Building the Family

by Amy DeMeritt

  Awenasa asked me what my heart was feeling. I told her I was confused. Part of me is intrigued by her and what could possibly develop, but part of me wishes I wasn’t available to allow anything to develop. She just told me to think with my heart and let it guide me. I wanted to tell her that my heart was begging for her, but I kept it to myself. Awenasa has always known what I want, but it’s never resulted in the type of relationship I want with her.

  When I get to the tree, Madison is already standing with her back against the tree and her legs crossed, with her bookbag on the ground next to her. With the sun shining through the patches of leaves, she looks like she’s glittering with little sun discs dancing all over her. She’s looking in the other direction, but just before I reach her, she turns and smiles more brilliantly than the sun shining on her as our eyes lock on each other’s.

  She pushes off from the tree and grabs her bag, slinging it over her shoulders.

  “To the Court?”

  “Uh, no. That’s where the other one is headed. Want to walk over to Oliver Street? There’s a bunch of places over there.”

  “Sure. So, tell me about this girl.” She looks at me with a cute smirk and it makes me blush. “Not really anything to tell. Just before you texted, she asked if I wanted to get lunch at the Court.”

  “Have you ever talked before?”

  “No.”

  “What does she look like?” Madison is smiling in a mischievous way, as if she knows she’s making me uncomfortable with discussing this. I give her a brief description, leaving out the rainbow sweatband, but Madison smiles broadly. “She likes you.”

  “We’ve never spoken, so she can’t like me in any way.”

  “Not true. She could be attracted to you physically. You don’t need to know anything about someone to be physically attracted. Sometimes, knowing a person heightens the attraction, but it’s not necessary for the initial attraction.”

  “Is that your professional psychological analysis?”

  “It is.”

  “Well, it sounded very scholarly. Only been here a few weeks and you’re already sounding brilliant.” Madison laughs and bumps into me playfully. “So, what are you going to do about her?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? I’m getting lunch with you.” Madison smiles and looks down at her feet for a moment before playfully bumping into me again. “What’s your favorite topping?”

  “Hot fudge.”

  “Why do you enjoy making me have cravings? Now we’re going to have to get sundaes after this.” I laugh and shrug my shoulders. “Well, if I’m going to be dragged out of bed at 3am to hunt dangerous mythical creatures, I need to indulge as much as possible in case I don’t survive the adventure with you.”

  “Fair enough.”

  The pizza shop is packed with other college students standing around waiting for their orders and to place orders. We look at each other, and at the same exact time, we say, “Dessert first?”, and laugh. We walk out of the pizza shop and look up and down the street for some place to get ice cream. Oliver Street has everything – we just have to find what we want. Both sides of the street are lined with mainly restaurants and scattered with the occasional little shop or campus stores.

  “There’s another pizza place up the street a little bit. Look.” She points across the street, about a block away. “Chicago Pie. You want to see if they’re less crowded?”

  “Sure.”

  This place is busy, but not as crowded as the first place we tried. The first place was more of just a takeout place with a couple small tables, but this is a real sit down restaurant. There are some larger groups waiting to be seated, but we’re able to be seated at a small booth as soon as we come in.

  “Can I ask you something personal that might sound weird?” My stomach drops and my heart starts to race. This doesn’t sound good. “Ok.”

  “Do you dye your hair?” I laugh and instantly feel my nerves relax. “No, it’s naturally this dark.” My hair is almost black, poker straight, and comes to the middle of my back. “Can I ask you another question?” She’s staring in my eyes, and I smile. “I don’t wear contacts either.” She smiles and laughs a little. “So, your eyes are naturally ocean blue?” I smile and nod. “One more question?” I laugh and wait. “How are you so tan? Your skin glows like the red clay in the creek near my house back home.”

  “That would be credited to my Cherokee blood.”

  “I thought so. Well, that you have Native American in you. I didn’t know what tribe. That’s really cool. Ok, your turn. Ask me three questions.”

  Chapter Four

  I’ve had a really long hard day of classes and I just want to crash in my bed, but instead, I’m sitting on a bench near my dorm building, locked out of my room. Just as I was getting ready to plop down on my bed, my roommate grabbed my arm and roughly shoved me out of the room and pulled her boyfriend inside. Before I could recover my footing and try to protest, the door was locked and I was left standing in the hall.

  I rarely see my roommate. She’s a morning person and is up and gone before my alarm goes off. She usually doesn’t get back till late in the evening, if she comes home at all. It’s actually pretty nice because I usually have the whole room to myself. I guess I can’t complain too much that I’m sitting on a bench instead of lying in my bed, given the usual freedom and full reign of the room that I typically have.

  Madison has a late class today, so she won’t be free for a couple hours, and Josh is at hockey practice. I’m not normally so anti-social, but sitting on this bench alone and realizing I have only two people on this campus that I can call or text to hang out with makes me realize just how shut in I’ve been this month. I talk to friends from back home through text or calls, but I haven’t taken the time to try to get to know anyone else here.

  I lay down on the bench with my knees in the air and my head slightly hanging backwards off the bench. The world looks so different upside down. When I was a kid, I used to like to hang upside down from tree branches and imagine I was walking in the clouds. I like to follow lines upside down and see them disappear in the distance. It’s very disorienting and makes me feel like I’m looking at an optical illusion. Just as I’m starting to feel dizzy from following the backwards lines, two smooth barely tanned legs walk into my view and stop a couple feet in front of me, or rather behind me.

  I scan up the legs and small framed girl and my eyes meet Shane’s golden caramel eyes. Her thin soft lips curl into a grin and she takes a couple steps closer to me. She stops inches from me and my eyes annoyingly scan her body again, resting a moment on her smooth thighs. She’s wearing a pair of very short cutoff jean shorts, a tight black tank top, and I notice she has an intricate floral tattoo wrapping around the front of her right shoulder and halfway down to her elbow. It’s pretty.

  “You are either working on some brilliant discovery in physics, or you are really bored.”

  “The first makes me sound more interesting, so I’ll go with that.”

  She laughs and walks around to sit down next to me, so I pull myself up and move over. All of the blood that had rushed to my brain while I was laying backwards suddenly drains, making everything go dark and then bright white for a moment.

  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable the other day by assuming anything.” She genuinely looks sorry. “It’s ok. How did you know?”

  “Wait, you are?” I nod and she smiles in a friendly way. “I noticed when you looked around the class that you just skipped over all of the guys and only settled your eyes on the girls. When our eyes locked last week, I just had a feeling.”

  “I didn’t realize I did that.”

  “It’s no big deal. Its natural. I do the same thing. I’m just more obvious about it. Sorry if I came on too strong. It’s weird starting over. You spend years getting to know everyone and making an identity for yourself and then you have to leave all of those people and do it all over again. Some people seem to click so quickly with everyone, but I just f
eel awkward and don’t know how to act.”

  “Just be yourself. People are going to hate you or love you no matter what. Besides, everyone is probably feeling the same way. If you stay true to yourself, you’ll be happier and it will make others more relaxed around you.”

  “I guess. So, what are you really doing out here laying on the bench like a homeless person?”

  “My roommate kicked me out.”

  “Seriously? Why?”

  “Boyfriend came over.”

  “Ah, got it. Well, if you’d like to resume your ‘scientific research’, I’ll leave you be, but if you’re interested, I was heading back to my dorm to binge watch the first season of Cabin Fever on my laptop.”

  “Never heard of it, but sure. I don’t think my brain will like me much if I hang upside down anymore.”

  “Can you handle gore and horror?”

  “Yeah, that stuff doesn’t bother me.”

  “Cool.”

  I’m not surprised that her side of the room is plastered with band posters, Gay Pride stickers, a small rainbow flag, and a unicorn. Her bedspread is blue, purple, and pink tie-dye with matching pillowcases.

  My side of my dorm room is pretty plain in comparison. My bedspread and sheets are navy blue with white arrows. I have a couple family and friend pictures in frames on my desk and a poster with a fantasy digital art moon and tree that my little brother picked out for me to bring. After Sam left, I basically just grabbed a few pictures and left everything else “sentimental” at home. I decided I’d try to collect those types of adornments while I’m here “gaining new experiences”.

  I really like how Madison has setup her side of her dorm room. Her bedspread is bright white and green geometric designs. On her walls, she has stick-on decals of similar geometric shapes and at the head of her bed she has a large poster of a fantasy woodland fairy with bright green wings and a short tunic dress.

  I’m grateful Shane sits on the floor instead of the bed. I sit down several inches away and she places her laptop on a small stepstool in front of us.

  “I’m going to start at the first episode since you’ve never seen it. They’re only about twenty-minute long episodes. I’ll probably watch a few before I have to study, but you don’t have to stay for all of them if you don’t want to.”

  Without waiting for me to answer, she presses play on the show and sits back. I’ve never had an issue with blood and gore before, but the opening scene is pretty hard to watch. It actually turns my stomach and I have to look away. Shane notices and slightly closes her laptop screen.

  “Are you going to hurl?”

  “No, I’ll be ok. Is the whole show that graphic?”

  “Once you get through the first ten minutes, it starts to get into backstory and it’s not as bad. I can skip this scene if it bothers you.”

  “I’ll just look away so you don’t miss it. Just tell me when it’s safe again.”

  “Ok.”

  Looking away is barely enough to keep from being sick. The sounds and screams are blood curdling and stomach churning. I have an overwhelming desire to run out of here. I try not to judge her for her choice to invite me to watch this disgusting show the first time we hang out together. I did tell her to be herself, so I have to try to be fair and give her a chance, even if her taste in entertainment is nauseating and a bit disturbing. I like a good scary movie every so often, but this is just demented. I prefer suspense, twists that make you think, and paranormal scares. I’m not so much into the criminal psycho scares.

  The fact that someone had to think these things up in such graphic detail to be able to write it and make a TV show makes me really question the sanity and danger level of the writer and creator behind the show. Which, of course, makes me question the sanity of the people that enjoy watching it.

  “What’s your major?” Shane takes a moment to answer and looks over at me as if she didn’t quite hear me. “Oh, uh, Forensic Anthropology.” Well, that’s a little settling to know. “You?”

  “Biology.”

  “That’s cool.”

  Is that all she ever has to say? I exhale and look back at the screen, forgetting that it’s a bloody massacre on the screen and immediately look away again, feeling even more nauseous. While she’s engrossed in her gross show, I pull my phone out and send Madison a text. I know she’s in class and probably won’t see it for a while, but I don’t care.

  Me: Roommate kicked me out to test fate on getting knocked up in first semester. Shane found me laying on a bench and we talked a little. Now I’m sitting in her dorm with her watching some horrible show on her laptop that would make the guy in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Santa Clause. I was in perfect peaceful bliss staring at the world upside down, now I’m in Hell.

  I practically jump when my phone vibrates with a response almost immediately.

  Madison: I really hope your roommate isn’t doing it on your bed… And why the hell are you still there?

  Me: OMG. I didn’t even think of that. Thanks, now I have to burn everything. And I’m still here because you’re in class.

  Madison: I’m going to fake being sick and come drag your ass out of there. I’m not spending my weekend making missing posters for you. Which building is it?

  Me: You can’t leave class. Besides, shouldn’t I give her a chance?

  Madison: A chance at what?

  Me: A friend.

  Madison: I think I need to meet this girl.

  “Kayla, should I turn this off or do you just want to leave?” Shane is giving me a very disappointed look. “No, I don’t have to leave yet. In about an hour maybe. Sorry, I guess I just needed a distraction while I waited out the really gory part.”

  “I’ll just turn it off. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  “Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll tell my friend I have to go.”

  Me: She caught me texting… She’s turning off the show.

  Madison: Ok, I’ll catch up with you after I get out of class.

  Me: ok, see you soon

  “So, the bloody horror is put away. What do you want to do for the next hour?”

  “We can just talk. How did you get into watching that show?”

  “My ex got me into it. She told me I was too quiet and sweet to go into the field I wanted to work in and said I wouldn’t be able to handle it. She would find the most horrible movies and shows and make me watch them to try to prove her point.”

  “It doesn’t bother you at all watching that stuff?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say that. The blood doesn’t bother me. It’s the idea of it being real that sometimes gets to me. It bothers me that people could do horrible things like that to another person. Real life crime documentaries bother me more than shows like that because they really happened.”

  “Yeah, I think that’s what makes it so hard for me to watch. Someone had to think of that to create it and then actually go through with making people act it out. Even if its fictional, it freaks me out that someone is twisted enough to create it in the first place.”

  “So, what kind of movies do you like? You know, in case we get to do this again. I don’t want to make you sick next time.”

  “Science fiction mostly. Some martial arts, and some comedy.”

  “I can work with those.”

  We end up mostly talking about movies and music till it’s time for me to go. It’s actually nice. We end up having a decent amount in common and the awkwardness I had felt with her disappears pretty quickly. When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I know its Madison, but I wait till I’m outside Shane’s dorm room before I check it. I smile and start taking two steps at a time down the stairs to go meet Madison by “our tree”.

  Chapter Five

  I was sleeping beautifully, dreaming about flying through the ocean and being able to breathe underwater like a fish. An incessant buzzing in my ear cuts the awesome dream short though. I pull my cellphone out from under my pillow and it takes several minutes for my eyes to adjus
t to the bright screen to see the time. I groan in agitation, but then sit up straight in my bed with excitement. Its 3:04am. I open my text messages and smile so big that my grin probably looks like it was manufactured in a computer photo editing program.

  Madison: Time to eat pizza bites, drink soda, and show you the magic of the night.

  Madison: Wake up, Kayla!

  Me: It’s been over a week since we had this conversation. I was hoping you forgot about it. You coming to me or am I coming to you?

  Madison: Yay! You’re awake! Of course, I didn’t forget. I had to wait till you least expected it. Is your roommate home?

  I look over at my roommate’s bed and its empty, which is typical most nights.

  Me: Nope.

  Madison: I’ll be there in 5.

  Me: Ok.

  I wish she could let herself in so I could close my eyes till she gets here, but our dorm keycards only work for the building we live in. So, I slip into some flip flops, brush my hair, and make my way downstairs.

  Just as I’m hitting the landing outside the dorm, Madison is turning the corner at the end of the sidewalk. She’s carrying a couple bags and has a huge smile on her face. I run my fingers through my hair and rub the rest of the sleep out of my eyes to try to look as awake as she does.

  “Is this really happening or are you going to turn into a dolphin or a sexy mermaid in a second?” Madison raises an eyebrow at me and laughs. “Ocean dream?” I nod and yawn in reply. She laughs as she loops an arm in mine to guide us back inside. “Was it a fun ocean dream or a scary one like a tsunami?” She lifts my hand to swipe my keycard I’m holding and ushers me inside. “Fun dream.” I yawn again. “Sorry to tear you out of a cool dream. I figured since neither of us have early morning classes, this would be the perfect time to test your loyalty to our prior agreement.”

  “I have an idea. How about we go back to sleep, and then at normal human hours, you can make me do anything you want. I’ll even try to wrestle an alligator for you.”