Heart of the Music (Saints & Sinners #1)

by Kaithlin Shepherd

  “Are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to come over here and let me put my hands all over you?” Jarrod shot her a wink and she melted a little. She joined him on the sofa, slowly removing his T-shirt from her body, letting it fall to the floor. “Fuck, baby…. Look at you, so fucking sexy.”

  She helped him remove his jeans. “I want to ride you,” she told him before helping him with the condom, her voice bold and confident. Straddling him, she placed her legs comfortably on each side of his body on the sofa.

  “Fuck, yeah.” He put one hand on the back of her neck, the other on her ass as she sank down over his cock. She loved the control he had over her with this hold. When she squeezed her inner muscles around him, she had to smile when he swore under his breath and kissed her.

  “Oh, God, Jarrod.” She felt so full with him inside of her, as if something was missing when they weren’t together. Giving herself the leverage she needed to move comfortably over him, she braced her hands on his shoulders. Patricia threw her head back when she started moving.

  “Shit, Trish…. Feels so fucking good, baby. Look at me when you ride me. I wanna see you fly with my cock buried inside you.”

  “I’m so close…. Oh, God.” He used the hold he had on her ass to help her move up and down his cock, sending little shocks down to her toes.

  “That’s it, baby. Give it to me. I’m right there with you, Trish.” She came so hard, screaming his name, she feared she might pass out. As promised, he was right there with her, thrusting his hips in deeper as he came.

  Her body fell forward onto his, her head buried in his neck, breathing hard and covered in sweat. Jarrod ran his hands up and down her back. “You okay?”

  “Hmm, more than okay,” she whispered into his ear, kissing his earlobe. They stayed like that all day, ordering movies, eating, and having crazy, wild sex.

  When the alarm went off the next morning, Patricia wanted to throw the thing out the window, but knew they had a long day ahead since the guys were doing a children’s hospital visit. But for the moment, she was in the only place she wanted to be. Jarrod’s arm was around her waist, her back to his chest; this was her kind of heaven. When the alarm buzzed for the second time, he finally woke up.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, pulling her closer to him. She loved how he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she said, kissing his arm where it rested against her breast. It felt so natural to wake up with him. She couldn’t believe they had wasted so many years.

  When the phone rang, she laughed and Jarrod cursed as he answered it on speakerphone. “This better be a life or death situation.”

  “Well, good morning to you, too.” Sam must have the worst timing in the history of the world.

  “What do you want, Sam?” Jarrod asked, kissing the top of her hair.

  “Well, since there was no answer in Patricia’s room, I assume she’s with you, so this is to let you both know that you have thirty minutes to shower and get your asses down here.” Shit, sometimes she hated her job.

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  When he hung up, he pulled her on top of him. Her breasts were pressed against his chest. “Any regrets?”

  She lifted her head and when her eyes met his, rightness settled in her chest. This was anything but a mistake. She was in love with him. “None, you?”

  When he said, “Hell, no,” they both laughed.

  She looked at the clock. They had to get up and get ready if they didn’t want to be late. “We have to get moving, or Sam is going to kill us both.”

  When she turned on the water in the glass-enclosed shower, she let the hot water fall on her, slowly feeling the soreness in her muscles disappear. Patricia closed her eyes and let the water soak her hair. Two strong hands touched her shoulders, rubbing some of the tension away. “Jar, we have to get ready.”

  “I know, babe. I’m saving us time here by joining you for a shower,” he said as his hands caressed her breasts.

  She let her head fall back on his chest. They shouldn’t be doing this, but his hands felt too good to stop him. Instead of taking it to the next level, Jarrod poured some shampoo in his hands and washed her hair. He massaged her scalp until all the shampoo had washed away. She took some soap and washed his arms, then his chest, taking her time, enjoying the feel of his body against her hands. They took turns washing each other, laughing and joking around, as if it was the most natural thing in the whole world. They would have to talk about this soon, but right then, she wanted to simply enjoy the moments they spent together. To her surprise, Jarrod stopped the water and handed her a towel, ending their alone time without trying for more.

  When they made their appearance in the lobby, the guys whistled at them and Patricia just smiled. She should be embarrassed right? But she wasn’t. The fact that they didn’t have to hide that something had changed between them was a relief.

  She heard one of the guys mumble, “Finally.” She and Jarrod just laughed, and then he did something unexpected. He dropped his bag to the floor, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her in close. He lowered his mouth to hers, and the moment their lips met, she felt fireworks go off.

  He drew away and took her hand in his, and when she looked at the men who were like brothers to her, her heart expanded with the love and happiness that surrounded her. All of the band were smiling at them. Sam walked up to the couple and kissed her on the cheek. “Well, now that we got that out of the way, we have sick kids to go see.”

  Chapter Five

  3 years ago

  Patricia

  “Going to a wedding dateless. Way to be the talk of the night there, Trish.” Leave it to her to have a date cancel on her an hour before her friend’s wedding. Now she was going to have to show up alone, and endure countless comments about her love life and how she wasn’t getting any younger. She checked herself in the mirror and had to admit she looked pretty good. Her hair was tied back in a sleek ponytail, her lips were painted red, and the dress she had designed herself made her look sexy, if she did say so herself. The dress was a strapless, navy blue dress, made out of delicate lace that flared at the hips, giving her an old-fashioned yet sexy look for the evening. She was putting on her shoes when her doorbell rang. She almost choked when she saw Jarrod standing on her doorstep.

  “Well, aren’t you all dressed up, suit and everything. What’s the occasion?” she asked him, moving away from the door to let him in. As he walked by her, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, his hand pressing against her lower back, making her shiver at his touch.

  “Well, I’m pretty sure showing up to a wedding in jeans and a t-shirt would not go over very well,” he said, flashing her the smile that melted all of her worries. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

  She blushed a little, showing once again that she wasn’t immune to his charm. She hated the way he got to her and how she could never hide her feelings when she was around him. “Wait, did you say wedding?”

  “I believe I did,” he said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal.

  “How did you know about the wedding?” she asked him, her hands on her hips. There was no way she was going to a wedding with Jarrod.

  He sat down on one of her kitchen stools, his legs stretched in front of him. “Sam called me after you talked to him to tell me the asshole, who was supposed to go with you, cancelled, so here I am. Can’t be dateless at a wedding. They say it's bad luck.”

  “Jar, as much as I appreciate you showing up here, I couldn’t ask you to go to this wedding. It’s going to be boring and long. Trust me, you don’t want to go.”

  “Don’t tell me what I do or don’t want, Trish. What I don’t want is for you to show up to this wedding alone and have some asshole think he can get lucky. So grab your purse and let’s go have some fun.” She leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist. She let herself linger a bit longer than she should ha
ve, but being pressed against his body felt so good, she couldn’t do anything but stay there.

  Jarrod whispered in her ear, “We should get going.” Then he let go of the hold he had on her, grabbed her jacket, and headed toward the door.

  They made small talk all the way to the venue where the wedding was being held. He asked her about her friend, Melissa, and how they had met. She didn’t have many friends apart from the guys, but Melissa and she had hit it off from the start. Seeing her friend so happy and in love made her realize how much she wanted those things as well.

  “I was in Miami for Fashion Week and she was working for a big house fashion brand. Long story short, we ended up at the same after party and we hit it off instantly.” The night they met had been brutal, and when they bumped into each other at the bar, they became instant friends.

  “She’s smart then,” he told her from the driver’s seat.

  “How so?” she asked him as she looked at his strong profile. The man was getting even better looking with time; it wasn’t fair.

  “She knew just how great you are.” He squeezed her thigh as he spoke, and she felt his touch down to her soul.

  “Look at you sweet talking my ears off tonight.” She loved teasing him, but something felt different that night, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

  “It isn’t sweet talking if it’s the truth, babe.”

  The ceremony was beautiful, and as she watched her friend and her new husband take their first dance, she should have been happy beyond words, but couldn’t help but feel a sense of emptiness and, if she were honest with herself, a bit of jealousy. In that moment, her eyes landed on Jarrod, who was at the bar getting their drinks. He had lost his tie after the ceremony, his shirt was un-tucked, and when her eyes locked with his, she saw something that made her ache inside: he was happy. If there was one thing she knew about Jarrod, it was his ability to fake a smile and make everyone think he was enjoying himself, but right then, there were no lies. He was truly happy. She knew the feelings she had for him could never blossom into anything; they could never have more than the friendship they had, but she loved that man. It didn’t matter how many times she told herself it was wrong, that he would hurt her, she still loved him more every day.

  “Lost in your thoughts?” His voice brought her back to reality. She hadn’t even noticed him move closer to her.

  “Just thinking about how beautiful and happy Mel looks tonight,” she said, taking the drink he handed her.

  “Well, she isn’t the only one who looks beautiful tonight,” he whispered in her ear as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She watched his hand as he sat his drink on the table and took her by the hand. “Let’s dance.”

  Patricia couldn’t hide her smile as she took his hand and they headed toward the dance floor. “You know, this actually feels kind of normal,” he said as he put one hand around her waist. His touch sent goose bumps across her skin.

  “What do you mean?” She tilted her head to see a smile on his face.

  “Just this—you and me—feels normal,” he stated firmly.

  “Jarrod,” she whispered his name.

  “Even that feels natural… my name on your lips. You can’t tell me this doesn’t feel like it’s exactly where you should be.” His finger pressed underneath her chin, tilting her head up so their eyes were locked, and she couldn’t lie to him.

  “No, I can’t.” She didn’t say more. Instead, she pressed her head against his chest and lived in the moment.

  Present Day

  Patricia

  As they made their way to the children’s hospital, Patricia took a few seconds in between answering emails and returning calls to look at the men surrounding her. Jarrod and Mike were going over acoustic arrangements for their performance today, Austin and Tyler were playing video games in the back lounge of the bus, and Sam was sitting in front of her answering some fan mail. To most people, their lifestyle seemed like an alternate reality, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. She knew she wouldn’t be able to do this forever, not when she wanted kids so badly, but for a long time, she’d enjoyed every second of it. Now, she knew it wasn’t what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. This job was hard on anyone, and she couldn’t help but feel like she had given more than enough.

  Without looking up at her, Sam spoke softly. “So, do you want to tell me how you feel about you and Jarrod?”

  “Not really,” she said, not wanting to talk about something she couldn’t even define herself, “but it was worth the wait.” She couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Are you ever going to tell him?” Sam didn’t need to specify what he was talking about. Patricia knew the day would come when she would have to tell Jarrod and the rest of the guys about her desire to do something else with her life, although now was not the time.

  “I will, but not today.” She dove back into her emails and distracted herself with more work until they arrived at the hospital.

  “You know they’ll all support you,” he told her, no questioning in his voice.

  “I know.” She focused her attention back on the emails she still needed to answer, desperate to avoid having this conversation today.

  When they pulled up to the hospital, Patricia stepped off the bus to be greeted by the PR Director, who also happened to be her friend. “Patricia Monroe, come over here and give me a hug.”

  “Hi, Mel.” She went in for a hug. God, she really needed to make an effort to see her more often.

  “I’ve missed you. You could call more, you know,” Melissa said as she pulled away.

  “I know. I’m just so busy that time slips away from me.” She really had no reason for being a lousy friend apart from being so caught up in her own life she had neglected her friendship with her good friend.

  “Oh, I bet it does, being surrounded by hot men and all.” They both laughed before Melissa welcomed the guys and walked them through the day’s schedule.

  Throughout the day, Patricia told herself this was why she loved these guys so much. They spent more time than they’d planned with all of the kids. They sang and played with them, and it was great to see the brightening smiles on the kids’ faces. She caught Jarrod looking at her a few times during the visit and she smiled back, trying to be discreet, despite blushing every time he looked her way.

  This was the last patient to visit for the day. When Patricia and Jarrod walked into the room, her heart was torn from her chest. Jacob was nine years old and had been battling a rare form of leukemia since the age of five. These visits were always so emotional, and to witness the strength of these kids was beyond inspiring. Jarrod walked to Jacob first and shook his hand. “Hi, Jacob, I’m Jarrod and this is Patricia.”

  Patricia walked over to Jarrod, sliding between his body and the bed to sit down next to Jacob. “Hi Jacob. You are one handsome little man.”

  The minute Jacob saw Jarrod, his eyes became brighter and his smile wider, making the emotional roller coaster of the day worth it. The minute she finished greeting him, the young man looked at them both, then focused on Jarrod. “She’s pretty. Is she your girlfriend?”

  Jarrod laughed as he no doubt looked at the stunned expression on her face. “Can you keep a secret?” he asked and the boy nodded. “I’m trying to make her my girlfriend…. Have any tips for me?” he questioned, leaning closer to Jacob.

  “Flowers and chocolate. They usually work, oh, and I write little notes to Christina—she stays in the next room—and they always make her smile.” Jacob told them with a wide smile.

  “Chocolate, flowers, and notes…. Got it. Thanks, man!” Jarrod said as he high-fived Jacob.

  After spending some time with Jacob, it was time to head out. Jarrod said goodbye, leaving Patricia to lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

  “I think he likes you a lot!”

  With a smile, she said, “Don’t tell him, but I kind of like him a lot too.”

  Hours later, Patricia was e
xhausted from making sure every reporter had enough time to ask the guys questions, coordinating all the photo opportunities, and talking with the parents of these kids, who broke her heart. The guys didn’t do this for the press opportunities, but there was no way to avoid accommodating the reporters who did show up after receiving the announcement from the hospital’s public relations’ department. They were all ready to head back to the bus and enjoy some much needed time off at home, when Melissa grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. “Honey, I know you’re trying to hide it, but it’s written all over both your faces.”

  Patricia didn’t know how to respond, so Melissa took her hands. “You’ve been in love with him forever, and honey, by the way he keeps looking at you, he feels the same way. Just be honest with him.”

  Before she could respond, Sam called her name, and told her they were ready to go, so she hugged her friend one last time and said, “I have to go. And I love you, even when you’re right.”

  On the bus ride back from the hospital, Patricia managed to get away from the guys for a little bit and crawled up in her bunk, trying to make sense of everything that was going on. These hospital visits always made her emotional and forced her to put things in perspective, and God knew she had a lot of things to think about. She felt tears build at the same time Mike popped his head in beside her bunk.

  “You okay?” he asked. Mike and she had a rough realtionship at the beginning, but to see them now, you’d never picture them at each other’s throats.

  “I’m fine,” she lied.

  “Hmm, fine means you hiding in your bunk with tears in your eyes? Want to try that again?”

  “There’s just a lot going on right now, Mike….”

  “You knew this would happen eventually. Even if you say you didn’t want to let it happen, it was just a matter of time before it did. You don’t get that many chances to find love. I’m not talking about love that lasts a few months and then dissipates. I’m talking about the kind of love that people dream about finding, the one that lasts beyond the grave. You and Jarrod are two of the most stubborn people I know, who found in each other… something that makes guys like me hope to be as lucky one day. Is it scary? Hell, yes. But that doesn’t mean you should run away from it. Let him show you the man you make him want to be.”