Shaxoa's Gift

by Gladden, DelSheree

  “Well, we should get started then,” I said. My body was aching for rest, but I dreaded falling asleep.

  “Uriah, you should go ahead and get to bed. I know you’re exhausted still,” Kaya said.

  “And face more dreams? I’d rather help you search through books all night.” Even the chance to dream about Claire was tainted. I couldn’t bear to fall asleep knowing that she was alone in my bed at the same time. Dreams of Claire would only remind me of what I could not have.

  “Alright,” Kaya said standing up, “my library is in the spare bedroom. We’ll start there.”

  I sighed. Another starting. When would I find the end?

  17: Understanding

  Uriah’s phone call had left me bewildered. Why was he being so secretive about where he was and what he was doing? I asked Lina if he had said anything to her about where he was, but she could only shake her head sadly. She wanted to know as badly as I did.

  A few more days, he had said. I only had to last a few more days. I could do that. As soon as the high of talking to Uriah again had begun to fade, Daniel swept back into my mind. His face, filled with undeserving love, hovered in my mind, though I tried desperately to push it away. The desire to make contact with him again was staggering. I found myself sitting alone in the kitchen, clutching the arms of my chair in desperation before Sophia walked up to me and asked if I was alright.

  Her warm touch rescued me. I was quick to reassure her that I was fine. She looked skeptical, but let the matter drop. “Did Cole make it back yet?” I asked.

  “I haven’t heard. Why don’t you call your mom and check with her?” Sophia said.

  Reaching for the phone, I quickly dialed my own phone number. The phone rang only twice before being picked up. “Brant residence, this is Cole.”

  I was instantly irritated that no one had bothered to call and let me know Cole was already back. “When did you get back?” I asked.

  “Just now,” Cole said. “What put you in such a bad mood?”

  I wasn’t about to respond to that.

  “Uh, never mind,” Cole said quickly. “You want to talk to Mom?”

  “Actually, I was calling to see if you were home yet,” I said.

  “Well, I am,” he said in his big brother tone. “Why aren’t you here?”

  “I’m not coming home for a while,” I said.

  “Oh. Yeah okay, I can understand that,” Cole said. “Is Uriah back yet?”

  “No,” I said, trying to keep the fear from my voice, “but he called a little while ago. He should be home in a few days, hopefully.”

  “Did he say where he was?” Cole asked.

  “No.” I took a deep breath. I wanted answers, but Quaile refused to help me and no one else was interested in filling me in either. Quaile wouldn’t answer my calls, my dad flat out refused, and Lina pretended she had no idea what I was talking about. Cole may not be able to explain everything, but at least he could tell me what happened on the drive to find Daniel and bring him back to San Juan. “Would you mind picking me up, maybe driving out to the bluffs with me for a while?”

  I knew he must have been tired. He had made two trips to Arizona in the past three days. The breath I was holding in finally released when Cole spoke.

  “Yeah, sure, Claire, I’ll be right over.”

  Hanging up the phone, I wandered into Uriah’s bedroom. I was still wearing his shirt, but I needed something more. I had thought that my inner battle would get easier with time, but so far it had only gotten worse. Every time I fought against the bond, it fought back all the harder, shoving Daniel into my mind every time my concentration slipped.

  Searching Uriah’s desk, I saw the CDs again. I took down the first album and placed it in Uriah’s stereo. The music filled the room, blocking out noise and thoughts alike. Every note reminded me of Uriah, but I couldn’t carry the song with me everywhere. Turning away from the desk, I kept looking.

  Halfway through my sweep of his room, I noticed a small lacquered box on his window sill. The drawn curtains hid all but a corner of it. I crawled across the bed to the window and gently lifted the box. The dark wood was polished and smooth, even where the lighter inlaid wood pattern on the top met the deeper shade.

  The box was beautiful. I knew that Uriah’s father had done some woodworking in his spare time, and I wondered if he had made the box. Lifting the lid, I had the fleeting feeling that I should not be digging through Uriah’s private things, but I was desperate for some reminder I could carry with me besides a few stolen shirts.

  I opened the box and peered inside. The contents were neatly stacked. Carefully, I pulled the items out one at a time. Most were tokens and items from places he had been, or awards he had won. It made me smile to see that many of them were connected to places we had been, or things we had done, together.

  The movie stubs weren’t surprising. I had a collection of my own that I brought with me from my house. There were also several coins from foreign countries. Those were probably from his dad who had served overseas in the military after high school. His father had dreamed of Uriah following in his footsteps until I had come into the picture. When I started hanging around, the topic came up less and less.

  The next item I took out of the box was a medal, without the accompanying ribbon. There were several of the metal disks, and I took them all out and laid them on the window sill. They represented only a few of the sports Uriah had played. I had been to every home game Uriah had ever played in, and as many of the away games as I could convince my parents to let me attend, which unfortunately wasn’t very many. Uriah’s favorite sport was baseball, but my favorite to watch him play was basketball.

  Setting the medals aside, I pulled a small purple box out and carefully removed the lid. A delicate paper star lay inside. The sight of it stopped my breath. I had made the star and given it to Uriah a few weeks after the day on the riverbank. My cousin had taught me how to fold the paper into the simple shape, but inside you were supposed to write a message to the person you were giving it to.

  I had written a message on the paper before folding the star, but I hadn’t actually told Uriah about it. Too shy to show him the message, I had given him the paper star as casually as possible. Ever since I had considered telling him to open it, but felt silly admitting the message was inside so long after I had given it to him.

  Apparently I hadn’t needed to mention the note for him to have found it. I picked up the star to find it was not exactly as I had given it to Uriah. It had been refolded inside out. The message I had so secretly written was now plainly seen. You are my strength, Uriah. I smiled at the words. At the time they had seemed very inspired. I wondered if Uriah had thought the message silly. I also wondered how he had known to look inside the star. I would ask him as soon as I could.

  At the very bottom of the box lay a wide strip of beaded leather. Each end had two long tassels to be used as ties to secure the bracelet to someone’s wrist. The beadwork was beautifully done in traditional Tewa design and color.

  Lina hobbled into the room suddenly, and that hint of guilt returned. I stared at the trinkets covering the bed, wishing I could put them away without her noticing. Lina casually walked over as if I were doing nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps she didn’t think Uriah would mind that I was looking through his things. Peering down at me, Lina smiled at the bracelet in my hand.

  “That was a gift from Uriah’s grandfather to Notah, and then a gift from Notah to Uriah,” she said. “Uriah will give it to his son as well. This bracelet is supposed to bring good luck, although I can’t remember what the symbols on it mean.”

  Uriah could use some good luck right now, I thought, and so could I. “It’s beautiful,” I said.

  “It is,” she agreed. Taking the leather strip from my hand, Lina carefully wound it around my wrist. “Maybe it will bring you both some good luck.”

  Looking up at her, I was grateful for her intuitiveness. “You don’t think he’ll mind if I wear it?
” I asked.

  She shook her head gently. “You can keep it safe for him until he needs it.” Lina already saw me as part of her family, and I was hard pressed to think of anything that would change her mind.

  “Cole is here,” Lina said suddenly. “He said you called him. Are you leaving?” Her face was calm, but her eyes quickly darted to my unpacked backpacks. She was wondering if I was going home. I already felt like I was home.

  “We’re just going to go out to the bluffs to talk,” I said. “I’ll be back home in a little while, unless you’re getting tired of me already.”

  Lina smiled widely and pulled me into a quick hug. “Not at all.”

  I stood and helped her back to the living room. As soon as she was settled in her chair, I turned to Cole, who was waiting patiently by the door.

  “You ready?” Cole asked.

  One look at his tired face sent a new wave of guilt through me. He was exhausted. I shouldn’t have called him to come out to Uriah’s house, but I needed to understand what had happened on his trip with Uriah. My strong and loving Uriah had acted so strangely since coming back, and I needed to know what had caused the change. “Yeah, let’s go,” I said. I would try to not keep him out too late.

  *****

  “So, are you doing alright?” Cole asked. We sat in his Toyota 4Runner on top of the mesa just outside of San Juan. “You sounded kind of strange on the phone.”

  “I’m okay, I guess,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. “I wish Uriah was here.” Cole’s arm settled around my shoulders. I appreciated the effort. Even though Cole and I had always been pretty close, we had never been the type of siblings that cried on each other’s shoulders. If I was upset, Cole would usually try to make me laugh or tease me relentlessly depending on what he thought would work better. This was different, but a good kind of different. “Will you tell me what happened while you and Uriah were gone?”

  “You really want to know?” Cole asked.

  His question struck me as odd. What could have happened that I wouldn’t want to know about? “Yes, please, Cole, I need to know what happened. Maybe if I do, I’ll understand why Uriah left. I mean, I know he told Quaile he wasn’t giving up, and that I should wait for him, but before that, he was leaving for real. I have to know why he would do that,” I said.

  Cole still looked reluctant, but eventually he agreed.

  “Don’t leave anything out, Cole,” I warned, “it’s important.”

  Nodding his head, Cole launched into his tale. I listened silently, drinking in every detail. I could hardly believe what he was telling me. If it hadn’t been my brother, who I trusted completely, recounting their strange journey, I would never have believed it. The potion my father had given me was one thing, Uriah speaking with animals and fighting shape shifting monsters was something else entirely. Although, having conversations with animals did explain why his animals always behaved so perfectly for him. It did make me wonder, again, why me being around him seemed to cancel that out. I shook my head and held that question for later.

  Uriah had only been gone a few days, but so much had changed. When Cole told me about the deal Uriah and Daniel had struck, I began to understand Uriah’s decision. When he first walked out the door, I couldn’t believe that he would really abandon me when I needed him most. In my scattered mind, I thought he was leaving because he had no hope, because he didn’t believe I was strong enough to fight the bond.

  My heart nearly broke to hear the real reason he left. He thought he was giving me a better future. But didn’t Uriah realize that I would never be happy without him? The fact that Uriah was willing to sacrifice so much, just for me, renewed my determination. Whatever he was doing, he was not running away, and neither would I.

  “He really loves you, Claire,” Cole said. “It’s kind of weird, but I never really thought someone could love another person as much as Uriah loves you. Maybe it’s from growing up with Mom and Dad. Their relationship is bizarre, to say the least, but I thought that was pretty normal. With Uriah, I don’t know if he could make it without you. Not to say he isn’t strong, but I don’t think he would see the purpose in going on if you weren’t with him.”

  “Dad told me that he married Mom because she wasn’t Tewa, and he thought he needed to marry an outsider for some reason. It was something to do with Uriah, but he wouldn’t explain it,” I said.

  “Dad’s an idiot. We already knew that,” Cole said. He had said it casually, but his grip tightened around my shoulders. Cole was as close to our mom as I was. On several occasions, Cole had lost his usually mild temper when our dad had made hurtful comments to our mom, and ended up nearly coming to blows with our dad. “What do you mean it had something to do with Uriah?”

  “I don’t know. For some reason he thought it was important that I wasn’t full Tewa. He thought it would protect me from Uriah. I don’t know what he meant by that, though. Uriah would never hurt me,” I said.

  “Hmm.” For a moment Cole was quiet. He seemed to be considering something. “Did he actually say he thought Uriah would hurt you?”

  “No, I guess not. He made it sound more like being with Uriah would hurt me. He said if I stayed with Uriah, I would end up following him to places I shouldn’t.” I still thought that sounded ridiculous. Why would Uriah ever lead me somewhere where I would get hurt? It didn’t make sense to me, but Cole nodded as if it made perfect sense to him. “What, Cole? Don’t tell me you agree with Dad?”

  “Did you hear what I just told you? Shape shifting monsters, animals fighting with us, that monster thing making it pretty obvious he was coming back for Uriah.” Cole shook his head. “I don’t think Uriah would ever purposely put you in harm’s way, but being near him right now would be dangerous enough.”

  I suspected my dad knew something about Uriah’s strange abilities, but if what Cole was saying was true, he knew a lot more than I ever expected. “Cole, could Dad have possibly known that thing would come after Uriah? Is that why he never wanted me to be around him?”

  Shrugging, Cole said, “I don’t know, Claire. I’ve never seen Dad display any talents other than being a jerk, but how many times has he reminded us that his grandfather was the last Tewa chief. He thinks of himself as our current chief. A lot of people do. Maybe that has something to do with it.”

  “Like something passed down from chief to chief?” I asked.

  “Either that or something Quaile told him. Shaman and chief usually worked together to lead the pueblo. If anybody knew about Uriah, it would be Quaile.”

  Great. My choices for answers were the three people determined to make me do this on my own. One way or another, I was going to get one of them to explain things to me. What I wouldn’t give to be able to borrow a few of Uriah’s talents. Making people do what I wanted would certainly be useful, but if nothing else, I could at least use his amazing strength to wring a few answers of out either my dad or Quaile. My vengeful planning was interrupted by Cole’s jaw cracking under the pressure of an enormous yawn. Everything he had been through in the past few days slipped back into my mind along with some guilt.

  “I’m sorry you had to drive all the way back to Tucson, Cole,” I said.

  “Oh, it’s okay. The drive back was nice and quiet at least.”

  “Was it that bad?” I asked.

  “No, Daniel’s an okay guy. It was just hard to listen to all his questions. He didn’t understand why Quaile made him leave so quickly. He kept trying to talk me into turning around,” Cole said.

  “I’m so glad you didn’t.” The thought of seeing Daniel again made me want to cry. The love I felt for him was suffocating. The pull was strong enough to leave me crying and gasping for breath with him a state away. I knew I would never hold out if I was faced with him again.

  “He begged me to give him your phone number and address,” he said, eyes widening at my panicked reaction, “but I didn’t. I told him he should just leave it alone for now. I said that when you were ready, he wo
uld hear from you. I felt bad giving him false hope, but I had to tell him something. He wouldn’t shut up.”

  “You didn’t think I would want him to call or come back?” I asked.

  “Never,” he said. “You are the most stubborn person I have ever met, Claire. If Uriah is what you want, I have no doubt that’s who you’ll end up with. Even if Uriah had left for good, I knew you would find him and drag him back.”

  I would have. If I hadn’t been too stunned to react, Uriah never would have made it out the door without me. “Uriah’s mom told me that when he left she thought he was going to do something to hurt himself,” I said. I choked back a sob. I knew she meant get himself killed, and after hearing Cole’s story, I had a pretty good idea about how he was planning to do that. But I could not force the word “kill” to come out of my mouth. “Do you think he would have?”

  Cole pulled me closer to him and turned his face up toward the starry sky. “Yes,” Cole said, “I think he would have. Uriah was so determined to save you without letting the bond form. When he realized he couldn’t do it, it almost broke him. I’d never seen the look he had on his face before on anyone. Seeing him like that…I honestly wanted to cry.”

  “But why? How could he do that to me?” I asked.

  “I don’t think he would have seen it as hurting you. In his mind he would have been giving you the only thing he had left to give, freedom from his love,” Cole said. “I think he honestly thought he was doing the right thing. I’m glad Quaile stopped him. Whatever other crap she pulled, at least she stopped him from doing that. I just hope it wasn’t another lie.”

  I shivered. I couldn’t believe how close I had come to losing my only love. Would Quaile put me in jeopardy of that again? “You don’t think she was sending him on a wild goose chase do you?” I hadn’t considered the idea before, but it reeked of something Quaile might do. “If he thinks he’s failed me again…”

  Cole’s eyes were wide in the dark, the whites gaping at me before he closed them and took a deep breath. “No. No, I don’t think she would do that to him again. He was so angry with her when she told him that Daniel’s blood had to be mixed with the herbs. She looked pretty scared. I think she knows what would happen if she betrayed him again.”