Sweet Agony (Sweet Series Book 1)

by Jessie Lane

  Then, when she finally appeared in the entrance of the living room, smiling nervously, it took everything in me not to drop my jaw open in shock.

  Ginny had on so much makeup she looked like she was auditioning for the job of a hooker! I might have blown it off as a girl who liked her cosmetics a little too much and was trying to come into her own; except, Olivia busted her by asking why she had makeup on at all.

  She quickly cut her eyes in my direction, and a bright red blush spread from her cheeks to her neck. My mother instantly admonished Olivia for what she had said, and my sister apologized then tried to play the whole thing off as she gave her friend a hug, during which my girl tried to momentarily hide her face behind the shoulder of her taller best friend, presumably so I couldn’t see her.

  Rather than feeling bad for Ginny, though, a smile spread over my face, and when Ginny saw that smile, she blushed a little more in apparent mortification. I sort of felt bad for making her feel worse, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for one simple reason: my girl still wanted me.

  I didn’t have a thing in the world to worry about.

  Ginny

  Sixteen Years Old

  Could a hole open up in the floor and swallow me now, please?

  I was so embarrassed I just wanted to run out the door and go home. If it weren’t for the fact that this was my first chance to see Lucas since he had left to go into the Army, I would. However, there was no telling when he would be able to come home for a visit again, and as a result, I had to take advantage of the day.

  That didn’t mean I wasn’t ready to kick my best friend’s butt for throwing me under the bus, which must have been broadcasted plainly on my face, because she winced at the glare I gave her as she handed me a makeup removing cleansing cloth.

  “I am so sorry, girl.”

  “You should be!” I snapped back as I snatched the cloth out of her hand.

  Olivia threw her hands up in the air. “Come on, already! I get it; I screwed up. But can you really blame me? You walk through my front door, looking like the makeup counter from the department store threw up all over you, and you didn’t think anyone would notice?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I looked away from her and into her vanity mirror, instead. Using the cloth, I wiped over one of my eyelids, only to see the special makeup remover cloth had only taken off some of the green eye shadow. Sighing in frustration, I started to scrub my face in earnest.

  “What in the world were you thinking to use green, Ginny?” Olivia asked, sounding somewhat horrified.

  I shot her another glare. “It’s Christmas! I was thinking I was being festive, you fun killer!”

  She shook her head and popped a fist on her hip.

  Looking up to the ceiling, I silently prayed someone would save me from her over-the-top, Italian attitude.

  “No. Just no.” She wagged her finger at me through the mirror. “Festive is wearing an ugly Christmas sweater or one of those idiotic antler headbands. Festive is not caking on bright green eye shadow and red lipstick so it looks like you were slapped in the face by kindergartners who were finger painting.”

  She ignored my gasp of outrage and bent down until her chin sat on my shoulder and our faces were side by side in the reflection of the mirror. “Listen to me, Gin, and listen well. If my brother can’t wake up and see you for you, all the makeup in the world isn’t going to help. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for any guy, even if you love him.”

  My anger melted away at her advice. Sometimes, Olivia acted harsh, but she was the most genuine person I had ever met. While I felt silly for trying to be something I wasn’t in an attempt to impress Lucas, I had to admit my best friend happened to be right.

  All of this makeup was not me. Being a simple girl, I didn’t like anything caked on my face. I found myself more comfortable in my bare skin, so to speak. I’d only put on makeup in the hopes that, if I made myself look a bit older after Lucas hadn’t seen me in so long, maybe he would finally notice me as a young woman and not the little girl who used to skin her knees chasing after him.

  “You’re right,” I finally whispered.

  Standing back up, Olivia shot me an overconfident smile. “I know I am.”

  Rolling my eyes at her, I quipped, “If your ego gets much bigger, I’m afraid you won’t fit that big head of yours through the door.”

  Olivia shot me a sassy smile. “Don’t hate me because I’m fabulous.” Snatching the cloth with green streaks on it from me, she turned my chair around until I was facing her. “Now, sit there and shut up for a while. Let me show you the valuable lesson that sometimes less is more.”

  Two more makeup remover cloths and twenty minutes later, I stared at myself again in her vanity mirror. I didn’t have an ounce of foundation on my face, but Olivia had put just a bit of a soft, shimmery pink blush on my cheeks. She had also coated my long, naturally blonde, curled lashes with brown mascara and dabbed a sheer, pink lip gloss on my lips.

  It was understated, soft, almost whimsically natural.

  It was me.

  Raising my eyes to watch my best friend run her fingers through the curls I had spent over an hour putting into my hair, I grudgingly admitted to myself that she was right again. Lucas had to love me for who I was, not who I could make myself into for him. I was just so afraid he was never going to love me the way I already loved him—completely.

  Two hours later, as I hugged Mrs. Young good-bye, I thanked her for the art set they had bought me for Christmas while my doubts about Lucas ever loving me weighed heavier on my shoulders than ever before.

  He had barely spoken to me the entire time, and the few times I had managed to make eye contact with him had only resulted in him cracking a joke that had something to do with my age.

  The first moment I had captured his attention, he had roamed his eyes up and down in what I had been hoping was appraisal, but I must have been wrong.

  His eyes had found mine, and he’d said, “Ginny, did you join drama or something?”

  I had already been mortified, and Lucas Young had only made it worse. No, I hadn’t joined drama; I’d just wanted to catch the eye of the boy who had grown into a man whom I couldn’t seem to get out of my heart and off my mind.

  Not long after Olivia had fixed my hair and makeup, the boys had all brought up Ginny and me being able to drive. If I hadn’t already been ready to crawl into a hole and never come out, Lucas’s reply would have made me want to do just that.

  He’d piped up with, “Finally old enough to apply for your learners permit, Gin? Don’t run over any mailboxes.”

  I’d never thought there would be a time I didn’t want Lucas’s attention until tonight. It was just another time I wished the floor would have opened up and swallowed me whole.

  Maybe Olivia was right yet again. Maybe I was crazy to love a boy who didn’t love me back.

  Anxious to get home and take off the dress shoes that were pinching my toes, I followed my mom out the front door. I had just stepped off the Young’s front porch steps when the sound of their door opening and closing came from behind me.

  “Ginny.” His deep voice rolled over and through me until I swore that even the tips of my toes tingled in response to the sound.

  Would there ever be a time when every part of me didn’t answer to the simple action of him calling my name? Just the sound of his voice was enough to wash away the doubt I’d had seconds before and send my heart into overtime with new hope. It was amazing how a boy I had never even kissed owned every piece of me. Moreover, although it probably made me incredibly stupid, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  One day, if I waited long enough, Lucas Young would realize I was offering him everything I was, and in return, I was hoping he would give me the same. He would realize that I might have been the shy, quiet, passive girl he had grown up with, but I was going to become a woman who would be strong enough to stand by his side while he pursued his career in the Army. A woman who would hold the f
ort down while he was gone, take care of him when he was home, be more than just a girlfriend. I would be his partner, the person who would always be waiting with my arms open to welcome him home. One day, Lucas would see that I was going to be the woman for him.

  Looking back at my house, I watched my mom as she walked inside and turned on the lights in our living room so they shined through our windows.

  I turned back to Lucas and clasped my hands in front of me to hide the nervous tremble in them. “Yes, Lucas?”

  The corner of his mouth tipped up in a smile while some sort of emotion lit up his eyes, but I couldn’t read him. I would take that nameless emotion any day, though, over the teasing he had been giving me all night. He was an enigma to me, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever understand all of the fine nuances to his personality.

  “I promise not to hit any mailboxes between my house and yours as I walk home.” I tried to give him my best smile after all the ribbing tonight.

  His brows drew together, and for a moment, I wondered if that was regret I saw in his features.

  “With all of the excitement in the house, I didn’t get a chance to give you the Christmas present I got for you,” he murmured as he slowly started down the stairs toward me.

  My stomach felt like it did a somersault, and my hands instantly started to sweat so much I worried about wet spots forming through my knit gloves as I clutched the art kit in my hands a little more tightly. There hadn’t been that much going on in his house tonight, so was he just using that as an excuse to get me alone? A desperate part of me hoped that was the case.

  “You bought a present … for me?” I whispered in awe. Should I have said that a little cooler? A little more confident? Yeah. Regardless, all of my thought capabilities had disappeared, and it was taking everything I had not to faint from a combination of glee and surprise.

  The other side of his beautiful, firm lips ticked up, forming a full smile, and in that moment, I could stare at that smile until the day I died.

  “Hold your hand out, Gin.”

  Slowly, afraid if I moved too quickly, I would scare him off like he was some timid animal, I moved one hand out so it was in front of me, between the two of us, palm up. Lucas reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangle jewelry box that looked much like the ones he had given his mom and sister. Olivia had squealed when she had opened her present to see a gold hummingbird necklace, and Mrs. Young had shed a few tears when she had seen her gold sand dollar necklace. Never in a million years had I thought Lucas would have gotten me one, too.

  The trembling in my hand became a bit more pronounced, and he had to wrap my fingers around the box so I wouldn’t drop it. I stared at the box, unable to move. A part of me was terrified this was a dream, and I would wake up and discover the moment gone.

  “Aren’t you going to open it?”

  Lucas’s question sounded as if he were amused by me, so I looked up at him through my lashes. The sight that met my eyes only made my heart pound harder in my chest. The blank mask he had been wearing all night was completely gone, and in its place was a look I had wished, dreamed, and hoped for—affection.

  Not a sisterly sort of affection that he had claimed to have for me before, but something infinitely better. Whether he knew it or not, the look he gave me right then was possessive.

  “Gin?” he spoke my name slowly, warily, and I realized I still stood there like a statue.

  Thrusting the trembling hand with the jewelry box in it back toward him, I stammered, “Will you open it for me, please?”

  My other hand was still tightly grasping the somewhat heavy art kit, and with snow on the ground, I didn’t have anywhere to put it to free up both hands.

  Lucas looked at my hand holding my present, nodded, and then reached out to take the box. My hand wasn’t the only thing trembling now as I watched him stroke the top of the rectangular box in contemplation with one of his fingers. My entire body was shivering, and I doubted it was from the cold.

  A million things were rushing through my mind, yet I couldn’t concentrate on anything except that box. Something told me this moment was pivotal when it came to Lucas and me, as if whatever was in that box was going to let me know the answer to the question that plagued me when it came to the boy I loved.

  Would Lucas ever love me back?

  Everything felt like it was in slow motion as he pulled the lid off, and then my world narrowed down to the sight of gold as I gasped. It was a heart-shaped locket with a ‘G’ engraved on it and what also looked like a tiny keyhole.

  Lucas hooked one of his fingers through the gold chain and held the dangling necklace in front of me. “Do you like it?”

  I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the gold heart. There, the hope inside me whispered. There is the proof that, whether he realizes it or not, Lucas cares for me. Why else would he give you a heart when he gave his mother and sister a hummingbird and a sand dollar?

  “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Lucas. I’m going to put it on as soon as I get home.”

  “I can put it on you now if you want me to.”

  My head snapped up in surprise. I hadn’t expected that from him.

  “Please?” I whispered.

  Some emotion I didn’t understand flashed through his eyes, sending a new round of shivers through me, the good kind.

  “Turn around.”

  I did as he told me, waiting not so patiently as I stared across the street at my house. He moved closer until he stood right behind me, his body heat warming me. Even though it was mid-winter in New York, I felt a flush cover my cheeks.

  A light stroke of fingers against my neck pulled my long hair to one side, and Lucas’s deep voice sounded softly in my ear as he told me to use my free hand to hold it out of his way. I swear I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he draped the necklace around my throat slowly then fastened the clasp.

  Had his fingers lingered on the back of my neck? Probably not, but if they had, I might have begged for him to touch me more.

  The metal of the heart was a cold shock when it first touched my skin, but the weight of it against my chest comforted me in a way I couldn’t explain.

  I wanted this moment to last forever, but reality crashed in with the sound of my mother’s voice calling out from our house, telling me not to stay outside too long; she didn’t want me to get cold. However, with Lucas so close to me, I felt anything but cold.

  When I let my hair go, it slid back into place over my shoulders and down my back. I could have sworn I heard the sound of Lucas taking a deep breath, as if he were inhaling my scent. However, with the way I felt, almost light-headed with euphoria, I knew better than to make more of this moment than the dream come true it had already been. Nevertheless, my heart always won over my head where Lucas Young was concerned.

  You could make this moment better, my hope whispered. There I found myself yet again holding on to hope.

  Turning slowly around, I decided to end tonight the way I had dreamed for so many years. Before my nerves got the best of me, I reached up on my tiptoes, braced my free hand on his chest, and softly planted a kiss on his cheek. I felt his body jolt in surprise before going rock solid under my hand, and I quickly pulled away.

  “Thank you, Lucas. It’s the best present I’ve ever been given.” Without giving him a chance to respond, I walked away.

  I didn’t need Lucas to say anything. The heart-shaped locket lying against my skin said it all.

  Chapter

  8

  Lucas

  Twenty-One Years Old

  After giving a heart-shaped locket that held a small secret its wearer still didn’t know about to this day, I went back to my life with the Army and succeeded in passing Special Forces training to become a Green Beret. Because of joining my new team, training, and subsequent missions, I had been unable to make it back home for two years after that Christmas.

  Now that I finally did make it home, it was for my twenty-first
birthday party, and the house was packed with my two younger brothers, my little sister, and of course, the girl who haunted all of my thoughts and dreams—Ginny.

  It was sad to admit as a grown-ass man, but I was doing my best to delay seeing her today. First, I’d made sure to stay up late last night and sleep half the day away. When my mom had forced me to get up after noon because the guests for my party were already showing up, I’d decided a nice, long shower couldn’t hurt. I needed one, anyway, to clean off all the sweating I’d done through the night due to my flashbacks.

  Nothing fucked with a man’s head more than war. The only thing that helped me sleep was when I thought about Gin. Then my overactive imagination would spin fantasies of all the things I wanted to do to her but never would.

  As I soaped up my washcloth, I grudgingly admitted to myself that my need for her had only grown since the last time I had seen her.

  The reality that I was quickly coming to the end of my rope in regards to Gin was terrifying for me. The Lucas she had known had been destroyed in a desert halfway across the world.

  Although I might have achieved my dream of becoming a Green Beret, I had never taken the time to think of what obtaining that goal would cost me. Some might say it was going to cost me everything one day.

  After watching a man in my unit take a bullet to the neck and die from bleeding out thousands of miles away from his wife and kids, I’d had a reality check. I was living a life of kill or be killed anytime I went on a mission, and while I wouldn’t change a single kill shot I had made in the name of defending my country, unit, or myself, I had changed my mind about other things, like Ginny.

  She was, without a doubt, the girl meant for me. The problem was, I was no longer the guy she used to know. I had changed. I had experienced horrifying things I could never repeat to her, watched my friend’s blood soak desert sand. I was darker, harder on the inside than I’d ever been. And while there would always be a part of me that could be gentle for the girl across the street, I was no longer the sort of man she needed in her life. Just like one of her favorite fairy tales, she was the beauty, and I was the beast. Only, I wasn’t so sure anyone could handle my beast. Hell, there were days I couldn’t handle myself.