by Sarina Bowen
He smiled and pulled her closer, turning her so she was once more against the bed. Then he rolled onto his knees and lifted her up onto the bed in one motion. Using one of his large hands, he pushed her back gently so she was lying flat across the mattress. Then he stood and put both hands around her waist, moving her farther up the bed. He kissed a trail from her belly to her breasts and suckled each nipple as he climbed up on the bed and situated himself gently over her. The tug of his strong lips against her nipples was an enjoyable torment, but still not enough.
Nudging her knees apart, he made his way farther up her body, finally settling in to kiss her neck. “Guide me where you want me, beautiful.”
She was nearly frantic from wanting him as shock waves of pleasure began to match her heartbeat. It was an odd feeling since she wasn’t even truly sure sex would be enough to satisfy the need in her. Instinct had her reaching between their bodies and grasping him. She gently guided him between her legs, positioning him at her entrance. He pushed forward into her and she cried out at the joy of being so close to him. Skin to skin…like he was an extension of her.
“Mmm, Courtney. Are you okay, beautiful?” he whispered against her cheek, sliding a little farther into her.
“Yes. This is so good, Ian. I can feel you, all of you, and it doesn’t hurt.”
Then he moved forward a little more, forcing her body to stretch around him until he was all the way sheathed within her. It felt so good she could only claw at his back and shoulders.
“God…I love you, Courtney,” he whispered into her hair as he moved within her.
She couldn’t take any more of the tension building in her as he gently moved back and forth. Sliding her hands down his wide back, she pulled his bottom into her more firmly. He stopped moving and rose up on his arms. Looking down at her, his eyes changed to an even lighter shade of crystal. Reaching down with one hand, he looped one of her legs around his arm and pushed into her harder than before. She couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I love you, Ian…God, please…I want more of this…Please. Fix it,” she begged, pulling at his back and bottom.
Then he moved against her more forcefully, and her entire body came alive. A cool shiver stroked up her body and back down. Then a heated explosion rocked through her from the inside out. After several moments, the same pleasure she’d experienced from his mouth returned with a vengeance. She again cried out and clutched him to her.
He pushed into her several more times before throwing back his head and letting out a loud groan, which he followed with a whisper. “Yes, beautiful…Oh God…yes, yes, yes.”
When he caught his breath he tried to move off of her and roll away. Unwilling to allow him to leave just yet, she said, “No, Ian, please stay here with me.”
He simply laughed and edged over enough so he could lie on his back. Then he turned his face to the side and looked at her for the first time since introducing her to one of the best experiences she could ever remember sharing with another person. They had just made love, and she wanted to do it again. Was that normal?
“Damn, beautiful, that was amazing,” he said, his smile widening. “What are you thinking?”
“I loved that so much, Ian. The feel of your hands on my skin makes me shiver just thinking about it. The way you kissed me…it was so sensitive and hot down there. My God, it was incredible…. And the feel of you moving between my legs…can we do that again?” She laughed.
“Was it better than eating my cupcakes?” he asked with that twinkle in his eye.
“Yes, it was fantastic…. Can you give me sex again? Please?” she asked, wrapping her arm around his wide chest and trying to pull him back on top of her.
By the time they finally fell asleep it was late but she couldn’t remember ever sleeping so soundly. She woke the next morning from the feel of him climbing back into her bed, and she couldn’t keep the grin away as she scooted close to him.
“Where’d you go?” she asked, trying to shake off the blissful effects of good sleep…and lots of sex.
“I let Buck outside to use the restroom and then let him back in, started some coffee and called to let the guys know I made it back okay. Someone distracted me so much I forgot to do that yesterday,” he said, pulling her over to him and kissing her temple.
She laid her head on his thick chest. This was so perfect. The way making love was supposed to be. April had been right. Jess, too, for that matter. Experiencing this with the right person made all the difference. Ian hadn’t taken anything from her. He had given her such intense pleasure that if not for the fluttering in her stomach just from lying next to him, she would wonder if it had been real.
“As much as I’m loving you in my arms right now, I have to know,” he said quietly. “Why did you push me away this last time? I would do anything for you, Courtney. I wasn’t trying to pressure you or be…needy. Something was wrong, and I knew it. I just wanted to help.”
“I had to ID the two men who attacked Aunt Corrine, and I wasn’t sure I could do it. Having to think about that and relive it in order to remember their faces…it was almost too much. I just lost it. Instead of falling into you, I fell apart. I’m so sorry, Ian.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. I hope the next time shit gets bad, you’ll consider letting me help,” he whispered.
“That’s the thing. I was so confused. I’m remembering the single most horrifying thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life and at the same time…”
“What, beautiful? Tell me,” he said.
“At the same time, I was thinking of you. How wonderful you are to me. I started remembering your passionate kisses and soft touch…and realizing how much I wanted you,” she replied. “I was comparing how different you are from them. You’re gentle, kind and loving…not angry and violent…even though you are a professional fighter. Then I just thought how wrong that was…to be thinking what I was thinking. Then you kept calling and I was torn between wanting you and needing to remember that time in my life so I could fight for Aunt Corrine by identifying those men, and I just snapped.”
“You thought you weren’t reacting the way you should have?” he asked.
“Yeah, exactly,” she said.
“After all that stuff went down overseas and we were debriefing, I kept waiting on Rusty to just go off on my dumb ass. When the response I expected from him never came I had a real hard time dealing with that, because I felt like I deserved whatever hell he handed out and yet he never handed out anything. Still hasn’t to this day. And the only way I could really deal with it was to chalk it up as being his way of punishing me…not to punish me. He probably figured there was nothing he could do or say that would make me feel any worse than I already did and that was my reprimand. If so, then he was right,” he said. “Maybe those thoughts were your mind’s way of realizing that you’ve punished yourself long enough. You were a child. There was nothing you could have done that would have resulted in a different outcome…only a worse one. So whatever thoughts you were having, or that you still have, aren’t wrong. Even if they aren’t by the book kind of feelings, they aren’t wrong. So go ahead and feel them. Just don’t shut me out in the process.”
“The two men are already in prison from separate attacks on other women. I’m going to testify before a grand jury in two weeks about what I saw that day. If they approve the charges against the two men, it will likely go to trial. That means there will be depositions and eventually I will have to testify against them,” she whispered.
“I’ll be there every step of the way if you’ll let me be,” he whispered into her hair.
“Thank you, Ian,” she replied. “I love you. I really do. I want you to be there and I want to be there for you, as well. Whenever you need me.”
* * *
The next few days seemed to fly by, even though much of it was spent in her bed. Courtney tried not to regret having denied him this form of affection for so long, especially since she enjoyed it as much,
if not more, than he did. Much like the way he approached every other area in his life, nothing was off-limits when it came to making love. His daring and fun way of introducing her to an intimate relationship made her adore him even more. He would suggest something but let her try it on him first so she could judge his reaction before deciding whether or not to let him do it to her in return. It was fun and sexy all rolled into one.
Each time with him was different—even in the course of the same day. One time might be met with fits of laughter, kissing, touching and teasing; the next would be steamy, breathtaking and passionate. She couldn’t seem to get enough of him and he obviously felt the same way. By the end of the week she began to worry about what would happen when she had to go back to work and he went back to school. What would happen when his friends returned from vacation? A secret part of her wished she and Ian could stay locked in her house—just the two of them and a large dog. Locked away from the world for the rest of their lives.
But too soon they heard a knock at the front door. Having showered together, they shut the water off and grabbed a towel. He quickly ran it over himself and then wrapped it around his waist.
“Stay here. I’ll get rid of whoever it is and be right back,” he said, kissing her quickly and leaving the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She dried off and cracked the bathroom door open to listen to him.
“Oh God, man, cover that shit up. Have some decency. I could have been a small child selling cookies or some such thing.” Jess’s voice filtered up the stairs. Courtney could only snicker, since the video camera showed who was at the door and yet he had still opened it for her and let her inside.
“You’re obviously interrupting, so maybe you should just go. Come back in another month,” Ian offered in response.
“That’s repulsive and I’m likely scarred for life. I like sex as much as the next girl, but occasionally you have to stop and feed the kitten…real food,” Jess replied. “Where is she and is she more appropriately attired than you?”
“Probably not. And if she is, she won’t be for long so perhaps another time then?” Ian tried again. Courtney could hear him opening the front door as though inviting Jess to leave. A small laugh escaped her.
“Can I come up?” Jess hollered from halfway up the staircase.
Quickly pulling on her robe and tying it closed, Courtney opened the bathroom door and stepped out onto the landing. “Hi, Jess!”
“Don’t hi me. I know what you two have been doing, and the sick parts of my mind are gagging with the realization it’s obviously been going on since I called you two days ago,” Jess replied, scrunching her face to show her displeasure. Ian had followed Jess up the stairs and shrugged his shoulders as if saying he’d tried to get rid of her with no success.
“Has he fed you at least? You know what? Don’t answer that. It sounded bad, and I realize the implications and therefore take it back. Let’s go eat…food. Let’s go get some food,” Jess finished with a sigh and then quietly said, “Awkward.”
“Give us a few minutes to, um, get dressed, and then we’d love to join you for dinner,” Courtney replied with a laugh as Ian moved past Jess to walk into the bedroom.
“Two days is plenty long enough to lock yourselves away from the rest of civilization. It’s time to join polite society again. I’ll be downstairs…waiting.” Jess smiled back and then headed down the stairs.
Jess stopped halfway down the steps when Ian hollered through the closed bedroom door, “It’s been a wee bit longer than two days, but you’re right, we have to come up for air at some point. Might as well be from a friend’s rude interruption.”
Covering her ears with both hands, Jess said, “Lalalala. I can’t hear you!” With that she continued down the stairs.
Dinner was so fun that Courtney couldn’t remember laughing so much in a long time. Nothing had changed between them, except now Jess had new material to use against Ian. When Jess had her fill of food, friendship and conversation and left to go home, Courtney suddenly realized that not only did she no longer want to push Ian away but she also wanted him close…always.
“What is it?” he asked with a concerned look on his face.
“Can you…can you stay with me for a while? Just until the grand jury testimony?” she asked.
He leaned forward and captured her lips for one of those kisses she could feel everywhere at once. Then he pulled back, smiled and said, “I’ll stay as long as you want me to. Just let me know if I’m being too needy.”
Chapter Fourteen
“You did great during your testimony both for the grand jury and at trial. This next part will entail you telling the court how the defendant’s actions affected you. Corrine will give an impact statement as well, but being that you were a child at the time yours will have just as much bearing on the sentence that gets handed down,” the prosecutor said. “Both of you take a few minutes. I’ll come back and get you when it’s time.”
Looking across the table at Aunt Corrine, Courtney felt like they had fought the battle against the two men together this time…and won. The past three months had been both painful and liberating. Aside from the conviction of both suspects, and a slowly receding fear of men and people in general, the best thing to come from this experience was that it had brought the two of them closer. Like before the attack ever happened. Ian had a hand in that process and was waiting in the hallway of the courthouse along with his army buddies, Kayla, Tori and, of course, Jess.
Courtney grabbed Aunt Corrine’s hand. “With this thing almost over, a part of me worries that I won’t get to see you as often now.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that. Neil and I will come down every chance we get, and hopefully you and Ian can come up our way and visit from time to time, as well,” Aunt Corrine replied.
Tears threatened to spill but Courtney forced them down. “I’d like that. There’s so much to catch up on. I don’t want to go back to only talking when some life event requires it. I want to talk just to hear your voice…and I want to talk often.”
“We’ve both experienced something no one should have to,” Corrine said. “And we’ve come out ahead this time, so I’ll be damned if anything will keep us apart now that this is finally over.”
When the prosecutor returned and ushered them into the courtroom, she noticed Ian and all their friends were already seated and waiting. She stayed right by Aunt Corrine’s side as they approached a podium facing the judge. The older woman pulled a handwritten note out of her pocket and carefully unfolded it, grabbed Courtney’s hand and began to read.
“Hatred is like having a hole in the bottom of your boat when you are far from shore. Once you let a little of it into your heart, it becomes a geyser that will eventually sink you. You will suddenly find you’ve started to hate all kinds of things that never bothered you before and all that negativity will take you down right along with your boat. To hate based on how someone looks or the things that make them unique, such as race, nationality, or gender—it doesn’t harm that person…it sinks you.
“I never hated those men for what they did to me that day. I figured they obviously hated themselves enough already if they had to harm another to ease their own pain and anger. I’ve forgiven them not because I’m a saint or a martyr, but because I needed to in order to move on, in order to row my own boat to shore. Though I don’t wish them any harm, I also don’t wish that another woman suffer as I did at their hands. Please consider what is in the best interest of society when punishing these men, because not everyone can recover from such intolerance and violence. Some may carry it with them for years…maybe even a lifetime,” Corrine read and then glanced over at Courtney. Then looking back at the judge, she said, “Thank you for letting me speak my piece.”
The judge thanked Aunt Corrine for sharing her thoughts with the court and apologized for the length of time it had taken to bring the two men to justice. Then the judge looked to where Courtney stood. How could she begin to explain how ba
dly witnessing this crime had impacted her? Glancing to Aunt Corrine, Courtney felt the woman squeeze her hand. This was their time to be heard.
“It’s taken me quite a few more years than Aunt Corrine to learn that lesson, Your Honor, and I’m not even the victim! I didn’t hate those men, either. I hated that I was unable to stop them from doing what they did to someone I adore. She’s right that loathing of any kind will drown you if you let it. I let the guilt, anger and hate over not being able to save her drag me down to the point where I was no longer able to function like a normal person. Being given the chance to stand up for her after all these years has done a lot for me. I’m gaining back my sense of self and finally feeling safe again in my own skin. What a conviction will never do is give me back the years I spent treading water after my boat went down. I would ask that the court consider that I lost a little bit of myself that day, a bit of myself that I may never fully get back, as did my aunt. I beg the court not to let these men do this to another woman…another family. Thank you,” she managed to say around her tears.
The judge handed down a sentence that would likely see both men die in prison, as the attack on Aunt Corrine was just one more heinous crime to add to a pretty significant list for both of them. Courtney squeezed Aunt Corrine’s hand and smiled upon feeling the reassuring pressure returned. When court was adjourned, Courtney turned to find Ian right behind her. Never had anything felt as good as his strong arms wrapping her in a hug.
Having Ian’s support through this whole ordeal had given her the added confidence to fight for justice and work on repairing her relationship with the woman who had raised her and treated her as her own. After hugging Aunt Corrine and her husband, Neil, goodbye in the parking lot outside the courthouse, Courtney watched them drive away with tears in her eyes.
“We should get you home. You look like you could use a nap.” Ian smiled at her.
“Actually, I was thinking of pub fries. We’re awfully close,” she replied, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.
