by Love Belvin
“And what?” I asked with snappy attitude.
“…and in love. There. I said it!”
“Damn, now you hit me with the L word. It’s only been—” she interrupted me.
“…five months since your first date,” Michelle interjected.
Five months wasn’t long in my book. But Michelle was right, I needed to rethink this relationship. The time had flown by so quickly that what was five months felt like five weeks. Azmir and I spent endless nights together when he wasn’t traveling. We were in a great place, we talked freely with a comfortable flow of exchange and our sex was mind-blowing. I wanted him to enjoy me, whatever good I presented. And I sure as hell didn’t want to disrupt that with talks of falling in love. I didn’t want to scare him off.
“Yeah…whatever. My point is love takes time and more time for me to get in it. We’re taking things slow,” I continued with my pushback.
“Okay, but remember life can be a lonely journey without someone to love. And I won’t be around much longer to be the only person to take the journey with you!”
“Shelly, why in the hell do you always have to talk that bereavement shit? Please!” I screamed exasperated. She always got me with that. I hated to even think about life without Michelle, let alone her dying. With that, I ended the conversation as I drove off. I had crazy errands to run to get ready for my date with Azmir.
At dinner that following week and the night before I was due to leave for the Bahamas, Azmir and I enjoyed a wonderful meal at Crustaceans. I loved their crab puffs and garlic noodles. The wine was superb, the conversation flowed well and the ambiance was ever so present. The restaurant is known for its French-Colonial décor, floor-level pond and aquarium that leads from the cocktail area into the main dining area.
Azmir let hair grow on his face just the way I liked—no, actually loved! Tonight his goatee is ferine, I loved seeing his dark facial hair against his smooth chocolate skin. Damn! This man knew what he was doing. He donned a simple black YSL T-shirt with black denim jeans and his black classic Jordan’s. Delectable. But our conversation took a left turn for deep this particular evening.
“You’re so intense. It intimidates me,” I blurted out.
His eyes flew up to meet mine, widened in wonder. I could even see his spine level and his head straightened. I can’t say from where the nerve derived, but it spilled out. My heartbeat tripled after the words flowed from my mouth. But it was my truth, something I’d been suppressing for months now. He was always reserved and perched with an eagle eye. I wanted to know what he was thinking at times, though I could never muster the balls to ask.
“I never endeavor to intimidate you.” There was a slight pause. “I mean, I know I have the tendency, but it isn’t a tactic I employ with you,” Azmir muttered.
My mouth dried and my eyes danced around the room to avoid his searing gaze. I wanted to say so much but was afraid to fully express myself.
“So you are aware that you do it to others?”
“Yes. I’ve been made aware in senior staff development trainings. It’s where my subordinates can be totally honest about my governing in hopes of strengthening our team. In all honesty, I was aware of my aggressiveness prior to the trainings, it’s a mechanism that was needed in my management days way before I entered the corporate arena. But here with you, it’s not something I want. It would be counterintuitive.”
To what? There was an uncomfortable pause. One that he knew he had to fill. And he did.
“Look, Brimm. I may not be the easiest to gauge but I’m certainly not aiming to be an anomaly with you. If you feel uneasy or question something where we’re concerned I need you to address it.” His eyebrows knitted as he gathered his thoughts. “Relationships aren’t my thing. I’m no good at them. People may be surprised considering my last one, but that one functioned with so many complexities that when it ended it came with no regrets on my part.”
His head went down to his plate playing with his food. I could tell he was mentally constrained, something that I was all too familiar with. It surprised the hell out of me that I felt the sudden urge to throw him a bone. Who in the hell was I to give him a hand with expressing his feelings when I sure as hell didn’t have a grip on mine? But I wanted to assist.
“Azmir, you’ve confided in me how you’ve been unable to open up to women completely because the one woman you truly loved and trusted abandoned you. Now, I know you’ve said that, logically, you get how your mom is different from women you date but we both know that she’s representative of all women for you. The way that you perceive her will fashion how you receive women. Many people are faced with that same problem…men and women alike,” I said confidently.
“Does that apply to your view on men?” Azmir asked with such sincerity in his eyes.
You have to appreciate that he was a “cool” guy who wasn’t led by emotion but instead business and logic. We’d yet to cross the bridge of emotionally-themed conversations, but this inevitable and dreadful exchange was going to get even deeper. I had been caught extremely off guard, my therapist cap had been knocked clear off my head and I guess it showed because as he took a sip of his brandy he chuckled.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…in all the time I’ve known you—you have never uttered a word about your father other than he left your family when you were coming up. I can’t help but to wonder what affects his actions has had on you because even if there’s no more to the story, him leaving is enough. I can tell you are extremely guarded and self-sufficient as hell. All is derivative, which means that determination and hard-assness comes from somewhere…some place,” he analyzed.
I stilled with an empty expression for a minute before saying, “Wow. I don’t know what to say. I know that I can be stubborn as hell but I thought I had gotten better…with you.” I noticed my voice trembling down at “with you”. That could only mean he was right.
“I’m just saying…” he spoke as he shifted positions in his seat, “…it should be obvious that our relationship has budded into something meaningful. But I’ve been a little hesitant—hell—shook to even touch on the subject. I don’t want you to feel that I’m trying to box you into something you haven’t signed up for so I’ve been letting shit breathe,” he said before a pause. “I guess what I’m saying is help a brother out, Brimm,” he continued.
“What do you mean? I haven’t given you any reason to believe that I’m not in this thing with you, have I?”
“No. Not that you aren’t here but…that you’re holding back.”
“Azmir, this is coming from a man who dates other women…” I attempted.
His eyebrows rose and his body went rigid. He looked me square in the eyes, “Hold up. I am unequivocally not dating anyone else—”
I interrupted, “Please don’t sit here and tell me you don’t have other affairs, Azmir. Please don’t insult me,” I said soft, yet sternly as my voice trembled and I rounded my neck to try to stretch out the sudden knots that had formed. It was one thing for him to qualify the various relationships he has with other women, but it’s something completely different to deny them all together.
“Allow me to finish, Rayna.” His hands were raised defensively. “I said, I’m not dating any woman but you. I may have residual relationships, but they are all meaningless and pale in comparison to what…” he hesitated.
“…to what, Azmir? I mean…I would like to know where you’re going with this,” I demanded in the softest tone appropriate for our surroundings. My emotions were curling up, self-preservation mode was threatening. Please no!
Suddenly his head cocked to the side and his tongue pushed against his molars. “You’re not sleeping with anybody else, are you?” His tone was laced with pure speculation.
I was shocked. This man had to be sleeping with at least one other chick but was trying to lock me down? The truth of the matter was I wouldn’t dare have slept with anyone else. Not only was the sex superb, but I was ment
ally locked on this man. I wasn’t so confident he felt the same way. Hell—he practically just admitted to sleeping with other women.
“No, Azmir, absolutely not. Why would you go there?”
He paused for a brief moment before sighing, “A man just needs to know that he’s not sharing his woman.”
“So, now I’m your woman?”
He never responded, didn’t even lift his head from his plate as he cut into his food.
This conversation was getting way too deep for me. Plus, I had to relieve my bladder so I excused myself and headed for the restroom. As I stood, Azmir rose from the table to see me off. I loved when he did that, very chivalric. When I headed off, I made sure I sashayed my ass in my new mini Betsey Johnson dress and sexy pumps, inside snickering at his insecurities about me being with other men.
While freshening up in the ladies’ room, I made sure my make-up was still tight. I was really feeling myself and couldn’t wait to get Azmir’s fine ass in my bed—or where ever he’d have me.
As I walked back to my table and spotted Azmir, I noticed a huge ribbon at my place at the table. The closer I got the better a view I got. It was a small brown gift box on top of a pink envelope both tied together with pink and brown ribbons. It was cute. The minute Azmir noticed I was back at the table his eyes were glued to me. He had been giving me that intense gaze all evening. Either he was horny as hell or Azmir was catching feelings for me.
I took my seat.
“May I…?” I asked, referring to the gifts awaiting my return.
“Please…”
He was in his usually imperturbable posture with his typical piercing gaze.
First, I opened the envelope, which was a greeting card. Among its contents it read, “In a complicated world where nothing seems to come together, one thing is simple and those are my feelings for you. I’m happy you’re in my crazy world.”
I looked up at him and I saw deep into his eyes. There was fire behind his dark orbs. They said so much. My heart warmed and all those dry feelings that had developed earlier withered instantly. Nothing could escape my mouth. Even if he wasn’t exactly saying he was in love with me, he was definitely saying he was damn near there. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable with my gaping.
“You’re not done.” He pointed to the gift box.
“Oh!”
I had gotten so caught up in the moment that I totally forgot about the actual gift. The card was a gift within itself.
I slowly unwrapped the bow on the box and opened it with shaky hands. I was still unaccustomed to receiving gifts from a man. Inside the box were the most breathtaking diamond drop earrings. I couldn’t believe he had been so generous and thoughtful. They had to be at least three carats.
“Azmir, I don’t know what to say. These are so beautiful. I can’t believe you did this.”
He nodded his head in acceptance. He was such a man’s man, minimizing emotions.
I felt like I had to reassure him after receiving such a lavish gift. I had to try harder.
“Listen…I know you were trying to address my emotional deficiencies earlier. I want you to know that I know they’re there and I’m going to try and work on them. I realize now how I have major trust issues—with everyone, but men in particular. Just please be patient with me as I work through them. Can you do that?” I vulnerably asked.
“If you need me to.”
His voice was raw and assuring, speaking to the arctic cages of my heart. I followed up with gesturing for a kiss and he obliged.
My phone rang and I knew it was Michelle. Not many people had my personal cell number and even fewer called.
“Hey,” I tried keeping my voice appropriately low.
“Na-Na, that blue sarong you let me borrow last month, are you planning on wearing that while away?” I’d totally forgotten about it.
“No.”
“Good because I want to pack it to wear. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not. Knock yourself out.”
I affectionately glanced over to Azmir who was quietly finishing his meal. He was so easy to ogle. What was even more appealing was his insouciance of his superior features. There were times where he seemed to be aware and other times just oblivious. But everyone else took notice of his beauty whenever I was with him. There was always an eye constantly stealing a long appreciative gape, particularly of the female persuasion.
“Awesome! Hey, you still out?”
“Yes.” Like, really, Michelle? She was practically yelling into the phone. I could tell she’d been a little buzzed. I’d just hoped she had timed it well against her prescription schedule.
“Have you sucked that big black cock yet?” I gasped and my eyes flew up to Azmir who appeared unalarmed and I silently prayed that he didn’t hear that over the soft music of the restaurant. After my assessment I went back to her.
“Shelly, you know that I can’t do that now. We’ve talked about this before.” I tried sounding admonitory, I really didn’t want to discuss this with him mere inches away.
“Suck his cock, Na-Na! That’s an order! He’ll love it, and you will, too!” I heard the humor in her voice. She was out of control and I’d planned to rip into her in the morning.
“We are so not discussing this right now. I have to go. Please don’t overdo it tonight. We have an early morning, Shelly,” I heeded, ending the call.
Letting out a deep exhale, I slipped the phone back into my clutch and before I could fully pick up my fork—
“She’s right, you would,” Azmir spoke evenly and sotto voce.
Could he be referring to…? He ignored my quizzical gaze, keeping his eyes down to his food as he cut into his chicken.
“I…I would what?”
“You would enjoy pleasuring me orally.” Slowly, his eyes ascended to mine. “Why can’t you do it?” Azmir seemed to have sang those words—directly to my sex. I felt it leap.
My face heated up in sheer embarrassment. I was really going to harm Michelle the following morning when I got my hands on her size four ass.
“I can show you how to please me if that’s what you’re concerned about. I would enjoy it.” How could he keep a straight posture and equable tone when taking on a topic like this?
“It-it’s just that…I—”
“You don’t have to discuss it if it makes you uncomfortable. I just thought I’d give clarity to the subject.” He went back to his food as he continued, “It’s not like you haven’t given it some thought.”
I was frozen in my seat, not knowing where to go after that heady exchange.
“Finish your meal, Brimm. We’ll work around it,” he commanded as he maintained his attention on his plate.
After dessert, we left the restaurant. I was ready to get him alone, it was almost torturing. As we stood outside waiting for the Bentley, I was admiring Azmir’s beauty. He was tall, beautifully dark with striking features, just extremely handsome. Damn is that goatee working for him! His urban look was casual but definitely stylish and appealing.
As I gave him a once over I fantasized about what I was going to do to him once we got back to my place. I reached over to grab him and when I did, I gently pulled his face down to mine. He came into me and I kissed him softly. When he pulled back he gave me a look of passion, I had to go for it again whether we were in public or not. I moved into him again for another gentle pat on the lips only after, I didn’t withdraw, I went back in with my tongue. He reciprocated and I could tell by the speed of his tongue and breathing he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. My panties grew moist. I stroked the visible muscle in his jaw, running my pads against the soft quills of his facial hair. His tongue was so cool and agile. He took his left hand and placed it on the small of my back and then I got so lost in the moment that I forgot where I was.
Out of nowhere, there was the sound of a horn snapping us out of our tryst.
“Come on. That’s our ride.”
We continued our foreplay in the ba
ckseat of his Bentley while on our way to my place when his cell rang. He ignored the first phone as he lifted my dress and pulled me closer to him so that he could ruffle my panties until he eventually found his way to my private valley. His adroit fingers played amazing tricks with my clitoris as his tongue paralleled its movements in my mouth. I tried to keep up with his kiss. It was heavy, telling. Communicatory of his needs. After a while I couldn’t keep up because I had to catch my breath. He had developed a strategy with his long fingers. He’d start on my pearl with the tip of his fingers and then insert them into my passage. Taking in that feeling along with his luscious scent and his pressing weight on top of me made me wild.
I eventually relented to the pleasurable torture by whispering, “Stop…you’re going to make me come all over your backseat.”
“It’s my backseat and my pussy. You’re good,” he growled into my neck before nibbling.
I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out. I tried to be discreet as possible knowing that we were not the only two in the car. He was making this so difficult. I wanted more of him—all of him.
“What about Ray?” I panted.
“He can’t hear or see. Trust me.”
Azmir was so tall. I could only imagine how his lengthy body was positioned in the rear cabin of the car. While it was spacious inside, it wasn’t a bedroom. When he advised we had no ear or eye hustlers I decided to play ball.
I pushed up to ask for him to let me up. When he did, he gave me a deep gaze that further turned me on. He took the fingers he used to pleasure me and stuck them in his mouth. Without words I knew he was saying he wanted me badly. And Azmir always got what he wanted, even me.
I situated myself on the floor of the car while kissing him, tasting traces of myself on him. I took to the floor between his legs and removed his jacket. After that, I began pulling his shirt and T-shirt out of his pants. I made sure to continue with our tongue mingle. At one point I removed my tongue enough to whisper, “Azmir.”
“Hmmm?” he responded.
“It’s too bad you’re not my man,” I continued as I looked into his eyes seductively.
