Christmas Paradise

by Gale Storm

  “They give me love, trust and respect. They don't lie or try to manipulate me. They would die for me. Who else would do that?” Her voice rose, high with emotion.

  “Tarry, you're not being fair. You know any of your brothers would do anything for you. We want to help, but you've never let any of us. You've always kept yourself apart. You've been the pillar of our lives. The only thing we could count on in a constantly changing and confusing world. You're so damn strong and independent, you're shutting us out when you need us most.” He caught her hands holding them tightly. “Tarry. We love you. Please let us help you."

  The tears she had fought so hard through the night trickled down her cheeks as John lifted her into his embrace and began to comfort her. Then they burst forth in a flood. She reached up and wrapped her arms around him. Suddenly, she was crying deep, wrenching sobs that hurt her chest and made her whole body shake. She no longer tried to control the emotions that were tearing her apart. She needed a strong guiding arm, and she knew only that John had come to her when everyone else was willing to leave her alone. Her youngest brother, the baby of the family, yet the most understanding and compassionate of the Roessels. His strength rested in his ability to understand and comfort.

  Unbelievably, being held in John's arms created a sense of security she hadn't known since the death of their parents. She clung to him, needing the comfort he was offering her. His soft words of compassion made her feel cherished and loved.

  When the tearing sobs were controlled, Tarry was left exhausted and weak. Embarrassment flooded through her as confusion replaced the tears. Why had she cried like that, as if her whole world had fallen apart and despair was drowning her? Oh, she admitted that her heart was broken by Tyrone's lack of love for her. Yet that couldn't explain the strength of her other emotions.

  John Huxley handed her a box of Kleenex, smiling as she looked up at him.

  “I had no idea that someone so tiny could actually produce so many tears,” he teased her lightly.

  “I'm sorry.” Her voice broke as she hiccupped, wiping her wet eyes. “I don't know why I did that."

  “Because, my dear sister, you've never cried about anything. Everyone cries; it's a release of tension, also emotion. You've been holding your emotions on a tight leash for fifteen years. You never cried after Mom and Dad—"

  “I couldn't cry. There was too much to do, and it wouldn't have done any good. They were gone, and you boys were so young. You needed—"

  “And you gave it to us, Tarralee. You gave us your strength, love, compassion, everything we needed; and we've never repaid you. Are you going to let us now?"

  “Oh, Johnny, I don't think I know how. It's been so long since anyone gave me anything like support, help. I'd feel guilty."

  He threw back his head and laughed.

  “Then, little sister, it's time you started taking lessons. You've got five brothers who are experts. Now, for lesson number one, get up and get dressed. Take a shower, if you like, but be downstairs in an hour. Be prepared for some changes in the way you've run your life and keep your chin up.” He gently socked the underneath portion of her jaw as she had done to him when he was five years old, then he hugged her.

  An hour later Tarry went downstairs. She had showered, trying to repair the damage the sleepless night and tears had caused, but knew it hadn't worked. She smiled at Danny, who sat at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee.

  “Good morning.” Danny looked up at her and instantly stood as his eyes ran over her, then a bright smile touched his lips. “Good morning, Tarry. I'm glad you finally came down. John and I have your breakfast ready. Sit down. Would you like coffee or tea?” His words ran together in his nervousness.

  Tarry couldn't help the flicker of humor that passed through her eyes as she watched her brother move to the stove. Danny was obviously nervous and unsure how to deal with their reversed roles. John, though, was calm as he brought a plate of food to her then sat in the empty chair facing her.

  She smiled at him. “Thank you, Johnny. Tea, please, Danny."

  Once Danny was seated and she had consumed most of the food, John began. “Second rule.” She glanced up at him as he continued in a serious voice. “You pack your bags and go to Los Angeles and let Tyrone know you'll fulfill your part of the contract. I don't mean go crawling on your hands and knees and ask for his forgiveness. I mean, go with your head and your self-confidence as high as it was last night at dinner. After the documentary is complete, then you can go to Alaska, or China, or to school. Whatever you choose to do you should do. The dogs will be okay. Danny feels he can manage them and the cabin for the winter. After that I'll be through with school for the term and I'll need a break for the summer. We'll arrange the rest after that.” She opened her mouth to break in, but he shook his head as he said, “Rule number three: be adventurous; meet as many people—men, women, children—as possible. Enjoy everything and know that money is not your concern. If you feel like flying to Paris or Washington DC, do so. See the world, enjoy yourself for the next year, Tarralee. It's our birthday gift to you."

  Her mouth had fallen open. She could hardly believe her ears. She looked at Danny for assurance, and his smile told her everything she wanted to know. Still, she didn't believe it.

  “I couldn't—"

  “Of course, you can. You have five grown brothers. All of us have incomes. Large enough incomes that we can support you for a change.” Danny spoke with authority.

  “That's right. We want you to have an opportunity to experience the outside world, Tarry. We're not throwing you out of our home, Sis. You can come back in a year, after you've tried another lifestyle. It's time you were out of the nest."

  Tarry had to laugh. John was using the same words she had used to motivate all her brothers to leave home and find a new place for themselves. It felt like deja vu to hear him telling her the same thing.

  “And if I decide in a year to return?"

  “Then you may do so with our blessings."

  “And you won't feel a hardship in supporting me, looking after the homestead for a year?"

  “No.” This from Donny—who had just opened the door and joined them—Danny and John at the same moment.

  Don walked to her side. “Good grief, Tarralee, you act like five grown men wouldn't know how to cope on the side of a mountain."

  She laughed again, her spirits rising. “I have been thinking about spreading my wings. But I always thought I would do it in the spring."

  “Spring is just two months away. We didn't mean you had to pack up and get out today.” John offered.

  Tarry reached across and took her brother's hands, squeezing them affectionately.

  “You are the most wonderful brothers a sister could have. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for doing this."

  Donny plopped down beside her his arm wrapping around her shoulders. “Fifteen years of payment has already been received in full, Tarry.” She met his blue gaze and tears again moistened her eyes.

  * * * * *

  The larkspur violets had just bloomed when Tarry left the mountain. Her brothers had purchased a Land Rover and she had five of the dogs with her as she drove into Los Angeles.

  The three months since Christmas had opened up an entirely new world for her. After speaking with Tyrone over the phone and agreeing to meet with him in the spring, she had been to Washington DC to tour the monuments, taken a two-week trip to France and Austria and had spent time in New York and London. She felt like a different person, world-wise and confident in her ability to make it on her own outside the calm seclusion of the mountains.

  She had talked to Tyrone twice during the three months since Christmas. She had always managed to sound cool and businesslike, though her heart quaked at the sound of his smooth voice. Today she had an appointment to meet with him. Tarry knew she was much different from the girl he had seen on Christmas night. It had taken four months to dispel the fog of despair that had colored that night. Now, tho
ugh, she was positive it was behind her. She had learned to accept who and what she was. She was her own person at last, with a unique personality and interests.

  She had decided to pursue a veterinary degree, had passed her GED and ACT tests and had tested out of the first three years of college. She had been accepted into a vet school starting in the fall. She could hardly believe so many changes had occurred in her life in the space of four months.

  Though she was dreading meeting Tyrone again, she could hardly wait. Would he see anything new in her? Would he like it? Would he still be interested in her as a woman? Or would he have found a new woman to warm his bed? She chewed her lower lip as she pulled up to the studio gate and stopped. She waited until Ed, the security man, came out of the booth and gave him a bright smile and a hug. He greeted her as if he had just seen her yesterday.

  “Miss Roessel. How wonderful to see you again. Are these your wolves?” He frowned as Rounder growled.

  “They're my dogs. Is Mr. Shields in?"

  “Sure enough, he's always here. I've never seen such a workaholic in my life. Twenty-four hours a day he goes at it. He says he'll finish the picture by late summer."

  “I'm sure he will.” She waved, then, and drove the Rover to the studio door. His car was parked exactly has it had been on that day more than six months ago when she had left. She parked beside it then gave a strict order to Rounder.

  “Behave yourselves. I'll be back in awhile. I don't want any terrified strangers calling the humane society. Lay down.” She rolled each window down a crack as she watched the dogs follow the order. They made themselves comfortable on their selected portion of the Land Rover's backseats.

  She locked the door and faced the studio wall. Taking a deep breath, she marshaled all the self-confidence she had gained in the past months and entered.

  As always, there was an incredible amount of activity inside. She greeted the workers she had met before with open arms, laughing as Jason lifted her from her feet and swung her about.

  “I was wondering when we would see you again, little lady. It's been too long, Tarry. You look different.” He set her on her feet, studying her outfit. “Where are the jeans and men's shirts? God, woman, you're a beauty."

  She felt color touch her cheeks at his open admiration. “Thanks, Jason. Is Tyrone around?"

  He grinned. “The boss is in his office finding more work for us."

  She poked him in the stomach. “Exactly what you need. I'll be back later."

  He kept on grinning as she walked past him.

  Tarry felt a strange quiver in her middle as she lightly knocked on Tyrone's door. His gruff “Come in” surprised her. It must have been a long day already.

  She opened the door and stepped in. “Hi.” Her voice sounded normal, but her insides jerked in anticipation.

  For a moment he did not look up from the script in front of him, and the brief second gave her time to study him. His face looked drawn, older. He had shaved off his beard and wore a mustache now. His cheeks appeared sunken, and she would have sworn he'd lost weight. When he lifted his eyes and saw her, there was a flicker of shock there, quickly masked.

  “Tarralee.” He stood, dropping his pencil. “You didn't call."

  “No, I had no idea when I would make it. I didn't want to concern you."

  “Concern me?” He repeated bemused. “John Huxley called to tell me you were back in the country. That was over a month ago.” He was staring at her as if she were a ghost.

  She laughed lightly. “I've been busy."

  “It would appear traveling is good for you. You look very chic in that outfit."

  “I bought it in New York, do you like it?” She spun around, not liking the frown between his eyes as she faced him.

  “Oh, yes, I like it. How is it you look taller?"

  She grinned. “High heels."

  She struck a fashion-model pose, watching him as his eyes lingered on her smooth legs and the pencil-thin high heels. She'd always had pretty legs and had often thought, when she was soaking in the bathtub, that if they were longer she might have been a model.

  “You'll break your legs in those,” he commented as he casually walked around the desk to lean on the top, his arms crossed.

  “You sound like my brothers. They've teased me unmercifully about my new wardrobe."

  “I can imagine. You can't expect them to fully appreciate a sister, after all."

  She tilted her head as he smiled, puzzled yet pleased by his statement. Surely the comment meant that he appreciated her. Was it possible he still cared for her?

  “How did you like New York, Paris, London?"

  “They were wonderful, but my favorite was Austria."

  He lifted a shoulder. “I've been to Switzerland but never to Austria. I'll have to go now."

  He had braced his hands on the desk in an effort not to lean forward to touch her. He ran his eyes hungrily over her again, taking in the A-line skirt and crisp green blouse, her legs sheathed in silk hose. The spiked heels added five inches to her height, making her look as thin as a pencil. Her hair had grown longer. It now touched her shoulders and had been cut to compliment her slender face.

  “I like your hair. You look wonderful, Tarralee."

  She smiled and came up to the desk. “You shaved off your beard."

  His hand rubbed his clean jaw absently. “It itched. I only grew it to keep from being recognized."

  She lowered her head as she asked, “And now?"

  “I've had some publicity things prepared for our film. I wish you could've been here for those.” He stopped, studying her bent head. “Have you eaten?"

  She looked back into his eyes and smiled. “No."

  “Then let's get out of here.” He came away from the desk, returning her smile.

  Tarry felt a wave of disappointment flood through her as he opened the door. So, that was that. He looked so calm and composed. So much for her new clothes and hairdo. There was nothing in his attitude to give her the impression she meant more to him than a doorstop.

  Okay, she had learned a lot since leaving her mountain. It wouldn't be as hard now to keep hold of her emotions or to put up a front of casual interest. If he wanted more than that, too bad. He didn't deserve her.

  Once outside, they walked to her Land Rover and she handed him the keys. “You know the city better than I, would you mind?” He took the keys, avoiding her touch with a noticeably awkward movement. Tarry bit her lip as she slid in on the passenger side.

  “They didn't distract you while driving, did they?” Tyrone said, eyeing the dogs suspiciously, but since there was a grate between the passenger section of the vehicle and the front seat he sat behind the wheel.

  “No, they mind me. They don't like the traffic and noise, but they trust me."

  “Amazing to me how they respond to you. I've done extensive research on wolves in captivity since Christmas. They are not only loyal, but they even have been known to share their food with their human keepers."

  Tarry had to smile. “Of course, they would. They consider me a member of their pack. Though I'll be surprised if they don't take off for home tonight. I'm going to need a kennel, or secured property, to keep them while I'm here. I hope John knew what he was looking at when he said you had found the perfect spot. I don't mind telling you that Los Angeles traffic has already upset them."

  “I think you'll like this place, Tarralee. It's very private, wooded and away from the smog. Do you think they'll enjoy the ocean?” He jerked his head toward the wolves as he headed into traffic.

  “You're telling me it's beachfront property? I don't think we can afford something like that."

  He grinned for the first time since her arrival. “Don't worry about it. The property belongs to me, and I'm renting it to you. The money will be withheld from your salary."

  She didn't know what to say, so instead she looked around. He had smoothly gotten them on the freeway headed toward Ventura. They were already coming to the Santa
Monica Mountains. He turned on the road through Topanga Canyon, heading toward Malibu. Tarry was intrigued and surprised when he again casually quizzed her about her travels.

  “So, you enjoyed Austria. Tell me what you did, what you saw?"

  “Mostly I hit the tourist spots—the castles, museums and cathedrals. I did take a hike in the Alps one day, and I went to the Spanish Riding School. It was wonderful to see those places, but I wish the boys could've been with me."

  “Wouldn't they have cramped your style? I mean if you were chaperoned by five husky brothers, wouldn't that have put off the rest of the male population?"

  Tarry continued to look out the window, though she knew he was watching her reaction closely.

  “I doubt it. I've found when a man is interested little puts him off."

  Tyrone lapsed into silence after that. She stole a glance at him as the road curved around a bend. She could read the tension he tried to hide in the paleness of his lips.

  “So how is the movie progressing?” she asked as he slowed the vehicle because of the curves in the road.

  “I've had a few problems with the crew and sets, but it looks like the actors will be prepared when we shoot the scenes with the dogs."

  “So, you did manage to get some stand-ins.” They had discussed stand-ins back in January when she dropped in to tell him she would see the project through, but only in the role as advisor. He had been shocked to see her so soon after the blowup at the cabin, but he hadn't pressed her or questioned her about the decision. When she had dictated her rules, he had nodded agreement and allowed her to leave without trying to stop her. It had hurt her badly, knowing that what they needed was time together. But he hadn't been ready for that in January; and as she watched him drive, she realized sadly that he might never be ready.

  She didn't feel it was unreasonable of her to want a solid commitment from him in return for her love and devotion. She needed the security of his faith in their relationship. But she doubted that he would ever change. She knew it would take something bigger than she to convince him the risk was worth taking.