by Leigh Walker
And then something else opened up, something in my chest. It felt suspiciously like my heart hoping for something. Hope. I almost didn’t recognize the feeling.
I pictured the lamp again, and this time, I focused my entire will on the object. I vaguely hear Josh whoop again from the bleachers, but it sounded as if it came from far away. My total concentration was on the lamp. After a minute, even though my eyes were still scrunched tight, I knew it was on. I could feel the light, the warmth of it.
I concentrated hard until my body started to shake, little jitters that caused spasms through my muscles. I opened my eyes. The light flickered then the whole lamp lifted off the table and shuddered. My vision tunneled, and the light went dark. Feeling woozy, I wanted to lie down but was too confused. The lamp crashed to the floor and shattered. “Help?” I asked, as I tipped over.
“She’s going down,” Finn yelled. “Make sure she doesn’t hit her head!”
I awoke some time later, head aching, to Finn still yelling.
“Jesus, do you think we could evolve here? She’s obviously not getting enough calories or rest. There’s been too much stress.”
“It didn’t help that her mother sent that damn package,” Cranston huffed.
“Don’t blame her mother. This is on us. She’s just accessing these powers, and we all know that can take a toll. We need to let her do this slowly.”
“We don’t have time to do this slowly. We have eight weeks left of summer training, and then we’re being deployed to active duty. Do you want me to send her out there like this? Huh? Completely unprepared and unfamiliar with her own power and the recovery time?”
“Maybe she’s not ready to deploy.” Finn sounded angry.
“Maybe that’s not your call, soldier.” Cranston’s voice had a sharp, dangerous edge.
“Maybe you two should stop talking about me in the third person,” I croaked, sitting up on the couch in Cranston’s office. The movement made my head wail with pain, but I ignored it.
Finn scanned me. “What’re you doing up?”
“I’m processing.”
Literally reading my mind that I felt thirsty, he handed me a glass of water. “Tell us what you come up with.”
I gratefully took a sip. “I turned on that lamp.” Awe etched my voice.
Cranston crossed his arms. “You saw it before you passed out, right?”
“Uh-huh.” I rubbed my temples and sat up a little. “I did it—just like I shattered the gym lights yesterday.”
“That’s right,” Cranston said.
The truth of it dawned on me and everything else—all my concerns and worries—fell to the side. The realization was glorious. “I have power. Real power—fulgurkinesis—the telekinetic ability to manipulate objects with my mind, which seems to be predisposed toward objects of the electrical kind.”
“Correct.”
“That is so awesome,” I blurted out. The new and shiny of my power eclipsed everything else. “Now I want to see what else I can do!”
Finn rolled his eyes while Cranston rubbed his hands together.
“Excellent, soldier, excellent. We’ve got a lot of work to do, but I know you’re equal to the task.”
I finished the water and handed the empty glass to Finn. “I’m ready when you are, sir.”
17
Better Off Dead
“If you’re planning on becoming a full-fledged, telekinetic, secret-agent warrior, you should really stop passing out,” Emma joked as she sat down next to me at lunch. “Or at least start eating more.”
I inspected my plate—a chicken-Parmesan sub, fries, pasta salad and an enormous, soft chocolate-chip cookie for dessert. “I think I have enough to get me through dinner.”
“We’ll see, All-Star.” She smiled at me. “You’re wearing the necklace, huh?”
I fingered the small stones at the base of my throat. “It feels good to have something of my sister’s with me.”
Emma nodded. “I get it.” She held up her wrist. She wore a faded yellow-and-orange braided bracelet I’d never noticed before. “My baby brother made this when he was in his weaving phase. He had this little, plastic loom he used to make friendship bracelets. He made them for all of his classmates and of course, for his big sister. I don’t take it off, even though it is not fashionable.”
“How old’s your brother?”
“Thirteen. I haven’t seen him in years, though.”
“Do you have other siblings?”
“No. And Hudson doesn’t think he has a sister, anymore, either.”
My stomach dropped. “Why not?”
“It’s too dangerous for my family to know I’m alive,” Emma said, matter-of-factly.
“Your family thinks you’re dead?”
“Yes. Now, before you start demonizing the agency for this, you have to understand it was my choice. I could’ve let them know I was alive but that they’d never hear from me again—which is what Finn did to his poor mother—or I could let them think I was dead. I chose dead.”
“Why?”
“Because dead is easier. Dead is so much easier.”
“I couldn’t do that to my mom. Not after everything she’s been through.”
Emma tilted her chin. “You don’t have to be clairvoyant to know what I’m going to say, right?”
“What?”
“It might be easier on your poor mother if she thinks you’re dead. Otherwise, what’s she going to do? Worry about you getting killed in the war? Worry that you’re hurt, r starving, or that you’ve been taken captive? And eventually, you are going to die. She’s going to be devastated. Why not get it over with, huh? Just rip off the Band-Aid, I say.”
“Sensitivity’s not really your strong suit, is it?”
She shrugged. “I literally don’t have time to be sensitive. I have enemies to fight and outfits to pick out.”
I wanted to tell her about the conversation I’d had with Kyan to see what she thought, but I didn’t know if it was safe to talk. I grabbed my tray. “I have to go see Cranston. I need to call my mother since she sent me that letter and all. I can tell she’s worried.”
“Remember what I said: you’re better off dead.”
“Thanks?” I hustled away before she could say more on the subject.
Cranston sat in his office, ramrod straight and typing away on his laptop.
“Sir?”
“Come in.”
“I need to call my mother. I know you said I should clear that sort of communication with you, so that’s why I’m here.”
“It’s fine for you to call her. Use the phone in the empty office next door.”
“Can’t I just use my cell?”
He shook his head. “The land line is safer. The cell signal isn’t encrypted, and it could get picked up.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Riley.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to get into intensive training with you over the next few weeks, focusing on identifying your talents and developing them further. You can decide what you want to do about your mother when we’ve completed training. Some of the soldiers opt to send notifications…” His voice trailed off.
I nodded, swallowing over the sudden lump in my throat. “I know. Emma and Finn told me about the choice I have to make, but I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
“Take your time. Just remember when you talk to your mother right now, you can’t tell her anything specific. Everything we’re doing is highly classified.”
“I know, sir. I’ll keep it to normal conversation.” I headed for the office next door.
She picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Mom, it’s Riley.”
She exhaled deeply. “I was worried you weren’t ever going to call me again.”
“I promised you I would. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.”
“Did you get my package?”
“Yes, thank you for the necklace
. I’m wearing it right now. I haven’t taken it off.”
“Good.” She blew her nose. “Don’t.”
“How are you doing?”
“Not good.”
Panic tightened my chest. “Are you sick? Did you lose your job?”
“No. Did they let you see the letter?”
“Yes. Parts of it were crossed out, but I got the gist.”
“Did you?” Her voice was sharp.
“You feel bad that you weren’t a great mom, and that you…started drinking.” I winced, wondering if I was being insensitive. Maybe I’d been hanging out with Emma too much.
“Those weren’t the only things I said.”
I wondered if the line was tapped. I decided to risk it. “Well, tell me.”
“It’s that I’d known they were coming to take you, I’d known for years, and after what happened with Dad and Katie, I couldn’t face it—”
“Whoa, wait. You knew they were coming for me?”
“Yes, I did.”
“How?”
“Because that was part of the deal. That was how I got you.”
The world spun beneath my feet, but then I remembered who I was talking to. “Mom, are you…drunk?”
“No. But I wish I was.”
I sighed. “Can you please explain what you’re talking about? What do you mean, that was how you got me? I don’t understand—”
“Listen to me. They don’t want you to know the truth. Don’t let them cut you off from me. I’m the only one who’ll have the decency to tell you. I should’ve done it before, but I didn’t want to ruin the time you had left.” She started crying. “They’re going to come now. They won’t let you call me again. You remember what I told you.”
Cranston appeared in the doorway.
“I have to go, Mom.”
“Don’t be a sheep, Riley!” my mother shrieked. “Don’t let them take everything away from you. It’s not theirs to take, no matter what they say—”
I hung up the phone, hands shaking. What on earth was she talking about? “That was how I got you…” What did this mean?
And how much more crazy could I take in a long line of crazy?
Dead is easier. Emma’s words rang in my ears. I didn’t want to leave my mother alone after everything she’d been through, but maybe it would be best for her…this whole thing seemed too much for her to handle...
“Are you okay, soldier?” Cranston peered down at me.
I exhaled shakily. “I’m fine—I’ll be fine.”
“Let me know what you decide about your mother. About the notification.”
Was I imagining it, or did it sound as though he was gloating a little?
“Yes, sir.” But it felt like another decision I was ill prepared to make.
Over the next few weeks, training got even more intense. I didn’t hear from my mother again. Kyan kept his distance—maybe because Finn had threatened to malign his hair.
We settled into a structured routine: a long morning run, showers, breakfast, then we split into individual groups. Mine was comprised of me and whatever object I tried to manipulate that day. After we broke for lunch, we had weight-training and combat practice, weapons training, dinner, then yoga. Every night, I fell into a dead, dreamless sleep, only to be woken early the next morning to do it all over again.
It was hard, but at least I was getting somewhere. I’d learned to move objects, and not just electrical ones. It didn’t happen right away. At first, the only things I could affect were lights and flashlights, leading me to believe that my power only worked on lights. Cranston asked me to try to manipulate all sort of other electrical appliances, a hairdryer, a microwave, a printer, and finally, a small alarm clock when he started to worry he was choosing too many big things. None of them worked—or rather, I worked on none of them.
Stumped, he had me try to master turning lights on and off.
“At least I can help if someone attacks us with the lights off,” I joked, secretly worrying that I had the worst psychic power ever.
“That’s true.” Cranston scratched his chin and examined the latest array of items he’d set out for me: a computer, a blender, a television set, and a coffeemaker. “You know what, Riley? Sit tight for a second.” He went outside and came back a minute later, setting several small stones on the floor in front of me. “See what you can do with these.”
“With rocks?”
He nodded. “Spend some time thinking about them, and see if you come up with anything. I’ll check back with you later.”
He left me alone with the rocks. I stared at them for a long time.
Then I focused on the energy surrounding them. In science class, we’d studied the states of matter—matter being everything that takes up space and has mass. Matter could be changed by energy, such as heating water to the point of boiling. I wondered about the rocks. I didn’t want to change them, necessarily. I just wanted to impact them.
With my brainwaves.
Maybe I’d been approaching this wrong. Perhaps, if I thought about my energy impacting the matter in a different way, I could get something going. Instead of trying to infiltrate the object, maybe I could affect the space around it…
I concentrated hard on the idea of moving the air around the first rock. My muscles started to quiver a little, and I snuck a peek. The rock had risen a little. It wobbled in the air. I took a deep, calming breath and willed the stone to stabilize and soar higher.
My muscles calmed down, and I didn’t open my eyes again. Instead, I settled into a deep, meditative state, highly unusual for me. Hours or minutes passed; I didn’t know which.
After a while, Cranston came back. “Huh. Nice going, soldier.”
I opened my eyes. The same rock calmly floated in the air. Thrilled, I said, “I can’t believe I did it!”
Cranston’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “Well I can, and I’d say it’s about time. Now you have to figure out how to do that super fast and also how you’re going to deploy that as a weapon.”
The stone clattered to the floor. “Uh…okay.” And here, I’d been congratulating myself.
“Don’t get down about it, Riley,” Cranston said. “Just don’t get too up, either.”
I spent the rest of the day playing with my rocks. I had yet to figure out if I could turn them into weapons, but I did manage to get three of them floating at once.
Finn sat next to me that night at dinner. I stopped shoveling lasagna into my mouth once he sat down, but he made a face. “You need to eat. I heard you had some success today. Success burns calories.”
“You heard, or you snooped around in my brain?” We’d been so busy over the past few weeks, I hadn’t had ample time to argue with Finn. I’d still been ogling him, of course, but he didn’t need to know that.
He grinned at me.
Ugh. Now he knew about the ogling. “I told you to stay out of my head,” I hissed.
“I don’t have to be in your head to know you’ve been checking me out.”
“I’m sure you get that from all the girls.”
He shrugged good-naturedly. “You get the most embarrassed about it, though. That’s what makes this fun.”
My face got hot.
“I didn’t sit next to you to ruin your appetite,” he said, kindly. “Keep eating. And tell me, have you heard from your mom again? I know you were upset after you talked to her the last time.”
“How did you know that?”
He smirked.
“Oh. Wow, that is so annoying.”
I took another bite and chewed listlessly, on the verge of losing my substantial appetite. I wanted to forget about the whole thing, along with the crazy conversation I’d had with her.
“I haven’t talked to her.” I hadn’t decided what I was going to do. “What happens if I decide to have Cranston tell her that I’m…you know?”
“They’ll send a government representative with ashes so that the family can have some closure.”
&nb
sp; I wrinkled my nose. “What kind of ashes?”
“Usually squirrels—multiple squirrels, of course, because they’re so tiny. Sometimes road kill. Kind of depends on what’s on hand.”
“Are you serious?”
“Totally.”
“That’s gross.”
Finn shrugged. “It’s better than having a grieving family with nothing to bury.”
I put down my fork, appetite gone. “I guess you’re right. But what will they tell her?”
“They’ll tell her you were drafted into a division of the FBI. They’ll explain that it was top-secret, and that’s why you couldn’t tell her the truth. They’ll give her paperwork to verify the story, so there are no loose ends.”
“Your mom still knows you’re alive. Right?”
Finn played with the edge of his water glass. “Yeah, but I can’t contact her. She knows that, too.”
“What does she tell people about you?”
“That I moved to Europe to ‘find myself,’ and that I met a girl there. She tells them I’m not coming back, but that I’m doing well.”
“And she’s…okay with that?”
He didn’t look at me. “Okay might be too strong a word. But I don’t talk to her, so I don’t know.”
“Emma said she wanted her family to think she was dead because it was easier than having them worry…”
“Emma has very unusual logic.”
“So you don’t agree?”
“It’s not my place to agree or disagree,” he said. “But I know you get upset when you think about your mom, so think about it. It’s not the sort of thing you can go back and change, and you don’t want to regret it.”
“I still don’t understand how this works. If my mother thinks I’m dead, what happens to all my records? Am I legally deceased, erased from the planet?” I’d tried to make peace with the fact that I wouldn’t be attending Hollingsworth in the fall, but was going all-in with The Division a mistake? What if I didn’t like active duty? What if I got seriously injured? Would I ever be able to go back to my civilian life?
