Hellbent: Ces Waters & Me

by Margaret Wentworth

  Ces told Sylvia he was well prepared for his court case. His testimony was going to be that Dean killed Allen Hall out of jealousy, because Dean had been having an affair with Christine.

  Ces’s last contact with Gloria

  Laverne and Lee said that before Ces died, he sent Gloria, who was in a coma, a postcard with words like: ‘I hope you rot in hell you bitch and never come out of it.’ Gloria died several months afterwards. Apparently, Guy has a copy of this postcard in his possession.

  37 Battle Scars and Inspirations

  I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

  Winston Churchill, 1941

  A few months after Ces’s death, Margaret Barnett was able to raise enough money for an impressive granite headstone for his grave located on the corner of our bush block. On it is a coloured photo of Ces wearing his beanie, gold engraved boxing gloves, and:

  BOXING LEGEND

  HE WENT OUT A WINNER

  NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN BY

  MARGARET, IAN, DANNY AND JASON

  Margaret continues to hold the flame for Ces, her loyalty intense, her home a shrine, her message for this book emotive and powerful:

  Ces Waters came into my life about nine years ago, at a time when I was approaching the end of an unhappy marriage of long standing. I felt worthless, my confidence in my ability to live each day to its full potential non-existent, and apart from the maternal love for my two sons, I felt I could no longer give or receive love.

  Ces changed my attitude over the next year or so, giving me the confidence to become a person in my own right, showing me I was able to live a full life, and making me realise that I finally had the confidence and feelings of a woman who knew herself to be her own person, not someone who had to stay colourlessly in the background.

  I gradually came to love Ces with a determination and compassion which enriched both lives. I had to stand and watch Ces’s family slowly and surely destroy the family unit culminating in the final horror of the web of lies created about him, and around him. I became his lifeline to sanity and only I knew and understood the heartbreak and the sense of betrayal which ultimately destroyed him.

  Ces Waters is now at rest, and whatever is said about him and his lifestyle can no longer upset him. I am still bitter about his family’s accusations, knowing I cannot refute them without cast-iron proof - and the proof I have at my fingertips would probably not exempt me from libel charges. Therefore, I have to keep silent, grieving for Ces, and knowing his love for his• children never wavered, yet the sadness that enclosed him in his final days became too great a burden for an already tired heart.

  It was a fitting end to a colourful life that Ces Waters died celebrating a boxing victory by a young man he was training. The emptiness of my life now is tempered with the knowledge that my faith in Ces has remained unshaken and gives me confidence to face life without him.

  To some, albeit a few, Ces died a hero. He did some good in the world, created a famous boxing club and an on-going soccer club in Kulnura, and spent time bringing pleasure and motivation to able and disabled children. Ces also gave his trainees the fitness, skills and mindset to achieve amazing success in the ring. Unorthodox and controversial, he was a great character in the horse racing and boxing worlds and respected for his achievements.

  The fact that Ces almost became one of Australia’s top trainer-coaches has lessons beyond sport. There is ample evidence we are building a world fit for psychopathic tendencies. Meekness is despised in high-level sport, business, and politics. Energy and positivity are counted as traits to be valued over thoughtfulness, caution and an easy tolerance. Image overshadows reality. Getting caught is still a vice but not getting caught is the mark of the lion. Intense focus, discipline, charm, the gift of the gab, an insatiable thirst for achievement and public praise, are all desirable qualities of trainers and leaders. Ces Waters scored high on all scales. If Dean had become heavyweight champion of the world and Ces had controlled his need for revenge against Allen Hall, I’m sure Ces would be alive today. He’d be on that speaking circuit at $200 a minute for 25 minutes of his philosophy, and have ‘em rocking in the aisles. He’d have loved taking his place in the Australian pantheon of great motivators and trainers, like Ron Barassi, Harry Hopman, Alan Jones, Percy Cerutty and Forbes Carlyle.

  Ces was at his best in the community, where he could only enthuse, cajole and coax. But where he could dominate, in his ugly moods, he was a vicious tyrant who pulled every string of those unable to resist, including physical threat and abuse, social isolation and psychological warfare. He left all four of his children and his wives with bitter memories and mental scars, caused the death of at least one man and caused much grief. Yet there was punishment for Ces when, one by one, his family turned their back on him, their rejection devastating. The police tapes proved the police smarter than the fox. His isolation and, more even than the fear of the impending slam of a cell door, a fall in the esteem of the world pained him, gnawed and knotted his insides, grabbed his heart and stopped it beating. Ces left behind a trail of broken dreams and damaged lives. With him gone, it’s Healing Time.

  Dean, freed from conviction, can pursue a -normal lifestyle surrounded by family and friends. Both he and Guy have retired from boxing. Troy may still reap rich rewards. His natural athletic talent, combined with skills from Ces and other boxing professionals, gives him an edge. Tracey’s inner strength is focused on happiness and security for her family.

  I hope they can all go on to lead fulfilling lives. Especially Dean, who has shown some of the bullying, controlling traits of his father. Certainly environmental. But is it a genetic legacy as well, passed from grandfather to father to son? Will Dean break the cycle of abuse?

  I wish I could still admire Ces. My experience of him has been profound, my emotions taken from caring, happiness and trust, through a process of doubt, then fear and bitter loathing, finally sadness. I cannot forget or forgive the destruction and hurt Ces caused to so many who offered friendship and love, trust and admiration. He had the potential to do so much good and be such an inspiring role model. Yet he could never shake off the demons of his past.

  Perhaps he never wanted to.

  Ces touched my life with both good and evil, changed me. He was an important part of my life experience and, along with other milestones, I have been forced to face my fears and rise above them. These days I’m willing to take more risks, stand up for causes and be more forthright about life, feelings and opinions. The shy naive Margie who hid in the shadows to avoid being noticed is stepping out, emerging as a stronger woman, and more street-smart too. Credit also to John, my stalwart, my dearest friend. Ces was wind and fire, but John was rock. And my heart sings when I remember I’ve reached my middle years with mind and body intact, an unquenchable love of life, a smile on my lips and a positive outlook. I am ready for new challenges, new adventures. I won’t let me hold myself back anymore.

  The Waters’ energy has dissipated and peace has descended on Bumble Hill. As I sit on the verandah there are no distant sounds of barking dogs, yelled instructions and punching fists, just the tinkling bellbirds, melodic currawongs and rustling gum leaves.

  Ces always liked having the last word:

  It seemed like only yesterday I was a frightened young boy in Manchester, pressing my face into mum’s soup-stained apron, wanting to feel safe in a threatening world. Then a young lad, toughened by experience, staring into the star-studded night sky, wondering what would become of my life. Illiterate and poor, I didn’t have very much going for me at the time, except an unquenchable desire to make my mark upon this earth, and a fiery spirit that wouldn’t take No for an answer.

  My life education has been one of the severest that a man could have. Too much hatred and bitterness, retaliations and punishment resulting in many wasted years behind bars. Yet there were glorious golden moments studded with diamond seconds. And there was such excitement!

/>   I’d never wish my life on anyone else, but I’m glad I was able to experience it myself. I have no regrets.

  true