Honor: a novella

by Chasie Noble

  Sunny giggled. “Goodness Carol, the girl just lives an hour away.”

  Dad had woken and was watching the TV. “You kids better go before it gets bad.”

  My mother stood and went to look out the window. “The snow is really coming down now. I guess you all are right.” She pouted.

  Osric rose from the couch with Muffin at his feet still watching him in some sort of trance. My mother hurried to pack us a ton of leftovers to take with us.

  A short while later, I hugged my parents and aunt goodbye. Osric shook my dad’s hand and thanked everyone once again. Before we could make it to the door, my mom hugged him. He was polite and hugged her back as she told him, “Osric, make this young lady come home more often please.” I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling trying to bite my tongue.

  “I will do that,” he told her.

  Sunny gave us the large bag of leftovers as we walked out the door waving and calling our goodbyes. We walked as quickly as the snow would allow back to the truck. He started the truck and it roared to life.

  “I am sorry about my mother. She can be a bit much at times,” I said buckling my seat belt.

  He stared at me for a moment, “She is your mother, she just loves you.”

  I instantly thought back to when he had told me his mother had passed away a long time ago. “You’re right.” I felt bad for saying what I had. “What was your mother like?” I asked.

  He smiled while watching the road. “She was very sweet and giving. She was beautiful. She gave up so much for me. I wish I had told her thank you more often,” he said sadly.

  I reached over and rubbed his arm. “I am sure she knew, Osric.” I wanted so badly to ask how she died, but I couldn’t.

  Chapter 14

  We watched the snow come down along the truck as we drove. “So, you have this huge red truck, I am guessing you like the color red?” I laughed.

  “Actually, this truck just had everything I was wanting, and it just happened to be red,” he stated.

  “So what if this truck just happened to be pink? Would you still have bought it?”

  “They don’t make pink trucks—but, no, pink isn’t my color.” He smirked.

  I snickered at him. “So what is your color?”

  “I would say blue.”

  As he said that, I noticed I had my blue sweater on. “Blue is my favorite color,” I told him.

  “I noticed.” He was looking at my sweater. “Blue looks good on you,” he said.

  “Thank you.” I was blushing.

  We were getting closer to home, but traffic was slowing down and you could barely see out of the windshield because of the snow. My phone beeped and I pulled it from my purse. It was a picture of Lilly’s left hand with a huge diamond on her ring finger. I knew instantly what it meant. My phone beeped again:

  Ryan popped the question!! I am getting married!!!!

  CONGRATULATIONS!! The ring is gorgeous!! I am so happy for you guys!!

  Osric turned to me. “Is everything all right?”

  I showed him the picture I had just received. “Ryan asked Lilly to marry him.”

  He looked at the picture and turned back to the road. “They seem very happy with each other. That’s good for them,” he said. You could tell he truly meant it.

  “She is happy, and Ryan seems to adore her. She just tends to jump into things quickly. She hadn’t been with him long before they…” I stopped myself before I said something I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to talk about sex. When things seemed to be leading that way for us it never ended the way I hoped.

  “Before they what…had sex?” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

  I laughed uncomfortably. “Yes, before they slept together.” My face felt like it might burst into flames. If it were possible, I would have crawled under the truck seat.

  “Honor, can I ask you a question?” I knew what was about to come, but I shook my head yes anyway. “Have you ever been with anyone?” he asked.

  At this point, I briefly considered jumping out of the truck! I couldn’t muster the words. I tried but nothing came out so I just shook my head no.

  He stared at me for a moment then looked back at the road. “That morning in my kitchen, with us, would you have told me if things had gone further?”

  My ears burned. “I suppose. To be honest, though, I really didn’t think about it until we stopped.” My embarrassment was starting to ease now and I was growing curious. “Since we are on the subject…” He looked over at me, and the answer was already there in his expression. “How many women have you been with?”

  He took one hand from the wheel and ran it through his hair. “It wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me to say.”

  I felt jealousy rising up. “That many, huh?”

  He kept his eyes on the road. “No, Honor, it wasn’t a lot of women.”

  I looked down at my feet, unsure if I could handle the answer to my next question. “Did you love any of them?”

  As he turned to me, his expression softened. “No.”

  I let out my breath; I hadn’t realized that I had been holding it while waiting for his answer.

  We pulled down his street and then into his driveway. He opened the truck door for me and we carefully walked up his snowy back steps. He unlocked the back door for me and went to get firewood from the far end of the porch. I set the food in the fridge and went out to help him. He had a fire going shortly after as I sat on his couch and watched.

  “I think the snow has finally let up out there.” He motioned toward the window. It had stopped, but the snow covered everything in sight.

  “You mind if I take a shower?” I asked him.

  “No, let me get you a towel,” he said.

  I went to the bathroom and started the shower. He came into the doorway holding a towel and one of his shirts. “I thought you might need this to change into afterwards.”

  “Thank you,” I said taking them from him.

  He stood there leaning against the doorway, staring at me as if he were about to say something and didn’t. “I will let you shower now,” he finally spoke up. He quietly closed the door between us.

  I undressed and hopped in. His shower was much larger than mine, but I was sure he had built it that way because of his size. I stood under the hot water and scrubbed my hair with my eyes closed tightly, thinking of how embarrassed I had been on the ride home with our conversation. I began to wonder as I showered just how many women he had slept with. I didn’t like the idea of him with anyone else. I decided I just needed to let it go. I got out of the shower and dried off as quickly as I could because it was freezing. I put on the shirt he had given me. It totally swallowed me, but it did smell like him, so I was still willing to wear it. I combed my hair out and walked out into the hallway.

  Osric stood there staring at me. “Nice shirt,” he said. He was shirtless with just his jeans on and I couldn’t help but stare back at him. “I am going to shower,” he informed me as he walked past me into the bathroom. I noticed he had left the door cracked as I walked away. I heard the shower turn on as I went to put my things in the living room.

  I noticed that he had taken the plastic covering off the library doorway. I walked into the room and saw he had started filling some of the shelves with books. The books were extremely old, older than any I had ever seen. I looked a few of them over and they all seemed to be first edition books.

  I heard Osric walk up from behind me; I hadn’t even noticed the shower cut off. I turned to him with one of the books in my hand. “Where did you get these books?” I asked as he walked closer.

  “I bought them. I started collecting them a long time ago.”

  I put one back on the shelf. “I like what you have done in here.” I motioned to the finished bookshelves.

  His hair was wet and he only wore flannel pajama pants. “Thank you.” He ran his hand through his hair. The room was drafty and I wrapped my arms around myself. “You’re cold, let’s go sit by the fire,�
� he said while taking my hand and leading me into the living room.

  He grabbed a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around me. He rubbed his hands up and down my arms just staring at me. He was about to say something when my phone rang. “You better get that.” He leaned down lightly kissing me. The phone rang again as I started kissing him back. He pulled away placing his forehead on mine.

  “I guess I should get it,” I said turning to grab my purse. I pulled my phone out and saw it was my mom. “Hello.”

  “Honor, I was just checking to see if you two got back okay?” I could hear my aunt and dad talking in the background.

  “Yes, we did. Everything is fine,” I assured her. I omitted the part about me being in just a t-shirt and standing in Osric’s living room. “Thank you for everything today,” I said.

  I could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, “I am glad you brought Osric. We enjoyed having him here.”

  “He is pretty wonderful,” I told her.

  “Well, your dad and aunt are wanting to play cards, and Mr. Miller from next door is over because his heat went out. Keep your fingers crossed that he and your aunt hit it off,” she said laughing.

  “Will do. I love you.”

  “I love you too little girl,” she replied and hung up.

  Chapter 15

  I put my phone away and felt Osric’s hands on my shoulders. “You think I am pretty wonderful do you?” he asked as he pulled me close to him.

  “How do you know I was talking about you?”

  He looked down at me and gently brushed my lips with his. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. The blanket fell to the floor. His lips trailed down my neck. I tilted my head back letting a light whimper escape, and I knew more was to follow if we continued. He held me tighter as his lips began to explore the rest of me. He slowly started lifting my large shirt up over my head. I pulled away long enough for him to remove it, then I was back in his embrace. I didn’t care that I stood completely naked before him; all I cared about was how bad I needed him at that moment.

  He picked me up and gently laid me on the couch. His mouth crashed into mine as our kissing intensified. He pulled away gazing down at me. “Tell me it’s okay?” he whispered as his lips skimmed the corner of my mouth. His hands cupped the sides of my face.

  I kissed him and ran my hands through his hair. “I love you Osric.”

  At that moment, he picked me up off of the couch and carried me up the stairs to his bedroom. Lost in kissing one another, we found the bed as he laid me down. I pulled at his pants. He helped me take them off and was then on top of me. His hand ventured down where no one had touched me before, and I cried out in pleasure. He kissed me tenderly while his hands trailed back up my arms. He held my hands over my head onto the bed.

  “I love you,” he whispered as we collided into one another, and I cried out again.

  “I love you too,” I told him.

  He slammed into me again and again; I started to meet him movement for movement. I put my arms around his neck as I felt the motions between us intensify. I began to lose control and couldn’t handle it any longer as I called out his name. He went rigid as he let out a low moan. He was careful not to put his full weight on me as he rested his forehead on mine. He gently moved from on top of me, making me wince as he did. We were tangled in the sheets as he laid next to me. We stared at each other not saying anything. Exhaustion consumed me and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I scooted in next to him and fell asleep.

  I awoke to an empty bed. I stretched and found out very quickly my body was extremely sore. I laid there looking out the window. Snow still covered everything and the sky was gray. I decided to climb out of bed and find my clothes. I wrapped myself in the bed sheet and carefully made my way downstairs. I found them next to my purse and took everything into the bathroom to change.

  Once I was dressed, I washed my face, and pulled back my hair. I came out to look for Osric. I found him in the kitchen looking out the window. He was freshly showered and wore old jeans and a white t-shirt. I came up from behind him and he turned.

  “Good morning,” I told him as I reached for his waist.

  “Good morning,” he said back, looking down at me. I could tell by his eyes he was troubled.

  “Osric, what is wrong?” I asked.

  “I have to talk to you,” he said while looking away from me. I knew something was wrong by his tone. We both sat at the table and I noticed he didn’t sit next to me, but across from me. “Honor, I want you to know that I love you, and I don’t want any secrets between us.”

  I felt sick as he said this. “I didn’t think there were any secrets between us,” I murmured.

  He wasn’t quick to respond to what I had said, but eventually began: “You once asked about my father. You know I was raised by my mother and grandparents, but there is a reason I was raised without my father.”

  I began to realize that he was just telling me about his past. This was something I had wanted to know about him, and the anxiety started to fade as he continued. “I was born in a town near the Sea of Galilee. My mother’s name was Moriah, she was never married.” As he spoke, I remembered hearing about the sea of Galilee as a child in Sunday school when my parents took me to church.

  “I remember very few things about my father, but he left when I was a small child.” He looked out the window as if he was trying to recall his childhood. “I was different from most children. My mother and grandparents tried to hide what I was because of how people would react.” He was now staring at me. His eyes were full of hurt. I reached for his hand and he pulled away.

  “I am confused,” I told him. I thought back to when I first saw him, and how taken back I was at his size and his looks. So, he was attractive, but why would anyone want to hide that?

  “I was different because of who my father was.”

  I still didn’t understand. “Who was your father?” I asked.

  “My father…was a messenger of God.”

  When he said this, for some reason the door-to-door, Bible-pushing folk came to my mind. “A messenger of God? Define what you mean.” I felt anger rising up. Was he telling me the truth, or was he trying to push me away?

  “My father was a watcher.” He peered over at me, knowing that I still wasn’t sure what he meant. “An angel,” he whispered and waited for me to say something.

  I was unsure how to react to what he was telling me. This was absurd. Was this gorgeous man out of his mind? After realizing I wasn’t going to respond, he continued, “I have never told anyone this before. I know how it must sound, but I want you to know the truth.”

  I wanted to scream, but held it back. “Osric, do you hear what you are saying to me? This is too much…why are you saying this? You’re trying to push me away, aren’t you?” I stood up from my chair quickly and it tipped backwards and crashed to the floor. Tears began to spill over my eyelids. He rose too and came toward me. “No! Stay away from me!” I screamed at him. “You got what you wanted from me last night and your done with me now—is that what this is?” He tried to reach for me and I pulled away. “Stop it! You don’t have to make up some elaborate lie to get rid of me!”

  He ran both hands through his hair and came closer again as I walked backwards to the doorway. “Honor, that isn’t true. I love you,” he responded achingly.

  I reached up and pulled the necklace he had given me from my neck, and dropped it to the floor. “Just stay away,” I gasped as I wiped my eyes and walked out the back door.

  Chapter 16

  I was making the walk through the snow in the opposite direction of my apartment. I knew there was a gas station on the corner just outside of Osric’s neighborhood. I decided once I made it to the station I would call for a cab. I pulled my hood over my head and buttoned my coat. I tried to calm myself down as I walked. My mind was racing and I was so angry. The tears stung my eyes as they hit the cold air that surrounded me.

  My feet
were numb by the time I made it to the parking lot of the gas station. I walked in and went straight to the ladies room to find a cab company on my phone. I saw Osric had called a handful of times and I blocked his number.

  Once the cab was on its way, I bought a cup of coffee and waited inside. I stood looking out the windows and saw Osric drive slowly past the gas station, and I quickly hid behind a sunglasses display. I almost knocked it over and the young kid working the counter laughed at me. The cab pulled up shortly after and I hurried out to get inside. I gave the driver the address, sat back, and breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Cold out there…isn’t it miss?” said the little Asian cab driver.

  “It is pretty cold,” I replied. My voice was hoarse from screaming and I couldn’t hold my emotions in any longer. I started to cry and couldn’t control myself.

  “You don’t like the cold? Don’t cry, here have a tissue.” The driver slid open his plexiglass window that separated us and handed me a box of tissues.

  “Thanks,” I said through my tears. I could tell the rest of the way the cab driver was trying to cheer me up. I had stopped crying as we were at a red light about a block away from my apartment.

  The driver was telling me about his cousin’s restaurant that was nearby, and I saw Osric's truck across from us. He was watching the sides of the road. I pulled my hood up just in case. The light turned green and we drove on. I turned to watch, but he didn’t turn around. At my apartment I paid the cab driver and thanked him.

  “Miss, here take this.” He handed me something—I wasn’t sure what it was at first. “It will protect you.” He waved goodbye and drove off.

  I stood there staring down at an angel pin in my hand. I shook my head and gritted my teeth as I made my way up to my apartment.

  The weekend was absolutely awful. I replayed our conversation in my head over and over. I cried more than I would have liked, but it was uncontrollable. I had to keep busy, so I rearranged the inside of my closet, then my dresser. After that I decided to rearrange the furniture. When I wasn’t busy, I was fighting back tears and losing. By Sunday night I checked to see if Osric had called, and his number filled the incoming call list. I missed him, and I hated myself for it.