by Leigh Walker
I tried not to make them too happy. After all, Cranston could see in my head.
19
The Other Side
“Hanover.” Finn’s voice brought me back to reality. “You here?”
I blinked and opened my eyes, which had fully closed. “In the sauna?”
He smiled, and I realized he stood above me. I was lying on the ground, in the grass. “There’s grass in the sauna?”
His face relaxed, his dimple peeking out. “We’re not in the sauna. We’re in the test.”
“Oh.” I felt the sun, the blades of grass gently tickling my face. “I thought it was going to suck. This is actually nice.”
Finn beamed down at me. “It is sort of nice, isn’t it?”
“Why are you mad at Josh?” The question slipped out. It had to be the drugs. Stupid drugs.
“Josh thinks he can protect you better than I can. And he spends too much time thinking about your face and the shape of your lips.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t like it when he thinks that. It makes me want to punch him, and he’s my best friend.”
“Oh.” My voice came out small.
“I wish I could shut up.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, looking annoyed. “Does it bother you when I say things like that?”
“Not at all.” I cursed inwardly, wondering if the drug was making me admit things I normally wouldn’t, just like Finn. “It makes me feel good. It helps bolster my false hope you have some sort of special interest in me.” Yep, drugs suck. I’m a babbling, leaking, psychotropic mess.
“The false hope, huh.” Finn held out his hand for me. “You’re pretty annoying, you know that?”
I sat up, avoiding his hand. “No, I don’t know that. Why would you say something like that?”
“Because it’s true. You are annoying.”
“Takes one to know one.” I staggered to my feet and squinted out at the field surrounding us. “Where are we? Where’s everybody else?”
“We’re in the course. We’ll come across the rest of them when we’re supposed to. Cranston’s paired us together, for now.”
“Why?”
“I’m pretty sure he wants me to keep tabs on your mind during the test because he can’t.”
I looked around the empty field, the blue sky stretching as far as the eye can see. “He wants to know what I’m thinking about a grassy plain? Or does he want to know what I think about you?”
“Neither,” Finn said, motioning to a figure in the distance heading toward us. “I think he wants to know what you think about that.”
A strange, fluttery feeling took over my heart as I watched the figure approach—tall and narrow-chested… The person’s gait seemed familiar, a long stride and an almost optimistic-looking arm swing.
My father walked that way.
My dead father.
“Finn? Who the hell is that?”
Finn rubbed my shoulder; I didn’t even bother trying to pull away. “It’s not real. Just remember that, okay?”
“Is this bad?” I whispered. “Is he some sort of zombie or something? Do I have to fight him?”
The muscle in Finn’s jaw jumped. “No, not at all. I think this is to gage your emotions, not your loyalty.”
“My emotions?” Tears streamed down my face as the figure came closer, and I could clearly make out the lines of my father’s familiar face.
“Daddy?”
The figure stopped, holding his arms out toward me. “Pumpkin?”
I shook Finn off and ran. I stopped short of the man in front of me, reminding myself that it was just an image, a trick. But oh, my heart ached. “Hi, Dad.”
He held his arms out for me. “Don’t be afraid.”
I went to him, and he enveloped me in a hug. His arms were strong, familiar, and pleasant. It was the same as he’d hugged me hundreds of times before. But…
“Hi, honey.”
I buried my face in his chest, so I could only hear the sorrow in his voice. I was glad I didn’t have to see it.
The only off thing was the smell. The figure didn’t smell like my dad. It didn’t smell like anything. Everything else was perfect. I’d have to tell Cranston about the smell…
“So you’re already loyal to him, huh?” my father asked.
I pulled back, drinking in the image of his face in the sunlight. “Loyal to who?”
“Cranston. You’re loyal to him?”
“I don’t know. I’m trying to be loyal to the agency, but everything is still so new, I don’t even know what we’re doing.” I stopped for a second, noticing he wore a denim button-down shirt and cargo pants, the type he’d always favored. “How did you know what I was thinking?”
He shrugged.
“How do you know who I’m talking about?”
“Cranston? I know him,” my father said.
At the moment, I appreciated all the drugs I’d taken. Similar to Josh’s influence, they slowed my reaction time so I couldn’t freak out. I had a friend who’d taken Prozac. He’d said it gave him the space to step back from his depression and analyze it at arm’s length.
I took a step back from my father, inspecting him. “How do you know Cranston?”
“Let’s just say we go way back.” Dad smiled at me. “How’re you doing, anyway? I’m sure things with your mother have been difficult…”
“We miss you.” My eyes filled with tears. “We miss you and Katie. Do you…” I let my question trail off, unsure of how to verbalize what I wanted to know.
“She’s fine. Yes, I see here. We’re together. We’re all going to be together again, someday.”
I burst into tears, my shoulders shaking. That’s all I want. That’s all I ever wanted.
I know, Pumpkin.
I jumped back. “Did you—”
Don’t say anything. Please. Just listen—we don’t have much time.
I opened my mouth and closed it.
You need to be very careful. Not everything is what it seems. Be meticulous about who you trust.
Can you…can you hear me? I tried to project the question into his mind.
His face split into a grin. Good girl. I knew you could do it.
If you’re a simulation, and the government manufactured you for me… I struggled to keep the train of thought straight in my head. Is this a special message from the agency?
Not an authorized one, Dad thought. I still have friends, though, people who believe what I believe.
The thoughts whirled in my head, veering off in crazy directions. You have friends in The Division?
The Dad-figure nodded. We don’t have much time. Remember this: your mother and I love you. We always loved you and Katie more than everything, even though we made some bad choices. I understand if you can’t ever forgive me. I’m prepared to accept that. But there is someone who needs your forgiveness. Try not to get so broken that when it’s time to search your heart, it’s too jagged to find the right answer.
Panic seized my chest. What are you talking about?
My dad reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek. “Goodbye, Pumpkin.”
The figure wavered then vanished.
I dropped down to my knees and clutched my face where he’d last touched me, crying.
Finn was beside me in an instant. “What did he say, Hanover?”
Don’t tell me the truth, Finn spoke inside my head.
“Oh, what the actual hell?” I yelled. Another person could talk inside my head?
Finn didn’t say anything else out loud or inside my head. Every muscle in his body tensed as he waited to see what I’d do next.
“Why did they do that to me?” I asked, tears still coursing down my face. “Why did they show me my father?”
“I don’t know,” Finn mumbled. “They’re probably testing what that sort of stress does to your psychic levels.”
We’ll talk about it later, Finn thought-spoke into my head. Don’t share any details of what he said or how he said it
.
“Well, that was a shitty thing to do.” I stood up and dusted myself off. “Cranston’s going to hear it from me. I don’t know what he wants from me.”
Good job. Let’s move on, okay?
“Talk to Cranston. It’ll be okay.” Finn motioned for me to follow him across the field. “Let’s see what’s next, soldier.”
“If there are centipedes involved, I quit.”
“Ha-ha.”
I trudged after him, the troubled thoughts still swirling in my mind. “I’m not kidding.”
“Stay with me. We’re going to get through this,” Finn said.
Ahead, a slow-moving river cut through the field. “How’re we going to get around that?”
“We’re going through it.”
We got closer to the river, which looked cold and muddy. “I don’t want to.” Icy trepidation needled my back.
“Hanover, it’ll be fine. C’mon.” As we reached the river’s edge, Finn held out his hand for me.
I took it, shivering as I followed him onto the bank. The river’s murky water ran up and over my sneakers as we waded in. “It’s freezing!”
“You’ll live,” Finn said, teeth already chattering. He pulled me further out, the water up to my shins and then my knees in no time. Finn took another step and promptly stepped into water that rose to his chin. “It’s deeper than it looks,” he joked.
I tugged on his hand, trying to pull him back.
“We have to go across,” he called. “Stay with me. I don’t want to get separated.”
“I don’t want to go under.” My chest tightened with panic. I could swim, but I Finn was already fighting the current.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Let me hold you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn’t give me a chance. He came back, picked me up with both arms, and started back across. The cold water covered my body as Finn pushed me forward.
We were halfway across. My clothes were stuck to my skin, and I smelled the pungent, brackish water as Finn continued to carry me. His steps sometimes faltered, and we both got half-submerged. Coming back to the surface, I wiped the water from my eyes. And then I saw something—movement.
“Finn, wait. There’s something out here.”
A giant, lavender tentacle broke the surface of the water. The size of a tree trunk, it skimmed across the top of the water before going back under, a slow, lazy wave hello from the depths of the river.
“Finn! There’s something in the river!”
His gaze held mine, steady and reassuring. “Even if there is, it’s okay. I’m going to get us to the other side, and we’ll be all right—”
The tentacle resurfaced, right next to Finn’s shoulder. “Finn!”
He turned and saw it just before it wrapped itself around his shoulders. “Get to the bank!” He pushed me away as the tentacle wrapped itself around his chest and yanked him under.
“Finn!”
I tried to bob above the water, looking wildly for him. There was no unusual movement on the surface.
Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God
I took a deep breath and went under, eyes open. I caught a glimpse of Finn being dragged away in the murky water. No, no, no. Panic rose, but I ignored it, swimming after him. The giant, slimy, multi-tentacled monster-thing, whatever it was, propelled itself along the bottom of the river, pushing off against the silty bottom, its appendage wrapped tightly around Finn’s torso. It would crush him.
Curse word that rhymes with truck
Curse word that rhymes with truck
I quickly resurfaced, gasping for breath. I had to reach him before that thing broke his chest in half. I went back down, looking for him in the dark water. Movement flashed in my peripheral vision, and I struggled toward it—a glimpse of Finn’s limp leg as he was dragged further down underneath the river. “Finn!”
Can we die in this test?
Test…test…test. The word reminded me of what we were doing in this mess. Cranston wanted to see what we could do. I cursed again, wondering how the hell levitating small rocks could help save Finn from being manually compacted by a giant squid-thing.
Underwater, petrified and clueless, I still had to find a way out of this. I scrambled after Finn as I remembered what really happened with the rocks. I hadn’t lifted them. I’d manipulated the environment around them. I could do that. I could do that here if I could figure out how. I concentrated, hard, thinking about the water surrounding me. I needed to impact the river without killing us both—so I couldn’t boil or freeze the water—not that I was even capable of that.
I caught one last glimpse of lavender tentacle before I resurfaced, taking another deep, ragged breath. Heart thudding, I forced myself to calm down. I inhaled as much air as I could and dove back under. Don’t you leave me, I thought at Finn. Don’t you dare.
I couldn’t see him. I didn’t know which direction the thing had taken him. Blind panic seized me, but I fought it off. I closed my eyes, feeling the water all around me. I remembered lifting the rocks, moving the air underneath them. I visualized gently stirring the river, atoms and molecules churning, objects at the bottom rising to the top. I kept my eyes closed, feeling at first only the water moving in the inevitable direction of the current. Panic squeezed my chest, but I kept focused on the water, envisioning the molecules stirring in a gentle but firm way.
The water started to move in another direction. Against the current.
I put my hands over my face and gave it everything I had, every ounce of energy and focus I possessed. The water moved more rapidly, pushing back against the current and creating a funnel. I felt silt, decomposed leaves, and small rocks brush up against me as they were lifted to the surface. I started to feel myself lift up off the bottom.
The current was underneath me, propelling me back to the surface of the water. It lifted me slowly at first then gained speed. I broke the surface, spluttering, and found the water bubbling as though it boiled all around me.
There was no sign of Finn.
“Finn! Finn!” I swam back to the middle of the river, struggling against the churning water, looking desperately for him. Things from the bottom of the river bubbled up next to me: a surprised-looking fish, an old bottle, leaves and muck and stones.
Finn, where are you? My breathing ragged, I realized I was crying.
The water broke suddenly, near the bank. The tentacle rose up and threw Finn up onto the beach, as if spitting him out in disgust.
Finn lay limply on the river’s edge. The monster paused, and I caught a glimpse of its eye, smooth obsidian against its moist lavender skin. It sank back underwater. I thrashed through the roiling water to the bank and dragged myself up the bank. “Finn?”
I rolled him over, and he started coughing, choking out water and gasping to catch his breath.
He’s breathing. Oh, thank God.
“Riley,” he said, when he could finally talk, “nice job.”
“I think we’re done with the testing.” Images of my father and the tentacled monster flashed in my mind as I helped pull him to his feet. “At least, I’m feeling pretty done with it. What was that thing, anyway?”
Finn shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. “Some sort of…river monster.”
“Are you hurt?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine.” He looked down at his feet for a minute. “Thank you for saving me.”
“I’m not sure I did. It sort of looked like your buddy just got tired of you.”
“The churning water upset it. I think it got confused about which way the current was going. Then a rock got kicked up and hit it. I think it got tired of playing with us.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long. I was really scared.”
He looked up. “You were really brave.”
“I thought I was really annoying?”
“You’re still really annoying. And really brave.” He made his way up the bank and held out his hand for me. “C’mon. If I know
Cranston, he’s not done with us yet.”
“Cranston’s not my favorite person.”
“Cranston isn’t anybody’s favorite person.”
I grabbed his hand, ignoring how it thrilled me. We crested the small hill, moving slowly. Finn’s steps were jerky, as though he were still extremely cold and beat up. Our clothes were plastered against our skin, and I could feel mud in my hair. Finn had a brackish leaf sticking to the back of his shirt. I pulled it off as we spotted the others, waiting at the bottom of the hill.
“Whoa,” Morgan called, “you two look like you’ve been through the wringer.”
Finn shook his head, dislodging a small pebble and some sand from his ear. “You could say that. What have you guys been up to?”
“We had to deal with a burning house. Emma got locked inside,” Kyan said.
Emma picked at her hair. “My bangs are totally singed.”
“Josh and I got locked in a closet, and he imploded,” Rachel complained.
“I told you I’m sorry.” Josh’s face was beet red.
“Josh was worried about Rachel getting hurt,” Maya said, in a taunting tone. “He’s such a softie for all the girls.”
He gave her a look that was not at all empathetic.
Emma yawned and stretched. “We’re not done, but I sure would like to be. My lungs hurt from all that smoke.” She looked at Finn. “And you look like you need a nap. You sure you’re okay?”
Finn looked pale but he shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“He got abducted by a tentacled river-monster,” I explained. “We also ran into my dad. Err—the ghost of my dad. Or a hallucination who looked like my dad—ugh, whatever.”
Emma let out a low whistle.
“We should keep going. I can see the portal over there,” Finn instructed. He pointed toward the far side of the field. “The sooner we’re done, the better.”
I squinted into the distance, but I didn’t see anything. “The portal?”
Finn nodded. “It’s how we get back. Once we reach it, we’re done. I see the outline against the sky.”
“I’d go ahead, but Cranston won’t shut it down until we all reach it together,” Rachel explained.
We picked our way carefully across the field, but the ground became softer as we went on, eventually turning into a swampy, foul-smelling marsh. Our feet stuck, and we struggled to pull them from the muck to take each step.
