No Such Thing As Immortality

by Sarah Tranter

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to pop over and lace her morning coffee with painkillers or something?’ Frederick asked with a smirk, ignoring Elizabeth’s warning look. ‘It would be no problem at all … I can just use the window like everyone else!’

  James high-fived Frederick and they chortled together.

  I shook my head and growled, whilst coming to the unpleasant conclusion: there was no chance I was going to get them to leave me alone tonight. I needed diversion.

  ‘The New Forest or the Kentish countryside, in search of wild boar?’

  After sunrise, I lay on my bed waiting for Rowan to wake. Unfortunately, this morning it wasn’t until 11.30 a.m. Her late awakening should have been a blessing. It was exactly what she needed, and should have done me some good, too. But it was so much later than usual. I knew with my sensible hat on, she was sleeping – yet I rarely wore that hat much nowadays. I found my brain going down routes not conducive to peace of mind. If it hadn’t been broad daylight, I would have visited her roof to check for life-sounds.

  In the event, 10 a.m. saw me at the computer googling ways humans could suddenly die in bed. I knew it was highly unlikely she had been bitten by a venomous spider or strangled by a boa constrictor in West London, but I was no longer a rational being: where Rowan Locke was concerned, there was no rationality at all.

  When Rowan finally awoke, I was beside myself with relief; not only that she was alive, but she also seemed remarkably calm – compared to her state of mind yesterday, at least. Lying on my bed, I concentrated entirely on what she was feeling, hoping to gauge her reaction to my letter. But hours later, I was still none the wiser. I was sure that thoughts of the day before were never far away though, as I experienced peaks and troughs of various emotions. Even I could identify anger and embarrassment … and was that suspicion? But it was impossible for me to gauge whether one of those peaks in anger resulted from her reading my letter or not.

  By 2 p.m. I was getting nowhere and knew I could no longer put off making the call. I sneaked out of the house and headed to Richmond Park, far enough away to be out of our hearing range. It was a sensible and no doubt necessary precaution.

  There, in an area of dense woodland, I perched in the crown of an old oak tree.

  Bracing myself for what was ahead of me, I reminded myself of the pluses of the call. I would hear Rowan’s voice again and, if it went well, I would be the happiest being on the planet. It would mean I would be seeing her again, and I was desperate for that. Delivery of the car would be the perfect excuse. If it went badly, however, my existence was going to get that much more painful. If it went particularly badly, and she refused to ever see me again, I didn’t know how I would deal with it. I couldn’t let myself think about that possibility.

  I could put it off no longer. Trembling, my finger hit her speed-dial button.

  ‘Nathaniel Gray,’ Rowan Locke said archly, picking up after the first ringtone. My number must be programmed into her phone …

  I was shaking so much, I could hardly keep the phone in my hands – and disconcertingly, I had to hold on to the branch to stop myself falling out of the tree.

  Retrospectively, the location was all wrong.

  She wasn’t angry. She was nervous like me. But something else was there, too: anticipation and perhaps excitement – wishful thinking?

  The way she said my name disarmed me; the way she always said my name disarmed me. It made this vampire’s insides turn to jelly. The accompanying warm glow that my body experienced was wondrous. ‘Rowan …’ I could hear her heartbeat down the phone, racing like my own. ‘Please forgive me. I promise I am not a pervert!’

  I had been called many things before, but never a pervert … but I could see how yesterday could have given that impression.

  She was silent, bar the sound of her heart that was now racing so fast it worried me.

  My voice, raw, said, ‘Did you get my letter? I am truly sorry. I was so worried. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me – again? Please!’

  I heard her shaky intake of breath before she said, ‘I still haven’t forgiven you for the accident, Nate.’ But I could hear humour in her voice. Was she going to forgive me? Please God! ‘And now this would be something else to add to the list for forgiveness.’

  ‘Let me make it up to you,’ I unashamedly begged. I had never before begged to anyone.

  I heard her gulp, take a deep breath, before proceeding shakily, ‘Just how would you propose to do that?’

  I wanted to say: let me into your life; let me cherish you; let me protect you; let me make you happy; let me open up to you in a way I have never before opened up to anyone; let me be totally honest; let me tell you what I am; let us find a way to be together – despite my being a monster.

  Instead, I said, ‘Let me take you out. Anywhere you like.’ I considered that to be the contemporary phraseology.

  There was a long pause. That heart of hers was a concern. How fast did it have to go before it gave up the ghost? Her slowly spoken words distracted me. ‘I am tempted.’

  There was hope! I attempted to sound ‘normal’. ‘How tempted?’

  ‘I don’t know anything about you – other than that you’re an appalling driver who likes to look at people in the shower.’

  I frowned. I needed to put my case; I needed to try and convince her to give me this chance. ‘Rowan—’

  ‘No – please, let me finish. I’m sorry for that! I couldn’t help myself. Look – I’m trying to say something, but I don’t quite know what I’m trying to say, or how to say it. You really confuse me! I don’t know what you do, what Ridings is – although thank you again for the flowers; they were beautiful, all one-hundred-and-twenty of them! I don’t know what you’re about. And, because of your track record, I’m associating you with danger. There is something … unnerving about you; an intensity about you.’

  Bugger! ‘Does it scare you?’ I asked gently.

  ‘No … it did, perhaps … I don’t know actually! But I’ve thought about that and I’m not. You are … unnerving – but no, I’m not afraid of you. But – please don’t take offence. I really don’t want you to take offence – but … should I be?’

  I felt her momentary fear as she anticipated my answer. She wasn’t being truly honest with herself. She didn’t want to fear me. But she had clearly seen something that night that had more than unnerved her. I had scared her. And I had scared her again yesterday. She sensed the danger above and beyond the accident itself and my presence in her bathroom.

  I decided to be honest, to a degree. I didn’t want her to be scared of me. I couldn’t bear that. But did she need to be? I would do anything to protect her, but ultimately, even I didn’t know if she needed to be. ‘I wish I knew for certain, Rowan. That night, and nearly scaring you to death yesterday, would indicate that … perhaps you do have cause for concern … that perhaps … I do represent a danger to you.’

  I had added to her confusion. ‘That wasn’t the answer I wanted.’ She laughed, shakily. ‘You know, I think I must be suffering post-traumatic stress from the accident – or losing my marbles – because … I just can’t help feeling some kind of … connection. I suppose accidents do that to people. We were both involved, so it’s logical I suppose. God – I’m sorry! I always say too much. I just open my mouth and out it comes.’ She gave another shaky laugh.

  ‘I feel it, too.’ Too intense.

  ‘It could be shock … we could both be in shock!’ she said earnestly.

  ‘That is also undoubtedly true.’

  ‘Look! I’m laying my cards on the table here. I am … drawn to you, Nate – despite my near-death experiences around you. I’d have to be, to even contemplate saying this …’ I heard her inhale deeply. ‘I’d very much like to get to know you better – well at all, actually. And … if I haven’t offended you too much …’

  ‘Rowan – I would be truly honoured should you agree to spend some time with me.’

  Relief
. She felt relief!

  ‘What school did you go to, Nate?’

  ‘I was … initially home schooled. Why?’

  ‘It figures. You talk and write letters like no one I’ve ever come across … except perhaps— You just seem to be right out of a Jane Austen novel!’

  Oh, God! I had been trying to be so careful. ‘Are you making fun of me?’ I asked, with mock seriousness.

  ‘No … Yes … Perhaps.’ She laughed. ‘You’re just so … different. It adds to this whole feeling I have that there’s something more to you than meets the eye. I must confess: I’m intrigued.’

  ‘Intrigued enough to spend some time with me? I promise to try not to kill you this time.’ I had never meant anything more.

  ‘With that proviso … yes, Nate … I’d very much like to spend some time with you.’

  Good God! I leapt to the ground and started pacing up and down excitedly, before weaving around some trees in a few elated aeronautic manoeuvres. ‘That is incredible! That is fantastic! That is just so … so incredible! Thank you! I am truly honoured!’

  I paused to try and take stock and to make some sense out of what was racing through me – but gave up. I just felt better than … better than I had ever felt. And her feelings were … God they were wonderful to experience! Rowan was laughing on the other end of the phone, and I was laughing with her.

  ‘Umm – Where would you like to go?’ I continued. ‘I would very much like to show you Ridings – my home in Derbyshire by the way – but perhaps we should start with something in London, now we are both here?’

  ‘London would be good. We could catch a show or something …’ She paused and then laughed again. ‘Look, this is a big ask … but have you seen Mama Mia!? I’d love to see it again – but I’d understand if you didn’t want to.’

  Mama Mia!. What the hell was Mama Mia!? I hoped somebody else knew. ‘Mama Mia! it is. When? What about tonight?’ I was definitely betraying my desperation to see her.

  ‘I’ve got Clare this week and I really don’t think I could deal with going out – with you – with her around. She would be horrendous.’

  I knew exactly what she meant. I was having a similar problem at home.

  ‘If you didn’t notice, you’ve got yourself a fan there!’

  I laughed. ‘I think Clare is charming.’

  ‘You would! She’ll love you even more for saying that.’

  What the hell? I was having fun. I was going to get more daring. ‘Are you not going to ask me, what I think of you?’

  She laughed nervously. ‘You’ve seen me in the shower, so I shudder to think. You know, you really are disarming.’

  I was incredulous. ‘You think seeing you in the shower would …?’

  But I was interrupted. ‘How on earth you felt able to mention the word “beautiful” in your letter, I have no idea! Ummm. Actually … do you think we can stop talking about the shower? It’s really, really embarrassing.’

  We would stop talking about the shower, but I couldn’t let her words pass. ‘How could I possibly not use the word “beautiful”?’ I asked solemnly. ‘Beautiful does not begin to even … You say I am disarming – you have no idea how disarming you are to me.’

  Her confusion increased dramatically. But I was enjoying it. At the moment, it was a good kind of confusion. She laughed nervously and then after a long pause asked, ‘What were we talking about?’

  ‘We were fixing a date.’ I tried not to sound smug.

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Why not look at your availability, and let me know? I can change anything to fit around you. I need to return your car, too. I could deliver it to your home …’ Was this pushing it? ‘later perhaps – if it is convenient, of course?’ I wanted to see her now.

  ‘And it is my car, Nate?’ she asked pointedly.

  ‘But of course.’ I didn’t like, however, the feeling of guilt that nudged its way into my consciousness as I thought of all the changes I had made – and which I had no intention of revealing. But it quickly passed. It was the right thing to do. ‘Is this afternoon convenient?’

  ‘Yes it is – but you know Clare’s around.’

  ‘Is it acceptable to you? It would simply be to return the car.’

  ‘Yes – it is acceptable to me,’ she mimicked, good-humouredly.

  YESSS!!! ‘Incredible – I will see you in an hour then?’

  Rowan laughed and said her farewell, as if she was humouring me – but she was excited, too. I was sure she was. ‘Bye, Nate.’

  ‘Goodbye, Rowan.’ I was unable to keep the elation from those short words.

  Good God! I was courting! I had a date with the most enchanting, most beautiful woman the planet had ever known. I had to calm down. But it was hard.

  First things first: the car. I would return it, and at least get a glimpse of her. Then I would try to pin her down on a day of the week for the official date. But I was going to see her again – in less than an hour!

  ‘Well?’ Elizabeth asked, finding me in my dressing-room, preparing to shave. I shook my head at her. ‘Oh, don’t do this to me!’ She sounded both exasperated and desperate. ‘The fact you are blocking me out means, I’m guessing, you called her. The fact you are preparing to shave and have got a really strange expression on your face … that … Oh, my God! Nate? Are you going to see her? Nate? I’m your sister – I have a right to know!’ She now stood with her hands on her hips, glowering at me.

  I had to laugh. I couldn’t help it. After all, I was happy. I am sure that’s what I was.

  ‘You’re laughing … I love it when you laugh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God – you’re going to see her? Look – let’s make a deal. You need my help. I can help you choose something suitable to wear.’ I frowned and looked down at the suit I was wearing. ‘Don’t think for one moment you are going to see Rowan dressed like that!’ My frown deepened. ‘Believe me, you need my help.’ She smiled broadly now. ‘Besides, you are also going to need someone to tell you whether you’ve a big post-it note stuck to your back, saying, I’m a red-hot Vampire!’

  No doubt looking horrified, I snarled, ‘James?’

  ‘Mmmm,’ she said, nodding, ‘And Freddie, I’m ashamed to say. They don’t for one moment think Rowan will believe it, but are reckoning your reaction would be highly entertaining. See, you really do need my help! I’ll be watching your back, so to speak.’

  She was making a very strong case. And I didn’t know what the hell, Mama Mia! was … And then there was her concern about my clothes … Bugger, I did need help!

  ‘All you have to do is keep me in the loop. I’ll keep quiet; my lips will be sealed. It will be our secret!’ She read my thought. ‘Yeah – okay. Not quite so easy to keep my mind sealed, but I’ll do my best – I promise!’

  ‘And you will be able to keep things from Frederick?’ I asked dubiously. I refused to be entertainment for James and Frederick.

  She looked momentarily concerned, but rose to the challenge. ‘I promise to do my best!’

  ‘Sharing everything would not be fair on Rowan, either. It would be disrespectful.’

  ‘Oh, Nate, you are such a sweetie!’ She put her hands on both sides of my face and squeezed my cheeks.

  ‘Deal?’ she asked, expectantly.

  ‘Deal,’ I said, not believing what I was saying. ‘And do not make me regret it!’

  ‘Yessss! Okay … so what are we facing?’

  I let Elizabeth into my head. ‘Okay … so car now. Oh, my God! No! A date? A proper human date, well, you know what I mean!’ Elizabeth was squealing now.

  Where was my quietly spoken, sedate little sister?

  ‘Keep your voice down!’

  ‘It’s alright – they aren’t here. In fact they are miles away. Although I think Mads is around somewhere, but she’s not the issue. Oh, God! How am I going to keep this from Freddie?’ she hissed.

  She saw my look. ‘No – I will! I will! I’ll earn your trust. I promise!’

  Right, I was g
oing to put her to good use. ‘What the hell is Mama Mia!?’

  She looked smug, in an ‘I told you so’ sort of way. ‘I’ve not been … although I’ve always wanted to …’ I wonder if Mads would like to go and see it?

  I read her thought and she saw that I had. ‘Okay! Perhaps we won’t arrange to see it on the same night. It was just a thought … a stupid, insensitive thought. Mama Mia! is a West End musical, with the music from Abba – that stuff we were listening to in the car and Freddie gagged at. It’s meant to be great fun and hugely popular amongst humans.’

  She suddenly started to giggle. ‘Oh, God, Nate, I’m sorry. I so can’t imagine you sitting through an Abba musical!’ In fact, she was uncontrollably giggling. ‘I so need to see you sitting through it – please. You can’t deprive me of that experience – I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. I will eternally be in your debt – name the price. Anything! Anything, Nate.’

  I was getting worried now. Elizabeth’s reaction indicated I may well be getting out of my depth. But then I thought it through …

  It didn’t matter where we went, what we did – I would be with Rowan. It wouldn’t matter what we were supposed to be seeing … The only thing I would be looking at, was her.

  I could do this.

  ‘You aren’t going to let me, are you?’

  I shook my head and ruffled her hair, affectionately.

  ‘But you will share it with me afterwards,’ she stated. ‘Otherwise you’re on your own – and the problem is, James and Freddie are really getting into this. They now consider themselves to have been starved of quality entertainment for at least a century or so.’

  With my nod and sigh, she headed towards the wardrobes lining the room. ‘Let’s sort you out, then.’ Whilst rapidly assessing my clothes, she let out a groan. ‘Most of this is way too formal. I need to take you shopping. Do you know, we’ve never been shopping together? Have we got time now?’ She read my thought. ‘Right! We go shopping before the big date. But for now … these jeans – I’m disgusted you’ve never worn these.’ She plucked off the designer label tags. ‘I bought them because they suit your build perfectly. They’re cut just right for your slim hips. You’re really lucky – you have a pretty perfect shape – you just never show it off! This olive-green jersey top for now … it’s quite tight – but you can pull it off.’