Rush Revere and the American Revolution

by Rush Limbaugh

  “It’s a military base,” Cam clarified.

  “Whatever,” Elizabeth said, completely disinterested.

  Elizabeth flipped her hair the other way and said, “By the way, those guards at the front gate need a total fashion makeover. Anyway, like I said, we’re here to cheer.” She stepped closer to Tommy and whispered, “Don’t forget our agreement. I do you a favor, like cheering for your team, and you do me a favor.”

  Tommy squirmed a little and replied, “But you haven’t told me what the favor is.”

  “You’ll know soon enough,” Elizabeth teased. “By the way . . .” She paused like she just realized where she was. “Where’s your football team?”

  “We’re not playing football. We’re playing dodgeball,” Tommy said. “And this is my team.” He pointed to the seven players around him, including Ed.

  Elizabeth scanned the motley crew but shielded her eyes when she saw Ed’s outfit. “And I thought Freedom dressed badly.”

  Freedom rolled her eyes in disapproval.

  “Seriously, your raggle-taggle clothes are so last year, except for you, Mr. Revere. You’re clothes are so . . . so . . .”

  “Classical?” I offered.

  “No, that’s not it,” she replied. “They look so . . . prehistoric.”

  I could only laugh at her attempt at an insult.

  “Elizabeth,” Cam interrupted, “I have no idea what raggle-taggle means but we need you to cheer. And that means cheering for Freedom, too.”

  Elizabeth turned to her squad and said, “Girls, this is going to be harder than I thought.”

  Suddenly Billy was towering behind Elizabeth with his hands on his hips. Taunting, he asked, “What’s with all the primped poodles? Camera and his little birdie players can’t join you for a tea party because I’m having them for lunch, so beat it!”

  Elizabeth slowly turned to face Billy. It looked like laser beams might shoot from her eyes. The other cheerleaders stared menacingly at Billy as they stepped up behind their captain. Elizabeth looked up into his face and carefully said, “I don’t know who you are, but you’d better get your loser self over to the other side of the court or this pack of poodles is going to eat you up and spit you out.” She hissed, shoving her red claws just inches from his face. The sudden move startled Billy and he stumbled backward.

  “Whatever,” he said as he waved her off and walked back to his team.

  With puppy dog eyes, Ed bravely stepped up to Elizabeth and said, “My name is Ed. You must be Athena—goddess of wisdom and war. And your beauty shines like a supernova.”

  Before Elizabeth could reply, Cam gently pulled Ed behind him and smiled at Elizabeth. Cam said, “Thanks for coming, you are a big help.”

  “I know,” she replied. She looked over at Billy’s team. “I sure hope you have a game plan because this could get ugly, real fast.”

  The referee blew his whistle and the kids ran to their places on the court.

  “Don’t forget, stay focused. No fear. Remember the plan!” Cam said.

  I was nervous for Cam and his team. Would their plan beat Billy’s teamwork?

  I gave Cam a thumbs-up right before the whistle blew again.

  The narrow court didn’t give Billy’s team much room to maneuver. He had too many players racing forward. They bumped into each other as they scrambled to get a ball. Cam’s team with fewer players was faster and snatched their balls first. A player from Billy’s team fired his ball across the centerline. It hit one of Cam’s friends on the shin before he could turn around to throw his own ball. Billy’s team was all smiles.

  “Fire!” Cam shouted. In unison, seven balls hurtled toward Billy’s team. The smaller court made it difficult for Billy’s crowded team to dodge the incoming balls. It was just like the Old North Bridge at the battle of Concord! Too many soldiers and not enough room to do anything. Several of Billy’s players were hit and knocked out of the game. Cam’s strategy was working.

  Back and forth balls flew across the centerline. Billy had lost half his players and was no longer smiling. In fact, he wiped his brow as he counted who was left on his team.

  On the Eagles, only Cam, Tommy, Freedom, Ed, and one younger boy remained.

  Billy shouted to his team, “Fire on the green blob!”

  Three members of Billy’s team threw their balls at the same time. They were targeting Ed! He was a sitting duck. No way could he avoid the rapid fire and stop all of those balls from beaming him!

  To my surprise, the balls didn’t hit him and bounce off. They stuck to him like glue! Two balls stuck to one side and one to the other. “Genius!” I shouted, suddenly self-conscious about how loud my voice was. I realized this was all part of the plan! The silly green suit wasn’t so silly after all!

  Ed spun around once, then twice, and finally released the rubber ball as it streaked forward with a wicked spin. It curved into an unsuspecting player and bounced off to hit a second and then a third before finally hitting the floor. Elizabeth’s cheerleaders shouted wildly, overpowering the crowd. You could tell by the faces on Billy’s team that they were starting to panic.

  “C’mon, guys!” Cam yelled. “We can do this, let’s go!”

  Balls continued to fly back and forth in a haze. Finally it came down to two against two. Billy and another big kid on one side, Cam and big green Ed on the other.

  “C’mon, Cam, c’mon, Ed!” Freedom yelled from the sidelines.

  Billy sent a ball blazing across the centerline toward Ed, who already had about three or four balls stuck to his green suit. The ball was too low to stick to Ed and ricocheted off his right shoe toward the sideline.

  “Ahhhhh,” Elizabeth shouted in a high-pitched yell. “You did not just do that,” she sneered, glaring across the court at Billy.

  I leaned toward Freedom and said, “Wow, I think Elizabeth is genuinely upset that Billy hit Ed with the ball.”

  Freedom looked at me like I was from some other planet. “She’s not mad about that. She’s ticked off because the ball that Billy threw just broke one of her nails.”

  Elizabeth threw down her pom-poms and stepped onto the court as Ed waddled off to the sideline.

  “You can’t add players!” Billy shouted.

  Cam brightened. “I didn’t. She’s our backup, just like in the Battle of Concord.”

  Billy gave a confused look. Flustered, he said, “But I don’t have any backup.”

  Cam gave the biggest grin I’d ever seen and said, “Too bad, you should have planned for that!” He gave me a quick glance and a quicker thumbs-up.

  Dr. Warren would be proud, I thought.

  Elizabeth snapped her fingers and her entire squad of cheerleaders walked onto the court and picked up the remaining rubber balls. This definitely got Billy’s attention.

  Cam noted, “Looks like your best choice is to retreat.”

  Beads of sweat rolled from Billy’s forehead. He stared at the team of fresh Eagles.

  Tommy pulled on my jacket and whispered, “Mr. Revere, this is just like the Battle of Concord, right? Just like Cam said. Didn’t the Americans get fresh soldiers and didn’t the Redcoats retreat out of the city?”

  I nodded. “That’s right. And if Billy’s smart he’ll accept Cam’s offer.”

  Billy sneered and called to Cam, “This isn’t over. Your team is still lame.” He turned to his dejected players and said, “Let’s get out of here.” All the red shirts followed him outside.

  As he walked away, Elizabeth chucked her ball at Billy and it hit him in the back of the head. He whipped around ready to pound someone into the ground. When he saw it was Elizabeth she shouted, “That’s for breaking my nail!”

  “Have fun wearing the LOSER shirts!” Tommy shouted with a wide grin.

  Billy grunted and stormed out of the building. Cheers erupted throughout the bleachers. I raced into center court as if my team had just won the Super Bowl. I was immensely proud of their courage and planning and creativity and unity. Cam’s leader
ship almost brought a tear to my eye.

  Instead, I gave all of the Eagles a high five and said, “Congratulations, guys, you looked amazing out there. You should be very proud of yourselves!”

  “Did you see how Ed got all the balls stuck to him and then spun and knocked out three players in a single shot?” Freedom asked.

  “Absolutely. That was the best part, and the cheering from Elizabeth and her cheer squad got our team fired up,” Cam said.

  “Yeah, but Cam is the real hero,” said Tommy. “He believed in us from the very start!”

  “I couldn’t have done it without everyone doing their part,” said Cam. “And now look at us. We started out as the underdogs, but now we’re the top dogs!” He gave a huge smile as he high-fived Tommy.

  “Where’s Elizabeth?” asked Cam.

  “She took off as soon as the game ended,” said Freedom. “I overheard her say that the gym was starting to smell like a pair of smelly socks.”

  “Hey, great idea!” said Tommy. “I’ll start wearing stinky socks to school. Maybe that will send her a message.”

  “I’m afraid that will send everyone a message,” I joked.

  The team gathered their bags and headed for the door. As we all exited the gym I started to think about our next adventure. I couldn’t help it. History was calling to me. I blurted out, “Freedom, I want you to know that I was really impressed with your innovative secret plan. Inviting Elizabeth and her cheerleaders and saving them as backup players was genius. Dr. Warren would be proud.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Revere,” said Freedom, blushing.

  “And, Tommy, I was very impressed by your bravery and willingness to sacrifice one for the team. You remind me of Paul Revere. Oh, and good luck with whatever favor you’re doing for Elizabeth,” I said with a smirk.

  “You guys all owe me,” said Tommy.

  “And, Cam, I was especially impressed with your leadership during the game. In fact, you remind me of George Washington.”

  “Huh?” Cam looked back at me a bit confused. “I do?”

  “You absolutely do! So much so that I think we should visit him. I have a feeling you would really like getting to know George Washington better.”

  “Sure, I’m up for it! I want to find out what the first President of the United States has in common with me!” Cam laughed.

  “You both probably snore,” Freedom teased.

  “Oops, I almost forgot,” said Tommy abruptly. “I told Ed I’d help him out of his green alien outfit. I bet he’s still in the locker room waiting for me. Gotta run. See you guys later.” He jogged back to the gym.

  “Do you need any help?” I called after Tommy.

  “No, that’s okay, my dad is coming to pick me up. In fact, I see his car pulling up now. I’ll make sure Ed gets home. See ya,” Tommy said with a wave.

  Cam’s face went from smiling ear to ear to a bit of a frown. For a second, I wondered why. Then I realized that Tommy had just mentioned his dad.

  “You know, Cam, your dad will be very happy to hear how well you did today. He’ll be very proud of you, just like I am.” I patted Cam on the back. He didn’t say anything but I could tell he wished his dad had been there to see his win. “I know your mom is mighty proud. If she didn’t have to take your sister to the dentist, you know she would have been here. She asked me to take lots of video!”

  “Thank you, yeah, I know,” Cam said. His tone was softer than before. I walked with Cam back to the cafeteria and let him know I would see him tomorrow morning at nine at Manchester Middle School.

  “Congratulations again, you did awesome!” I said, giving one last high five.

  * * *

  The next morning, Liberty spent most of the ride to the school telling me about his day at the horse spa. I was half-listening, half-thinking about what I would say to George Washington.

  “And then this woman named Helga came in and gave me a massage,” said Liberty. “Wow! She really knows her pressure points. Anyway, she only works part-time at the spa, and the rest of the time she’s training to compete in a hammer-throwing competition. I’m just saying I am totally stress-free and ready to time-jump. Seriously, I’m so loosey-goosey I could jump to the Jurassic period!”

  We soon arrived at Manchester Middle School, where Cam and Freedom were waiting for us on the grass near the track, our usual meeting spot.

  “Good morning, Mr. Revere and Liberty!” Freedom said excitedly.

  “Good morning. Where’s Tommy?” I asked. “Let me guess, he slept in.”

  “Nope,” said Cam. “He has to spend the day with Eliza-brat!”

  “Yeah,” said Freedom. “He’s super-bummed. Elizabeth is redeeming her favor today.”

  “What flavor?” asked Liberty curiously. “My favorite flavor is asparagus. But I also like pumpkin and cloves. Hmm, I want to redeem a flavor, too!”

  “Not a flavor,” Freedom corrected. “A favor.”

  “Yeah,” Cam said, “he owes Elizabeth a favor. And she asked him to make a picture album for her and fill it with pictures of himself.”

  “That’s a little creepy,” said Liberty.

  Freedom added, “I think she just likes to torture him because she knows an album is the last thing Tommy would like to do . . . ever.”

  “Well, I’m glad he’s sticking to his agreement. Good for him,” I said.

  “So, are we really going to visit George Washington?” asked Cam with a big grin.

  “Absolutely,” I said. “But first, I want to test your memories. Remember where we left off the last time the two of you went back in time?”

  Freedom thought for a minute and answered, “We met Dr. Warren! And Cam almost got cut in the arm. And a boy came in and told some spy news so Dr. Warren set in motion his big plan for Team America like sending Paul Revere to tell everyone in the countryside to get ready.”

  “Exactly right, spot on,” I said. “And what was Paul Revere telling everyone in the countryside to get ready for?”

  “Get ready for breakfast or lunch or dinner!” said Liberty. “I love when I hear those words.”

  I grabbed an apple from Liberty’s saddlebag as Cam answered, “When the British soldiers started to move, Paul Revere rode to warn everyone to get ready for a British invasion.”

  “All right, smarty-pants,” said Liberty as he chewed his apple, “bonus question! Why were there two lanterns hanging in the Old North Church?”

  “So the people on the other side of the river could get ready to defend themselves,” stated Freedom confidently.

  “Yeah, one lit lantern if the British were leaving Boston through Boston Neck. And two lit lanterns if they were leaving Boston by sea, over the Charles River,” beamed Cam. “We got this, Liberty. You can’t stump us. We were there!”

  How many kids can say that? I wondered.

  “Exactly right!” I said, pulling out a map of Boston and surrounding areas of Massachusetts. I pointed to the map and asked, “Who can find Charlestown?”

  “I can! Right there,” Freedom said, pointing.

  “Correct. We went from Dr. Warren’s house in Boston, here. Then across the Charles River to Charlestown, here. Then Cam and Tommy rode Little Liberty up here toward Lexington,” I said, pointing to spots on the map. “This is where we saw the Battle of Lexington.”

  “I remember that battle,” said Cam somberly. “The Americans lost in that big field!”

  “Just like we lost our first dodgeball game,” said Freedom.

  I added, “But America won the very next battle, in Concord.”

  “Oh yeah, you and Liberty time-jumped to the Battle of Concord, right? That’s where we won and forced the British to retreat all the way to Boston!” said Cam.

  “Just like Billy’s team during the dodgeball game,” Freedom said.

  “Exactly right,” I said. “And today, we are going to Philadelphia. You can’t see it on this map but it is southwest of Boston. We’re going to meet up with George Washington right after he
was appointed at the Second Continental Congress as commander in chief of the new Patriot army.”

  “Does it have a drive-through?” Liberty asked.

  “The Congress? Um, no,” I said with an eyebrow raised, not even sure what Liberty was talking about. “But I do want you to drive through time and find General Washington in Philadelphia. You might want to check around the stables near the State House. He loved to be near his horses.”

  “I knew there was a reason I liked that man,” said Liberty.

  I grabbed the colonial clothes out of Liberty’s saddle and the kids slipped them over their modern-day clothes. Soon they looked the part and no one would ever know they were from the twenty-first century. When Freedom and Cam were on Liberty’s back I said, “We’re headed to Philadelphia, June 14th, 1775.”

  Eagerly, Liberty called out, “Rush, rush, rushing to history.”

  The swirling time door opened out of thin air. We raced forward and jumped through the center. Instantly, we were clearly in a different time and place.

  * * *

  The stables were filled with hay and smelled of wood and horses. Saddles lined the walls and leather bridles hung from pegs on the wall.

  Liberty’s uncanny ability to track down exceptional Americans did not disappoint. As we turned a corner to one of the stables we saw a man feeding a handful of hay to a beautiful white horse.

  “Is that George Washington?” Cam asked. The man was tall, with broad shoulders and looked to be in his forties. He wore a crisp linen shirt with a cream vest and a navy blue jacket with golden tassels on each shoulder. He wore tall black leather boots that reached just below his knee and a sheathed sword hung from the side of his hip.

  “I think so, Cam, this is really exciting,” I whispered.

  George Washington smiled and greeted us. “I feel like we’ve met before,” he said.

  “Yes, we have,” I replied. “At the First Continental Congress. We ate meat pies with your fellow Patriots Patrick Henry, John Adams, and Samuel Adams.”