Rush Revere and the American Revolution

by Rush Limbaugh

  “Yes, Liberty,” I said with a smile, “I need you. I’m not enlisting you to join the cavalry. Besides, soldiers aren’t fighting mounted on horseback these days. Instead they ride jets and tanks.”

  “Whew!” sighed Liberty. “So is this a secret mission? Some kind of covert operation with the Marines? Wow! How exciting! Are we getting sent overseas? Will our mission have a code name? Oh, oh, can we call it Operation Liberty!? And not just because it’s my name. Or maybe we need something more abstract, like Operation Butterfly Princess. Too girly? Okay, how about Operation Mashed Potatoes. I mean, who doesn’t like mashed potatoes, am I right?”

  I laughed at the way Liberty’s brain worked. “First things first,” I said. “I’ll fill you in on all the details after I speak to the guards.”

  “Got it, Captain,” Liberty whispered like he was in commando mode and ready to cross behind enemy lines. “Awaiting your orders, sir!”

  I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. Honestly, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I doubted the guards would let him on base. But it was worth a try.

  We approached the guardhouse, and two guards stared at me with a penetrating glare. Their camouflage service uniforms looked intimidating, especially with a gun that hung from each of their black utility belts. I got the feeling that not many visitors arrived on horseback and dressed like an early American Patriot. I said, “Hello, I’m Rush Revere and I have an appointment at the base cafeteria.”

  A guard with a ponytail worn in a tight bun beneath her cap asked, “I’ll need to see some identification, sir.” She was all business.

  I quickly handed her my driver’s license. Since Liberty and I had been together I couldn’t remember the last time I drove. Why use a car when you have a time-traveling horse?

  The Marine turned sharply and stepped into the guardhouse. In a few seconds she returned and said, “Sir, your name is on the approved guest list and your identification checks out.” She handed back my driver’s license. “However, your costume is highly questionable.”

  Liberty softly snickered. He still sounded like a horse, but it was obvious he was amused by the guard’s comment.

  Would they really deny me entrance into the base because of my colonial breeches and stockings? I tried not to sound too defensive and said, “I’m a history teacher, and this colonial outfit is just my way of engaging my students. Now that you mention it, I’m sure I look—”

  The guard cut me off and said, “Sir, we have a dress code on base. We wouldn’t let someone dressed up like a clown just waltz in here.”

  Liberty was really enjoying himself now. He huffed and wheezed and shook his head as he tried to choke back his laughter.

  The guard glanced at Liberty and asked, “Is your horse all right? He sounds like he’s got something caught in his throat.”

  “Not to worry, he’s probably just hacking up a hair ball,” I teased.

  The guard was not amused.

  I smiled and said, “That was a joke, of course. Well, anyway, I’m here to visit a student of mine who lives on base. His mother invited me and felt it was very important that I see him.”

  The guard paused and then said, “One moment, sir.” She returned to talk to the other Marines in the guardhouse.

  I quickly whispered to Liberty, “You are not helping matters.”

  “Sorry,” Liberty replied. “But I am curious, do you do birthday parties and bar mitzvahs?” Again, Liberty shook with laughter as the Marine returned from the guardhouse.

  “Sir, we’ll make an exception for you,” said the guard. “But we’ll need to pat you down before you enter the base.”

  “Whew,” I sighed. “Not a problem. Thank you very much.”

  “However, I can’t let you enter with your horse. Base protocol.”

  I could literally feel the air rush out of Liberty. I couldn’t blame him. I tried not to let my disappointment show too much and replied, “I understand. No worries. My visit on base won’t be long. I’ll tie him up to that tree over there and return shortly.”

  I turned Liberty around and he sluggishly walked across the street to a tree at the side of the entrance.

  “You realize how humiliating this is, right?” Liberty mumbled.

  “I’m truly sorry, Liberty, but I got a call from Principal Sherman. He told me that Cam’s mom wanted to meet me today and that it was important. I have no idea what it is about but I told him that I would help in any way I could.” We stood by the tree to talk for a second.

  “Ohh! Now I’m worried. I hope it’s not too serious. Do you think it’s serious? I mean Cam is a total prankster; do you think he got in trouble? Wait, why would she want to meet with you?”

  “Ha, if I knew that, I would have told you! Just because I am tying you to a tree doesn’t mean I don’t trust you,” I said with a smile.

  “All right, just this once,” Liberty consented. “I’ll stay here.”

  Liberty was taking this a lot better than I anticipated. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Liberty, you understand that you need to stay out here, right? We both know you could easily turn invisible and sneak onto the base without anybody seeing you. Don’t think I haven’t thought about that.”

  “What!” Liberty said, sounding shocked. “The idea never crossed my mind!”

  “Riiiiiiight,” I said. “And I bet you also haven’t thought about food all day.”

  Liberty huffed, “Well, I hadn’t until you mentioned you were going to the cafeteria to eat!”

  “Look,” I said, “I promise I’ll bring you back something. But we can’t afford to have anyone see you on base. Understand? Seriously, I could get into real trouble if those guards find out you’re inside.”

  “Yes, yes, of course, I understand,” Liberty said. “Even though I’m a highly trained time-traveling special operative who feels severely underappreciated, I accept the unusual circumstances. And, of course, I would never want to get you in trouble.” He dipped his head and raised his eyes like a puppy waiting for a bone.

  “Good,” I said. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can. It really shouldn’t take long. Here, I brought you something to help pass the time.” I pulled out a couple of pieces of bubble gum, unwrapped them, and tossed them into Liberty’s mouth.

  “Mmm, thank you!” said Liberty as he started to chew.

  “Just try not to blow big bubbles. We wouldn’t want anyone to see your highly trained, special operative skills!” I winked. “Plus, remember what happened the last time in 1765 when your gum got stuck to the hair of that British Redcoat soldier and it got us all in trouble.”

  Liberty chewed and replied, “No worries. There aren’t any of those mean British soldiers for more than two hundred years from here!” He winked.

  “True,” I said, “but there are Marines less than two hundred yards away so please behave yourself.”

  “You can count on me, Captain!” he said with a grin.

  After getting patted down by the guards, I found my way to the cafeteria. I entered the doors and noticed plenty of tables and chairs. It was after lunch hour but there were a few Marines and a few families still eating or talking. I made my way over to an empty table and waited for Cam’s mom to arrive.

  A woman with brown eyes and a tan complexion entered the cafeteria doors. She wore a neatly pressed business suit and several thin bracelets on her wrist. Her dark hair hung neatly around her shoulders. When she smiled I immediately recognized the resemblance to her son.

  “You must be Professor Revere,” she said.

  I took off my hat and replied, “Yes, I am, but I’m only known as Mr. Revere to my students. Please call me Rush.”

  We shook hands as she eyed my outfit. “Cam told me you usually dress like you’re going to Mardi Gras or a Halloween party. He was right!”

  “Oh, yes,” I said, almost blushing. “Well, I consider it my history uniform.”

  “I think it looks very dashing,” she said, smiling. “By the way,
I’m Danielle. Thank you for coming to the base to meet with me. I’m sure this is out of your way.”

  “It’s my pleasure. Anything to help Cam. He’s a great student,” I said. “He has a real gift for expressing himself. He’s a great speaker and his sense of humor is contagious.” I smiled at the memory of the fake-eye prank he pulled on his first day.

  “Well, he loves your class,” she replied. “You’ve literally made history come alive for him. I mean he’s always liked history, but you seem to take it to a whole different level.”

  “I’m glad to know that,” I said, sincerely.

  “I don’t know how much Principal Sherman told you, but Cam’s father was sent overseas to Afghanistan by the Marines last month. Cam took it really hard. He hid inside his closet right before his dad left so they didn’t even get to say goodbye. Cam just doesn’t get why his dad had to go.”

  Danielle paused and took a deep breath. “Cam was always such a wonderful kid. He was always so happy and kind. But ever since his dad left, Cam’s been, well, let’s just say he’s not Mr. Wonderful. He’s just not himself anymore. Rush, Cam means everything to me. It breaks my heart to see him angry and hurt so much. And I know his father didn’t show it, but I’m sure he felt sad that Cam wasn’t around to send him off. The thing is, Cam loves his father very much and I know he misses him. But he’s put up this wall and won’t let anyone talk to him about it. He needs to talk about it. Cam needs to understand why his dad chose to become a soldier. I want Cam to understand the sacrifice his father is making for our family and this country.”

  Danielle resisted the urge to cry and finally had to wipe away a tear. “I just don’t know what to do with him. I’ve considered sending Cam to live with his grandparents in Atlanta, but I don’t know if that would make things better or worse for him.” Danielle paused and finally, she said, “The thing is, I think you’re the one person who might be able to help. He talks about you and your class all the time. I am so glad I chose to send him to Manchester Middle School. I almost enrolled him at the school on base, but I ran into Principal Sherman at a fund-raiser and he convinced me to send Cam to Manchester.”

  I nodded. “It’s a wonderful school with some amazing students.”

  “That’s what Cam says about you. Amazing! He’s says no one’s a better teacher. In fact, he talks like he personally knows Patrick Henry from the eighteenth century,” she said with a laugh. “Seriously, he says that he and Patrick Henry are tight.”

  I laughed as well and said, “Well, if you’re going to be friends with someone it might as well be an exceptional American, right?”

  “True,” Danielle said, smiling. “But I think he also feels close to you. In fact, you’re the closest thing he has to a father figure right now. Maybe that’s why he feels connected to you. Anyway, I thought you might have some ideas on how to help him.”

  “Cam is a great kid,” I said. “I’m not sure what I can do but I’ll give it some thought. In fact, where is Cam now?”

  “I think he’s at the obstacle course. It’s not too far from here. Would you like me to show you?” she asked.

  I could tell it was more of an invitation than a question. “Absolutely,” I said. “It would be great to see Cam again.”

  Danielle smiled and sighed at the same time. I knew she hoped that I had some magic wand that could make things right with Cam. I wished that I did, but Cam’s problems were serious. What was I going to do? It must be so difficult for Cam being without his father.

  As we approached the obstacle course I saw several kids, maybe fifteen or twenty, who were taunting and shouting at two boys in the middle of their circle. They looked like an angry mob surrounding two kids in a brawl.

  Danielle and I looked at each other at the same time and started racing toward the commotion. Sure enough, Cam was in the middle with another boy who looked much larger and a couple of years older. Behind Cam stood a heavyset kid with rosy red cheeks, sweating. He looked petrified and choked out, “Don’t mess with him, Cam, there’s nothing you can do. He will beat you to a pulp.”

  Cam said, “Billy—stop picking on Ed, or else.”

  “Or else what?” replied the bigger kid named Billy, who looked like a bully. He had a butch haircut and his fists seemed the size of sledgehammers. “You gonna call your daddy? Oh, that’s right, he’s not here anymore to save you.”

  The mention of his dad made Cam grit his teeth.

  I could tell Danielle was ready to charge into the middle of the circle so I quickly put a hand on her shoulder. I whispered, “Let’s see how Cam handles this.”

  Reluctantly, Danielle nodded.

  Without taking his eyes off Billy, Cam whispered something to the chubby boy named Edward, who then took off running. Cam stood as tall as he could and said, “I don’t need my dad to save me. I don’t need anyone.” Cam brought his fists up in front of him. “Bring it. I’ve been looking for a punching bag.”

  “Are you threatening me, punk?” asked Billy with a menacing grin. “You want to mess with me?”

  “Why?” asked Cam. “Your face already looks messed up.”

  “You’re dead meat,” said Billy, who stepped forward and swung his arm at Cam’s head.

  Thankfully, Cam was faster and ducked out of the way. Size didn’t seem to intimidate Cam as he dove into his larger opponent and swept his lumbering feet out from under him. The Goliath-sized kid landed with a thud and Cam jumped on him like a lion pouncing on its prey. The bigger kid blocked a punch then shoved Cam off. Cam rolled once and then sprang back onto his feet as quick as a cat.

  “I’m going to stop this,” Danielle said firmly. “I’ll be right back.” She disappeared behind a building. That’s strange, I thought.

  I wondered if I should step in and break up the fight. Would that help Cam or not? He certainly wasn’t backing down from Billy. And he made a conscious effort to step in and protect another kid. I gritted my teeth and decided to wait and see.

  The boys in the circle continued yelling. Some were cheering for Billy and some were encouraging Cam. Billy took a couple more swings at Cam’s head but Cam pulled back just in the nick of time.

  “Get him, Cam!” yelled a kid on Cam’s side of the circle.

  “Yeah, Cam,” taunted Billy. “Come on, Cam. Get me, Cam. Is that even your real name? Cam is probably short for Camera. In fact, you should take a picture of yourself looking like a dork.”

  Cam didn’t miss a beat and replied, “Good one, Billy. I bet your name is short for Billy-goat because you smell like one.”

  Billy charged Cam at full speed. Cam backpedaled but the circle of onlookers blocked his escape and he ended up stumbling and falling onto his backside. Several boys scattered as Billy towered over his prey.

  “Now I’m going to teach you a lesson,” Billy said threateningly. “The underdog never wins.”

  Cam was in real danger. I started to run but realized I wouldn’t get to him in time to help. Just as Billy leaned over to punish Cam, something hit Billy in the back of the head.

  “What was that!” Billy exclaimed as he stood up and turned to see who dared interfere with his fight. No one was there. In fact, all the other boys were lined up on either side of the fight. No one had been standing behind him.

  “Who threw that?” Billy yelled as he reached over his shoulder to feel the back of his head. As he pulled away his hand, a mess of sticky, pink goo stretched out from his hair.

  “What idiot threw gum into my hair!” screamed Billy.

  Gum? Where would a wad of chewed-up gum come from? It dawned on me . . . it had to be Liberty!

  Without notice Cam kicked his foot at the back of Billy’s legs. Knees buckled and the colossal brute went down hard like a giant tree being cut down.

  Cam scrambled to his feet and with an uncontrolled temper he prepared to jump on Billy again.

  Suddenly, a blast of water hit Cam in the chest and he stumbled away. Billy was blasted as well. As he rolled over to get up h
e discovered the dirt had turned into a mud pit. Billy’s body was covered in mud, not to mention the gum stuck to his hair, face, and shirt. He really did look like a mess.

  Cam yelled, “Mom, what are you doing!”

  I turned to see Danielle with a garden hose on full blast. The boys scattered in all directions.

  “This isn’t over, Camera!” said Billy as he left a trail of muddy footprints behind him.

  Finally, Danielle released the handle and the water stopped.

  “I can take care of myself!” Cam yelled.

  Danielle replied firmly, “Do not yell at your mother. If your father were here—”

  “Well, he’s not!” shouted Cam. “Remember, he left us! He doesn’t care about us!”

  “Cameron, you know that is not true,” Danielle exclaimed.

  “I don’t know that. I’m outta here,” Cam said, walking away with his chest up. He was shaking his head.

  “Cam!” Danielle yelled, but Cam did not turn around.

  “Do you mind if I have a talk with him?” I asked.

  Danielle nodded.

  “Cam, wait up!” I yelled, chasing him. I put a hand on his shoulder.

  He shrugged my hand off. “Mr. Revere, I don’t need to have a talk with you. I don’t care if my mom or Principal Sherman or whoever sent you. I just want to be alone,” Cam said, still walking.

  “I get it. I know what’s happening; your mom told me about your dad.”

  “You don’t know anything!” Cam turned to me, eyes misty and angry.

  I looked at him closely and took a deep breath. “No, I suppose you are right. I don’t know, but I want to. Will you help me understand?”

  “Nope.” He smiled a little bit, actually more like a smirk.

  Poor kid, I thought. He doesn’t know what to do. Suddenly it occurred to me. I don’t know much but I do know this—one thing I can do is give him an adventure. Maybe that will take his mind off things.

  “Cam, I have an idea. Remember when we time-traveled back to 1765 and met Patrick Henry?”