Love UnExpected (Love's Improbable Possibility)

by Love Belvin

  I immediately knew from where her aggravation had derived. “You didn’t seem to take offense to Thompson’s brashness,” I pleaded.

  “You didn’t give me a chance to. It was almost as if you were accusing me of doing something wrong,” she shot back. During her short pause, she diverted her eyes out the window. With a hard and long exasperated blink of her eyes, she buried her face in her hands and exhaled. “Azmir, Thompson was absolutely wrong…and bold but so help me god, he’s just an outside force to me. We have many of them. In my world there’s just you…me and you. He’s on the outside with everyone else.”

  Her eyes came to meet mine once again. “I’m not good with being scolded. I’ve been alone for so long that I internalize it more than you intend for me to and I feel isolated. If there’s a problem you have to address it in a better manner until I give you reason to do otherwise. Okay?”

  Not wanting to fight and contented hearing her express her feelings I conceded with a nod. I was already fucked up in the head from my earlier visit to the hospital.

  When we arrived at the restaurant, I held her hand from the car to the door of the eatery and all the way to the table where we were seated. I didn’t want to let her go despite the cold vibes emitting from her. We sat side by side and I draped my arm around her.

  “How was your day?”

  “I was in a meeting all morning. There were a few interesting tidbits of information given but overall the annual babble from upper management. Layoffs are looming.”

  “You’re going to be okay, aren’t you?” I found myself squeezing her hand in concern. Although, I knew that no matter what I’d take care of her, if she let me. I’d make her let me.

  “Sounds like it, but we’ll hear soon which locations will have to start pink-slipping their support staff.” She waved her hand in the air, pushing away that conversation, “I don’t want to talk about my work. After that meeting I can use some distraction. Tell me about your day.”

  The waiter came to take our order and we took a minute to make our selections. Rayna and I both passed on alcohol as we were both on the clock. She ordered a salad and I followed suit.

  Once he was out of earshot Rayna turned back to me. “Your day, sir?”

  “It’s been eventful.” I sighed. “I had business to take care of with Robert first thing this morning followed by a staff briefing at the rec.” I examined her earrings with my fingers causing her to shift in her seat. I liked that I had an effect on her.

  “That didn’t sound eventful at all,” she softly giggled trying to compose herself.

  “Well, that’s because I’m not finished.” I murmured in a moment of fortitude. “Tara had her baby this morning.”

  Rayna’s mouth dropped. She swung around to face me, scooting back. I could swear to seeing all the blood drain from her face. I braced myself for how this would go down.

  “When? How? You were there?” She couldn’t hide the restlessness in her voice and I’m not sure that she tried.

  “Likely around the time I was headed into work. C-section. And obviously I was not there, neither do I think it would’ve been appropriate for me to have been.”

  I watched her eyes bounce back and forth aimlessly in anxiety. I knew instantly that she needed security and affirmation.

  I ran my thumb down her cheek and over her bottom lip and before I could speak, she jerked her head back withdrawing from my embrace.

  In a forceful whisper she said, “Just say it. You don’t have to perform any pity rituals to break the bad news.”

  My eyes widened in total shock, I didn’t like seeing her unnecessarily defeated and misled.

  “Nothing has changed between Tara and me, and not a damn thing will change between you and me.”

  “Well, why the long face and sentimental affection? Azmir, something has affected you.” She searched my eyes.

  I gave a deep swallow. “Rayna, I don’t know why but all the time I was there, even in the NIC-U, all I could think of was you and what our lives would be like today if…” My hand somehow appeared at her belly as my words failed me.

  She gasped and her body steeled. She looked down at my hand and used hers to cover mine.

  “Azmir, you want a baby?” Her eyes were filled with terror when she shifted them back up to me.

  The waiter returned with our food, but we remained cemented in the same positions. When he left, her lost eyes were still plastered to my face.

  I let out a strong exhale. I didn’t know what in the hell I was trying to say I wanted, but whatever it was I wanted it to be with Rayna.

  “Not right now, but eventually.” I was lost in words and feelings—something that was beginning to happen far more increasingly when it came to Rayna.

  She let out a deep exhale and her body visibly relaxed.

  “Is a baby with me that horrid of an idea?” I was offended.

  She jumped to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “No. No, that’s not it at all. It’s just that I’m not sure I’m capable of being a mother.”

  “Are you saying you can’t have children? Are you speaking from a medical perspective?” I was confused as hell.

  She sat up and faced the table. “No, I don’t mean physically—well, nothing I’m aware of. What I mean is with all of my issues. I can’t possibly nurture another human being.” Her face was empty and her eyes haunted. She picked up her fork to start eating her salad.

  She couldn’t possibly believe that, could she?

  “The more I thought about how reckless I was this summer with going without protection, I had to think about the stupid risks I took with potentially another’s life. I’ve never—ever been so irresponsible with sex. I don’t know what…” Her thoughts interrupted her speech. “I know how it happened. You,” she whispered as though it was illegal or immoral. “Motherhood may not be in the cards for me. I can’t bring a life into this world knowing my deficiencies. No one deserves a broken mother.”

  We ate in silence for a few. I measured her words that exposed a new level of her self-abhorrence. Why couldn’t she see her strengths instead of her weakness. Rayna’s package, by far outshined, outweighed, and out measured most of the women I’d encountered in my life. She was unbelievably gorgeous, educated, extremely talented, ambitious, and more independent than my alpha-male ego would prefer at times.

  Emotionally, she clearly had deficiencies but what woman didn’t struggle with balancing them considering their chemical make-up. Even that she had been working on by way of her religion and counseling. She was wonderfully packaged and hopefully for me. I wanted her. I wanted room in her heart and soul—in the world of Rayna Brimm. One could guess that I was no better than she was because I couldn’t express these things to her. I was too afraid. She was too flighty.

  So badly, I wanted to share all of my life—my past and future with her but the details of it were too sensitive. She was too fragile and I wasn’t fully convinced she wouldn’t run, leaving me more fucked up in the head than anyone else could possibly have. There had to be a way to work toward her ultimate trust without disclosing the complications of my world.

  “I can’t believe that,” I said after swallowing my food and reaching for my drink.

  “Hmmm?”

  “I can’t believe that you’re incapable of motherhood. You were very dedicated to Erin. You’re still fighting to be a part of her world. If you were so selfish and unable to connect to a dependent child, you wouldn’t be fighting as hard as you are to be that to Erin. This is your opportunity to make a clean break and yet you’re fighting.”

  Her eyes closed as pain overtook her at the thought of Erin. It was a sensitive topic but truth that needed to be highlighted to prove my point.

  “You would be parenting that girl if you had no opposition to it, wouldn’t you?” With her head still collapsed she nodded. I knew she would. Though I’m not sure that she would be sharing a place with me had Erin been with her and that thought didn’t sit well with me. I am a
selfish man when it comes to Rayna. Having Erin in Rayna’s life would take much adjustment on my part. I’d cross that bridge once we get to it.

  I grabbed her and wrapped my arms around her. I hated seeing her in pain. I didn’t intend on this being a somber luncheon but I guess this is one dynamic of a relationship.

  “I’m going to prove to you that you are capable of being any and everything that I need you to be and, more importantly, you want to be. If you stick this out with me, I’ll prove it. Deal?” Buried in my arms, she nodded her head profusely. I felt her pulling at my shirt that was balled in her hands.

  We stayed that way for a while until she pulled her head up and reached up for mine to engage me in an impassioned kiss that knocked me off kilter. She traced my mouth with her tongue, it was deliciously invading. I tasted the ingredients of her salad and I’m sure she sampled my lunch as well, but none of that mattered. Rayna was exposing her raw, bare, and unadulterated soul and I tried sucking it all in. In that moment I didn’t focus on the fact that we were in a restaurant and not in a private room, showing affection that I was not typically so inclined to do in public. My focus was more on the connection that we’d just made, one step in a lifetime journey that I wanted to take with her.

  The waiter appeared, observably embarrassed. “Sir, I recalled the timing in which your assistant said you had available for lunch. In keeping with that, would you like this wrapped?”

  We looked down at our barely touched food and Rayna sheepishly chuckled.

  “Wrap the beauty’s. I won’t have time to finish mine.”

  Checking her phone, Rayna yelped, “One eleven! I need to be headed back to the office!”

  “Okay, we’ll get you back there as soon as your food is wrapped.”

  “This is my treat,” Rayna’s words were strategically brisk.

  “Forget it, Brimm. You know I don’t roll like that,” I said sharply.

  “Oh, no. Not even your CEO persona rearing its controlling head can keep me from paying. I realize we’re in Beverly Hills and can afford it considering the absurd amount of money you’ve had deposited into my account a few weeks ago. It took a while for me to catch it. I haven’t had the need to visit my accounts over the past few weeks because you’ve been taking care of everything, but I needed cash for church offering the other day and when I read the balance on the receipt from the ATM, I nearly passed out! I called the bank to inform them of their astronomical error only for them to tell me the deposit was legit. That is an insane amount of money, Azmir. Enough to pay my monthly expenses for nearly a year,” she scolded.

  Shit. Rayna didn’t like when I attempted to take care of her.

  “I just wanted to make sure you were covered while I was out of the country.”

  “Covered? Azmir, I don’t have to worry about food because your personal chef cooks my breakfast and dinner and you have lunch delivered to my staff several times a week. I no longer have a cleaner’s bill courtesy of your very capable housekeeper. I have no need to shop for clothes because you buy everything from my jacket to my underwear. I don’t pay a car note because you donated a brand new S550 that’s fully paid for…and your chauffeur seems to know every time the car goes below a half a tank of gas and refills it without fail. Now that I think about it, the only thing that I do pay for is my hair.” Rayna was out of breath.

  “…and your manicures and pedicures,” I attempted humor.

  Shaking her head she informed me, “Actually, that’s taken care of through my full-service spa treatments that I was made aware that I have a membership to, all courtesy of a Mr. A.D. Jacobs.”

  I didn’t speak, but shrugged.

  However, she was incorrect. Rayna still paid her mortgage and all other monthly bills that generated from her house. I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to upset her and have her put a stop to what little I had been able to do. I offered several times to buy her home but she had yet to relent. I figured her still having it gave her a sense of independence from me and I wanted to respect that. But I must admit, I enjoyed taking care of her.

  “My god, Azmir, it makes me want to see your annual expense report.” She shook her head and raised her index finger. “No, I don’t because that would make curious to how much you earn and I don’t want that answer right now, if ever.”

  I laughed at her bewilderment. She shot me a look as to ask what was the joke.

  “I’m meeting with my accountant this afternoon after my session with Tyler. I can have her print you out whatever you need to satisfy your curiosities.” I was kidding of course. My money was too complicated an explanation.

  She rolled her eyes with a smirk on her face.

  While on our way back to her car, I asked, “What’s on your agenda tonight?”

  “I have Bible study at six. Why…do you have something in mind?”

  “Nothing that I would deem more important than that. How long is the service?”

  “An hour.”

  “Indeed. I’ll meet you home around eight. You mind hanging out?”

  “I’ll load up on caffeine,” she said with a huge grin. Reaching in her purse she pulled out a napkin and wiped my face. “A bit of my lipstick is smeared on you.” She dabbed the outer lining of my lips.

  “I could think of lots of places on my body where I’d love to have you smear your lipstick.”

  Rayna gasped. “Don’t,” she begged in an unintended seductive tone that had awakened my cock. She darted her eyes to Ray to remind me that we weren’t alone. I couldn’t give a damn.

  I kneeled down to kiss her, surprised by the little time it took for her to reciprocate. She pulled my head down into her face and let out a low moan, careful to be heard by me only. I was so turned the fuck on that I felt like a bitch. I employed every fiber of discretion I had to not rub her tits or ass. I was hurting so bad that I allowed a guttural groan to escape causing her to stop with her eyes wide and weary. She looked over to Ray who was ever the professional, keeping his eyes fixated ahead with no hint of acknowledgement to our backseat near-copulation activities.

  He pulled into the parking lot and I walked Rayna to her car with my erection in tow.

  She clicked for the to doors unlock with her remote and I opened the door for her. After tossing her things in she turned to me looking as disheveled as I felt. Her eyes lowered to my bulged pants and she licked her lips so seductively. Looking back up to me she attempted to speak and I knew what about.

  “Ummm…Azmir…” Her voice was throaty, wanting.

  With both my hands I brought her face to mine and embraced her once again. Her moans were longer and harder. I was caught up, in fucking public again, no less.

  I withdrew. “Brimm, you have to go and I do, too. At this rate I’ll have your ass pinned in the air out in your job’s parking lot.”

  She smiled. “See you tonight.”

  “You had better.”

  On my way back to Long Beach I was emailing Brett a list of things to send over to the hospital for Tara and the baby when I received a text from Rayna.

  I didn’t want to let go. Thanks for lunch, A.D…

  And you think I did? I would have enjoyed having you for lunch much more if we didn’t have to return to work. Stop texting while driving. I thought of Tara’s mother’s accident and didn’t want Rayna taking any risks.

  In your words ***indeed***

  My workout with Tyler was exhilarating. We started off with a little cardio and went straight into the ring for some sparring. The two hour session flew by. After hitting the shower, I headed over to the office of Laura Bower, my ever-efficient accountant. I’d been with Laura for nearly six years when my money grew to amounts that I could no longer Rubber band and stash away after paying taxes. With very little questioning, she set me up with various accounts and investments to grow and secure my money. Laura was the only person who had the closest of an accurate estimate of my worth. I still had stacks buried and stashed for any emergencies that I coul
dn’t think of.

  We went through the usual, which is every nook and cranny, each and every crevice of my finances that she controlled. I once heard the rapper, 50 Cent, say that he didn’t understand how those who were wealthy at one point and lost it all say they don’t know where their money had gone at the hand of its managers because he sat with his accountants regularly to go over his books. Well, we are kindred souls in that respect because I met with Ms. Bower monthly, and in between if necessary, for an account of my money.

  “Well, Jacobs, as you can see there are the same expense activities as last month. However, your income has increased 17% from the closings of these contracts from your latest M&A deals,” she pointed out on the projection screen using a laser pointer.

  Bower has a team that collectively oversee my affairs, but I prefer talking to just one—the boss because if something goes wrong it’s on her head. I liked the software programs she used to create graphs and charts to illustrate my portfolio. It provided a visual.

  “And this fluctuating green field? It looks small compared to the other columns.” I pointed with my own laser.

  “Your regularly occurring monthly expenses such as your household, staff payroll—personal contractors such as your barber and stylist, my salary, etc. The cause of the fluctuation is your quarterly taxes. Obviously their not paid monthly as are those other expenses, causing a drop and fall depending on which is due.” Bower’s voice was strong and projected, as though she knew her shit. That’s the way I liked her, a pit-bull in a skirt.

  “Oh, and speaking of, I know you expressed wanting to keep a minimum in Ms. Brimm’s account but as you see here…” She clicked to a new screen that provided a more detailed view of one of the expenditure columns. “It hasn’t moved since the deposit a few weeks back. You haven’t given the word to do another transfer. I figured either she doesn’t know that it’s there or doesn’t spend immoderately.”

  Her brilliant blue eyes met mine when she swiftly turned her head toward me for an answer. Her blonde bouncy micro curls flew through the air.

  Bowen was frugal and when I asked her to start moving money into Rayna’s account she didn’t do so without professional apprehension. I don’t know which contractor was most protective over my affairs: her or my attorney, Chesney. I damn near had to pontificate a proposal to have her allocate my money. She knew this was something outside of my normal practices.