The Thursday clinic

by Anne Lorraine

  CHAPTER FOUR

  SALLY replaced the receiver with meticulous care, and then sat quite still, staring down at it with dazed, incredulous eyes. In that moment she felt strangely empty, and very cold. She ran her. fingers through her hair, pushing back her cap as she did so.. When it fell to the ground beside her she took no notice, indeed she did not even knoWgit had fallen. "Married," she said after a time, in a queer, tight voice. "Laurence Chesfield married . . . and I never knew." She frowned, as if her own words puzzled her. The room seemed suddenly overwhelmingly hot, even though a moment before she had been cold. She went to the windows and flung one of them wide. A gardener, working outside, looked up in some surprise and a certain amount of annoyance. "Have a care, there," he shouted, no doubt supposing the culprit to be a probationer. "Might have given me a nasty bang on the head, Miss! In any case, hasn't anybody told you those particular windows are never opened ? The ones on the other side are used too much noise comes in from the High Street this side." Sally walked back to the table, not taking the slightest notice of the man's remarks. She was still suffering from a sense of suffocation, and on an impulse she went to the door of the clinic and up the corridor towards the main building. A young nurse, passing her and automatically murmuring a "Good afternoon, Sister," turned round in dismay as Sally sailed past her without a smile or a nod. When the girl realized that she had just witnessed the unprecedented sight of a Sister walking off duty without 72 a cap on, she gaped stupidly before rushing off to impart the information to all and sundry. "You'd almost have thought she was drunk!" she eieeled later to an appreciative audience of probationers "Sailed past me without so much as a look, her head in the air and the queerest vacant look in her eyes! And to crown it all no cap! No, honestly, she had no. cap on, my dears and her hair looked just as if she'd been pushed through a hedge, and that's gospel!" Sally, unaware of the excitement she was provoking walked calmly on, went down the Main Block passage-way and out through the main doors. An ambulance-driver, who knew her well, frowned in astonishment, and then called her name sharply. She turned to look at him and he grinned at her rather awkwardly. "You seem to have lost your cap. Sister," he began jocularly puzzled by the girl's strange appearance. "I thought I d warn you in case you hadn't noticed___" "I'm going off duty," she told him politely, like a little girl remembering her qanners. "Thank you so much, Albert. I shall not be away long, if anybody wants me." She went. through the gates, and turned without conscious thought, down the hill towards the town Several passers-by turned to look at the small, slender woman who walked so poisedly, her fair head bare, her royal blue uniform worn with an almost regal air of pride. A doctor, going into the hospital, and noticing the blue-clad figure going down the hill, hesitated a moment, stared in perplexity, then, with the barest shrug of his shoulders continued his way into the hospital. That girl would be in for a severe reprimand if Matron heard of her escapade! Sally, oblivious of all save the necessity to get away from the hospital and from her own troubled thoughts, walked up the High Street and into a small, secluded park behind the library. Here she often came, when off duty, to enjoy the peace and quiet of the beautifully kept lawns, the colorful flower-beds. This time, however, she saw nothing of the beauty and calm around her. There were few people in the .gardens, and those who were there took little notice of the newcomer. Nurses often popped in to the gardens for a brief respite from the busy 73 life at the hospital and were therefore a familiar sight in the town. Certainly this particular nurse seemed unusually distraught, and there seemed something slightly odd about her uniform, but what of that? Sally leaned back against the hard support of the chair, and dosed her eyes wearily. The headache which had threatened throughout the long afternoon now developed into a grinding pain, and she put up a hand to her brow, puzzled by the perspiration she found there. She must be ill. Probably that was the real explanation behind everything that had happened during the past hour. Illness could do strange things to people; it could make them imagine things .... She laughed bitterly, knowing a deep contempt of herself. What kind of a fool was she, anyway? She, a Sister, trying to pretend she had imagined something just because she didn't want to believe it! She, a Sister at one of the finest hospitals in the country, roaming about like a schoolgirl, just because just because well, why not face it? Laurence Chesfield was married. Well, all right then he was married. "What had that to do with her? Had she ever, for one moment, stopped to consider the liklihood of him being married? Had he, on his part, ever pretended to-be* single and, even if he had, what business would that be of hers? This news should make no difference to her at all, should it? It .didn't make any difference, actually it simply meant that she would go on working for him as she had done, loving the work, admiring the man for whom she worked. Why should the news of his marriage upset her? It made no difference. But ... that wasn't true. Sally winced as a severe pain shot through her head. She was in for an attack of migraine, and the realization filled her with scared apprehension. It was many, many months since she had been .the victim of this prostrating complaint, and she had persuaded herself that she was finished with it for good. She had even told herself that unhappiness and loneliness had caused the migraine, and that her work at Merry's particularly with Chesfield, had cured it, removed the underlying cause. Well she smiled bitterly maybe this was proving her 74 diagnosis to be correct! Take away Chesfield and the migraine instantly asserted itself. She moved restlessly, not- realizing that she was shaking her head like a bewildered child. What nonsense she was thinking! Who on earth was thinking of. taking away Chesfield? Ever since she had known him, in all probability, he had had a wife in''the background, and what difference had that fact made? "But I didn't know," she explained to herself miserably, "I didn't know. That's what makes the difference now. I realize that only my work with him is really important, only , "Only?" She probed into her thought's remorselessly, determined . to face up to the truth, no matter what the cost. If only her work was important, why was she upset to know that Laurence Chesfield was not single . . . not free? She stood up suddenly, as if to run away from the truth which was now so near the surface A girl, passing, recognized her and smiled in some surprise. "Hullo, Sister," she said shyly. "Is anything wrong?" "Wrong?" Sally stared at the girl vaguely. "No why should it be? I'm off duty I often come here-." The girl colored. "I'm sorry," she apologized lamely. "I just thought well, I suppose I'm used to seeing you in your cape, and with your cap please forgive me." "Yes. Yes, of course. It's perfectly all right." The girl hurried on, and Sally, at last realizing the full import of the girl's words, felt her cheeks redden, and instinctively she put a hand to her hair. No cape ... no cap ... for pity's sake, what crazy thing had she done? Surely she must have made a laugliing-stock of herself, coming from the hospital to this place in such a state! If Matron heard of it, she would be furious. Yet how was she to get back to Merry's without evoking still more amusement and .interest ? She sat down, her knees quite weak. So this was what it came to for all her fine protestations, her regal airs, her professed pride in her new status; she could behave like the youngest probationer, and with as fine a disregard 75 for Merry's reputation, as soon as the slightest disappointment came her way! Where, now, was the Sister in whom Matron had placed such confidence? Where now, the woman who had dedared, with such supreme confidence, that her work was of paramount importance in her lifef Once it had been, admittedly. But not now. Not since Laurence had come back into her life and filled her head with unadmitted hopes and dreams. What use to pretend to herself now, in face of her behaviour? At first, maybe, _she had been content to work with Laurence, but how long had it been before she had secretly dreamed of being someone more than his working partner? That hope had been the spur to her best work, the dream had been the means of transfiguring her entire existence. Now that she knew the truth, now that the spur and the dream were knocked from beneath her, what was left? She could not continue to work with him, ,for him. Knowing what she did, his very nearness would take on a new m
eaning, a new significance. Could she hope to hide from him what she now had to admit to herself ? The girl who had passed, her a few minutes previously came back down the path, and seeing that Sally was still there, colored slightly and would have passed without a word, Sally however, stood up. "Look, my dear," she said impulsively, "I'm terribly sorry for what happened just now. I I'd had rather a shock and I have a really splitting headache. Neither of these things excuse my behaviour, of course, but I hope you'll try to understand." The girl looked relieved. "But of course," she said warmly. "I thought you must be feeling queer, and I wanted so much to help. Is there anything I can do? I have my car parked outside the gardens can I run you back to the hospital, maybe? Or to your home?" "Could you. possibly?" Sally's voice was eager now. "I feel such a fool coming out like this. I just didn't think and if Matron saw me " The girl smiled reassuringly, and without a word took off the light raincoat she was wearing and held it out. 76 She won t,' she said calmly. "Put this on, and I'll run you back. And don't worry" she dimpled suddenly "I've been in love myself, believe me and I'm still alive to tell the story!" "In love?" Sally's voice was sharp with dismay. "But how on earth I mean, it's not the case at all 1 told you it was a headache " ' "Oh, yes," the girl laughed easily, "we all suffer from those beautiful excuse' headaches, don't we? My dear why be so afraid of anyone knowing? It's only human to fall m love, and there isn't much we can do about it when it happens. Come along." The ride back to the hospital was sheer misery to Sally. She was grateful enough for the lift, naturally, but she was filled with dismay at the thought of her love for Chesfield being so patiently obvious to a mere acquaintance If this girl, whom she scarcely knew, could recognize at a glance that Sally was in love, how on earth was she to face the staff at the hospital, or Chesfield himself? The girl looked at her curiously as they drew up at Merry's gates. She put a hand on Sally's knee and spoke soberly. ' ' r "My dear I'm afraid I've upset you by discovering your little secret. I was only teasing, honestly! Is if she hestitated awkwardly "well, what I mean is, have you had a quarrel with him?" Sally could smile at last although there was not much amusement in the smile. "Not exactly," she said wryly, "but thank you for all you have done. I won't forget your kindness, I promise. You must have your coat could you stretch your kindness just a little further, and let me walk across the yard in it? Or wait" her face brightened "how foolish of me I am really off duty now, so I can go straight home. I live there" she indicated the house "so in two minutes I can give you your coat, if that is all right?" The girl- agreed, and they got out of the car. Even as Sally turned to open the gate of Mrs. Grant's front garden, however, she heard her name called, urgently. "Sister Sister Marthorpe! Just a moment, if you please!" 77 She turned in dismay, aware that her companion was now thoroughly bewildered. Across the road she saw the gate-keeper signalling her impatiently, urging her to hur-, ry. Impulsively she pulled off the borrowed coat, thrust it at the girl with a fervent "Thank you", and ran across the road. The man sighed exasperatedly. "Well, for pity's sake, where have you been. Sister?" he asked protestingly. "Hang it all, half the staff has been looking for you. Young Dr. Trenton was in a flat spin wanted you urgently and he's been across to your house ' half a dozen times in as many minutes, trying to trace you." Sally frowned, anger mounting in her as the man scolded her. "I am quite unable to understand the excitement," she said rather curtly. "Clinic ended a couple of hours ago, and I went off duty, as usual." The man drew his bushy eyebrows together and glared at her. "We'4, is that the way of it? That's not what we were given to understand. Sister, I'm giving you my word! Party as wanted you gave us to understand, in no uncertain terms, that you promised to await a phone call " Sally stared at him, the blood slowly draining from her cheeks, her eyes wide with dismay. The man grunted, scared by the girl's appearance. "Look here, my dear," he said uneasily, relapsing into more formal speech, "don't let it get you down. There's no doubt been a* mistake somewhere you know how it is. Somebody is trying to pass the buck, thats all. You go and explain what happened to Doctor, there's a good girl. He's a nice chap, but I don't recall seeing him look so angry, not in a very long while, and that's a fact. There's a mistake somewhere, I can see that " Sally turped away from him, sick with shame and selfdisgust. She had forgotten everything about one of her patients! She, who had prided herself on her integrity, had blatantly broken one of the most important rules of her profession she had allowed private affairs to blot out the welfare of a patient. Whilst she had been moping and fretting in the gardens, little Billy's, case had gone right 78 ; out of her mind, and the entire hospital had been thrown : out of gear in consequence. "It's no good looking for Dr. Trenton now, miss," the , man told her anxiously. "When he couldn't trace you, he went out to visit, some case or other, I believe. He left a : message for me to ask you to follow him if you came in ? time." He consulted his large watch, and pursed his lips ', thoughtfully. "You might just make it if you, look slippy, Sister. Get Albert to run you along I've got the address i right here, look. Melfield Road just the other side of ; hill. Doctor seemed to think you'd know the place and he was particularly anxious you shouldn't phone anyone." ;, He scratched his head bewilderedly. "Hope it makes more i sense to you than to me, Sister, and that's a fact." . "I hope so, too," she said grimly, beneath her breath. ' "All right thanks a lot. I'll just get my cap and cape, and , be off. Was it a Billy Morris who was the patient?" ; "Morris that's the iame!" the man said eagerly. "Glad ' you've got the hang of it, Sister, Pop in and get your bonnet : and shawl and I'll fix things with Albert. Look slippy. ,1,1,, " l-Crf31 there s a dear. ; Five minutes later, Sally, her cape round her shoulders ; and her cap once more in its accustomed place, was being rushed round to Melfield Road by a loquacious Albert, who , eyed her teasingly. : "Trying to get Matron into a flat spin?" he asked her. , "Once let her hear of this escapade. Sister, and we've both had it, hm? Oh, now" as he saw her face "I was only pulling your leg, as they say. Miss I'm not worried if you're not. Seems to me that Doctor was the one in the flap this time never saw him quite so annoyed almost foaming at the mouth he was and him usually such a : mild, inoffensive man, as you know!" : Sally's spirits dropped lower and lower, and by the time they reached their destination she felt dose to tears of , shame and apprehension. If anything had happened to ' Billy, through her wilful neglect, she would never forgive herself, never. And, incidentally, she added grimly to herself, Matron wouldn't forgive her, either. There was no room at Merry's for carelessness, or forgetfulness, not when a patient was involved. 79 She almost ran into the house, and, since the front door was open, she went in, instinctively pulling her cloak closer round her as she did so. .She could hear voices in the sitting-room and, after the barest pause, she pushed open the door and went inside. A large, red-faced man was facing her, and she could see Mrs. Morris standing beside him, defiant and tearful. Trenton, 'his back to Sally, was talking quietly, but very firmly. "Doctor," Sally said softly. He turned at once, and she almost cried out at the pallor of his face. "I'm so sorry " For a brief second he stared at her in silence, contempt in his eyes. Then he nodded his head slightly. "It's all right, Sister," he told her formally. "I have already explained to Mr. and Mrs. Morris that you were inadvertently held up by a late patient, and so I came in your place. Mr. Chesfield seemed to think it better if we saw little Billy again this evening, and I must admit, now that I have seen the child, I agree with you that further steps must be taken." "-No talk of operations, if you please," Mr. Morris began dogmatically. "As the boy's father I have a right to talk " "As the boy's father you have the right to do what is best for the boy," Trenton said shortly, in a voice Sally scarcely recognized. "I have told you this child is in danger if he is neglected for even a few more hours. Just how severe the case is, I would not say without Mr. Chesfield's corroboration, but Sister, here, is, as you know, in charge of Mr. Chesfield's clinic and I'd like her to examine the ear. Sister 7" She went forward and bent over the boy, who was lying in his cot, no longer crying or fretting, but lying u
nnaturally still, a glazed look about his eyes. His cheek was swollen, his right eye almost dosed with swelling and inflammation. Sally frowned sharply, and looked across at the doctor. "We must get him into Merry's at once," -she urged. "We could phone Chesfield from here; ask him to meet us at the hospital." "I don't agree," Mr. Morris began heavily. "You can see for yourself that the child isn't in pain any longer 80 probably Nature is busy healing him, and I don't agree with interfering with Nature. There's no pain " Trenton swung round and faced the man, his face white with anger. "Nature is just about to stop eing interested in your son at all!" he said curtly. "Given another hour or two and it's quite on the cards that it will be too late for Nature, as you call it, or medicine, or surgery, or any other darned thing, to do anything at all for your boy. Pain is often a good sign it acts as a signpost, telling us just what we can do to remove the cause. Lack of pain, in a case such as this, is a danger-signal - of the most acute sign it is almost as if the body is sick and tired of shouting out 'Do something for me! Remove this poison!' It stops shouting, and that's when the worst danger of all begins. Look at the child can you imagine the healing you keep talking about? Does he look as if he is getting better? Wouldn't you far rather hear him shouting with fear, and pain, than lying there looking as if he no longer cared whether it hurt or not?" The man ran his tongue over his lips, glandng anxiously at his wife. "I don't want him to be hurt any more," Mrs. Morris began to whimper. "It's all the hospital's fault they shouldn't have taken out his tonsils " Sally moved forward and gripped her by the arm. . "Mrs. Morris," she said, with a startling authority. "Dr. Trenton loves children he has given all his life, so far, to the care of them. Whilst Billy was in his care, he looked after him with as much love and compassion as if the child had been his own son. Do you suppose he wants to hurt Billy now, any more than you want him hurt? And, if he must be hurt, isn't it better that he is hurt now, than when it is too late? And it may quite easily be too late very soon. I mean that, Mrs. Morris. I don't usually bluff you, do I?" For a. long moment the eyes of the two women met, Then with a sniff, Mrs. Morris turned to her husband. "He goes to the hospital," she snapped decisively, "You get your shoes on and be ready to go with me. This Sister knows what she's talking about. I'm afraid, Charlie, 81 and that's the truth of it. I'm downright scared I don't like the look of Billy right now." She began to cry. "Doctor's right they're both right no baby what's getting better looks as he does. If he was well he'd be screaming his head off with strangers looking at him, you know that as well as I do, Charlie. He's going to the hospital, as soon as we can get him there." The next hour or two was a nightmare Sally was never to forget. Going back to the hospital with Billy and his parents, she tried to understand what had happened during her absence. Trenton, keeping his voice low, had told her tersely that Chesfield had phoned her back, as arranged, and had seemed irritable when kept waiting whilst a search was made for her. "When I realized you were not on the premises," he told her briefly, "I told him you were tied up with an unexpected late arrival at the Clinic and couldn't be disturbed. I offered to take a message, and he suggested you go to see Billy as soon as you were through with your patient, and then let him know-the latest developments. He feared middle-ear abscess, just as you had said, apparently on the phone. When you still didn't show up, I went in your place. You can tell him, if he asks, that you asked me to go with you tell him what you like, so long as he doesn't know what really happened." She stared at him miserably, hot knowing what to say. "It was awfully good of you," she began awkwardly. "I just don't know how to thank you. Doctor. I can't say how grateful I am." He looked at her steadily, his grey eyes unsmiling. "There is no need," he told her calmly. "I did it for the child, not for you. Sister. As far as I'm concerned, the whole matter is over and done with, and I'd rather not discuss it further." She drew back, as shocked as if he had lifted his hand and struck her across the face. For the rest of the short journey she sat silent, and Trenton, acting as if she were no longer there, talked reassuringly to the parents, and now and again touched die little boy's wrist gendy. At the hospital Chesfield was already waiting, having received a phone call from the Morris house. He examined the child gravely with his usual care, and then derided on immediate surgery. He looked at Sally keenly. "You are not on theatre duty, but I'd like you to help, if you feel able," he said quietly. "Please do not hesitate to refuse if you are tired, or unsure. It will be a tricky job." She stiffened involuntarily, bracing herself for the or-deal ahead. There was no shadow of a doubt in her mind as to what she had to do. Everything that had happened was her fault, and the least she could do the only thing, indeed to. make up for her bad conduct was to help Billy now. Her headache was forgotten, her tiredness ruthlessly ignored. She understood the case, and she had a duty to perform nothing else mattered. She even forgot, for the time being, that she had decided, not so very long before, that she could never work beside Chesfield again. This was somecAmg outside her own arrai'rs, or his. BUfy was ner world in that moment, as a patient must always be to a good nurse. "I want to help, Doctor," she said simply; and he turned away, issuing instructions to the nurses who had joined them for the examination. He talked to the parents, interviewed the Matron, and then, when the child had been prepared, he went with Sally and the theatre team to the theatre. The operation did not take very long, but it was one that called for great skill and concentration. To Sally it was as if Chesfield had never worked with more surety or more delicacy of touch, and she watched him as if absorbed, as indeed she was. It was not until it was over, and the trolley with its tiny burden wheeled out into the corridor, that she felt the waves of exhaustion, both mental and physical, threaten to swallow her up. They went to wash-up together, the other members of the team dearing up. They did not speak, and she was so tired that she saw nothing strange in his silence. Once he turned to look at her inquiringly, but, seeing die absorption of her small, pale face, he merely raised his dark eyebrows and went on with die careful, methodical washing of his hands. 83 She was ready to go before he spoke. Indeed, she had reached the door leading from the ante-room when he spoke her name. "Sally " She turned at once, every pulse in her body responding to the sound of her name on his lips. It was the first time he had used her name, and she was filled with an excited wonder. "Sally, my dear you did a good job an excellent job. I don't think I could have managed without you, frankly. It's a strange thing, but" he seemed to hesitate, and he studied her flushed face thoughtfully "well somehow you seem necessary to me, essential to the success of my work. You won't leave me, will you? I couldn't get along without you you know that, don't you?" 84