”

  With the cold becoming unbearable, I chose to ignore his comment on focus on the tire. Sure, there was saying about gay men meeting at rest stops, but it couldn’t be true. Who the hell would partake in that kind of statistical survey?

  The lug nuts were a bitch to get off, some rusted from being in the weather, but it was always important to loosen them first before jacking up the vehicle, otherwise the tire would spin while you were working. It was obvious this motorhome had sat on a lot for some time. I knew Jake chose it because it was a cheaper purchase. I would have done the same thing. I just wished he would have checked the little details. After finally managing to get them off, I pumped the jack, raising the motorhome to be able to remove the damaged tire. “You know we could have been in that ditch, or flipped? When we get to the next town you’re replacing the other three tires.”

  “You probably hit something.”

  I pulled off the tire and held it up, running my hand over it. It was still warm from driving on the road. “This shit is dry rotted, just as I suspected. Now I’ve got frost bite.”

  Jake took the tire in his hands and walked it back to the storage compartment while I put the new one on, tightened the lug nuts, and lowered the jack.

  “The salesmen said the old man who owned it before me planned on taking it to Florida for the winters, but he died before he could use it. He had a stroke while on the way to Florida.”

  My eyes widened. “He died? Dude, is this shit haunted? Did you buy a haunted RV? He could have popped the tire.”

  “I’m going back inside to warm up. Once again, you�
�re ridiculous. There is no ghost.”

  “I’m calling him John,” I called out to him. “From now on John is my wingman. John the ghost.”

  Jake was already inside when I finished babbling. I know I joked about everything, but what good was a life without being able to smile?

  Right before stepping back into the warm motorhome, I paused; deciding to walk around the large vehicle and make sure the other tires weren’t low. When I reached the rear I noticed what my brother had been smiling about. Dangling from the hitch was a set of plastic testicles. My dad kept a set on the main farm truck. From the look of the wear on them, it was obvious that’s where they’d come from. I chuckled and shook my head, being reminded of the presents he’d claimed he’d left for us. “Smart ass!” I said under my breath, while being reminded of the brutal cold. My nose was burning from being frozen. Before getting back inside, I tapped on the doorframe. “Don’t let any more tires blow out on us, John. I’m counting on you to keep my girls safe.”

  Chapter 8

  Jake

  The motorhome, having two separate bedrooms in the rear, was large enough to give us privacy if we required it.

  ‎The master suite, if that's what it would be classified as, was big enough to walk around the king sized bed if you squeezed. The walls held cabinets for storage, most of which Amber had filled with her wardrobe and the twins essentials.

  The second bedroom could only be used when the vehicle was parked, as a bump out needed to be utilized for the space to accommodate. Since we were traveling overnight, Reese had folded the couch down for us to take turns resting, while she stayed back with Amber and the girls.

  I knew this situation was going to be frustrating at times. Reese loved the twins, and she and Amber had grown close in the past couple of years, but being cramped in such a small space for a long length of time was trying for anyone. I couldn't expect her to enjoy the trip, but knew she'd do anything to help out my family; the family she was already a big part of.

  The holidays has always been a big deal for Reese. Her family went all out with decorations and baking. They even read the traditional stories the night before, still as adults. Since we’d skipped last Christmas to be with them, Reese was determined to make sure this year was extra special for me.