by Love Belvin
Once fully inside he asked, “You okay?”
“Umm…hmm,” was all I could give.
He started off slow. Azmir was long, wide, and heavy, filling me to the hilt. I bore every inch of him; he wanted me to. Spread across his desk I felt bare. Vulnerable. Something he always pushed for without words. And I had no choice but to adjoin with him on a level far more than physical, although how intimate I didn’t quite know.
After a while, I could tell he was ready for his release because of the speed he had embarked on and the tight grip he had on my hips. I moved his one hand up my back to release the unbearable impassioned clench. His other hand followed suit. I had begun to flex my walls and enjoy his strokes. I felt him pull out almost fully and then back in. He was long stroking me deliciously.
“Damn, Brimm,” he cried out desperately in a low and labored tone. That made me cream even more. I even had the inclination to start throwing it back at him.
“What are you trying…” he attempted. He started grinding faster.
The phone beeped. “I’m done now, Mr. Jacobs. Is there anything you need before I leave?” Pegged paged.
Damn her for interrupting my lovemaking session!
Azmir’s strokes came to a halt. I turned to look back at him to see what he was going to do. He hit the speaker button and said, “You’re good, Peg. Enjoy your evening,” trying not to let her hear he was out of breath.
She tried to return the well wishes, but he immediately disconnected the call. Azmir waited about three seconds more before resuming. Again, his strokes sped up. I started thrusting back at him again. I couldn’t believe the feeling that was engulfing me. I was about to come. Again. All I could do was push my face into his desk calendar to keep from screaming as I felt his hard thighs smack into the back of my legs. I was too embarrassed to let him know that I was climaxing again. I’d yet to reveal that he was the first to deliver me a vaginal orgasm, I was certainly not prepared to express it today. But my body began to convulse, which had to give it away. Azmir was fucking me with potent horsepower. There was no other way to describe his gusto. And I enjoyed every frantic insertion.
Azmir followed me into oblivion minutes later, making sure I was done, pumping himself into me obstinately. He collapsed on my back when he was through.
“Damn, Brimm,” he mumbled trying to catch his breath and we snickered together.
This could never get old to me. Azmir’s sex and body could never become mundane to me. I couldn’t understand the spell he had over my body to cause me to respond to him like this. I could get used to this. I already had.
We remained splayed until our heart rates slowed and our relaxed breathing returned. It was such an intimate position and proximity. Odd. I wasn’t in pain or uncomfortable by his weight—inside or out, just a little curious about the linger. My eyes danced in their sockets as my face rested against his desk calendar. Azmir’s face was buried into the back of my neck and I felt every breath he took against my skin.
Before I could assemble the words to ask why he was still there he murmured, “Rayna?”
Wrinkling my forehead I screeched. “Yes…”
“I don’t share,” he whispered after a pregnant pause.
“I-I don’t understand.” What in the hell is he talking about?
Azmir abruptly plunged into me, causing my entire delicate body to spasm.
“I don’t share,” he repeated in more of a growl.
“Okay,” I trilled to a new octave, trying to control my hormonally heightened body.
I was borderline paranoid about the state I was in. My body betrayed me without fail for Azmir. I couldn’t believe how needy I was for him. I was panicking and would agree to anything to get out of that precarious position on his desk and collect myself.
Within seconds, Azmir rose and retracted from me, earning another body tremor. I hoped like hell that he didn’t catch it until I turned and saw his knowing grin.
After taking turns washing up in his bathroom, we ate lunch. My hunger pangs developed after my sexual appetite had been satisfied. He fixed me a plate like a gentleman. We eventually found ourselves eating out of every dish communal style. Time got away from us until one of his cell phones rang. The other had been ringing practically the entire time I was there and he completely ignored it so I didn’t understand why this one was any different. He answered it.
“Damn, Ock! I lost track of time. Give me about twenty minutes and I’ll be downstairs,” Azmir informed apologetically
He then turned back to me and said, “Brimm, I forgot about a meeting that I had an hour ago.”
“Oh, that’s fine.”
I wasn’t ready to leave him but understood that Azmir was a busy man. I had actually considered myself lucky to have had such a satisfying afternoon with him. We cleaned up our feast and left out together.
That man is one intriguing creature.
Our relationship had taken a new course. Though nothing was simplified, things got a little less complicated. I’d become entrenched with desire for Azmir, against my indurate nature. There were many demons I battled where my heart was concerned but there was a shifting in me, something undeniable and horrifically uncontrollable. I seemed to somehow make room for him in my world—or perhaps he made room for himself there. We spent voluminous time together fine dining, going to concerts, on romantic boat rides, simple dinners, even extravagant mini getaways. We were hot and heavy, but we never took on any titles to help define roles in one another’s lives. B.A.J., Before Azmir Jacobs, this would have been perfectly fine for me—in fact, preferred. But unfamiliar emotions were conjuring that I felt little control over and that didn’t sit well with me.
I attended the charity event with him and got a glimpse of his reputation and benevolence on a community level, gauged his prestige and experienced more of his variants. The more exposure to him the deeper I fell. The sex remained skilled, raucous at times, bruising, impassioned, combustive, and the best that I’d likely ever experience. I’d become addicted to it, dependent on it and quickly epiphanized it was something that consumed my every awakened moment and even my subconscious when I’d dreamt about him.
I was able to be free with Azmir and trust his sexual guidance and passion. He never talked about committing to me exclusively for anything more than sex—and neither did I for that matter, but when we sexed we were total. Complete. Satisfied in every way. There was no room for another lover because he depleted all curiosities when he touched me. I wasn’t ready though. I wasn’t prepared to let him in. Azmir was a lot of man to take in, I couldn’t fight the fear that I’d bitten off more than I could chew with him. His self-placed pedigree, his lifestyle, his remarkable journey and promising destiny scared the shit out of me. It left little space for me to plant my feet in his universe. He was a tall order, a satisfying feast. An improbable possibility.
The prospect of him did no good to oppose my self-loathing and fears of inferiority. But I was caught up with him, had relented in his chase to a new level of me.
~~~~~~~~~~
Azmir
As I sat in the diner sipping on tea, I gazed lazily outside where the rain was coming down and the clouds were gray. I glanced down at my Breitling that read about two thirty p.m. I’d only been there about ten minutes but I was eager for my party to arrive.
Soon, through the glass window, I saw Petey running in front of the diner with his jacket partially covering his head, trying to keep from getting wet. He was a baldy so I’m sure he felt every drop that hit him. When he entered, he looked around in search of me. I waved my hand to reveal my whereabouts and he immediately noticed me.
He briskly walked over and while sitting down he mumbled, “Yeah, man, it was a set up,” very calmly.
“Damn.” I bawled. I knew it.
I’d spoken to my mother several times since my birthday. She explained her drug charges sentencing and told me that the FEDS arranged for the early release under the condition that she assisted
in an investigation targeting Big D. Apparently they were sniffing around my trunk, but she was adamant about not taking part in my investigation.
Long story short: Big D and my pops were beat cops, or uniformed officers, who allowed their greed to take over back in the 80s, which incidentally was the height of the dope game era. My pops had the connects but Big D had the heart to knock mid-level hustlers for fairly large amounts of their dope. It wasn’t until my dad took notice of me sniffing around, trying to get in the game by peddling weed when he grew a conscious and told D he wanted to end their arrangement. D didn’t like it and tried to convince my father otherwise, but unsuccessfully so he set him up.
No one really knows the details behind who D worked with, but my mother surmised from a comment D made one drunken night a few days after my dad’s funeral. He said, “Life must go on, Yazzy, or you’ll get run over just like your old man. Follow me and you’ll stay alive for that little boy of yours.” Before you knew it, D had my mom set up in Chi-Town transporting out there. The amounts were so large that the FEDS took notice and eventually hit her with twenty-six years.
“They came and raided Denise apartment one day when you was in school. I begged ‘dem to let me make a few calls to get you some help. The only person I got was D who said it wasn’t shit he could do for us.” Yazmine paused in her story to collect her emotions. “They tried to strip me as soon as I rolled up in that bitch. I had to damn near kill dis dyke that was coming for me. I was in solitaire for the first four months in ‘dat bitch. By ‘da time I could write, you musta’ done left cause I ain’t hear shit back from you. Nobody knew where you was. I was sick as hell in there over that shit. Then every once in a while Denise people said they saw you coming through but none a ‘dem had da’ sense to tell you to holla at me. I was fucked up knowing Daryl had his nasty paws on you,” my mother continued to explain during one of our recent conversations.
It didn’t take long before she shared with me her haunch of Big D setting up my father’s murder. I’ve never tolerated conjecture so I reached out to some of my BX compadres. It took a few days before someone confirmed they were paid to put a bullet in my dad’s head.
“This mufuka,” I said just above a whisper. I immediately sensed the need for pillory.
“Don’t sweat it, my nigga. You ain’t slip. I’m just glad you thought to run this inquiry, ya know.” I understood he was trying to provide a little encouragement. Then there was silence for a few seconds.
“What’s the plan now, Duke?” Petey said asking for his marching orders.
“I have a few things in mind.” Immediately, David came to mind. I needed to reach out to him to assess one of my options. “Let me breathe on it for a minute and get back to you.” Petey nodded in concession. “What’s the deal with ol’ girl?” I asked as I braced myself.
“I’m still working on it. My connect got a bug in North Cacalacky…” he said referring to North Carolina and continued with, “…but he’s coming up with a dead end there. She ain’t discuss no names of family or friends wit’ nobody there. Homey came up wit’ a old boyfriend she used to fuck wit’. He should be touching down wit’ him tonight. Then he gonna holla at me about it,” Petey ended.
“Indeed, Crack,” I said dismissing him.
I stayed at the diner for about an hour after he left. I tried to think why the FEDS would be on my back and how did my mother tie into all of this. Did I have a snitch in my camp? My mind raced with question after question. Damn near everybody felt suspect to me.
Then my thoughts went to Rayna. Although the longer we were together the more she trusted to tell me about her past, I still felt she was keeping something from me. She had no family she kept in touch with? Was Michelle the only person in her circle? It couldn’t be. She would occasionally disappear for a couple of days and I had a feeling she was dipping out of town. At this point, I needed to know the skinny on everyone near me. I didn’t want to take anything at face value.
Fuck. I had fallen for Rayna. A lot. So much that I had to assess logic over emotion. I’d stepped out of character and treaded uncharted waters so to speak.
Love uncharted…hmmmmm.
The waiter came over for the third time asking if I wanted to order food instead of re-upping on tea. I left soon after leaving a $100 bill.
~~~~~~~~~~
I was meeting with Big D when my phone went off. It was my personal line but an unfamiliar number so I chose to ignore it. Afterwards I checked the voicemail and learned it was Michelle giving me a call about Rayna’s birthday. Apparently it was approaching and she wanted to be sure she wasn’t stepping on my toes with the plans that she and the girls had brewing.
They were planning a weekend reunion back in North Carolina at their alma mater. Rayna never talked about her birthday other than it was in July. And, if I understood Rayna correctly, she wasn’t exactly that tight with her fellow alum—none but Michelle, of course. She said she indulged in hanging out mostly on the strength of Michelle. I could tell she tolerated them more than she let on, but the fact of the matter was Rayna maintained that she had no friends other than Michelle. She also shared recently that North Carolina never felt like home. I wasn’t convinced she would enjoy what they had planned. It wasn’t my place to offer my opinion, so I thought to do it indirectly. I called Michelle back.
After all the greeting pleasantries and broaching the topic she asked, “Azmir, did Rayna even mention her birthday to you?” in such a parental tone.
I couldn’t lie. “Not at all.”
“Damn it, Rayna!” Michelle bit out.
“I do recall, months ago, her mentioning it was in July. When exactly in July?” I asked.
“…the twenty-first,” she answered.”
“Well in the spirit of secrecy, I have a plan,” I said just before filling Michelle in.
~~~~~~~~~~
Rayna
It was a scorching afternoon in July and I’d just stepped out of the spa and was feeling great. I was grateful to Azmir for his urging me to go at his expense, of course. As I received my massage, I reflected on my life and how stable it was. I was keeping up with Akeem’s commissary and lawyer’s fees. My greatest hopes were for a soon release date. I had thought of going home for Thanksgiving to visit Chyna and my grandparents. The last time I’d called my grandfather had taken ill. Michelle’s health was fair and Erin was developing quite nicely. Life was stable.
My relationship with Azmir started taking shape. We indeed began spending more time with each other. And while it was new for me, I must admit I enjoyed getting to know him better as well as his inner circle. Our intimacy expanded far beyond what I thought my heart could ever handle. Azmir was different from what I’d dreamed of in a companion, if I’d ever dreamed. He studied me, taking cues from my inclinations, my routines, and tested out every theory. If I orgasmed from behind or with one leg up over his shoulder, he tried it again and timed it to precision so when he returned to test his theory he could anticipate the outcome.
Just like when he made my body quake on a boat in the waters of Cabo San Lucas during the setting of the sun. He laid me, limb for limb across the intimate cabin cruiser that we traveled on for our brief weekend excursion and tortured my hungered body relentlessly with his deft tongue and then repeating a similar process when he stroked me with famine and virile possession of my body. That experience changed my existence.
Azmir contemplated my body, measuring it at every touch. Even when I was out of commission, tending to business with mother nature, he seemed to have trained himself to respond to my physiological needs without prompting, keening himself to those of my emotions. His care was gauging and contemplative. His touches were deliberate and well strategized and though he never spoke about it, I’d picked it up. It was something I’d never had.
The more he stripped me physically and demanded my body to submit to his needs the more I was made aware of my inner blemishes. These things developed a debilitating panic inside of me, ca
using me to fear that he’d one day soon be awakened to my darkest secrets and most threatening deficiencies. I didn’t want to expose the imperfections in me, didn’t want to acquaint him with my scars. And at every turn of his discovery, I fought with desperation of self-preservation.
As I waited for valet to bring my car around my phone rang snapping me out of my trance, it was Michelle.
“What are you doing, girl?”
“Just getting out of Serenity. What’s up with you?”
“Oh, nothing at all. I just emailed you our itinerary for next week. Our flight leaves out of LAX at eleven twenty, babe. Okay?” she informed.
“No problem, Shelly. I’ll be there with bells. Are you guys sure I can’t at least pay for my flight?” I sighed. I mean, it was generous enough that we were going to The Bahamas and staying at the Atlantis resort.
“No, Rayna. Don’t worry about anything but having a good time. We are all excited about going to the Caribbean, girl!” Michelle was filled to the brim with glee. Secretly I was happy about vacationing as well, even if it was with her friends.
“What plans does Azmir have for you?” she asked.
“He’s been so apologetic about being out of town the entire week of my birthday. We’re going to dinner next week. I guess that will be our time of celebration.”
“Oh? Where?”
“Not sure.”
“You know, Rayna, I can’t believe you didn’t tell your boyfriend about your birthday. That’s off this planet!”
Michelle was annoyed. As much as she tried to conceal her disappointment, she couldn’t resist feeling the need to bring it up again.
“He’s not my boyfriend, first off. And for the hundredth time it’s just never come up, Shelly! I’m not used to having anyone in my life special enough to share small details like that with,” I defended.
“That detail isn’t small when you spend his birthday with him, dance for him and his friends and hit him with the coochie to top it off! I keep telling you to let loose with this one. It’s okay to be vulnerable and…” she stumbled.
