Angel of Mine

by Jessica Louise

  Alex has the phone to his ear, no doubt ringing for an ambulance. He knows the drill by now. Mum drops to my side and presses the back of her hand to my forehead. “Theo, you’re burning up. Alex, tell them to hurry. He has a high fever.” An unmistakable look of agony sweeps across her face, and I catch it before she is able to rein it back in.

  This is not good. I look down at my hand, and she follows my gaze. Blood. The leukaemia must be back. I wanted to ignore the signs, but there was no denying it now. There’s a war going on in my head between wanting to get up and smash my fist through a wall in a fit of rage, and giving up in defeat. I honestly don’t know if I have the energy to go on. I don’t have the strength to get up and punch the wall even if I wanted to though, and the pain I am witnessing on my mother’s face persuades me to hang in there with everything I have.

  I hear the ambulance sirens getting close, and it looks like they are just in time because I start violently throwing up. Sticky disgusting chunks mixed with blood now cover me, and the putrid smell infuses in the air. Gagging, I vomit up a stream of pure blood and my stomach clenches.

  I briefly register my mum stifling a sob before I fall back, no longer able to keep holding myself up. My body aches and I conjure up a vision of Ally’s face in my mind to get me through. She truly is a beautiful angel sent from the heavens above just for me. I love her, and I wish I got the chance to tell her because if the leukaemia really is back, I can never see her again. There is no way on this Earth I’m giving her the chance to get close enough to me to think about curing me. She can never know.

  Alex must have unlocked the front door at some stage because two ambulance officers rush in the room. Mum hops up to give them space to assess me and comes back moments later with some wet washcloths and a bucket. As soon as she cleans me up, the officers wheel me out on a stretcher to the ambulance. Mum holds my hand and hops in the vehicle alongside me. Alex calls out that he will follow in the car, and along the way, he will call Dad, who has already left for his next business trip. The doors shut, and we are on our way to the hospital.

  After pacing around in my room for the past half an hour like a mad woman possessed, I glare at my phone for what must be the hundredth time. Still nothing.

  Theo is five hours late. He’s not answered any of my calls or texts… no explanation whatsoever. On a rush of anger, I hurl the stupid phone across the room in the direction of my bed and start to pace again.

  Not even making it to the other side of the room, I abruptly turn around and race over to where I heard it land with a loud thud against the wall.

  Relief washes through me when I discover the phone suffered no damage, but the feeling doesn’t last long. When I light the screen back up, it is still blank and the misery envelopes me once again.

  Sinking to the cold, hard wooden floor, I feel big ugly tears making their way to the surface to break free. The recliner is within reach. I rest my arm on the soft chocolate coloured material, and fitting my head in the crook of it, I start to sob.

  It occurs to me how dramatic I’m being, I did see him only yesterday, maybe something just came up and he was unable to contact me? Maybe his phone broke. No, I decide that’s no excuse; he could have borrowed Alex’s phone and sent a quick text if he couldn’t meet up.

  Finding a new resolve, I conclude that I will just go to go to his place and find out for myself why he stood me up. My sobs begin to subside and I try to even out the breaths that shudder out between hiccups. Picking myself up, I stride to the bathroom with a purpose. I need to get rid of these red, puffy eyes, and make myself presentable before I leave.

  Working myself up into a state on the way over to Theo’s has ensured I’m mighty pissed off by the time I get there.

  The noise that comes from stomping up the wooden steps partially satisfies me, and I carry that anger on as I rap hard against the large oak door.

  The door swings open and I pull my hand back to my side, my knuckles sore and cracking from a combination of the cold, and knocking with too much force. Warm air from inside the house meets me and the sudden change from cold to warm makes me shiver as I look up to find Alex in the entry way.

  He looks uncomfortable at the sight of me standing before him. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and his eyes dart around all over the place refusing to meet mine.

  Something is up. Did Theo tell him my secret? Is he afraid of me? Does he think I’m a freak? Did he talk Theo into staying away from me? Is that why he didn’t come today and is blatantly ignoring me? My mind is racing. Ignoring the sudden churning in my stomach, I cautiously ask, “Hey Alex is Theo in? He was meant to meet up with me this morning and never came. I couldn’t get in touch with him on his phone.”

  “Umm.” He seems to be contemplating something before he goes on. “Yeah umm, some family stuff came up, and he left his phone here. I’d say he probably doesn’t have your number on him. I’m heading over to where he is soon. I’ll take his phone to him.”

  He seems reluctant to talk to me, but I press on for more information anyway. “Is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”

  He still won’t meet my eyes as he vaguely replies, “Mmmhhmm, umm, look I have to go Ally. Sorry, I’ll see that Theo gets his phone.” Then, he shuts the door in my face.

  Silently fuming that I am just as clueless now as I was before I came here, I trudge back to Mum’s car and slump in the seat. While I sit there trying to calm down, the garage door opens revealing their family car and Alex backing out the drive.

  Seeming upset and distressed, he doesn’t even notice me, and Mum’s car most likely isn’t familiar to him. I have no doubt in my mind that something is wrong. Maybe the problem with a family member is something that I can help with. This thought provokes me to follow Alex and get more answers.

  Following a few cars behind, I wind in and out of the traffic trying to remain inconspicuous. Blues music is playing through my iPod on low volume, reminding me of Theo, and my first date in the cozy little coffee shop. The memory thaws some of my anger and awakens me to the fact that I’m totally and hopelessly in love with him. For this reason, I have to find him and help his family in whatever capacity I can.

  The car inconveniently starts to sputter and I pull over to the side of the road, pounding at the steering wheel with my fist. Shit, now what? Looking around outside the car, I see Alex driving further away from me with each passing second, until finally, he is out of view. Well that’s just freaking great. I know I’m showing my charm in my sarcastic remarks again, but hey, if you don’t laugh, you cry right? Well toughen up Ally girl; no time for crying now, you have to find out what’s going on.

  Reaching over to grab my phone off the passenger seat, I scan my surroundings through the front windshield. I’m a few towns over now and don’t recognize this neighbourhood at all.

  The streets empty as everyone heads home for the day and I really hope this is a safe area to be in on my own. The few people left on the footpath stride past with a purpose in their expensive looking suits, darting in and out of the tall buildings that line the street. This seems to be some type of business district.

  The sky overhead is darkening quite quickly, and the high reaching buildings cast shadows everywhere I look. Noticing that the light posts are few and far between, I glance down at my phone in a hurry to sort this mess out before I run out of light. Oh shit, the battery is flat, so I throw it back on the seat. That will teach me for repeatedly checking for messages and missed calls earlier.

  I rattle the cover of the old glove box open and search through it for the loose change Mum always leaves in there. My hand hits a pile of coins and I grab a fistful to throw into the parking meter, and then scurry off in search of a pay phone.

  About a block up the road, I hear loud groaning coming from down an alleyway. Hesitant to venture down there to a possible unknown danger, I pause briefly before that internal pull takes that choice away from me and guides me to the troubling so
und.

  Hunched over beside a trashcan is a scruffy looking man. He is roughly middle aged and not dressed in a suit like other people on the street, but rather a dirty looking sweatshirt. It looks more brown then its original white colour. He is also wearing ripped jeans.

  My eyes hone in on where he is clutching his stomach. Thick crimson blood oozes over his gruff hands and fills the air with a displeasing coppery smell. Cringing away from the sight, I move my eyes up to his face. His eyes bore into mine beseechingly, and I feel my hands start to tingle. I fight against the feeling for the first time ever. If I am going to be of any use helping Theo and his family, then I won’t be able to do it dying in an alleyway.

  My hands feel like they have severe pins and needles stabbing them as I struggle with my internal monologue. It’s not the pleasant feeling of pure bliss that I get when I am about to help someone. It doesn’t feel natural to fight against the urge to heal. I’m panicked that this man will die if I do not help him. I can hear my heart thudding in my chest and my palms are sweaty.

  With shaking hands, I move to get my phone when it comes crashing back to me; it’s back in the car. Can this day get any worse?

  “H-h-hold on s-sir. I’m going to get help. It’ll be okay. I’ll f-find a phone as quick as I can. B-b-be right back.” I would have liked to appear more confident and in control but the words come out a stutter. He mumbles something I don’t quite catch, and taking that to mean my leaving frightens him, I go to reassure with a little more certainty this time. “I promise I’ll be so quick you will hardly notice I’m gone.”

  “Pocket,” he informs me a little louder and a lot clearer. He is trying to tell me he has a phone in his pocket. Holding my breath against the putrid smell, I bend down towards the man to snatch his phone. His eyes grow as big as saucers when I get closer, and he tries to shuffle further back into the gritty cement wall that is holding him up. What the heck?

  The glow from my hands gets brighter and understanding dawns on me. Jamming my hands into my pockets, I forgo explanations and cut right to the chase of the serious matter at hand. “You’re going to have to throw your phone over to me if you want me to help.”

  Crying out in pain as he manoeuvres himself, he grasps his phone tight in his hand and throws it up to me. It lands in my hands. I fumble with it as I make the call because the blood that is coating it is making it extremely slippery.

  “Emergency services, how can we assist you?”

  Holding the phone about two inches from my ear so that my face isn’t smeared with the thick red goo, I state as calmly as possible, “There’s a man in an alley and he’s bleeding heavily. I think he’s been shot.”

  “What’s your location ma’am?” I glance around hopelessly. I have no idea where I am, and if there’s a street sign nearby, I can’t see it now because it’s dark except for the light from my hands and the dull glow of the phone.

  “I don’t know. I think I’m in some kind of business district a few towns over from Wilminton”

  “Okay, remain calm ma’am. We are tracking your location now.” There is a brief pause before she goes on, “Okay, we have an ambulance on its way. How is the man doing? Is he conscious?”

  Sticking around to have the ambulance officers witness my glowing hands is probably not in my best interest. Having done my part to help, I place the phone on the ground, ignoring the operator. I leave the call connected in case they need it for tracking purposes.

  “Help is on the way,” I inform him. “Good luck.” He is barely able to open his eyes to acknowledge that he heard me before I turn back up the alleyway and start to run in the opposite direction. I’ve never left someone in need of help before. I really hope he will be okay.

  When I am far enough away, I slow to a walk, holding my hands away from my body so I don’t get blood on my clothes. Sirens blare not far off and seem to be getting closer. Seconds later, the ambulance speeds past and I watch the red lights at the top of the vehicle start to blur. Up in the distance, the vehicle slows down and pulls up to the largest building on the street.

  “A hospital,” I whisper to myself. “Of course.” Something just clicked in my brain and I gulp. I wonder if this is where Alex went.

  I don’t know whether to be relieved that I may have found him or worried at what being at this location may mean for Theo and his family. I have no idea, but I intend to find out.

  Alex struts into my room putting on his best bravado. “Hey slacker, what are you doin’ lazin’ around?” His smile is weak though, and I can tell his heart isn’t working in conjunction with his speech. He is just as scared as I am.

  He looks around the room, and I wonder if he sees it as I do. It is white, white, and surprise, more white. The one exception is a ghastly knitted blanket draped over my bed that itches against my skin when I touch it. It’s made in bright colours to lift the moods of the cancer patients. Yeah right. Don’t get me wrong. I seriously do appreciate the effort that someone made to put a smile on my face, but honestly, it smells like an old lady. The combination of yellow, red, and green hurts my eyes and goes against my bitter mood. It’s going to take a lot more than a bright blanket to pull me out of this mood. Every time I take it off the bed, the nurse keeps putting it back. I’m sitting in a chair off to the side of the room just to get away from the damn thing.

  I try to smile in response to Alex’s remark but can’t quite seem to pull it off. Hearing the whimpers from the girl in the next room as the nurses tell her they have to move her infected PICC line have me immediately on edge. I know how unpleasant this task can be.

  Excruciating sounds start ripping from her chest, and I know the nurses have started fiddling with the thick needle and tubes. My hands grip the chair arms tightly and my foot taps impatiently, hoping the unfortunate requirement will be completed quickly for her. In all likelihood, I’m aware her veins will probably keep collapsing as she stresses, making it more difficult, and time consuming.

  Alex must sense my discomfort as he asks if I am up to a small walk to the cafeteria. My chair actually falls backwards as I push off it in my rush to get away from the agonizing noises. Nodding my head enthusiastically, I take off out of the room as fast as my feet will carry me, the hard plastic chair remaining right where it fell.

  Our footsteps echoing off the walls in the corridors get louder, and the girl’s cries fade away the further we go. The doctor isn’t doing his rounds for a couple of hours yet so I have a while to stay in the cafeteria pretending life is normal, and to try to forget about the problems that loom so heavily over my head.

  There are no actions to take until the results of my bone marrow biopsy come back. A transfusion fixed the small haemorrhage I had suffered in my lungs due to my platelet level dropping. All I could do now was try to be patient, and keep my anxiety in check while I waited for the results.

  As hard as the possible impending doom was to stomach, I had learned a long time ago that worrying before we knew the facts would not do me any good. My energy was better focused on managing my frame of mind, on staying positive and strong so that I could put all my efforts into getting better.

  This time in the cafeteria would benefit me greatly, and it helped a lot towards normalcy that I didn’t have to wear a hospital gown until treatments begin.

  We stepped into the clinical looking lift, and the metal silver doors shut behind us. As I press the button for level one, Alex passes me my mobile phone. “I had a visit from Ally before I came back today.” My head swings around to look at him. “She was wondering why you didn’t show up for your date. I explained to her that we had some family matters come up, and you had to leave town unexpectedly. I promised her that I would get your mobile phone to you so you could call her when possible.”

  He looks up at me, gauging my reaction as he informs me, “I didn’t tell her where we were or what was wrong.”

  Relief floods through me. My shoulders relax, but I am still determined to get my point across. “She can n
ever find out Alex. Do you understand me? This is very important. I don’t want her to know.”

  The elevator door pings open but I continue to stare at him expectantly while waiting for his answer. He looks confused, surprised, and upset all at the same time; I don’t know what to make of it. The next words he utters are not what I expect to come out of his mouth at all. “Umm, it might be a little too late for that my friend.”

  Too late? I thought he just said he hadn’t told her? “What do you mean? I thought you just said…” My query stops as he takes me by the shoulders and spins me around, leaving me face to face with a gobsmacked Ally.

  We both just stand there with our jaws dropped, unmoving and silent, until I feel Alex shove me out of the elevator. My brain is working overtime and I think I can play this off so she won’t realize why I am here. I hope that Alex will catch my drift and play along.

  I’m glad that I’m not in one of those stupid hospital gowns at this point. Otherwise, this would never work. Trying as hard as possible to keep eye contact and not look like a liar, I start to spin my story.

  “Ally, what are you doing here? I’m here for a family member. I don’t…” My gaze doesn’t hold and as it falls to her hands and sees them covered in blood, I choke on my words.

  Rushing to her side, I pick up her hands and rake over every inch of her skin to see what is wrong. “Your hands. There is so much blood. Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened? What did you do Ally?”

  She looks down at her hands as though she didn’t even realize or had forgotten blood covered them and then shakes her head. “Oh that. It’s not important; I’m fine. Is someone in your family sick?” She lowers her voice. “What’s wrong? You know I can help them. Just let…”

  I shake her hands slightly under my grip to get her attention back to the most important thing here and cut off her ridiculous offer before she can finish making it. “No,” I say sternly. “Tell me what happened to your hands.”