Angel of Mine

by Jessica Louise

  “Not yet, but when your father leaves. I’m sorry Ally, but it’s for your own good.” I throw a murderous glance his way. I’m not a baby. The scowl doesn’t last long enough to get my point across though because a choking sound from across the room steals my attention.

  Harsh faltering breaths sound from my father under an oxygen mask that doesn’t seem to be helping at all. His skin is a distinct shade of bluish purple and my stomach turns. I taste vomit in my mouth and force myself to swallow it back down. That could have been me.

  “Ally, look at me sweetie. Don’t you dare feel bad. He didn’t want that to be you.” Theo sweeps the hair off my face and captures my gaze. I allow myself to get lost in the love I see in his eyes because looking anywhere else hurts too damn much. I know that probably makes me a horrible person, but I can only take so much.

  “I’m coming too.” Mum jumps up off the floor with a newfound courage. I’m glad she doesn’t have my ability or I would be a little scared she might use it.

  I don’t want Mum going alone in her state, but if I go with her, my hands will want to do their magic of their own accord. “Theo, can you go with her?” I plead.

  “I’m not leaving your side right now Ally.” He looks up and around the room before settling on Rachel. “Mum? Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.” They both follow my father out the door, and Theo finally puts me down on the couch. The last chance of ever getting to know my father is literally being wheeled out the door. My heart is seizing up, and all I want to do is cling to Theo for dear life. I’m starting to hyperventilate, so I pull in deep breaths to try to calm myself down.

  I look towards the front door where everyone disappeared. I want to go with them, but my glowing hands may cause a problem. They are still lit up like a Christmas tree even though the ambulance would have already driven away.

  “Ally, I will take you to the hospital so you can see what is going on and support your mum, but I’m not letting you close enough to heal him, okay? I’m sorry, but I’m not letting your put your life in jeopardy again.”

  Once I have gained enough composure we hop in the car and make our way to the hospital, the trip passing in a blur.

  We walk in the main entrance, and the air is dense with a smell so sterile it makes my eyes water. Or maybe they were already teary anyway. The clinical feel of the bland walls, floors and plastic chairs give no warmth, and I shiver as the coldness slowly creeps in. It wraps around my heart like a vice, pulling tight and blocking out all feeling while continuously squeezing.

  Everything feels surreal as if I am watching it from the outside looking in. When Mum comes out to the waiting area with Rachel, the blank look on her face tells me all I need to know.

  “I’m so sorry Ally. Your dad died an honourable man.” Theo whispers in my ear. He doesn’t take his hand off me. It stays firmly planted on my back even as I hug my mother, comforting me as only he can. “Do you want to go say good-bye before we leave? I’ll be right by your side, whatever you want to do.”

  I shudder at the thought of seeing this lifeless man, lying so cold and still. He is my father though, even if I never knew him. When it counted, he was there. He saved my life. “Yeah, I think I do.”

  He squeezes my shoulder gently, bringing me further comfort and continues to take care of my mother and me when we are unable to do so ourselves. Now I know where the saying ‘to be someone’s rock’ came from. He’s not just my rock. He is my moon, my sun, the air I breathe, my entire world.

  “Alex and Dad are on their way. Did you want to get a lift back with them and we will meet you at home?” He asks Rachel. He thinks of everything, what would I do without him?

  We look at Mum to see what she wants to do, but she is numb to all that is going on around her. Rachel takes matters into her own hands and leads her out the door.

  I don’t understand why she is so upset. Dad and her split a long time ago. Is she feeling guilty that she wanted him to die in my place? That must be it. What else could it be?

  After they leave, Theo asks the receptionist at the front desk where we need to go. “Can you please tell me what room Jeff Roberts is in?” She widens her eyes and darts a glance over towards the back door as if she wants to bolt.

  Finally, she moves around the desk to stand in front of us. “Umm,” she hesitates. “Why don’t you two take a seat for a moment and I will just go get the doctor for you?”

  She looks really uncomfortable until Theo leans in and murmurs so softly he thinks I won’t hear, “We are already aware he passed, Ally would like to say good- bye to her father.”

  “Oh,” she straightens her posture, looking embarrassed and offers an apology, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Please follow me and I will take you to him.” The clickety clack of her heels distracts me, drilling into my brain as we make our journey. I concentrate on the aggravating noise; I welcome it. There are three hundred and twelve clickety-clacks from the front desk to my father’s room, I know, because I counted them.

  Theo squeezes his hand in mine giving me the support I need to be able to walk through the door. My father lays perfectly motionless, with bluish skin and unblinking eyes. My stomach twists and my legs wobble, but just as Theo promised, he is right there, holding me close and keeping me together.

  At one time, this may have been my father, but he’s not here anymore. The only life left in this room is Theo and me. He’s out there somewhere, just not here. I can’t do this now, but when I’m ready to say good-bye, I’m sure he will hear me, where ever he is.

  “Get me out of here.” Theo tucks me under his arm, no questions asked, and we both walk out of the hospital in full health.

  I turn the envelope over and over in my hands. We got home a few hours ago, and Mum is taking a nap. She was finally able to rest after Rachel gave her something to help her sleep. Theo thinks I’m asleep too, but I saw this letter on the desk and have been focusing on the name scrawled across the front ever since. ALTHEA.

  He was willing to save my life, but didn’t even know my name? Conflicted between hurt and gratefulness, I rip the letter open to see what he has to say for himself. My hands shake slightly, and I snuggle into the giant teddy bear beside me for comfort.

  I’m so glad Theo was thoughtful enough to bring it here for me while I was unwell. It had been in bed with me almost every night since he won it for me at the fair and it is good to have it back. It instantly makes me feel calmer, and I am able to get the letter unfolded.

  My Dearest Althea,

  The day you were born, you filled a piece of my heart I never knew was missing. You brought me more joy than I ever knew was possible. I felt so much pride in what I had helped create that I couldn’t contain it. Tears of happiness overflowed as I tried to work out how I got so lucky. You were a miracle, perfect in every way.

  It was a hardship to leave the hospital room, even only 20 meters away to the cafeteria. But after forty eight hours of watching over the two of you, I was asleep on my feet, and I slipped out to get a coffee as you slept peacefully in your mother’s arms. Not before taking yet another photo though.

  While I was gone, the unthinkable happened. A bus full of children had crashed, causing the hospital to go into code red. As the first ambulance full of children arrived, my hands started to glow.

  Their injuries were horrific, and I ached for these innocent little souls who were another parent’s pride and joy. I couldn’t fathom how I would feel if that were you.

  I was torn between helping them and going back to you and your mum. You needed me too.

  While I stood indecisive, a reporter covering the accident found me and my glowing hands. I was petrified the unwanted attention would bring harm to you or your mum. You two girls mean the world to me. I couldn’t risk someone trying to get to me through you. I had to leave for your own safety.

  I peeked back in on you both before I left and you were still soundly asleep. With the camera as my only memory of the two of you and how wo
nderful my life once was, I headed out the door, knowing my life would never be as full of love ever again.

  On my way out of the maternity ward, I dropped the birth certificate forms off with the midwife. In the certainty that you would bring joy, and in the hope that you would be able to heal your mum’s broken heart in my absence, I named you after the Greek goddess of healing, Althea.

  Never in million years did I ever entertain the idea that you would have the same ability as me. I’m ashamed of myself for not checking up on you to find out. Going near would have meant I wouldn’t be able to leave again, and I still had it in my head I needed to stay away and keep you safe. If I had known you were having the same struggles as me, I would have been back in an instant.

  The most important piece of advice I can give you now that I am aware of what you can do is this, you CAN NOT save everybody. Your health and safety comes first. Please do not throw your life away. I’m proud of your selfless notions, but stop being the martyr. You deserve a long healthy, happy life just as much as anyone else.

  Over the years, I have never stopped loving you and your mum. Each day that passed has been harder than the last, until today, when I make my way back to you.

  Even though I will only get to see you both for a very short time, it will be one of the happiest days of my existence. To finally be reunited with you and to be able to make a difference in your life brings me peace and happiness. Please never feel bad about the gift I am about to give to you. It is something I not only need to do, but want to, as well. Go on and be happy; live your life and live it for you.

  I love you Althea.

  Love Dad.

  The last lines of the letter are read through blurred tears. They stream down my face and wash away all the pain I had buried so deeply. With trembling hands, I fold the paper back up and return it to the envelope, when something falls out, a photo, a worn picture that has been held and looked at repeatedly. I am cradled in Mum’s arms as a baby, in a hospital bed. I flip it over and find the date on the back, my birthday. Then run my fingers over the words written underneath, my heart and my soul.

  My mum’s cell phone sits vibrating on the kitchen bench, again. After being continuously ignored, it has moved about a meter, and I am scared it is going to fall off any minute. When I go to move it to safety, the name ‘work’ flashes across the screen, the same as the last ten times it rang.

  “Mum do you want me to get that for you?” She doesn’t even bother to look up; she maintains her vigil on the couch staring into the fireplace. There isn’t even a fire burning.

  “No honey, it’s okay. I’ll deal with it later.” That has been her standard response the last week.

  Her shoulders are slumped, and I can see the bones on her back through her long sleeved shirt. A few dry crackers are the most I have seen her eat all week, and that was only when Rachel forced her to eat them. The deeper into depression she sinks, the more weight she loses.

  I walk over to her side and plop down on the couch, taking her hands in my own and encouraging her to look at me. Small zap like electric shocks go through me where our skin touches, but Mum is oblivious to them. Anticipation builds at how I might be able to help her, however, my hands don’t glow and I’m at a loss as to what to do.

  I haven’t been able to get her to talk to me since before Dad passed away, so I am unclear on exactly what is wrong. When she got worse after the funeral, I tried to talk to Theo about it, but he told me it was a conversation I really need to have with my mum.

  Giving her space isn’t working. It’s getting out of hand, and I fear she will lose her job. I take a guess as to what is wrong and hope she will open up to me. “Dad didn’t want either of us to feel guilty for what he did Mum. You need to stop letting it eat away at you.”

  She lifts her head in acknowledgement, but her eyes are still downcast. Her whole face droops and she replies in monotone, “He was a good man.” There is a slight crack in her voice before her walls are reinforced, and she keeps going, “I tried to hate him when he left. I really did, but I couldn’t do it.”

  As she speaks, I study her carefully, and it becomes more apparent that I misread her. Guilt isn’t the problem here; overwhelming sadness is. “You have a broken heart,” I clarify. Her bottom lip trembles and she makes a whimpering sound as she nods her head.

  “It’s not that,” she stops and snivels loudly then tries again. “It’s not that I didn’t want him to heal you. It’s just devastating that he had to leave us to do it.” I realize she never stopped loving him. He’s left her not only once, but twice now. All in the name of doing what he thought was the right thing for our family.

  I think of the letter Dad wrote me, and how much he loved Mum too. It’s the most tragic love story I have ever heard, and I have read and watched a lot of them.

  She is right; he was a good man. He was a great man. When he called me a martyr he was mistaken, he was the martyr. I am merely a Good Samaritan in comparison.

  Another part of the letter recites itself to me, as though Dad is right there whispering the words in my ear, ‘in the hope that you would be able to heal your mother’s broken heart in my absence, I named you after the Greek goddess of healing, Althea.’

  I know he asked me not to heal anymore, but this was practically writing me an exception, a free pass.

  Heat builds between our hands and a faint glow illuminates around us. “Let me help heal your broken heart Mum.” She rips her hands away from mine. Her eyes are wide in alarm as she shuffles backward and jumps off the couch.

  “That’s not funny Ally. You have been through enough. Your father didn’t sacrifice his life for you to cause yourself pain again.” She is adamant, but so am I. Dad would have wanted me to help.

  “Theo, tell her she is being ridiculous.” I should have known Theo was watching over me. He is never far from my side these days, always checking up on me. Which I love, but right now, I could do without it. I don’t need them both arguing against me.

  What happens next surprises me. Theo goes to Mum and whispers something in her ear. A few tears drop from the corners of her eyes, however, she is smiling as she nods and agrees to whatever he is saying.

  She wipes the wet streaks away with the back of her hands then pulls Theo in for a brief hug before turning back to me. “Okay Ally, work you magic.” I’m not about to waste time questioning what caused her to do a complete one eighty, just in case she changes her mind.

  I hold my hand over her chest, and a crippling pain takes hold. Shards of ice pierce my heart. After the initial shock, the ice disperses and cold liquid flows through my veins, spreading around my body and making every part of me ache. It feels as though I will never know warmth again and I shiver through the chills. No wonder Mum was so distraught.

  The glow stops and Mum looks me over momentarily before pulling me into a fierce hug and holding me tight. “Thank you,” she whispers.

  “How do you feel Mum?” It is an effort to talk through the heavy feeling that has settled over me.

  “I will never feel whole again without your father, but I can manage to breathe again now. I can go on and try to enjoy life. I love you Ally, and I am grateful, but that is the last time I want to see you use your ability.”

  I nod my head. The way I’m feeling right now I don’t feel like doing much of anything ever again.

  “I don’t doubt what you said before Theo. I’ll leave you to it.” She walks away, and I see her pick up her phone on her way through. On the way out the door, she starts to make a call, hopefully to her boss.

  Theo steps up to me and kisses down my neck. Goosebumps form where his hot lips touch my chilled flesh. I close my eyes and relax into him, allowing the ever shining light of my own personal sun to trickle through the darkness.

  “I’ve got you Ally. Let me take care of you.” He lifts me in his arms, carries me into the bathroom, and sits me on a stool while he fills the tub. Water starts to splash and mix with the bubble bath he added. T
he smell of lavender fills my senses and lifts my spirits.

  As the water rises, he peels off my shoes and socks, and starts massaging my feet. Blood that was previously frozen, thaws and circulates around my body, making me feel slightly better.

  Both feet are lavished with attention before he turns off the tap and pulls me to a standing position. He undresses me, and I manage a weak smile at the naughty thoughts that can’t help but enter my brain. A range of cheeky comments comes to mind. However, I still feel too flat to voice them.

  He lifts me into the tub and pulls the stool up behind it. With great care, he begins to massage my scalp.

  “I love you so much Ally. I love everything about you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much.” He leans around and presses his lips to mine, and I completely melt.

  As he goes to move back to the stool, I pull him into me and deepen the kiss. He steps into the bath, clothes and all, causing water to slosh over the sides, and lowers himself on to me. I grip on to his sides, trying to pull him closer, but he cradles my face tenderly in his hands and finishes the kiss far too soon.

  “Ally, I’m trying to take care of you, not take advantage of you.”

  I flip over on top of him and counter his comment with my own proposition. “How about I take advantage of you then?” I try to look sexy and follow up with a wink, but end up just scrunching half of my face.

  He raises an eyebrow at me. “You think you have the upper hand all because you’re above me, do you?” Then he lifts up a palm full of bubbles and blows them at my face.

  We erupt into a fit of giggles until a loud rap at the door interrupts us. “Sounds like you are going above and beyond our deal in there Theo.” Mum’s stern voice booms through the door, but she doesn’t seem too mad that I am naked in the bath with a boy. I’m definitely embarrassed though. My face heats and I sink down into the water to cool it off. How do I reply to that? This is more awkward than a loud fart in a quiet church. Luckily, Theo is able to keep his cool.