Get Some

by Daniel Birch

  ‘I’m not going to kill you, Graziano, just take away your legs and, who knows, maybe your cock and balls too, but you being a lawyer ’n’ all won’t have any anyways, right?’

  The man’s joke drew laughs from his men as I laid there numb, in acceptance of my fate. You see, I wasn’t a fighter, never have been. When the shit hits the fan, I freeze. I just haven’t got that edge, I didn’t know this way of life. I didn’t do violence.

  After cutting away a few wires here and there, it must have only taken about five minutes to assemble the miniature sized bomb which was going to blow me in half.

  The men then smiled at me and one of them spat in my face before walking off to the others. I was alone and scared stiff as I watched a red light which was embedded into the semtex at my feet flicker on and off rapidly.

  It was surprising to me that after a few minutes the men got into their car, taking Malcolm and Pete with them. I had just been left there.

  It seemed like hours and the semtex still hadn’t blown. I watched the red light still flicker. I wasn’t any expert in explosives but thought at least if the light kept flickering I was ok.

  A car finally stopped, it had been raining so my eyes where wet and my vision was restricted. I heard footsteps and a language being spoke which sounded like Russian or something.

  I felt someone kneel down close to me, and they wiped my eyes. I couldn’t believe it once my brain digested the picture in front of me. It was Valukana, along with a few other men I had never seen.

  ‘Joey, Joey, Joey. We seem to have something in common after all.’

  ‘Which is?’ I said as he smiled at me.

  ‘We both have the same enemy.’

  Valukana’s men spoke in their native tongues as Valukana told me not to worry and that these men at my feet were well trained in explosives.

  The light stopped flickering and to my relief my legs didn’t go boom. They untied me and I got into the car with Valukana.

  We drove to his club and on the way he told me everything.

  The truth was Valukana was aiming at taking on the gang known as X Company. Because Valukana had not been in the country long, it was his plan to get established and then take it to the street with X Company. Valukana had more connections and wasn’t going to share the business of all things corrupt with X Company. All had been nice between Valukana and X. Valukana had been leading X into a false sense of security by supplying X with some drugs and other items.

  But tonight X fucked up. They had put in an unusual request for a pound in weight’s worth of plastic explosive. Valukana assured them semtex came at a price. He just so happened to ask them what it was being used for and he was told it was going to blow a lawyer in half. He asked the name and was told.

  As I had mentioned before, this Valukana always had a scary face, but he looked mad.

  ‘Joey, I am en route to see a Major Roux. Do you wish to come along?’

  Just being happy to be alive was enough for me, so I declined. I wasn’t a gangster. I didn’t want to see what Valukana was going to do.

  ‘I’ll pass, but thank you anyway,’ I said. ‘Just please don’t kill anyone. It isn’t worth it.’

  Valukana smiled.

  ‘Kill anyone? Where is the fun in that? No, Joey, this was only another example of how sloppy X Company is. You see, if I had sanctioned a hit, you would be dead. Further to that we have already started the de-throwning of X Company. It started yesterday if truth be told, and it ends tonight.’

  Chapter Thirty Three

  ‘Beth, just tell her if she doesn’t do it then she can say goodbye to her friend’s party next week.’

  Major Roux was growing all the more agitated at his daughter’s refusal to do her homework. Young Katie was the typical teenager, 14, misunderstood, and saw her parents as the enemy.

  ‘Will do,’ shouted Beth, the Major’s better half, from up the stairs. Sitting in his study going through the books for the month, the Major needed quiet.

  Then he heard the door.

  ‘For fuck sake,’ he thought.

  On his way to the door, Beth shouted down ‘You got it?’

  ‘Yes, dear, probably next door again asking to borrow my tools,’ Roux replied.

  ‘Irritating bastards,’ he added under his breath.

  Opening the door, the Major saw a bunch of men stood there in balaclavas. One of the men hit the Major with the butt of a rifle and knocked him clean out.

  Coming round a few minutes later, the Major woke to the sounds of screaming. ‘Beth! Katie!’ Roux cried out as he saw his wife and daughter with their hands tied.

  Roux tried to swing out at the man in front of him but fell sideways onto the floor. He had been tied up too. ‘You’re dead men, dead men,’ Roux hissed as one of the masked men sat him back up in his chair.

  The man in front of Roux removed his balaclava. ‘I am Valukana, the man one of your idiot soldier boys tried to buy semtex off earlier.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘We are talking about Trigg. He has an obsession with a friend of mine named Joey Graziano, and Joey’s friend Tommy. This will stop, tonight.’

  ‘Or?’ inquired Roux.

  Valukana nodded to the man on his left who started to pour liquid over Roux’s wife Beth and their daughter Katie.

  Roux began to rage as he recognised the smell of the liquid. It was petrol.

  Valukana threw a plastic bag which looked like it had a large ball inside it onto Roux’s lap and told another man to take the bag off. The man peeled the bag away. Something sticky clung onto the inside of the plastic as the bag was removed.

  ‘Ugh,’ Roux exclaimed as he shuffled the object from his lap onto the floor. The object was a human head. ‘Who is it?’ Roux asked.

  Picking up the severed head, Valukana put it directly in front of Roux. Valukana was smiling. ‘What? You don’t remember your own men? Our dear friend 2nd Lieutenant Graves? If it’s any consolation, he did put a smile on my face. He was a fighter, had spirit. But by the time we took his head off, he had given you up, the way they always do.’

  ‘Who else have you killed?’ asked Roux

  ‘Well now, let’s see. We took four of your guys from the docks this morning. Erm, one was called Li’l Pete - he had a mouth on him – some fucking stuttering prick called Melvin, and the other two I can’t remember. Anyways we set them on fire and tossed their crispy bodies into the Humber, ha-ha. Was quite entertaining actually, watching them dancing around on fire. We had bets on who would stop dancing first. Yeah, it was a sight. Then we visited your tobacco warehouse on Ings and fucked that up too. We stole all your shit then put eight of your guys in cement. You see, we have some works going on at an old factory we are restoring. Anyways, seems your guys will be helping us with laying the foundations, so to speak, ha-ha. You don’t believe me? Look at these.’

  Another masked man showed Roux some photos of the burnt bodies and then of the men who were thrown into the cement.

  Roux sat there in silence.

  ‘So that’s twelve of your men gone in – what - a few hours. Word is you’re about a 30 man strong outfit. My guess is that the rest are running by now, my friend, if they haven’t stopped to tell you, so you’re all alone. It’s over for your outfit. Me and my guys here run this shit now. We have been quietly pissing all over Hull marking our territory for days. It’s our playground now and you didn’t notice a thing. Slack, Major Roux, slack.’

  ‘So what are you going to do with my family?’

  ‘Well, that’s entirely up to you, Roux. Firstly, I am taking over Hull. All your shit stops. You get the fuck out tonight. Secondly, you sever all ties with that twisted fuck Trigg and his pals. You leave them to us.’

  ‘And if I don’t?’ asked Roux.

  ‘Well,’ Valukana lit a cigarette, ‘if you don’t, I light a fucking match.’

  Chapter Thirty Four

  After all the waiting, all the jitters, she had finally said yes. I
tell you to see her face light up the way it did, to see her smile like she did, it was a beautiful thing.

  After we got home Emma spent hours and hours on the telephone telling everyone in the world it seemed. I had agreed to meet Joey in the morning, so I would tell him then. He was the only person I had to tell really.

  I sat in the living room for a little bit of peace. Emma could get a gold medal for chatting and I was tired as my strength had still not returned to what it was. I seemed to get tired quicker. I was skinny compared to what I was but the weight was coming back slowly but surely, one sausage roll at a time.

  Getting used to my left hand being minus the two fingers was the real bummer, though. I was always right handed but it’s mad the things you still do with your left. For example, I couldn’t reach for the remote with my left hand any more as I used to, it was weird tying shoe laces and much harder to wash my hair. It sounds crazy but even when I took a piss, I always took my cock out with my right hand, but when I put it away again I always zipped up with my left, so all that was confusing too. I would never have thought that my two bottom fingers did anything useful.

  Sitting in the living room I gazed out of the window. It was pissing it down outside and I remember thinking back to years ago when I was just a teen, astray and mental with Trigg. I remembered hating this city, hating the fact it rained all the time. Funny thing is I prayed for it when I was shackled from head to toe in that mud pit. I longed for something to remind me of here, this place, my home. There really was no place like home.

  I smiled to myself in the hope that maybe, just maybe, things were working out. I remember Joey’s mam used to say ‘smile and the world smiles back’. It’s fucking right that is. This doing good shit was really working out for me. I was becoming something along the lines of a decent person, and it made me feel human again.

  It seemed I had drifted off into a warm cosy sleep when I woke to Emma and Sarah’s laughs as they giggled at me.

  ‘I’m drooling again aren’t I?’ I asked. I knew I looked like Homer Simpson when I slept, as any bloke does really.

  ‘No,’ Emma laughed. Neither her nor Sarah could contain their amusement as they laughed uncontrollably.

  What were they laughing at?

  I got up and walked like a zombie to the kitchen, I was tired and figured I’d have a protein shake before bedtime. It was 2.30 in the morning so I needed to go to sleep, however Emma and Sarah were drunk and I could see a couple of empty rosé wine bottles on the kitchen counter.

  As I mixed my shake I noticed my reflection in the microwave. The pair of buggers had ‘trannied’ me.

  Getting ‘trannied’ means that if you fall asleep, somebody puts lipstick on you, does your hair and applies make-up to your face, hence the term tranny, as in transvestite.

  ‘You pair of twats,’ I laughed. They kept on giggling like schoolgirls. ‘I think you have to admit, though, that I make one sexy bitch.’

  They had done a good job on me I have to say. It was a good prank. I figured what the hell and joined Emma and Sarah for a few drinks. We chatted for hours and it was nice. Sarah was Emma’s best friend, just like Joey was to me.

  Hmmm…’There’s a thought,’ I wondered.

  I just came out and said it. ‘Hey Sarah…didn’t you ever like Joey?’

  She looked at Emma and then back to me. She looked puzzled.

  ‘He’s married though, so…?’

  ‘Not for long, hun. Divorce papers are in. Tell you what, he’s a good lad, y’know. He’d look after you, and on top he has a killer personality. I just think you two would get on. You’re lovely, he’s my best mate. Makes sense, yeah?’

  ‘What do you think, Ems?’ asked Sarah, but by the look on her face she had already made up her mind.

  Laughing at us both, Emma smiled and said ‘Hey, he is always checking you out Sarah when he comes around, so I know he’s interested. Go for it. Just glad he’s got rid of that bitch he married. He has just had bad luck with women. Before that who was it, Tommy?’

  ‘Ha-ha, it was that go-go dancer.’

  ‘You mean stripper, Tommy, he was with er…ooo …. what was her name?’

  ‘Jenna Jugs!’ I blurted out.

  Emma laughed because that wasn’t her name but her name was nevertheless Jenna, and yes she had the jugs. It was just she was mentally unstable and crashed Joey into a McDonalds drive thru one night because Joey called her a nut.

  ‘She was fit though, honey. Mmm,’ I said

  ‘You just watch it, mister,’ laughed Emma.

  What a night it had been, the proposal went great, Emma was happy, and now it seemed I was setting Joey up with a decent girl for once… Get in!

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Once my pulse had returned to normal I started to take in just how close I had been, Valukana outlined to me just how dangerous X Company were, or had been.

  Sat in Valukana’s new casino, which was yet to be opened, we had a good talk. Here was this man who I’d never heard of a few months ago, I do him a few small favours and he saves my life. No matter how different we were, I owed him.

  I asked Valukana if there was anything I could do. He didn’t have to help me, he could have let me rot. But he didn’t. While I’m not so stupid as to know Valukana had his own reasons for wanting to take down X, he didn’t have to do it tonight.

  Seeming pretty relaxed, Valukana started telling me about his plans, clubs he was going to buy. This man was aiming for the top, but not the type of ‘top’ normal people refer to. He wanted the underworld falling at his feet. I said to him I didn’t want to know about his criminal endeavours. He respected my wishes but also wanted to outline what kind of a man he was, who X was and what they had done, and also wanted me to know that I owed him nothing. He looked at me, as icy as ever and said…

  ‘Joey, I always say, if someone does me right, I do them right; if someone does me wrong…they die.’

  Needless to say, I was glad to be on this man’s good side.

  He told me many a story about the crime in our area though. Over the last few years, X had controlled most of the organised activity in Hull, something I wasn’t aware of. I actually thought I was clued up to a lot of what was going on due to my connections but, in truth, I didn’t know anything. I had a judge telling me it was Albanians running the show six months back, then a barrister I knew told me he had info it was all about the Turks. What I had learned was that the whispers in our system were exactly that, and these criminals had us right where they wanted us - clueless. Word was X had the docks, had men working on different levels getting things in and out past the all-evil customs and excise agents. From tobacco to whisky, anything that was deemed profitable, X tried to deal in it. Of course there were drugs too, but only more recently.

  The more disturbing fact which Valukana brought to my attention was the willingness of the law enforcement people to turn a blind eye if the price was right. Scary.

  We sat for a few hours, just talking.

  I told Valukana that I would have to be careful if we were to be friends, and that I couldn’t spend too much time around his sort. I felt awful saying it but I took my career seriously and from what I picked up from the time we had been chatting, I really couldn’t be near this guy.

  We agreed we would stick to the occasional game of golf, which was a relief because this man was just scary, no matter how friendly he was to me. He was focused, determined, but most of all feared. He had got rid of X Company more or less in the course of one day - one day! If he could do that I figured his methods involved more than talking. I couldn’t be around people like that, but I offered my legal services all the same should he find himself in the dock. He wanted to spill the details of how he got rid of Major Roux and co, but I didn’t want to know. He left it alone, stating only that he had had a ‘messy’ few days.

  I had to leave, needed to get my head down after the night’s drama. On my way out Valukana told me to be vigilant. He had heard that Trigg
had been trying to get a contract out on someone. Valukana told me I would be watched for a few weeks by one of his men. I wanted to call the police but he wouldn’t have it. He said they couldn’t ‘protect fuck all’. I have to admit I agreed. The thing about the police in our country is they are not issued with guns, so when it comes to the hardcore crims, they are at a disadvantage straightaway.

  I agreed on the principle but I was not to be bothered. Valukana said I wouldn’t even see the man protecting me. ‘He will remain discrete. He will not be seen or heard. He will remain in the shadows, Joey.’

  ‘Wow, is it Batman?’ I laughed.

  ‘No, Batman would be this guy’s bitch, trust me.’

  It felt kind of cool knowing I had someone protecting me, but I have to admit I was still shaken.

  Valukana got me a car home. On the way I kept thinking of poor Tommy. I had suffered for just a few minutes under the hands of some thugs, but I was saved. I kept thinking how in hell Tommy had survived such an ordeal. How did his mind; his body, deal with the torture?

  It was only yesterday Tommy had made fun of his own hand where he had lost two fingers. He said it was his ‘ninja turtle’ hand. I guess Tommy was made different to me because I think I would have just died if I had had to go through that much pain, that much torture.

  Torture…Christ the word just makes me shiver.

  Chapter Thirty Six

  ‘It’s over, Trigg. I am not at all happy with your irresponsible behaviour and the havoc it has reaped on X Company. I never gave that order. That is why we have rules. Now it’s all over.’ Major Roux couldn’t hide his incandescent anger.

  ‘It’ll be sorted, Major, just calm down. Who the fuck is this guy, this Valukana? I for one have never heard of the prick. If you say he can’t be bought, can he be got?’