This Love of Mine (Raine Series #1)

by Bennett, Amanda

  "Oh honey, no one says you guys have to be together now. Did you ask him if he was willing to do the long distance thing? You know, come visit you and all that fun stuff?"

  I nodded my head as the first tear started rolling down my face. The reality of the situation finally setting in. Cami was at my side instantly, with her arms around me, rubbing my back. She had been around for all of it. My father leaving, my momma's drinking and drug habit, and every single bump in the road with Wren. Cami had always been my rock and the one person I could tell anything to, without fear of being judged or anyone finding out. She was my one constant in a small world of inconsistent people.

  "He didn't seem open to the idea." I barely managed to get the words out through my sobbing.

  "Kay, let's just not talk about this right now. You need to pull yourself together. You're going to see your beautiful man in a little over an hour and you don't want to be crying. My suggestion, just be with him while you can. Your only seventeen hun, you have plenty of time to figure this whole thing out. For once in your life, just live in the moment. You got it?"

  I happily agreed and leaned down into her shoulder as I let the last few waves of tears find their way out of me. I must've dozed off because I woke to someone shaking my shoulder. Before I could find out who it was, I was sitting up and practically swinging. When Cami's face came into focus, I practically choked on my own breath.

  "Cami, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know it was you. Oh my god."

  "Kay, it's okay. Calm down, it's okay. I'm not mad, I just wanted to make sure you didn't sleep through your date."

  I shook my head, reminding myself that I was in a safe place now. "Thanks. I'm going to get ready real quick. Are you sure you're okay with me going?"

  "Of course. I'm tired anyway; so I'm just gonna crash. You two have fun."

  I shot her an appreciative smile, as I closed the door behind me. I had set out my outfit for tonight when we got home earlier. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was cute enough that he would want to rip it off the minute he saw me. I changed quickly, and then pulled my boots back on. When I opened the door, Cami had already passed out on her side of the bed. I smiled at the picture of my best friend at my house, and for once I realized that my life here held more promise than anywhere else, and I wasn't willing to risk that for anything.

  I walked to the field with my head down. My heart was already hurting with my new realization. It took me twice as long to get to the field than usual, and I knew it was because I turned around at least five times. Maybe if I didn't show up at all, then he would get the hint. Damn it, why did this have to be so difficult? When the top of the hill came into view, so did Madison. He was standing against the tree we always sat under, smoking a cigarette. He looked absolutely amazing in the moonlight, and I wished I didn't have to do what I was about to do. A wide smile spread across his face as he saw me come into view. A small smile touched my lips, but never reached my eyes, and by the look on his face, he had noticed it too.

  "Well hey there, pretty girl. I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show up. What took you so long?" His hands gripped mine, as if they were a lifeline. I tightly squeezed them back and placed a kiss to his cheek.

  "Sorry to keep you waiting, cowboy." He smiled down at me and brought his lips down on mine.

  I wanted to pull away, I really did, but once his hands slid around my waist and pulled me into his chest, I didn't have the strength to say no. He pushed his hands into the back of my hair as his tongue explored my mouth, giving it a small tug. I moaned into him, urging him to take things further, and he didn't hesitate.

  My tight white shirt was instantly over my head on the ground, and Madison's shirt was quick to follow. This time it felt a bit rushed, but after the decision I had made before coming to meet him, I was more than okay with it. His hands were soft and gentle, caressing me in a way that could only be portrayed as loving.

  Within minutes, he was gently laying me down on a large blanket that I hadn't even noticed on the ground before now. His lips left hot scorching trails on every inch of my exposed skin as he made his way up and down my body. When his lips found their way back to mine, I fell back in awe. The things he could do to me with just one kiss were overwhelming.

  I felt Madison hesitate once he was positioned at my entrance. I could see it in his face that he was treating this as though it was our last time, and I couldn't help but feel the same. I urged him to continue by wrapping my legs around his waist and pulling him into me. He resisted for only a moment and then pushed himself deep inside of me.

  A loud moan escaped my lips and I watched as a sly smile touched his. I pulled, pushed and gripped him against my quivering body. With every movement, my mind drifted off to a peaceful place and I gave myself over to the plethora of emotions invading my mind, without regret.

  We found our release together and I felt as though I was floating on a cloud above my body. It was overwhelmingly amazing. Madison rolled onto his back, pulling me with him and clutching me to his chest. I nestled my head into the nook of his strong, muscular arm and wished for this to be an everyday occurrence. When I was about to tell him exactly how I was feeling, he ended up beating me to the punch.

  After what had just happened, I came to the conclusion that I was more than willing to try and make this thing work, despite my reservations. Apparently, what we had just shared had done the opposite to him. I was in utter disbelief as the next few sentences came pouring out of his mouth. For the first time, in a long time, I wanted to beat the ever-living shit out of a man, other than Wren.

  Chapter 24

  Madison

  "I'm letting you go, Kayla. As much as I want you and want this to work, I just can't. I feel deeper for you than anyone I have ever been with, but I can't deal with you pushing me away at every turn. I'm leaving in two days, well technically the end of today, and I think it would be best if we didn't see each other until then. I need you to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there for you. You can always call me, anytime and I'll come runnin'."

  I knew she was gonna be pissed, hell I half expected her to smack the shit out of me, but I have to admit I was shocked by her reaction.

  "You're absolutely right Madison, I do push you away. And right here, this, you and me, this is why I pushed you away. I knew confiding in you was a mistake. I don't know how I could've been so stupid. Do me a favor, and forget you ever met me. Actually, you know what, I'll make it easy on you and just keep out of your way. Have a nice life, cowboy."

  Before she was even fully clothed, she was runnin' back towards her house. I sat up as I pulled my shirt over my head. I knew it was going to hurt to do that to her, but what I hadn't anticipated was just how bad it was going to break my heart.

  I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyelids as I gathered the blanket from the ground. I didn't even bother to pull my boots back on or my hat. I watched as the last light left on in her house went out, and I stopped under our tree one last time. After tonight, this tree would lose all of its meaning to her, but it would forever represent the life I so longed to have, with the only girl I had ever loved. Kayla James did something to my heart and mind that could never be replaced. No other woman would ever measure up to her and the feelings that came along with loving that girl.

  I pulled my smokes from my pocket and lit up one last time in this vast empty field. I took in the feel of the humid air wrapping itself around my sweat glistened body. The way the moonlight danced through every branch of the tree, and I pictured Kayla's face the last time we made love. I took a drag and slowly blew out the cloud of smoke between my dry lips. I knew she was going to hate me, just like she did her momma and that sorry excuse for an ex-boyfriend. Knowing what I said to her was a lie, didn't make it hurt any less. If I could take it all back and know she would come running into my arms, I would. But the reality of it was that she didn't want me as much as I wanted her, and that was something I was going to have to come to ter
ms with on my own. The lines of a Gary Allen song sat on repeat in my brain. "Life ain't always beautiful."

  Well, that's for damn sure!

  Those words, never rang more true than in this moment. Lord knows I believe that she was meant for me. There was a reason that girl was brought into my life, but in some twist of fate, that meaning didn't want to come out right now. I was okay with that.

  I was off to Arizona the end of today, and I was hoping that something positive would come out of all of this. As I finished my smoke and put it out on the patch of grass below me, I remembered what my grandfather always told me. "There is one person for everybody. You may meet her now or you may meet her later, but she will always stay with you, whether in body or spirit." Man if that ain't the truth.

  I made my way back to the house, stopping to say good-bye to Rocket and the other horses before I headed off to bed. I knew I wasn't going to be gettin' much sleep tonight, but lord knows I would try. I thought about taking a shower when I got back to my room, but I just couldn't bring myself to wash off her sweet strawberry scent. That and the memory of the time we got to spend together, was something I wanted to hold onto for as long as possible. I stripped down to my boxer briefs and fell onto my bed, without pulling back the comforter or sheets. I tucked my hand behind my head and closed my eyes to visions of Kayla staring back at me. I fell asleep to her smile and her smooth gentle laugh. Dreaming of nothing but that gorgeous brown haired beauty standing by my side.

  ****

  I woke to the aroma of bacon and eggs billowing up around me. As I made my way downstairs, I could faintly hear my grandparents in a heated conversation. I almost felt bad walking in on them, but the minute I heard Kayla's and my name, I all but ran down the remaining stairs.

  My grandparents sat at the dining room table arguing for the first time I'd ever seen. I knew I was in deep shit the minute my grandfather looked up and had that stern look on his face. "Okay, I'm awake now. So have at it, Sir."

  I stretched my arms out to my side waiting for the impact of my grandfather's fist, but it never came. Instead, he hauled his old ass out that back door, slamming it behind him. I glanced over at my grandmother's sullen face and immediately wrapped her up in my arms. I wasn't exactly sure why she was sad or why my grandfather was pissed, but I knew at that moment, all she needed was a hug from her only grandchild.

  "I'm sorry, Gran. I wish I didn't have to go, but this is something I have to do for myself. Please don't be sad." I whispered into her hair.

  "Oh baby, of course I'm sad that you're leavin', but I'm more upset with the fact that you let that sweet girl go. I swear she could've been the best thing to ever happen to you."

  Shit! That was the last thing I expected to hear coming from my gran. Now I understood why my grandfather was so pissed off. It had absolutely nothing to do with me leaving the state for college. And it had everything to do with the fact that he had told me to stay away from that girl, and I basically thrust myself into her life. I felt worse than I had the night before, knowing that I had to go make peace with my grandfather.

  "Gran, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm gonna go talk to Grandpa."

  I kissed the top of her head and made my way out back. Sure enough, my grandfather sat in his rocker, waiting for me to join him. I was ready to get a mouth full, hell I deserved more than that, but I was gonna let him unleash on me regardless of how the situation really played out. There was no reason to involve Kayla in all of this, because in all actuality, I was the one who let her go, not the other way around.

  "You wanna tell me what part of, that girl doesn't need to be hurt anymore, you didn't understand?"

  "No, not really, Sir. All I can really say is that I'm sorry. I wish things would've turned out differently, but they didn't. I thought you, out of everybody, would be happy about this."

  "Of course I'm not happy about it, son. I told you to stay away so she would never have to deal with this from you. I knew she was gonna fall for you, boy. They all do. But, she is one girl who didn't deserve to have to deal with you and your heart breakin' ways."

  I felt bad, I really did, and hearing the words come out of my grandfather's mouth made my heart break all over again.

  "Sir look, I will make peace with her family before I leave tonight, but you can't blame me for the whole situation. There were two people involved in this and she never said no."

  "Boy, you better watch your tongue, right this second. Now I won't stand for this back talk. Make it right, and go. No reason to prolong the inevitable. Just get it over with. I'll see ya for dinner, and don't ya dare be late."

  "Yes, Sir." I watched as my grandfather headed back inside and as soon as the screen door snapped into place, I all but lost it. I knew what I had to do, but I honestly didn't think I would survive having to see her again. I took my ball cap off of my head and tossed it to the gravel. I ran my hands through my hair and down my face, as a few stray tears worked their way out.

  A few minutes later, I pulled myself together enough to go talk to the James'. I grabbed my hat from the ground and pulled it back down over my mess of hair. The entire walk over to their house felt like an eternity. When I eventually reached their front steps, I had rehearsed my speech at least a million times. I knocked two times and stood back with my hands in my front pockets, waiting for her granddad to come out and shoot my ass for even returning to their home. I was surprised when it was Mrs. James who came to the door.

  "Why Madison Raine, what are ya doin' on my front porch?"

  "I'm sorry ma'am, I just came to have a few words with you and Mr. James if that's okay?" I pulled my hat from my head and tucked it into my back pocket.

  "Well come on in honey. Jasper is in the kitchen."

  "Thank you, ma'am."

  I followed Kayla's grandmamma through their house and into their kitchen where we found Mr. James fixin' himself a plate of food. I felt bad for intruding on their breakfast, but if I didn't do this now, I would lose my nerve to do what needed to be done.

  "Mr. James, Mrs. James, I just wanted to come by and apologize. I'm sorry for the way things ended with your granddaughter. It was never my intention to hurt her. I need you to know that. She means more to me than even she will ever understand. Hell, I would give my life for that girl up there." I pointed up the stairs, praying that Kayla didn't come down while I was there. It would've been more than I could bear.

  "She's not here honey, so you can wipe that worried look off your face. She and Cami headed into town early this morning to meet some friends."

  The look on my face went from fearful to perplexed in less than an instant. As far as I knew, Kayla had no other friends in this town besides me. I didn't dwell on this bit of news for too long, because I was here for her grandparent’s forgiveness, not to worry about who she was with.

  "Either way, I just want y'all to know that I am sorry if I hurt y'all and your granddaughter. You won't have to worry about it any longer though. I'll be leavin' for Arizona tonight and you won't have to deal with me ever again. So, thank you for your time. Y'all enjoy your breakfast now." I gave a small wave and started making my way to the front door. Before I could turn the knob I felt a cold gentle hand grip my forearm, trying to turn me around.

  "Madison, honey, can I speak to you for a minute out front?"

  "Of course, Mrs. James." I opened the door and let her walk through first as I followed right behind her. We took a seat on the matching white rocking chairs and Mrs. James slowly reached out for my hand. I let her take it, even though the mere contact was already choking me up inside.

  "Madison, I need you to know something. Now I know your granddaddy and my husband would never tell you this, but I think you deserve to know why Jasper is so hard on you. It has nothin' to do with Kayla. Okay, maybe a bit of it, but the main reason is your granddaddy himself. See back when your grandparents, Jasper and I were all in high school together, the relationships were actually reversed. Your granddaddy and me had been together for t
hree years when he started havin' eyes for your grandmamma. Jasper and your grandmamma had been together for a year longer than your granddaddy and me. Needless to say, things got very complicated. Long story short, I started fallin' for your granddaddy again, after Jasper and me got together. He still had some feelings for your grandmamma, but she was over the moon in love with your granddaddy and refused to take Jasper back. You Raine men have quite the effect on women. Everyone looked at it, as though we all settled, but in reality we wound up with the ones we were supposed to be with. After that, Jasper and your granddaddy held a grudge. Til this day, they still refuse to talk unless they absolutely have to. So see, part of it has to do with Kayla, but the bigger thing is that he just doesn't want our families intermingling. Now we love that little girl more than life itself and I never want to see no harm come to her, but I know you to be a good boy. You always have been, and I would be proud to have you be a part of this family. So when the time is right, y'all will find your way back to one another, I know you will."

  My mind was spinning with all the information she had just shared with me. I guess a part of me had always wondered why my grandfather and Mr. James refused to talk to each other, but I never would've guessed all of this. And then, what she said about me and Kayla settled in. I had no choice but to agree with her, because let's face it, she'd been around long enough and experienced love enough, to know when it was gonna work.

  I gave her a long tight hug and thanked her for all that she had shared. I left the James' place with a new sense of hope, knowing that Kayla and I would find our way back to each other. I had to believe it, because with out that, I had nothing.