Finally Heaven (Room 103 Book 4)

by Sidebottom, D H

  The room was heaving, bodies squashed everywhere. I sat in the dark corner, shifting between episodes of sleep, squinted observation and hunting for Zo. She looked so beautiful, in her pretty blue dress, the colour matching the deep blue of her eyes. The full pink pout of her lips calling out to me, the cascade of blonde hair down her back heightening her perfection. I had attempted to release her hair from the knot she’d had it in. I loved her hair loose, the way it framed her face and teasingly covered her tits when we’d made love.

  I blinked. Made love? It had never been that. Sex, fucking, an amazing shag, but never love. That was something I didn’t do, and she wouldn’t do when she found out about my penchant for men.

  My stomach surged. I blew out a breath to dampen the nausea, wiping my eyes when tears welled again. Fuck this shit! I couldn’t sit here partying when… when Penny was… gone. The tightness in my chest returned, making it difficult to breathe but increasing the need to vomit.

  Pushing past the dancers, I dashed through the doors, my eyes scanning furiously for the toilets. Figuring it was too late, I bent into a huge pot plant and released the torrent of pain and grief with the vomit. A wave of agony blasted across my head with each retch, making me grab it and moan.

  A hand started to rub my back as I continued spewing violently. I couldn’t turn to look who it was, my eyes watering with the viciousness that overtook, my stomach pulling with each heave.

  I knew it was Zoe. I had caught her frequent worried glimpses across the room all night, the question in her eyes whether she should approach or not. But she’d been carried away each time by one of the girls, desperate for her company. Not as desperate as I had been.

  I pulled my shirt out of my trousers and lifted it to wipe my mouth.

  “You okay?” my aide asked.

  I frowned at the male tone, my eyes snapping up. “What the fuck?” I half hissed, half groaned when speech brought another wave of nausea. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  He removed his hand from my back when he felt me tense and shrug him off.

  “Bulk and Spirit invited me.”

  My eyebrows shot up with a snort of disbelief. “I very much doubt that. Do they know what you do?”

  He lowered his eyes with my accusing tone but nodded. “Yes, that’s the reason they asked me to come. I have an exclusive for my newspaper.”

  “Another exclusive, eh?” I sneered. “You must be so popular at the moment.”

  “Romeo, I didn’t… I wouldn’t do that. However, I did need to talk to you.”

  “Really?” I leaned over the plant again, ignoring the disgusted look from the three receptionists as they glared at me from behind the huge smoked glass counter.

  Nick’s hand pressed between my shoulders again, rubbing up and down gently. Shrugging him off once again I turned to glare at him, “I’m not a damn child. I don’t need a mummy.”

  Anger suddenly twisted his features, his eyes narrowing with his fury. “Will you quit! I need to talk to you. Help you.”

  “Help me?” I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief before heaving again. Fuck, I hated being ill. I wanted him to continue rubbing my back, it was soothing to my distress but I wouldn’t let him know that.

  “I know you didn’t kill Penny McIntyre, Romeo.”

  My eyes widened on him, my spine snapping straight as I narrowed my eyes on him. “What do you know about Penny?”

  He shook his head, sighing. “Not much. But there’s something not right. I need to talk to you.”

  Regretting myself, I nodded. If he knew something about Penny’s death, then I needed him to tell me. Although I didn’t trust him, he was the only lead I had about what had happened.

  “Not here.” He glanced around the room, a slight anguish tightening his face. “It’s not safe. Will you meet me later?”

  “I’m in room 417. Top floor. Meet me there after the party. I’ll make sure security give you clearance.”

  He smiled gratefully, nodding his head once. “Thank you.” He turned to walk away, but paused and turned back to me, his brow furrowed and his teeth chewing on his lower lip. “You…” he sucked air through his teeth. “Just be careful.”

  I frowned at him but he turned and walked back into the party, saying nothing else.

  I SAW HER the moment I stepped foot back into the party. She was laughing, her head tipped back, her gorgeous blonde hair spilling down her back. She had the cutest smile, the most amazing body, the prettiest blue eyes and the greatest temper; a temper that made my dick hard.

  Since I’d met her in the car park last night I hadn’t been able to push her out of my mind. I’d sat for hours, staring at the fiver with her phone number on knowing it was too soon to call her but not even sure she would even have answered, never mind talk to me.

  There was something about her that enlivened something inside me, called to me, and woke the dormant part of me. I’d always preferred men, although I still had the occasional fling with females. However, Zoe was something else. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but she held every single part of me hostage, attentive to every single part of her.

  A random guy smiled widely at her, his eyes fixed on her face. I could read the want in him, the arrogant expectation that he had pulled. Not tonight, mate.

  I stalked the room, my strides wide to reach her. Her eyes widened when she noticed me, my swift movement into her catching her breath as I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor without a word.

  She was too shocked to react at first, allowed me to control her. I pulled her tight against me, my body hardening instantly at the feel of her soft curves against me, her large firm breasts pushed against the muscles of my chest as my arms snaked around her, embracing her closely.

  She started to struggle, pull away but I tutted in her ear. “I think a dance is the least you owe me, honey.”

  She reared back, her blazing blue eyes turning me on even more. I needed to witnesses the deep rawness in her eyes when I made her body bow to me, to the pleasure I could give her, to the pain I wanted to guide her temper through.

  “I don’t owe you anything,” she snapped, still writhing beneath me.

  Fuck, my dick was so hard. Not giving a damn, I thrust my hips against hers, her eyes widening further when she felt what her fight was doing to me. “I beg to differ. You owe me, by my calculations, around two thousand pounds for the damage to my car.”

  “What?” she gasped, her jaw dropping. “That’s… Wow.”

  Guilt flooded me when the worry on her face dimmed the light in her eyes. Her eyes scanned my face before dropping to my chest, her body now completely viable beneath me as she fretted how she could find that much money.

  “Maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement,” I offered.

  I blinked, a slight gasp rendering me motionless when her palm shot across my cheek. “I’m not a fucking prostitute,” she spat.

  “What the fuck!” I growled, my jaw tightening with anger. “I didn’t mean that. Jesus! I was thinking about an agreeable weekly amount!”

  “Oh!” she blinked up at me, her long eyelashes hiding half of her eyes as a shameful smile curved her delicious lips.

  “That temper of yours is gonna get you into trouble one day.”

  She smirked at me then laughed, her pretty face completely morphing into something exquisite with her delight. “That’s what my husband always said.” She smiled, more to herself. “And quite often, it usually did.”

  All I focussed on was the word ‘husband’. “You’re married.” I didn’t miss the way she had become completely at ease with me, her body moving against mine to the rhythm of the music, her hips swaying deliciously as I lowered my hands and held her to me with a hold on the sexy little curves.

  “Was,” she replied, looking up at me. “He died seven years ago.”

  “Oh Christ. I’m sorry.”

  She started to shake her head before fingers curled around her wrist and she was pulled away
from me. “You okay, Ink? This prick bothering you?” Romeo was switching his gaze between Zoe and me, his angry eyes accusing every time he looked at her. Interesting.

  She snatched her hand from Romeo, her eyes firing with a furious heat. “I’m fine!”

  He seemed to jolt at the tone in her voice, a faint twitch appearing in his cheek. They were silent for a moment, their eyes secured on each other in a silent argument. Romeo hissed through his teeth, holding his hands up in front of him. “You know what, Zo. Whatever. Fucking whatever!”

  We both stared at him when he spun round and stormed through the room, everyone quickly shifting aside to make way for him. Zoe sighed beside me. I turned to her, frowning at the sadness that had grown in her eyes when she watched Romeo disappear.

  “You okay?”

  She blinked, realising I was still there. She flicked another glance towards the doors, then nodded. “Yes. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll call it a night.”

  “Sure.”

  Her shoulders sagged, her whole demeanour flagging in resignation. “You have my number,” she said as she started to walk away. “Give me a call and we’ll sort something out.” I quirked an eyebrow, my lips twitching at her invitation. “About the repairs,” she clarified.

  “Oh, yeah, sure.”

  She smiled before she turned and left, my eyes following the sway of her backside, my dick screaming out for attention when the view tormented it.

  Blowing out a breath, begging my erection to subside, I made my way to the bar, I needed a distraction for the next couple of hours before I met with Romeo.

  My stomach clenched with my thoughts, unsure of how he would react to what had come to my attention. Although the idiot didn’t deserve my help, he didn’t deserve the storm that was heading his way either.

  GOD ONLY KNEW why I was stood outside his hotel room door with my fist poised ready for knocking, my nerves making it just hover over the surface of the wood.

  His pain had floored me. His agonised gaze had made me wonder if he was ready to talk – finally. Maybe he didn’t but… fuck, I wasn’t even sure.

  I knocked quietly before my nerve bottomed out. The door swung open and Daniel’s stern eyes found mine. He blinked as if confused, then flicked a look over my shoulder for a moment before coming back to stare at me.

  We didn’t say anything, just watched each other. My heart was pounding, all the saliva in my mouth disappearing while my hands shook almost violently.

  “You want to come in?” he asked eventually, his intense gaze still secured on me, his large body still filling the doorway, each of his hands bracing either side of the frame.

  My eyes roamed his face, reading the agony he was in, the sight of it clamping hold and almost choking me.

  “I don’t understand what it was that I did wrong, Daniel.” I wasn’t even sure where the words had come from, whether it had even been me that had spoken them. He swallowed, blinking at me but remained silent. “You said I had hurt you. I… we…” Damn it! My mouth had dried so much I was losing the ability to talk, to tell him.

  His teeth had started to chew on his lip, his eyes darkening as the crisp white cotton of his shirt strained against his chest with each of his deep inhalations.

  I lifted a hand and turned, “I’m sorry, this was a bad idea. I thought…”

  I gasped when he clamped hold of my wrist and yanked me through the door, my elbow knocking it and bashing it against the wall before he spun me round and slammed my back against the wall. His body framed mine, his hands pressing at either side of my head, his angry face an inch from mine. “How can you not know, Zoe?” He seemed confused with himself, his eyes blinking rapidly as his face screwed up tight. “You… after everything between us, you went and got pregnant by some loser. How can you not understand how that would hurt me?”

  We had never spoken about our relationship after the day I had told him I was pregnant. It had never been mentioned between us, hell, nothing was hardly said at all between us.

  I couldn’t help the anger that surfaced with him. He had no right to hold anything against me after he had given me nothing in our two years of on and off fucking. Because that’s all it had ever been, on and off fucking.

  “Everything between us?” I questioned in disbelief. “Tell me, Daniel, what exactly was there between us?”

  His eyes widened for a moment, a look of incredulity on his face before the side to Daniel I didn’t like shifted across his features and I braced myself, knowing his cruel side was making an appearance.

  “Oh come on, Ink. You can’t tell me that we didn’t have the best sex ever. You were always panting for my cock, couldn’t get enough of it, always needed it buried in your body somewhere.”

  I pushed against him, my hands pressing into his chest, but he was solid, unmovable. My face was burning with shame, because as much as his words hurt me, I knew that they were true. We had had the best sex, he had made me fall on my knees and beg for it. But I had also fallen in love with him, with everything I knew he could be, and more importantly, everything I knew he wanted to be, as much as he fought it.

  My throat ached as a tear slipped free and I swallowed the sob that was trying desperately to wrench free. “I FUCKING LOVED YOU!” I screamed at him, my fists pounding into him. “I loved you but you… you couldn’t ever…”

  He grabbed my hands in one of his, lifting them away from the pain I was bestowing on him and held them above my head. His fingers curled around my chin, holding my face still as he leaned in even closer. The tip of his nose rested against mine, his hot breath wiping over my face as his eyes closed for a moment and he fought for control.

  “You can’t love me, Zo. You can’t. I can’t… ever do that.”

  Another sob broke free, opening his eyes. “Yet you hate me for trying to find comfort elsewhere. I was lonely, Daniel, so god damn lonely, sat waiting for you, wondering whether I would even see you that particular month, never mind that week.”

  He reared back and narrowed his eyes. “Do you love Jakob’s dad?”

  I was surprised he even knew his name. “No,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean that.”

  He dropped his forehead to mine as though relieved at my words. We remained quiet, just locked against the wall. My body was crying out for his touch, the closest I had been to him in over a year. My senses reeled in every part of him, his scent, the feel of him so close, the sound of his deep gruff voice. It was as though Christmas had come early and delivered numerous gifts all at once, the overload making my head throb.

  “Why is it always so hard with you, Ink?” he whispered. I wasn’t sure whether he had wanted me to hear his ache but he shook his head and moved away, leaving a chill to seep into my body. “I can never give you what you want. Yet, I want to take everything from you.”

  “What I want? You have no idea what I want, Daniel. But you needn’t worry. I won’t trouble you anymore. I’m done, I’m done with this shit, this fucking city, this fucking life.”

  I turned, my anger making my movements stiff and quick. The door was still open luckily, or I may have forced a hole through it in my haste to get away from him. How dare he tell me he couldn’t give me what I wanted when he had no bloody idea what I even wanted.

  He snatched hold of my arm just before I reached the door to my own room, his pull spinning me round to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m leaving.” I glared at him. Luckily anger was controlling me, if it hadn’t been I knew I would have been a trembling mess buried in a corner somewhere. I hadn’t realised just how deeply in love with him I still was. Being close to him again brought everything hurtful and agonising back to the surface. “I’m moving to Miami.”

  “What?” The high pitch of his voice confused me. His eyes were wide as his head shook from side to side. “What?”

  I sighed, shaking my head sadly and pulled my arm from his hold, his shock leaving his hold relaxed. “Goodbye, Daniel.”

  “God damn
it, Zoe.” He caught up with me, snatching hold of my hand again. “You can’t just up and leave because of me.”

  A bitter laugh erupted, my eyes blinking back the amazement. “Oh get over yourself. I’m not moving because of you.” He didn’t need to know that he was one of the main reasons, even if my words looked like they’d just slapped him about the face. “I’m leaving because I deserve this. I’m tired, Daniel. I’m tired of trying and getting nowhere. I have nothing here.”

  His eyes softened, sadness overwhelming the pair of us. “But…”

  Taking the bull by the horns, I pulled my shoulders back and pushed away the nerve, needing to take the chance or regret it for the rest of my life. “Are you telling me that there is something here for me?”

  He knew what I was insinuating, the deep throb to his throat showcased his understanding but he stared at me silently, the pain of his silence slicing deeper than he could have with any physical knife.

  “No,” I choked out, nodding faintly. “I thought not.”

  He didn’t stop me that time. He just watched me turn my back on him and close my room door.

  “FUCK!” MY GLASS splintered against the wall, the contents spraying over the cream paintwork and down the back of the TV. Fuck it. I didn’t care anymore.

  What the hell was happening around me? Penny was dead. Ink was leaving. I’d been stupid and slept with a fucking journalist. Zoe was leaving. Ink was fucking leaving me.

  Half of me knew that she wasn’t actually leaving me, because I’d never really had her and she had denied that fact, but I knew, I knew her better than she thought. I had read it in her eyes that she was waiting for me to tell her that I wanted her, I could give her a life here.

  But I couldn’t. I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I hated myself for it because it was my own selfishness that denied her, denied me her. Yet I knew eventually I would hurt her. I would go back to what I needed. Men.