My Everything - Seth & Amber

by Melanie Shawn

  As much as he tried to warn himself, increasingly harshly, that it was stupid to do that and he shouldn't get used to it...well, it didn't matter. Seth's mind had a mind of its own, so to speak, and it seemed hell-bent on thinking about Amber – whether the logical part of Seth's brain approved of it or not.

  Oh, sure, he justified his feelings. He had been trying to convince himself, for instance, that it was just because he knew that if she was staying with him, then she was safe. And, yes, that was definitely part of it. But the truth was, he just liked having her there. He had to admit it to himself. If you couldn't be honest with yourself, what did you have? He liked having Amber Webb living in his condo, and that was the God's honest truth.

  And that had surprised him at first, because he was a very private person and normally did not like anyone in his space. Apparently, like so many other things in his emotional life when it came to Amber, she was the exception to the rule. Hell, it seemed that when it came to Amber and his heart, there were no rules.

  The truth was, though, that it didn’t change anything. Seth knew that nothing he felt, nothing Riley said, and nothing Amber thought could change who he was and the dark places he had been. He wasn’t going to bring that into Amber’s life. Period.

  She deserved better.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Amber pulled the soft fabric slowly through the sewing machine as she sang along to the Internet radio station she was listening to on her computer. She had set up her workstation beside the large bay windows in Seth’s apartment. As she sat listening to music, working on Chelle’s dress, she realized that, in that moment, she was happy. Really, truly happy.

  This was odd, considering her current life circumstances, but Amber decided to just go with it and enjoy the happy. She turned up the music on her laptop and removed the pins from the left side of the dress so she could run it through the sewing machine.

  Just as she started feeding the material under the needle, her phone rang. She took her foot off the pedal as she reached for her purse. When she saw the screen, she knew her temporary moment of bliss was now officially over.

  “Hi, Mom,” Amber chirped, trying to use false cheer to conceal her disappointment at the interruption.

  “Hi, Sweetie,” her mom whispered.

  “Is everything okay?” Amber asked as her chest tightened with concern.

  “Oh, yeah, it's fine.” Although her mother’s voice was barely audible, Amber could still hear the tension below the surface. “I just don’t want to wake Bubba.”

  Amber tried not to roll her eyes. Seriously? Bubba?

  “Where are you, Mom?”

  “Um…well…see…I was actually calling to see if you could…”

  Amber waited, knowing that her mother was probably going to ask her to send money.

  “Um, it’s just...” the volume of her mother's voice dropped ever lower, and Amber struggled to follow along. She could barely make out the words.

  Amber reached over and turned the volume down on her laptop. She covered her other ear to try to block out any other noise. She could tell that her mom was whispering something but she couldn’t make it out.

  “Mom, I can’t hear you.”

  Her mom continued speaking, but the volume was still low enough to preclude Amber's understanding of her mother's pleas. Panic rose inside of her. If it was money that her mom wanted, then she would just ask. She wouldn’t try to be quiet. Something was wrong.

  “Mom, can you go in another room to talk?” Amber's hands shook, but she strove to keep her voice even. The last thing she needed was for her own panic to make her mother's situation even more volatile. “I can’t hear you.”

  Amber heard shuffling on the other end of the line, and then what sounded like a door closing. Next, she heard what sounded like a faucet being turned on.

  “Now can you hear me?” Her mother asked. She was still whispering, but now it was intelligible.

  “Yes.”

  “I think, um...I was wondering if maybe you could…”

  “What, Mom? What do you need?” Amber stood and started pacing around the room like a caged panther, coiled tension coming off of her in waves. She couldn’t sit still. She felt too anxious.

  “I was thinking it might be a good idea if you came and got - ”

  “Susan! What are you doing in there? Who the hell are you talking to?” A man’s voice yelled in the background. Amber assumed that it belonged to the unfortunately-named Bubba.

  “It’s just Amber. I wanted to see if she could send me some money,” her mom’s voice was shaky. Amber recognized the too-bright tone as one she often used herself. Wow. That must be where she had gotten it.

  “Well what did she say? Is she gonna give us the money?”

  “Mom, if you need me to come get you, I can. Just tell me where,” Amber spoke quietly so that Bubba couldn’t hear her words through the phone line, even if he was standing close to her mom.

  “She needs to know where to send it,” her mom said.

  “Tell her to put it in your account,” he responded gruffly.

  “Can you just put it in my account?” her mom asked sounding as if she was about to start crying.

  “Mom, if I put money in there, will you be able to get away?” Amber knew that it wasn’t the best solution. But, dammit, she had no idea what else to do.

  “Sure that sounds great,” her mom said in her faux-cheery voice.

  “I’m transferring it right now,” Amber sat at her computer and pulled up her bank account, her fingers shaking on the keyboard. “Mom? Mom?”

  She didn’t hear anything. She looked down at her phone and saw that the call had ended.

  “Amber,” Seth’s deep voice sounded from behind her.

  She closed her eyes for a split second, taking a deep breath. It felt like the first time she had drawn breath, in fact, since she had heard Bubba's voice on the other end of the line. God. Even in the most trying circumstances, one word from Seth could calm her nerves immensely. Her hands were still shaking on the mouse as she navigated to the transfer screen in her bank account, but not nearly as much as they had been shaking a moment ago.

  Without turning her head, she said tightly, “Hold on one second.”

  She clicked through and transferred five hundred dollars to her mom’s account. She hoped that it would be enough to get her mom out of whatever situation she was in. Away from Bubba. As Amber pressed send, she tried to calm her breathing. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

  “Are you okay?” Seth asked.

  “I will be.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  The question reminded her of the night in DC. He had asked her basically the same question when they had gone up to his room. She responded the same way she had then, with a crisp, “No.”

  She turned and saw Seth and her mouth began to water. He stood before her in a crisp white shirt, red tie and black slacks. She took it all in. The shirt. The tie. The slacks. Suddenly she felt like she was back in that dimly lit room, full of brass and mahogany. Visions of the night they had spent together exploded in her mind like fireworks.

  “Do you want to eat?” Seth nodded his head towards whatever he was carrying. She looked down.

  He was holding Chinese food bags. Her heart warmed at the sight. Each night this week he had brought dinner home. It was quickly becoming her favorite part of the day. Sure, he didn’t really talk a lot while they ate, but that didn’t matter. That was just…Seth. Seth had his own way of doing things.

  One of the things he did was make her the best coffee every morning. She had gotten quite used to waking up and seeing him in the kitchen, usually shirtless, as he brewed it. The first morning she had been there, he had asked if she wanted any, and how she took it. Every morning since then, he had made her a cup, exactly how she loved it. A perfect cup of coffee served to her by a shirtless Seth Sloan; not a bad way to start the day, no matter how you sliced it. In fact, the only thing tha
t would make it better was if you threw in a little “morning sexy time” with a shirtless Seth Sloan!

  Amber was trying really hard to not get used to being here. It was harder than she had first assumed it would be. They had fallen into daily routines seamlessly. She no longer felt like a guest here. In fact, she had gone back to her duplex once to pick up some things, and – she wasn’t sure if it was because of the break-in, or what – but it didn’t even feel like home anymore.

  This felt like home. Which was bad. Very bad. She needed to keep her distance if she was going to have even a sliver of her heart and soul left to cling to when this thing was over.

  “I just have a little more to do on Chelle’s dress. I’m gonna go ahead and finish up. You can start without me if you want.” She turned back and started sewing again.

  She heard Seth’s footsteps as he walked across the wood floor of the front room into his room and shut the door. She figured that he had decided to retreat to his room early so she turned her oldies Pandora station back on while she worked on Chelle’s dress. Otis Redding’s (Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay started playing and Amber lost herself in the music; the feel of the fabric, the soft buzz of her sewing machine.

  She was just finishing the dress when she heard her stomach growl. She really didn’t feel like eating. In fact, she had completely lost her appetite since the call from her mom. Still, obviously her body thought she needed food.

  She turned, and as she was making her way across the room to the kitchen, Seth’s door opened. All of the air rushed out of Amber’s lungs in an involuntary whoosh.

  Oh. My. God.

  Seth stood before her, the sleeves on his white shirt rolled up and the top two buttons at his neck unbuttoned. She didn't think she had ever seen him looking so...she supposed she would describe it as 'effortlessly casual GQ.'

  “Are you done working?” he asked, his clear blue eyes locked with hers.

  Amber nodded. She couldn’t speak.

  “Do you want to talk about that phone call?” Seth’s tone was filled with concern.

  Amber felt tears begin to form in her eyes as she shook her head in the negative. It was all too much. The break-ins, her mom, Seth. Especially Seth.

  She was having a hard enough time not falling deeper in love with him without him being caring, for God's sake! Then, add into the mix: his sexier than sin body, his captivating eyes, his intelligence, his commanding air, his self-assured demeanor, and...Oh, Lordy...the explosive chemistry they shared – well, she didn’t have a shot in hell at holding on to her heart.

  “Do you want to eat?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

  Again she shook her head. Her body felt heavy. She didn’t know if it was just the past weeks catching up with her or if it was the fact that she had been having trouble sleeping knowing Seth was in the next room. She had been tempted - several times, in fact - to just strip naked and knock on his bedroom door. Instead of sleeping, she had been having fantasies of how that little scenario would play out.

  “Do you want to dance?” Seth asked, stepping closer to her.

  “What?” she asked, not really following along. Her mind felt like it was thousands of miles away. Then she heard the music playing from her computer and suddenly she was back in the here and now.

  “Do you want to dance?” he repeated slowly.

  She knew she shouldn’t. There were danger signs flashing in her mind. Her self-protective walls were trying to withstand the flash flood of desire she felt, urging her to lose herself in Seth’s arms. As she stared into his vivid blue eyes she felt her carefully-erected walls crumbling.

  As the soft melody of Hall & Oates' Sara Smile filled the room, Amber's emotions overrode her logic. She nodded silently as she stepped towards him. No words were necessary. The instant his arms wrapped around her and he pulled her tightly against his firm body, she melted. She closed her eyes and as she and Seth swayed to the soft music. The poetic lyrics drifted through the air.

  Baby hair with a woman’s eyes

  I can feel you watching in the night

  All alone with me and we’re waiting for the sunlight

  When I feel cold you warm me

  And when I feel I can’t go on, you come and hold me

  It’s you and me forever

  Resting her head on his broad shoulders, she felt safe. She felt protected.

  She felt loved.

  --- ~ ---

  Seth held Amber closely to him. She felt so perfect in his arms, his thumb rubbing in circles on her lower back. He may not be able to be with her, but he wanted – no, he needed – to comfort her in this moment.

  He had tried to stay in his room but he just couldn’t, not with the sight of her hands shaking as she hung up the phone playing in his mind on a loop. It had broken his heart. He was trying desperately to keep his distance, but the need to fix whatever was hurting her was just too strong. He couldn't ignore it.

  As her body pressed against his, he had to tame the urge to lay her down on the couch and make her forget any hurt, any sadness, any fear that she had ever felt. He wanted to strip her down, to give her pleasure to replace all of that pain, and just let her feel.

  The words that she had spoken to him the night they met all those years ago came back to him now.

  “I want one night. One night where I can forget. One night where I don’t have to think. One night where I don’t have to take care of anyone. One night where I don’t have to make any decisions. I want one night where all I have to do is feel.”

  He knew that he could do that for her, even if that was all he could offer her. He could give her one night.

  He could feel himself growing harder and harder as she swayed against him. Need rocketed inside of him. He remembered every inch of her body, her curves. His body instinctively moved with hers in a seductive rhythm.

  “Is there going to be dancing at the wedding?” she lifted her head and asked softly.

  He smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that, even though she was obviously upset, she couldn’t stand a long silence.

  He liked that he knew that about her.

  “Yes,” he answered her.

  She looked up at him, her champagne colored eyes shimmering with the glow from the moonlight streaming in through the window. “Are you bringing a date?”

  That question stopped him short. He hadn’t even thought about another woman since he had stepped foot in Harper’s Crossing. Then something else occurred to him. If she was asking the question, then there was a good possibility that she would be going with someone. Hadn’t she said that she had been out on a date just a few weeks ago?

  Damn.

  “Are you?” he asked. The thought of seeing her with another man made his stomach knot up.

  There was a twinkle in her eye. “I asked you first.”

  “No,” he answered honestly.

  “I don’t think I am either,” she said as she laid her head back down on his shoulder.

  That was vague.

  “You don’t think you are?” he asked, wanting clarification.

  “No. A few people have asked, but I would rather be there...” she swallowed as she looked up at him with a vulnerability in her eyes that caused his chest to ache, “...with you.”

  His breath was coming short and ragged. His heart was pounding. He knew he needed to talk to her. He needed her to be clear on where they stood. But he had no idea how to make her understand - especially since he didn’t.

  “Amber, we can’t be together,” he said bluntly.

  She blinked a few times. He could see her chest rising and falling rapidly. As her large eyes stared deeply into his, he felt as though she could see all the way to his soul.

  “Okay,” she said softly.

  That was it? She wasn’t going to ask why? She wasn’t going to get upset or angry?

  “So you do want me to go to the wedding with a date?” she asked.

  “No,” he answered automatically.

 
Shit, what was he saying? He didn’t play games. He didn’t send mixed messages to women. Yet here he was doing both of those things.

  Her mouth turned up in a smile of amusement. God. He knew that look, he had seen it on the face of other women he'd been with. It was the look they got when they thought they had the upper hand, and all they had to do was reel him in.

  Amber was the first woman to wear that expression that just might be correct. That was dangerous. He needed to shut it down.

  “Amber,” his warning tone did not seem to affect her.

  Her stomach growled loudly.

  “Time to eat,” she said brightly as she turned and walked into the kitchen.

  He shook his head. Watching her go, he realized that never had his instincts been in such direct opposition with his logic. Internally, for Seth, those two vital forces that guided his life were usually pretty well on the same page.

  Even his decision to be medically discharged, which was one of the most, if not the most, difficult decisions of his life hadn't cause an internal battle like the one that was currently being waged inside of him when it came to Amber.

  He knew he wasn’t good for her. He was too fucked up. He had done things that had changed him, broken him.

  But, by the same token, he wanted her – and not just with his body. With his heart, with his soul. In fact, in many ways, he already felt like she was his. His to care for. His to protect. His to love.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  His large hands grip her hips tightly. His blue eyes locked with hers. The wall feels hard and cold against her back as he rocks his length against her mound, still covered with her silken panties, now dripping wet with desire.

  “Is this what you want?” The deep and resonant timbre of Seth’s voice vibrates through her entire body.

  “Yes,” Amber says, filled with delicious anticipation.

  His mouth finds hers as he brushes his lips lightly against hers in dizzying torment. She leans forward, seeking deeper contact. He remains just out of reach, not permitting her to deepen the kiss.