by Sarina Bowen
“I’m so sorry I hurt you and I miss you, too. I wish you were here.” She paused. She didn’t just want to tell him how she felt. Showing him was the only way to truly make him understand how much he meant to her.
“Have fun on vacation but hurry back to me,” she finally continued. “We have a lot to talk about. I have a lot of things I need to tell you, but just know that I want you. I’ve messed up so badly where you are concerned. I should do the right thing and let you go your own way. I should hope, for your sake, that you meet someone special while you’re down there but…I just can’t do that. I want you for myself, Ian. I just had to tell you that rather than sending you a message.”
“I already told you, Courtney. I don’t want to settle for anything less than what I need. What I need is you.”
* * *
After promising he would come back to her as quickly as possible, Ian reluctantly hung up. He had so many things he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to scare her off again or wake anyone who was sleeping. If he didn’t have a car full of people, he would turn around right now.
“We’re almost there now, man. You could just catch a flight back. We could even drop you at the airport on the way. Want me to see what flights they have?” Seth suggested, already searching on his cell phone.
Looking over at his friend, Ian couldn’t help but marvel at the man. He remembered the aftermath of their brush with death. Seth had been the one to complete the written report on the situation they’d faced. He had also been the one who’d made sure no one had been left behind. After Ian told the man how sorry he was that a moment of carelessness on his part had nearly cost them all their lives, Seth had simply said that nothing had happened, not to worry about it.
If Ian caught a flight the minute they got to town that would mean someone would have to take him to the airport. None of his friends would be angry at him if he did, especially not Seth. In fact, his friend was making every effort to let Ian know that, which meant a lot. He couldn’t ask for a better group of guys to cover his ass in combat—or in life.
“Promise you’ll protect me from your wife? She’s likely to go all kung fu on me when she figures out I’m the reason she will be in this car even longer.” Ian smiled.
“His wife already knows, and you owe me some more of that bran stuff you make,” Tori whispered from the backseat.
Ian continued to drive while Seth booked him a flight back home, and Tori texted Kayla about the change in plans. An hour and a half later, he was dropped off, along with his suitcase and cell phone, at the airport. The group should have been giving him dirty looks, but instead they all wished him luck and made him promise he would call and let someone know when he made it back to Dayton safely.
Courtney had said she wanted him, and that was all he could think about. That and the fact that she had apologized to him for shutting him out. She was reaching out to him.
Having spent the early part of his childhood wanting love and support from his mother only to eventually figure out that the approval he sought was never going to happen was a painful way to grow up. Mr. Yazzi’s wisdom on how to make stuff grow and how to keep living things healthy extended to both relationships and parenting, as well. That knowledge, and the unique way the old man had of teaching Ian those concepts, had really opened his eyes during the second half of his childhood.
While Mr. Yazzi had taught him about good relationships and bad, what he hadn’t prepared Ian for was what it was like to give your soul away to another person. Ian had recognized the track he and Courtney were on wasn’t healthy. If they had continued down that path, their relationship would not have survived. However, that hadn’t stopped Ian from giving the blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty his heart from the minute she accepted a bite of his food and looked up at him with wonder in her eyes.
Mr. Yazzi had covered so many lessons, and though falling in love had been mentioned a few times it was never truly taught. Maybe that was because there was no way to teach something like that. Maybe Mr. Yazzi had known it was something Ian would have to experience for himself. No wonder the old man had left the farm he and his wife had shared after she died. The reasons why the man had encased himself in the inner city he professed to hate so much suddenly made sense to Ian after all these years. Ian also finally understood what it was like to have everything around him remind him of the person he loved the most. The old man was even wiser than Ian had thought as a younger man.
Everything Ian saw, heard and felt made him think of Courtney. He probably ought to have let her come to him. But sitting in a car full of sleeping people, while immobile because of a major traffic jam, his mind had immediately gone to her. It always did when he was alone. Then, as if the earth itself had shifted, no sooner had he gotten off the phone after hearing her heart talking to his, traffic cleared and began moving again.
Now if only that would apply to his flight…. He should really try to sleep since he had done a lot of the driving last night, but when he closed his eyes her beautiful gaze was there to meet him. Her face was like the visions Mr. Yazzi professed would show Ian his life path. Some part of Ian felt this was his destiny—to be with Courtney. She was his future…his family…she was made to love him.
Waiting to exit the plane, then flagging down a cab to drive him to Rusty’s to retrieve his own car, was a lesson in patience. After getting to Rusty’s he decided on a quick shower and a change of clothes before heading to Courtney’s house.
During the drive, his head was full of memories of her. The first time she’d laughed at him. The feel of her hands on his face when she’d been so concerned over him getting busted up in a fight. The first time she’d kissed him back, pulling his head down to hers. Memories and thoughts of her…even the way her pretty little body had writhed from his touch while she whispered his name against his neck.
After pulling into her driveway, Ian had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm his thoughts before going to her door. In his current state, he was liable to scare her even worse than he had when he’d kicked a man’s ass in front of her.
He was a little surprised when barely a moment after knocking she flung open the door and launched herself into his arms. Hugging him around his neck she stood on her tiptoes and placed her delicate hands on either side of his face to kiss him over and over again. She felt so good in his arms that all he could do was pull her closer.
“Ian, you’re here,” she said into his mouth between kisses. “I thought it would be at least a week or so before I could see you.”
“I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to see you. It felt like being released from time out. I just…took the first plane back here…to you. You said hurry back,” he replied against her soft lips. “I’m here, Courtney. I’m here, beautiful.”
“Touch me, Ian,” she whispered, before kissing him again.
Pulling back, he stared at her. Was she serious? Unlike before, this time she didn’t look away from him. She met his gaze head on…like his equal. The truth was there in her eyes. She felt about him the way he felt about her. This time when he kissed her, instead of holding back as he normally did, he ran his hands down her back until he cupped her bottom. Then he lifted her and she voluntarily wrapped her legs around his waist.
Releasing her mouth, he again looked at her to see if she had changed her mind.
She held his face between her hands and just before bringing her lips to his again she said, “Please, Ian? Touch me. I want you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Her body was on fire. Much like the time before when he had touched her, only this was even more intense.
He carried her through the front door and closed it behind them. His mouth was firm against hers and he smelled so good. She had missed him so much all she could think about was being as close to him as possible. She wanted to make love with Ian Hamilton.
Everything about him made her want him. He was passion…Ian Hamilton. It was in the way his breathing became ragged and hers became more like tiny gasps for
air. Breaking the kiss, he nuzzled her cheek until her head fell back and he planted open-mouthed kisses along her neck. This was a far cry from the hell she’d always imagined being intimate would be…this was more like heaven. His touch was bliss, and she wanted more of it.
A stream of excitement trickled down from his warm breath on her neck. A whimper escaped her.
“I’m so sorry I scared you, beautiful. I kind of lost my head for a minute that night. I want you to know I will never do that again. I’m not real sure why I did that to Pete. I think it was an emotional release that was a long time coming, and he was man enough to take it and was even willing to push back at me. I just wanted you to know I would never, ever hurt you, though. I swear it on my life. So don’t go back to fearing me. Please? I can’t take seeing that in your face when you look at me.”
“I know that, Ian. I’ve known for a while that you would never hurt me. It only scared me because I knew you were upset. I didn’t like seeing you so distraught and knowing it was because you felt like you couldn’t come to me,” she finished quietly.
He just looked at her for several moments. As much as she enjoyed it when he laughed or showed his perfect teeth behind one of his sexy grins, his current serious look and crystal-colored eyes were like windows into his soul. Then, as though making a decision, he stepped forward and carried her up the stairs. Only then did she realize she was still wrapped around him while he basically held her up with one arm and used the other to hold the railing.
With both of his hands equally busy trying to get them up the stairs, she realized she could kiss him and touch him as she pleased. Hesitantly, she brought her lips to his neck and did to him what he’d done to her. His progress stopped immediately, and the next thing she knew she was lying against the stairs with him half kneeling over her. Pulling back from where she lay, his eyes seemed to pierce her with their intensity.
“I just wanted to kiss you, like you do to me. You didn’t like it?” she asked, looking up at him hesitantly.
In one movement, he grabbed the collar of his T-shirt from behind his head and pulled it off with one hand while balancing her with the other.
“Your mouth feels so damn good on my skin. Do it again, beautiful.” He moaned before kissing her in such a way that she felt it in her very core.
Then he shrugged the rest of the way out of the shirt, leaving it on the stairs as he again picked her up and climbed the remaining steps. His skin was smooth and warm. Having been given permission to touch him, she rubbed her hands along his upper back and kissed his neck and shoulders as he carried her into her bedroom as though she weighed nothing. Closing her bedroom door behind them, he buried his face in her hair.
“I’m so in love with you, Courtney. I’m not sure how to handle all these feelings I have for you. I want to make love to you so desperately, but I’m afraid that once I do, if you push me away again, it will absolutely crush me. Are you sure you want to do this?” he said against the side of her face.
As much as she loved the feel of being in his arms, she needed him to know she was ready for this, ready to be with him. Pulling back, she looked into his crystal-colored eyes and simply nodded. Then she kissed him again. He walked over and sat her down on the edge of the bed. Kicking off his shoes, he knelt down on the floor in front her. In this position he was still almost the same height as she was when sitting on the bed.
Looking in his eyes, she said, “I promise that I will try not to push you away anymore, Ian. I love you, too, and that is even scarier to me than what you did to that man. I fear the feelings you bring out in me way more than I fear how big you are in comparison to me. I fear the things I think about and want from you more than I fear your touch. Most of all, I fear how lost I am when you’re not in my life.”
“What do you want from me? Tell me, Courtney, and I’ll do everything I can to provide it,” he said, pushing her hair back from her face.
“I want a real relationship…with you. I want you to share things with me and for me to share with you—no holding back for fear of scaring me and no pushing you away,” she said.
“Are you sure about that?” He leaned in to kiss her lips, cheek and neck. “You really want me to share everything? Even the things I think will scare you?”
“Yes, tell me, Ian,” she whispered as a shiver raced up her spine. She felt like her entire body was melting from his kisses. She would soon be nothing more than a puddle within his embrace.
“You asked me to touch you, and I plan on doing that. But I want to do more than touch you. I want to taste you and feel you. I want to make love to you so much, but I’m not sure how to even start. I don’t want to scare you away from being intimate with me. I want you to absolutely love it. I want you to love my touch and my kisses and mostly I want you to love the feel of me inside you,” he said against her cheek.
Even the things he said caused a physical reaction in her that left her tingling and nearly panting. Her body was already shaking—much as it had the time he’d touched her while holding her on his lap. The memory of the ecstasy he had created in her that day made her want him to make her feel that way again.
“If it helps at all, when you touched me before, I liked that,” she offered. “I also love it when you kiss me, and I like kissing you back.”
“Can I take all of your clothes off this time?” he asked.
“Will you take yours off first?” she asked hesitantly. “I’ve not seen you yet.”
Leaning his forehead against hers, he released her briefly to unsnap and unbutton his pants. Then, closing his eyes, he said, “Do you want to touch me? Is that it?”
“Yes,” she whispered, and then kissed him the way he had done to her that day. She slid her hand down his muscled chest and stomach and down into his jeans. Wrapping her fingers around his hardened shaft caused him to physically shake and then gasp. As she explored him with her fingers she watched his expression transform and his breathing shift.
“Is it my turn yet?” He laughed breathlessly after several intense moments.
“Does it feel as good to you as when you touch me?” she asked. He bit his bottom lip and only nodded in response, then let a noise escape that she felt like a caress. “Can I see all of you, Ian?”
She released him and he stood up and removed the rest of his clothes. He was muscled all over and somehow looked even bigger without clothes on. His thick neck melded into broad shoulders and a massive chest and arms. His stomach was flat. His legs were just as big as his upper body, if not bigger. Glancing down quickly, she noted that his erection was in proportion to the rest of him. Then, as if reading her mind, he held out his hand to her with a smile. She relaxed and put her hand in his. After he helped her to stand, he bent down and whispered, “I showed you mine. Now show me yours.”
He watched her remove her shirt and bra, his eyes changing back and forth between smoke and crystal. When she tossed both articles of clothing on the floor near the foot of the bed, she felt him step close to her and move her hair away from her shoulder. Then he bent his head and kissed across her shoulders and all along her collarbone sucking and whispering, “Mmm. Beautiful.”
She managed to unhook her pants and slide them down with her panties. When she was finally naked, he stepped back. His crystallized gaze raked across her skin like a trail of fire, making her breath catch. Placing his hands on her waist he turned her so that she had switched places with him. Now he was next to the bed and she stood in front of him. Then, in a graceful move for such a big man, he sat down on the floor and leaned his back and head against the post at the foot of her bed. He looked up at her with a sexy grin.
“You get to watch me half clothed all the time during my fights. So I should get to look at you for a while. It’s only fair. I’ve imagined countless times how pretty you would be all naked and standing there, wanting me.” He smiled. Then, after a moment where she adjusted to him simply observing her but not touching her, he held out his hand. “Come here, beautiful.�
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Placing her hand in his she stepped up close to him. He looked first at the junction of her thighs then up into her eyes. He smiled a breathtaking smile. “Are you sure you want me to share everything with you, Courtney?” When she only nodded, he said, “As much as I enjoyed touching you, I’ve yet to taste you. So I’m going to kiss you instead. Hang on to the post behind me with both hands. If you don’t like my mouth on you, simply let go and step away from me. Just give this a chance, and I know you’ll like it.”
He ran his large hands up the backs of her legs until his fingers were wrapped around the backs of both of her thighs. Then he lifted one of her legs and sat forward, draping it across one of his shoulders. His hot breath on the center of her nearly made her other leg give out but his large hands held her upright. He pulled her against him until she grabbed the bedpost as he had instructed.
Then his mouth was there. Her whole body at first tried to escape the jolt of pleasure his lips and tongue provided. She had wondered what this would be like, and once she adjusted to the shock of such an intimate act, her body assured her that he was right…she enjoyed this. When she relaxed, he made a noise as though enjoying the taste of her.
The vibration against her center made her cry out his name as her head fell back. She released the bedpost with one hand in an effort to touch the part of her that was now overly heated, wet and tingling uncontrollably. When her hand found his hair instead, all she could do was clutch a handful of it. After a few minutes, her body began to break apart in fragmented shivers of ecstasy. The pleasure continued as his firm lips sucked and worked her body into a near frenzy until all she could do was whimper.
He finally released her, kissing her thighs and gently nipping her knee before putting her leg back down. Then he sat back and looked up at her with a knowing grin. Her body wanted more of the pleasure he had just introduced her to but how could she tell him that?
“Please, Ian,” she tried. Meeting his gaze she realized that he knew what she wanted. “I want you…now.”
