Mr. Darcy's Secret

by Jane Odiwe

  As this speech came to its shattering conclusion Lizzy felt unable to control her emotions any longer. "And did you once consider Georgiana's feelings in all this talk of finance and matrimony?" she asked, trying to remain calm. "He may fancy himself in love, though I doubt for one moment he is in love with Georgiana. He is exactly the sort of man who is only interested in increasing his own fortune and though he might profess his heartfelt affection now, I am certain it will diminish as rapidly as it has grown once they are married. She is young, Fitzwilliam. Nothing need be settled now. Let her find her own way with a gentleman who can really love her. Hugh Calladine is not the only young man with an inheritance. Why the hurry?"

  "With respect, Elizabeth, I think I know my sister's needs better than you do. Remember, she is a vulnerable girl, easily persuaded into fancying herself in love, and I will not let her ruin her life. George Wickham was a lesson for us all. The quicker she is wed, the better it will be. For her own protection against the likes of fortune hunters like Thomas Butler, my sister and her legacy must be safeguarded. Georgiana will marry Hugh Calladine and that is the end of the matter."

  Elizabeth stared at Mr Darcy in disbelief. Not for the first time in the last few days did she stare at the man she had married to consider how little she really knew him. She had been so sure of his character in Hertfordshire and now, for the moment, she could not reconcile any of her former beliefs. Looking at him, his countenance flushed from his passionate speech, his face solemn and sober, she realised it was useless to debate the matter. Without further ado, she excused herself, determining not to leave Georgiana longer than was necessary. The poor girl would be overwrought, she was sure.

  As she hurried along the corridor Elizabeth could see that the drawing room door was shut tight which gave her such feelings of unease that she did not dare dwell on the thoughts that immediately sprang to her mind. Lizzy's heart was hammering as she approached and all she could think was how she had let Georgiana down. Taking a deep breath, she gave a warning knock before turning the handle. On opening the door she perceived her sister and Mr Calladine standing closely together over the hearth, as if engaged in earnest conversation. As soon as she saw them, she knew it was too late.

  "Oh, Lizzy," cried Georgiana, who could not hide her expression of startled confusion. "Mr Calladine has proposed. He has asked me to marry him."

  The shock of hearing such a statement took Elizabeth by surprise. She needed all her wits to think how she must react. Turning to Mr Calladine she ignored the outstretched hand proffered in her direction saying, "Mr Darcy would like to speak to you in the library this instant, Mr Calladine."

  "Yes, of course, Mrs Darcy, I am certain he is most anxious to discover the outcome of my declaration to Miss Darcy in light of the interview we had this morning." He bowed toward Georgiana. "You have made me a very happy man, Miss Darcy. Do excuse me, ladies."

  As soon as he had left the room Elizabeth questioned Georgiana in earnest. She observed her nervousness, the agitation in her manner. "What did you answer, Georgiana? Please tell me that you refused him."

  Georgiana's eyes were very bright with tears. She bit her lip and did not immediately answer. Elizabeth watched her swallow hard before she spoke in agitation. "I accepted him, Lizzy. I could not refuse him; he had already spoken to Fitzwilliam and everything was decided between them. We are engaged."

  "Engaged! No, that is impossible."

  Georgiana nodded her head and repeated that it was indeed true.

  "Oh, my dear," cried Elizabeth, falling into a chair, "you did not have to say yes, whatever he implied."

  Georgiana took the seat next to hers, talking non-stop. "But he was so persuasive, and everything he said seemed to make perfect sense. I made him very happy when I said yes, and I know that my brother has wished for this engagement for some time."

  "Georgiana, think before you say any more. You do not wish for this engagement yourself. Listen, it is not too late. Come, we will go to Fitzwilliam and tell him that you have changed your mind, that you cannot go through with it. We'll tell him that you were rushed into making a decision too soon and that you need more time before making a commitment. When he sees how upset you are he will realise his mistake. I know he desires you to be happy above all things; he could not bear to see you in tears like this."

  "No, Lizzy, it is no use," whispered Georgiana, brushing away her tears with the back of her hand. "Not only did I disgrace him at the ball last night by my behaviour, but I have disappointed my brother too many times in the past. At last I have a chance to please him and to do the duty expected of me. I know it is what my parents would have wished also, and I must reconcile myself to the fact that I will be married to Hugh Calladine. It is time I grew up and recognised that real life is not a fairy tale. It is useless to dwell on what I know will never come to fruition. Mr Butler will marry elsewhere; I will learn to forget him and marry the man that has been chosen for me. I trust my brother's judgement implicitly; he has always had my best interests at heart. My parents learned to love one another; in my turn, I will learn to love Mr Calladine."

  "I think you may regret your resolution, Georgiana. Your life will be changed forever because of a decision hastily and rashly made. You know this cannot be a sound basis for such an important commitment."

  Georgiana rose to her feet, and Lizzy witnessed a look of determination in her countenance, a look that Elizabeth could only describe as displaying the Darcy spirit.

  "Thank you, Elizabeth, I know you are trying to help me, but the truth is you cannot. My mind is made up, I shall marry, and as far as I am concerned, the sooner, the better. I will not be the first young woman to enter into such a contract and I am certain that my chance of happiness with Mr Calladine will be as good as most people can expect."

  ∗ ∗ ∗

  Between Elizabeth and Georgiana there followed a restraint which kept them mutually silent on the subject of the engagement over the next few days; the former confidence they had shared seemed to have entirely evaporated. Elizabeth's disappointment in both her husband's attitude and that of Miss Darcy, neither of whom were prepared to listen to her point of view, made her turn to her father who did his best to listen to her concerns. Mr Bennet did not dare oppose his daughter, but he did suggest on more than one occasion that he felt ill-qualified to sit in judgement on the methods and modes of the Darcy alliances. What was good for the gander was not necessarily good for the goose, but he was convinced that Mr Darcy had his sister's best interests at heart. It was a long time before Elizabeth became at all reconciled to the idea of so unsuitable a match. The strangeness of accepting an offer of marriage in such extreme haste with little reflection on the outcome was in total antipathy to Lizzy's own thinking. Coupled with the insistence of her husband to such a marriage, it called into question everything she thought she had formerly believed about his whole philosophy. She had always felt that Fitzwilliam's opinion of matrimony was not exactly like her own, but she could not have supposed it possible that, when called into acting for his sister, he would have sacrificed every better feeling to her worldly advantage. Elizabeth was distressed by the conviction that it was impossible for Georgiana to be tolerably happy in the lot she had chosen and confounded by the fact that her husband was so little known to her. That everyone else appeared to be overjoyed by Georgiana's news was clear and made Lizzy feel more frustrated than ever. She could not help but wonder what Mr Butler himself might think when he received word, which he undoubtedly would before much more time passed.

  A fortnight elapsed during which Elizabeth fought by every process to quell her feelings and find a peaceful equilibrium, but to no avail. However, one letter giving information of expected joy arrived from Charlotte Collins to give Elizabeth some feelings of delight for her friend. Mrs Collins had given birth to a baby girl to be called Catherine named in honour of Mr Darcy's aunt, the Collins's esteemed patroness. Both mother and baby were doing well, which raised a smile to Elizabeth's lips
and gladdened her spirits. But when more surprising news arrived later that morning from a most unexpected quarter, her initial feelings were of abject disconsolation.

  "I have received a letter from my aunt, Lady Catherine," said Mr Darcy, as he donned his riding jacket and turned to glance at his reflection through the long cheval mirror in the bedchamber. "I think you should read it. I would like to know your opinion and thoughts, Elizabeth," he said, with a gesture towards the parchment missive which was lying unfolded upon the washstand shelf.

  Mrs Darcy looked over at her husband. He looked very fine in his dark green coat, cut to show off his manly figure to perfection. With his dark curls falling over his collar above broad shoulders, he looked the very epitome of a handsome hero. As he caught her staring, he swung round and his brooding eyes met hers. She could not look at him without her heart leaping, but Elizabeth averted her eyes as quickly as his engaged hers. He had that expression again, that look of disappointment that she had witnessed ever since they had quarrelled over Georgiana. She had finally accepted the engagement and the inevitable wedding but still showed him her disapproval from time to time and made her feelings clear. They were still conversing on a superficial level, and while anyone else would not have known that anything was amiss, Elizabeth was quite aware that things were not quite right between them. There was reserve and detachment like the cold wind blowing across the hills out on the peaks, which she felt not only during the day, in their solitary moments together, but also at night. For the first time since they were married Fitzwilliam was choosing to stay up until the small hours and did not retire to the bedchamber when she did. Elizabeth lay down in a cold bed; she lay in the dark waiting for the sound of the door handle and the familiar, warm and spicy fragrance of Fitzwilliam's cologne. Roused from sleep when he did make an appearance, he made little attempt to be close to her and on waking, he arose immediately, washing and shaving in his dressing room attended by his valet. Lizzy was uncertain what she should do to change the situation. Although she longed for the world to feel right again, she knew that they were both as stubborn as the other and that each in their turn felt they were right about Georgiana. Dismissing these thoughts and glad that at least Fitzwilliam wanted to share his letter with her, she walked over to the washstand with a heavy heart and picked up the sheet of hot-pressed paper. Sitting down and making herself comfortable on the edge of the bed, she started to read, ever aware that Fitzwilliam was watching her. His eyes felt like glowing torches burning into her mind, and she knew that she blushed under his scrutiny.

  Harrogate, January 17, 1803

  Dear Fitzwilliam,

  I am writing to congratulate you on the news received this last week of the engagement of dear Georgiana to Mr Calladine of Bridestones Hall. That such a propitious union has been contracted on your sister's behalf shows a measure of sense and wisdom I had begun to think you had lost forever. At least one Darcy is to make a prudent marriage, and I know if your mother and father were alive they would join me in considering the alliance to be a very worthy connection. The Calladines are blessed with Darcy blood in their ancestry and are in many respects descended from the same noble lines, those of respectable, honourable, and ancient families. Their combined fortune will be splendid--Georgiana will one day achieve her title and become the lady her mother wished she should be. What a pity my dear sister will not be here to witness it, but then if she were, she would have had to bear the disappointments of other, less desirable associations.

  But I will say no more on that matter except to say that reports received pertaining to recent seasonal celebrations at Pemberley House are less alarming than I would ever have warranted and I find I am much relieved to hear that your wife, at least, conducts herself in a manner befitting her new station.

  Send my affectionate love to Georgiana,

  I remain most faithfully,

  Your aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh

  Elizabeth sighed. "Praise, indeed," she said with a grimace. "At least I have not been completely vilified in this letter."

  "Did you see the postscript, on the other side?" asked Fitzwilliam, standing before her.

  Elizabeth turned over the letter.

  I am at present staying with our cousins the Granvilles in Harrogate and on my return to Rosings shall break my journey at Pemberley on Tuesday, February 8th, for one night only. I trust you will be able to accommodate me.

  Elizabeth raised her head to see Fitzwilliam towering above her. His eyes were still regarding her closely; he was studying her form with such intimate intent that her heart quickened.

  "I know I ask too much, but I hope you will help me receive my aunt at Pemberley," he said, sitting down on the bed beside her. "I cannot do it without you, Elizabeth." He faltered. Lizzy knew he was trying to find the right words and she patiently waited to hear him out. "I know you do not understand or approve of my actions concerning Georgiana's engagement. It is settled, however, and I hope in time that you will see everything come right in the end, and understand that I did the correct thing by my sister. I would like your blessing even if we do not agree on everything. I so dislike being at odds with you. I'm sorry, Elizabeth, I know I should have discussed the matter with you. But I think my reticence to do so was because I knew we might disagree. I do not think you have changed your views, yet I hope you can see that I only have my sister's future happiness and comfort in mind."

  Elizabeth had thought long and hard on the subject of Georgiana's engagement. She did not agree with alliances based on fortune alone, and the idea of a marriage without affection was one she knew she could not have borne herself. Yet she also knew that an engagement of this kind for Georgiana was expected in the society she now moved in. Fitzwilliam truly believed that he was doing the best for his sister; she saw that his motives and his heart were pure. "I know that you wish for the best for Georgiana, Fitzwilliam, even if I do not completely agree with your methods of attainment."

  "Will you forgive me?"

  "I forgive you, of course I do. And do not worry; I will be the perfect hostess to Lady Catherine. Everything will be fine," she heard herself say, as she entwined her fingers with his, simultaneously admiring their clasped hands held together so tightly. "I am not alarmed by the thought of a visit from a cross old woman who is only coming to satisfy her curiosity. Do not worry, Fitzwilliam," she said, as he took her hand and kissed it before enfolding her in his arms. "You know very well that there is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me."

  Mr Darcy's lips sought hers; sweet and passionate were the kisses he'd denied himself for too long. Elizabeth no longer had any command over those feelings which had kept them apart as she gave herself up willingly to his caresses.

  "Then I hope to witness that boldness for myself," he whispered into her ear, "as I have every intention of intimidating you, right here and now, with a little coercion of my own."

  "Oh, Mr Darcy," Lizzy replied, returning a kiss on his cheek, "indeed, sir, you do not alarm me, but I confess, in the circumstances, I would be most obliged to you for your intended duress."

  Chapter 16

  The beginning of February heralded not only the imminent arrival of Lady Catherine de Bourgh but also the departure of Elizabeth's relations. She was sorry to see the Gardiners leave, particularly her aunt whose wise counsel had given Lizzy much food for thought. Mrs Bennet talked of postponing their leave-taking and extending their visit, but to Lizzy's relief they left all the same. She was not sorry when the day came to say good-bye; it had been a busy, eventful, and pleasant few weeks, but Elizabeth craved some quiet days, exempt from the thoughts and contrivances which any sort of company gives. To be alone with her husband, or at least, as far as they might be permitted to be alone in a house filled with people, was her greatest desire. There was one person she was very sorry to see dressed in her travelling clothes, but for the moment she still had the delight
of her sister Jane's company for another hour or two. It had not been easy to confide in her whilst the house had been so occupied and now the others were gone, Elizabeth took the opportunity of discussing Georgiana's engagement. They sat in Elizabeth's sitting room, cosy from the winter day outside, partaking of a last cup of tea together. The scene through the window upon which her eyes rested showed a landscape glittering with frost in the sunlight, the hills reflecting shades as blue as the duck egg sky. Elizabeth did not know quite how to broach the thoughts innermost in her mind, but that she needed to confide in Jane for her own peace of mind was paramount.

  "Tell me, Jane, what did you honestly think when Georgiana's engagement was announced?"

  Jane put down her teabowl and ventured, "I have never been so shocked in my life before, except perhaps when you divulged that you were going to marry Mr Darcy."

  Elizabeth could not help but smile. "No, seriously, you were surprised, I am sure, as I was myself, especially knowing Georgiana's feelings for Mr Butler."

  "What I meant to say was not that I was surprised about the engagement itself, rather in the unexpected way it came about. I suppose she will go through with it?"

  "Not a doubt of it, she will not upset Fitzwilliam. Yet it cannot be the right course, can it? I do not think she can conceive of the years she will spend in unhappiness. Surely nothing can be compared to the misery of being bound without love, bound to one and preferring another. Georgiana does not deserve such a sentence, and all the money in the world will not change her situation. But equally dreadful, Jane, and I hardly know how to tell you, is the realisation that Fitzwilliam can allow, even insist, that she be married to such a man. I would not say this to another soul except you, but I feel this event proves that his pride is as great as it ever was and though I have tried to bury my feelings and attempted to understand his point of view, I find I cannot. Tom Butler is not considered to be good enough for Miss Georgiana, in exactly the same way as Mr Darcy first considered me to be inferior. Do you remember? He told me once that he could not bear the thought of my lowly connections, relations whose condition in life was so decidedly beneath his own. I have tried to reconcile my feelings for the sake of my marriage, I have told Fitzwilliam that the alliance has my blessing, but I still feel so at odds. Georgiana does not fool me; she is not happy. Oh, Jane, I love Darcy, or at least I thought I loved the man I married, but this is causing a rift between us, which I do not think will easily be healed. We go on as if nothing has happened, whilst underneath the tensions are still the same. Why will he not allow Georgiana what he has done himself? I'll tell you why, because he regrets his marriage to me. I don't doubt that he loves me in some ways, but he will always consider that he married beneath him."