Surviving Love

by K. F. Breene

  Mikey pulled her close. “May and Dan think you’re the best thing since sliced bread. You’ve saved them hundreds in just one month. People on the ranch are praising your name because of the way you’ve changed how things are ordered and delivered—basically doing it all so they can do what they love and not push paper around. Jake thinks you’re a lifer. And he doesn’t notice many at all. Sara, you’re so special. I am so proud of you. I can’t tell you how proud. Don’t let one life lesson diminish your accomplishments.”

  Hot tears trailed her face, and her hands pressed against Mike’s hard chest. Her face tilted up, taking in his face. His lush lips. She brushed her hand across his stubble and felt the roughness. She wanted his words to be true, wanted to be loved. For someone to think she was better than useless.

  “Christie said you had a wicked scar on your chest,” she said absently, staring into those beautiful eyes, the black fringe giving them an allure she’d never noticed before.

  He nodded slowly, his eyes traveling her face.

  “Can I see? Where did you get it?”

  Without speaking, he leaned back, as if in a trance. With a quick movement he lifted his shirt over his head. A glorious chest confronted her. One she wasn’t expecting. Well-formed pecs topped a washboard stomach. A tribal tattoo curved across his shoulder and down across his pec, accenting his muscle.

  Without thinking, she reached up to trace it with her fingers. “What is this?”

  “Though my family doesn’t like to admit it—because of my father, of course—I’m one-fourth Apache. My grandfather grew up on the reservation, but left for college and met my grandmother. You’ve never met him. My father and he didn’t get along.”

  “On your mother’s side, right? I remember overhearing those hushed conversations.”

  “Yeah. My dad tried to keep with the WASP mentality, and a Native American didn’t fit into that profile.”

  “So… anything for a club membership…” Sara’s hands traced lower, sliding over smooth skin. Her palm stopped on his ribs. Her thumb traced a ragged white line.

  “How did you get it?” she asked softly.

  She looked up and met bottomless eyes haunted with pain.

  “I was on detail. With Special Forces. Our mission was to secure the area. I came across a kid. Almost a child. He had an Uzi pointed at my chest. The way he shook, though.” Mikey dropped his head. His chest heaved with suppressed emotion. “I couldn’t kill a kid. I stared at the end of that barrel and said goodbye to life. And, in all honesty, you flashed into my head. I held on to your memory as I waited for death. But it didn’t come. His hands were shaking so badly, whereas mine were rock steady. After what seemed like forever, I stepped forward slowly and reached out to take the gun. I wasn’t going to hurt him. He didn’t want to be there anymore than I did. But then things went pear-shaped. Someone came from behind and grabbed me. I felt a searing pain in my ribs as I was reacting. Believe it or not, the kid helped me out. He shot the gun at his own comrade. I’ll never understand why. But…”

  Mikey’s body hunched. He shook his head and leaned heavily against the couch. “He didn’t make it.”

  “Who, the kid?” Sara asked, scooting closer and laying her other hand on his bare chest, trying to give comfort but not exactly sure how.

  “Yeah. It was all so muddled. I remember turning to the attack. And a splash of gunfire. But the next thing I knew, the kid was falling back—”

  Words failed. Mikey, slumped against the couch, didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. A tear leaked out of his eye before he swatted it away; a man trained not to cry ripped apart with emotion.

  Sara reached up and put her palm against his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  He heaved a ragged breath. “We don’t leave our men behind, but he wasn’t one of ours, and I was barely conscious. They had no way of knowing—”

  Mikey stopped again, trying to regain control. Another tear rolled.

  “It’s okay,” Sara said softly. One thumb traced the scar, the other brushed away the wetness. “It’s okay to show emotion. I won’t tell.”

  Mikey shook his head, but his body heaved, clutching at her. He held her tightly, reliving his horrors. Things he probably never shared because he didn’t want to seem vulnerable, but that burned away his insides.

  Tingles resurfaced in her body, like champagne bubbles. She backed away to see his face, handsome and grown-up. His acne was long gone, and his squeaky voice had turned into a deep timbre that massaged her core. He had a way about him, too. He was charming and confident, turning heads and capturing focus. Sweet and gentle most of the time, he surprised her with his possessiveness and ferocity when her safety was in jeopardy.

  The person she’d known had been a boy. The person sharing the couch was a man. An incredibly handsome, accomplished man.

  Her hands traced his stubble. Her thumb lightly brushed the line of his lips.

  The tingles slid down her body when he opened his eyes, connecting with her. Pleasant vibrations pooled in her groin with an intensity she’d never had with Phil. Never had with anyone.

  Her face neared his of its own volition. Her lips sought his. Then brushed lightly, electricity sizzling through her being. Wanting to heal him. Wanting him to cure her.

  “No,” he whispered, his eyes still glistening.

  Her lips touched his. Applying pressure slowly. Then more desperately. Needing someone to show her an act of love and desire to quiet the raging insecurity.

  “Please,” she whispered against his mouth, grabbing his hands and bending them around her. “Please.”

  One single moment ticked away. And then he grabbed her close, angling his head to the side and deepening their kiss. His lips moved expertly, opening hers and filling her mouth. Playful yet insistent.

  Desire flooded her senses. Hazy, not thinking, inhibitions fell away. She grabbed his face in her hands, closed her eyes, and let the moment lead her.

  Chapter 10

  A shock of pure electricity surged through Mike’s body, blacking out thought. Chasing away logic.

  He shouldn’t be doing this. Jake had warned him. But he wouldn’t reject her—not when all she’d had of men had been rejection.

  Her delicate hands slid down his body lightly, coming to rest on his rock-hard bulge.

  He was lost.

  His tongue invaded her mouth. Desire taking the reins, love making it feel just right, he slowly took off her dress and leaned back to take her in. The glow from the entryway light glinted off her soft body.

  Eyes blazing in her beautiful face, she reached behind her and unhooked her bra. The material fell away, her perfect breasts settling on her chest. He reached forward to cup one. Her hard nipple rubbed against his palm.

  “You are so beautiful,” he said reverently, unable to take his eyes off her. Gooey softness soaked up some of the heat in her eyes. A tear leaked out.

  “Thank you,” she breathed, her shaking hands connecting with his shoulders. “Make love to me, Mike. Show me. Please.”

  Part of him heard the desperation. Heard the raw, bleeding pain in that request. Knew that the entreaty she made was to soften the blow of her breakup. But even if he’d been thinking rationally, he wouldn’t have been able to deny her. Not when she begged like this. He couldn’t let her suffer if he could do something to help.

  Emotion so pure, so deep, welled up inside him. His hand traced her face lightly as his eyes connected firmly. “Anything. Anything you need. Always.”

  “You. I need you right now.”

  He nodded slowly, bending forward to her breasts. Eyes still connected, he let his tongue extend, and licked a hard nipple.

  “Hmmm.” Her eyes fluttered shut as his mouth enveloped her. Her hands worked into his hair, gripping, as her back arched, pushing her chest harder into his face.

  The last leg of his control was cut out from under him.

  He bent quickly and scooped her up, loving that she went with it immediately. He
r shapely legs wrapped around his middle as he hurried them up the stairs, wanting to give her the best night of her life. He also knew on some deeply connected level that slow and gentle wasn’t what she needed right now. Not if he hoped to take her mind off the emotional war that raged inside her.

  In his room, he threw her onto the bed, and stripped off his pants in economic movements. As she righted herself, looking for him, he snatched her panties and pulled them down her legs. With an excited smile, she fell back, knees dropping to the sides.

  Anticipation overcame him. Her body, lounging back, ready for him to take her…

  Unable to think, he pushed down his boxers.

  “Oh… wow.” He noticed her eyes widen as she looked at his hardware.

  He grabbed each of her ankles and drew her closer, her body sliding across the bed until her butt was up against the edge. He bent, lifting a thigh over each shoulder. His hands took hold of her butt as his tongue parted her folds. He licked up her glistening sex, tasting her essence. At the top, he sucked her in, fondling her clit with quick ministrations of his tongue.

  “Oh holy—” Her hips swung up.

  He threaded in a finger, massaging the right spot as he increased the fervency of his ministrations. Her hips grew more reckless, pushing up into his mouth wildly. Two fingers now, plunging into her. As his fingers worked, his mouth increased the pressure.

  “Oh God, oh God, oh God.” Her back arched, bare breasts curving up into the air. Her hands tore at his hair.

  “I’m going to—ohhh!” Her interior muscles squeezed his fingers as her whole body shuddered.

  A huge sigh tumbled out of her mouth. “Oh crap.”

  He kissed up her stomach slowly, letting her take a languid second to bask in the orgasm. He pushed her body up the mattress so they were solidly on the bed. His larger body settled down onto her. His pounding erection slid up between her slick folds. He felt her soft thighs move up his waist in a velvet slide, giving him all the access he could want.

  Claiming her lips again, then deepening the kiss until she was clutching his back in longing, he pulled his hips back until his tip slid down the middle of her sex. He nudged her wet opening.

  “Hmm, yes.” She pushed up toward him. Her body accepted the head of his manhood.

  His mind started to buzz. Unable to wait, not able to go slow even if his life depended on it, he rocked forward. His hard shaft pushed deeply into her core.

  “Ohhh wow.” Her head fell back, eyes still closed. A small grimace took over her features. “Oowwmmm.”

  The sensations felt like pleasant electricity buzzing through his shaft. A shot of pure heaven sizzled through his body and his limbs.

  Unable to help it, his hips pumped into her. His tip tingled with the wet slide of his movement. Her hands clutched his body as her lips sought his again, releasing a moan as he moved deeply within her.

  “Oh God, this feels so… Oh God. So good… Oh, Mikey…” Her legs gripped him tightly as her arms wrapped around his neck. Bliss and wonder stole her expression.

  Panting filled the room as the bed started to rock, the squeal of the frame sounding to the rhythm of thrusts. He pushed into her harder, the wet smack of their bodies competing with their ragged breathing. His stomach twisted and turned over, his body beginning to wind so tight it was painful.

  “Please, please… Ohhhh God!” Her head shook slowly from side to side. He took it as a sign to go harder. He wouldn’t let her escape this. He wanted these feelings, this emotion, to burn into her brain. He didn’t want her ever forgetting it. Because he knew, without a doubt, that he never would.

  Harder he strove, banging into her now, her moans and pleas for mercy getting louder. His body pushing them past their limits. Sensations overwhelmed them. His whole body tingled with electricity. Ultrasensitive. Needing to let go.

  “Oh God, Mikey, harder!” Her hips slammed up as his crashed down, the good girl pushed too hard and her baser desires taking over.

  He did. Harder. Faster.

  He sat up suddenly, needing to be closer. He ripped her body off the bed and seated her roughly on his lap in the middle of the mattress. He held her firmly in place. Dominating her with his strength, he thrust upward as he wrenched her down.

  “Oh holy fuck!” she screamed. “No, no, no—stop. Yes, Mikey. Oh God, no. I don’t. I’m. Oh my…”

  He ground his body within hers, thrusting deep into her scorching wetness, over and over. The sensations became unbearable in their intensity.

  “No. Please. No. Oh Goooood!” Her nails raked across his back, animalistic. Wild.

  He tugged at her hair as he dragged his teeth up her vulnerable neck. Her hips swiveled onto his, grinding harder. The friction unbelievable. Too much.

  Oh fuck, too much.

  “Oh. Oh. No. Oh.” She bit him again. Then wrapped her whole body around him, hanging on for dear life. Each tiny movement rocked his being. Each little rub vibrated up through the center of him and blasted out.

  “I can’t, Mikey. I can’t. I can’t do this. I… Oh my God.” Her limbs tightened around him.

  His tightened around hers.

  “I love you, Sara,” he exclaimed.

  It just came out. That feeling, so real, so intense, matched the moment perfectly. And then his body fucking exploded.

  He let out a ragged moan that was drowned out by Sara’s screaming orgasm.

  * * *

  “What do you want, loser?” Tom, Mikey’s older brother, asked as he opened the door.

  “Hi, is Mikey home?” Sara asked pleasantly. If you weren’t respectful to Tom, he was liable to give you a fat lip. She’d seen it on Mikey often enough to take notice.

  “He’s out by the creek.” Tom shut the door in her face.

  Not bothered, since that was a normal occurrence, she skipped out beyond the yard and ducked under a tear in the fence. She found him in his special thinking spot, a large rock on the side of the bank overlooking the not-too-clean flowing water. It was a place he liked to go to get away from his parents and brothers. When they were younger, they’d spend hours here, making believe he was a prince come to save her from a dragon, or she was an evil sorcerer that had captured him.

  Today, though, he wasn’t throwing things into the water or trying to catch crayfish. He sat at the edge, hunched over and staring at the swirling waters.

  “Hey, Mikey, whatcha doing?” Sara asked, settling on the rock next to him.

  “They took Max to the vet. He didn’t come back.”

  “Oh. Is he okay?” Sara asked, draping her arm across his shoulder.

  He leaned into the touch. “He died.”

  “Oh no,” Sara said, turning to throw another arm around him. He hugged her tightly, digging his face into her neck.

  “They said he was too old. Said he didn’t have a good life anymore. But he still liked going for walks. He walked slow, but at least he walked!” Mikey’s voice squeaked, nearing puberty and unable to choose between the high tones of boyhood or the deepening timbre of being a man.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, hugging him close. “Do you want to stay at my house tonight? So you don’t have to be alone?”

  “Last time your mom said no more sleepovers. She thinks I’m getting too old.”

  “To hell with her. We’ll sneak you in after I go to bed.”

  He nodded into her neck, hot tears soaking into her skin. She rocked him back and forth, patting his back and trying to smooth away the pain. It was what they did for each other—it was how they survived his brothers and their parents. Her mom wouldn’t stop that with her stupid rules. Sara had been grounded for the last two weeks—what was another few days? She’d take another month of being grounded if it helped Mikey out.

  “Thanks, Sara,” he mumbled into her neck.

  Chapter 11

  Sara moaned pleasantly as she snuggled deeper into the masculine body that spooned her. Swirls of sunlight filtered into the room through sheer drapes, highlighting t
he dust motes as they lazily floated around the room. She traced a finger on Phil’s forearm as a smile lingered on her face.

  When had he become so affectionate? They hadn’t cuddled in years. Years and years. Almost since they started having sex. He’d always said it made him too hot.

  A hardening bulge pushed against her sex, nudging her inner thigh. Hmm, so large. She remembered the feel of that length filling her up in ways she’d never experienced before. Sensations accosting her that she didn’t know how to digest. So deep. So loving. So unlike Phil.

  Her eyes snapped open.

  Oh no.

  Her head jerked to the side. A handsome face snuggled comfortably into her neck, a pleasant smile lingering on those full, extremely kissable lips.

  What have I done?

  A thrill pierced her.

  She’d had sex with Mikey. She’d used him. She’d stopped thinking, felt lost and confused, felt like the usual trash, and tried to force intimacy so she didn’t have to live with the pain.

  She’d used Mikey. For sex.

  Lead filled her chest. Breathing became laborious.

  How could she do it? He’d said he loved her. This wasn’t an escape of the pain of a breakup for him. And she’d taken advantage of him. Like an unfeeling monster!

  Plus… it was Mikey! Almost a brother.

  I have so totally screwed up!

  She eased out of bed as her eyes scanned the ground in near panic. What would she say? He didn’t deserve what she had done.

  The guilt intensified, curling her insides into a tight, painful ball. She couldn’t feel that way toward him. He just wasn’t that kind of guy in her head. He was a close and dear friend. Family.

  Almost hyperventilating, she snatched her undies and pulled them on, remembering something else.

  Dread like she’d never known pierced her. They hadn’t used protection. She wasn’t on the pill.

  Oh no!

  “Hey, uh, Mike? Mikey?”