by Love Belvin
What? Was he serious? This has to be some type of joke!
Fuming, I rose from the tub in search of a towel. I dried off and went over to the vanity to wash my face. I was emotional and out of breath as I tried to hold back my looming tears. What was going on between us? Should I confront him with concern or go ape on him completely?
Confusion took over my mind and heart as I applied toothpaste to my toothbrush preparing to clean my teeth. I refused to cry, even if Azmir was now in the shower unable to see or hear my sobs.
I sauntered into the bedroom in search of my pajamas. Pulling the slip over my head, I let it fall down to my thighs and grabbed my phone from my clutch. Goodness! It was four fifteen in the morning. I crawled into bed weighed down from my bruised ego, throbbing clitoris and broken heart. The sheets felt so good against my now over-sensitized skin from the parching bath.
I heard the shower go off and minutes later Azmir was out of the bathroom. I kept my back to the bathroom so I couldn’t see what he was doing. It really didn’t matter because whatever it was, sex wasn’t on his agenda—that much had been abundantly clear.
When he got into bed, he crawled over until his skin met mine. At this time repose had set in and I was fading fast. Per usual, Azmir buried his face into the back of my neck intensifying my randy state. In that moment, I could truly appreciate the phenomenon of my body and mind being at war. My mind was shutting down but my body had its needs.
“Goodnight, baby. Thanks for hanging out with me tonight,” Azmir whispered against my sensitive skin. After a sharp pull of air into his lungs he whispered, “You looked so luscious tonight…hell—all day.”
My eyes shot up in the air!
~~~~~~~~~~
Azmir
I’m inside of Rayna, plunging balls deep, relishing in her warmth moisture. She’s pulling my face into hers and sucking my tongue out of my mouth while matching my thrusts from underneath me. Abruptly, she pauses and declares, “I love you so much, Azmir. This is where I want to be for the rest of my life…in your world. Always.” I felt the buildup in my groin. I was preparing to explode, but then I heard a ringing sound in the background that annoyed the hell out of me. It was loud and alarming—I mean really loud, spoiling the moment.
“Azmir…Azmir, baby. It’s the phone,” I hear Rayna calling out. Why is she thinking about the damn phone at a time like this?
“Ignore it.”
“No, it’s late we have to get up.”
“No. I’m not done yet.”
I felt a jerk and it wasn’t my pending orgasm. My eyes opened to daylight breaking through the curtains of the room. My arms and legs were draped around Rayna with my dick pinned dead-smack in the middle of her ass. My head swung up and I saw Rayna rubbing her sleepy eyes.
“Your phone is ringing, Jacobs. It’s almost eleven.”
I knew then that I’d been dreaming. Shit. I jumped up and went for my phone. I saw two missed calls. One was from Tara and the other from Marcus, the security. I rung Marcus back, who was asking for a time check.
“We’ll be ready to roll in forty minutes.”
“Alright. I’ll be in lobby then. I’ll call the driver to tell him the same, sir.”
“Indeed.”
Rayna scooted up on her arms in the bed asking, “We need to be ready in forty minutes?”
I took my time to answer, “Yes.”
Even in my groggy state I knew my body was calling for a Rayna relief. I had allowed my pride to lead my judgment since we’d arrived in New York and hadn’t indulged with her…in her. I shut down on her somewhat, which is something I promised myself I wouldn’t do in this relationship. I used to fuck with Tara’s head a lot using that tactic. Now, I’m laying in this comfy bed with my wood in my hand and my lady dragging herself into the bathroom, likely mad as hell at me for leaving her hanging these past few days.
Quickly, I decided that I had to eat it. I was running late for a meeting with a woman whom I hadn’t seen in damn near twenty years. My mother.
A little over an hour later, we were pulling up to a neighborhood favorite, Momma D’s Soulfood restaurant in Brooklyn. I agreed to meet Yazmine here because it was a familiar place to both of us. Almost every trip home included a stop here to grub.
I spent a lot of my evenings here as a youngster when my mom would help Momma D with the cooking back during its first year or so of business. Mom would leave her full time job and head straight to the restaurant to help free of charge. It was my parents’ way of demonstrating helping our own to get ahead without expecting something in return. Momma D would sneak me her sweet cornbread every night and tell me to keep it between us. I had no doubt that Ms. Brimm would enjoy it, too.
Once seated in the humbly scaled restaurant, I observed Rayna’s body language. In worse terms this place is a step up from a hole in a wall, but she seemed relaxed yet aware of the modest eatery. The place can hold about twenty-five people. The thin gold picture frames displaying those considered patrons of importance were clearly outdated. Some of the leather chair pads were torn and the laminate floors were worn, but the food was sinfully delicious from aged recipes.
I watched as Rayna took it all in. She glanced at the dignitaries framed above our table as she sat her purse on the chair next to her. She wore cropped blue pants, a white blouse, and blue suede wedges. Her hair is up in a ponytail and her make up was very modest. It was almost as if she knew what costume to wear today, this entire weekend for that matter. I liked her style.
“Momma D and my parents were good friends back when I was a kid. My mother put in crazy hours, free of charge, to help start up this place. She would waitress and cook, doing whatever needed to be done. I try to come here as often as possible to keep in touch. I wasn’t surprised when my mother requested to meet here.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re meeting Yazmine here?”
I nodded, slightly amused by her apparent unease. She shifted in her seat. Momma D’s yelping, “Azmir Divine! I remember when the doctors pulled you from your Momma’s snatch and held you in the air. You was the biggest baby I ever saw and look at you now, living just as large!” woke me from my thoughts.
I could recite her greeting word by word. It never changed. She always came out of the kitchen to greet me with the same fervor. Momma D’s smile was so big and bold, her eyes glistened with pride and joy. Rayna’s eyes widened and danced, caught off guard by Momma D’s gregariousness.
I stood as she smothered me in her gripping embrace. Her jheri curls touched my chin as she was just a few inches shorter than me, an amazon of a woman.
“You look as splendid as ever. Who’s been courting you? I see the glow,” I teased.
Per usual Momma D ate it up, blushing from ear to ear waving me off. Her eyes traveled over to Rayna who was watching in amazement.
“Now who is this?” Momma D asked curtly. This was my first time bringing a woman to the restaurant.
Rayna looked tensed but maintained a gracious smile. Her beauty and poise never escaped me. I was grateful to have her there with me—for me during this monumental turn of events in my life. The last thing I wanted was her put off. She sat genteel and demure. I was suddenly caught up just looking at her.
“This here is Rayna Brimm, a valued friend. Ms. Brimm, this is the illustrious, Momma D.”
Rayna stood and extended her hand to Momma D. It seemed like minutes had passed before Momma D budged, but Rayna didn’t crack, she waited respectfully.
“Uhh-huhn. She ain’t too tiny like them other Hollywood types. I see a lil meat on her,” Momma D’s tone was suspicious. She reluctantly reciprocated and greeted Rayna.
“Momma D, that’s because I’m not from Hollywood. I’m from right across the bridge…Jersey,” Rayna cajoled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Azmir had so many good things to say about you. I hear you’re a woman about your business. I’m ready to throw down.” She continued stroking Momma’s ego and with much success.
Momma D turned around to Ed, her younger brother, who followed her around like a shadow, and shouted, “Eddie, get this girl here a number four.” She jerked her head back to Rayna who is now wearing an expression nothing short of confusion and asked, “You eat cheese on yo grits?”
Rayna slowly nodded and quickly informed, “…and eggs.”
“Shit!” Momma D popped back in excitement. “Eddie, make that a number four wit’ cheese all the way.”
Rayna had won her over. Maybe this was a great idea after all. Momma D was special to me. She reminded me of happier times in my life. In fact, whenever I felt low about not having a family I would occasionally pop up here around the holidays for comfort food. It was always home here. I made sure she met her expenses and when things cut close I’d throw her a couple of bucks to stay afloat. She probably had no idea of my motive, but I knew why I valued her.
“Whatchu’ gone have, baby?” she snapped at me.
“My usual, princess.”
“Eddie, get Azmir Divine two sunny side up with blueberry cakes and beef bacon. Light on them eggs,” she turned and shouted.
After taking our drink order, she excused herself. Momma D didn’t wait tables unless someone of special interest was there, which wasn’t everyday. It was nice to be made felt special.
“She calls you by your full name,” Rayna observed with a soft smile.
“Always has.”
“It’s nice to encounter people who know you.”
I chuckled at the thought. Very few actually knew me. How badly I’d wished Rayna knew me. I often found myself living in fear of her knowing all there is to know about me. I wanted to protect her from my truths forever while I spoiled her with all the happiness she deserved.
Minutes later our food came out. Rayna appraised her catfish, grits and eggs with cheese. My blueberry pancakes were on point as always. The sated feeling I got from devouring them never got old. Rayna, to my surprise, cleared her plate.
“Someone was hungry,” I teased.
“Someone has to impress Momma D. I know you caught her sizing me up,” Rayna shot back.
“I’m the only one around here sizing you up. And I so happen to know that you taste better than the food that once sat on that clean plate before you.”
She gasped as I heard Momma D yell out, “Yeah, Yazzy, he over there finishing up his food. Go on!”
I turned and looked behind me to find my mother sauntering over to our table. I rose from my chair and turned toward her. She looked exactly how I remembered her, only aged. She was just a few pounds heavier, but her posture was now lax. She now had a fixed defeated scowl on her face. She wore a velour sweat suit and black classic Reebok sneakers. I couldn’t believe she still wore a gold nose ring and her head covering. Her expression initially was phlegmatic but the closer she got the more her face fell into a dark emotion. My heart trembled in my chest. My knees quaked.
By the time she reached me, tears were flowing from her eyes and her mouth hung open to release hard sobs. She stopped inches before me and wept from the grounds of her belly. It took me some time to raise my weighty arms to hold her. As my arms ascended, I felt a gentle touch on my back that, oddly, willed me strength to comfort her. I knew it was Rayna. I didn’t have to see her with my eyes. I had become that familiar with her touch. Though I didn’t know until that moment that she had possessed so much strength.
I had held my mother for what seemed like an eternity. Momma D brought over a glass of water and Rayna handed Yazmine a few napkins to help with her tears and mucous. We must have gained attraction because out of nowhere, I heard Momma D telling her customers to look the other way, nothing bad was going on there.
Yazmine eventually found the rhythm to her breathing and broke our embrace.
“Perhaps we should go some place more private,” I suggested.
“You guys can have my office in the back,” Momma D suggested.
By this time, Rayna was giving me short comforting strokes on my back.
“Nah, that’s alright, beloved. We good here. Im’ma calm down,” Yazmine assured while wiping her face as she turned to sit.
“Im’ma get y’all some coffee. Just sit and relax,” Momma D commanded.
Suddenly, I felt soft tugs at the hem of my T-shirt. I turned to see Rayna with a look of strong regard.
“Azmir, I’m going to have the driver take me back to the hotel. Marcus can stay here with you and I’ll be fine alone there,” she whispered. Her eyes shifted with concern and I knew she was pleading with me.
I wasn’t expecting that. “Are you sure?”
As the words left my mouth, common sense hit that Yazmine and I would likely discuss sensitive matters concerning Big D and our business that should not be done in front of Rayna.
I didn’t want distance from Rayna. I’d grown that dependent on her energy. My manners kicked in amongst the myriad of emotions that I was experiencing.
“Before you leave, let me introduce you,” I whispered before I turned to Yazmine and said, “This is a friend of mine, Rayna. Rayna, meet my mother, Yazmine Jacobs.”
Rayna’s brown round eyes slowly left mine and traveled over to my mother’s with a polite smile in tow. She appeared discomposed.
“Hi, beloved,” Yazmine greeted. She looked up at me and asked, “Is she your girlfriend?”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Jacobs. The resemblance is amazing,” Rayna abruptly greeted, not giving me an opportunity to answer, as they shook hands. Suddenly, I’d wished that we were in a perfect world and Rayna knew every detail of my life, eliminating the need for her to leave. I wanted her next to me.
“She’s beautiful, Mir!” Yazmine beamed.
Damn. Do I know.
Coincidentally, my mother knew that Rayna and I shared an intimate relationship. This shit was crazy. I was feeling emotions that were so unfamiliar to me and I didn’t know the protocol. I had my Earth, whom I hadn’t seen since I was sixteen years old, here before me. Then I had this frustrating woman who suddenly showed more substance, support and grace than I thought she was capable of and thought I’d ever need in my corner at such a vital time. It was something to behold.
“Thanks,” I responded to Yazmine as my gaze was pinned to Rayna who begged me through her eyes not to fight her on this.
I turned to face Rayna, as an act of privacy, “Okay. But if you need anything just pick up the phone,” I heeded.
“Agreed. Go have your moment,” she bade before leaving me alone with Yazmine.
I turned to watch Rayna’s gait out of the restaurant. On her way out she paid rave reviews to Momma D on her culinary talents and told her she had hoped to be back soon. My chest squeezed as she hit the door and walked out to the car. Rayna frustrated me like none other, but the lowliness I felt from watching her leave me at this critical time scared the shit out of me. It spoke things that I could no longer deny or defer to time. Time had caught up and I could no longer refute the fact that she owned my heart. Suddenly, I had desperately wanted her to be in my destiny as well.
Fuck!
“Just a friend?”
I turned to find my mother’s dubious eyes on me. I knew it was fucked up for me to give Rayna that nondescript title, especially with the feelings I’d just uncovered. I glanced over to Yazmine and offered a slight smile, embarrassed by my nonchalant introduction.
“Friends don’t have you standing here watching her like you debatin’ if you want to be without her for the next few hours, beloved. Only love do,” Yazmine muttered before she sipped her water.
She’s right. How could I have missed it all this time? I don’t get this shit.
I watched the car pull off before resuming my seat now across from my mother, telling myself that as soon as I returned to L.A. that I would do some hard thinking about this thing with Rayna.
“It’s good to see you.”
Yazmine nodded very humbly. “It’s good to be seen by my only child.”
I could tell she was choki
ng back a cry. Time had lapsed without either one of us knowing what to say. I still hadn’t dealt with what having my mother back in my life actually meant. I mean, I didn’t think she’d been dead all these years, but the truth of the matter was I didn’t know. At some point in life I put my need of her and the questions I had about her hasty departure from my life somewhere in the recesses of my mind. I’d been so focused on building an empire that I didn’t consider what I didn’t have. I made it my mission to obtain those things that I could control like money, power, and prestige.
I didn’t need people for emotional purposes, just for functional ones, which is why Rayna had my head fucked up. How could my mother service my needs? This is the question I asked when vetting people for my life—to enter into my realm.
“Have you had her long?” Yazmine broke our silence.
My eyebrows met my forehead when I realized that was a question that had a simple answer. Rayna wasn’t that simple, but the answer of how long she’s been in my world was.
“No. Just a few months.”
Her eyes closed in pain and her forehead wrinkled in disgrace. I didn’t understand—what had I said wrong?
“Who’s been in your corner? Daryl’s wife?” Yazmine sounded desperate.
As I pondered her question, I shook my head. I immediately understood what she was trying to gauge; who was serving in a maternal capacity in her absence. But my answer brought revelation even to me in the wake of my response to Rayna’s leaving the restaurant just a few minutes ago.
My eyes flickered as I murmured, “No. No one.”
Patricia was extremely nice to me and always met me with a soft hand, but I’d always felt that was because she wanted me for her daughter. Her motivation was for her daughter’s future and lifestyle, not for my benefit.
“Allah as my witness, Mir, if there was something I could do I would’ve. There wasn’t a day in there that I didn’t think about you or miss you. I swear it to you,” she pleaded.
On a deep exhale and with raised hands I said, “It’s okay.”
Immediately, I felt that was an inappropriate and inadequate response. My mother was apologizing for her extended absence and begging me to accept that she missed me and I spoke to her in the same tone that I speak to my assistants. I didn’t mean to be formal in my response but couldn’t find any other way to express my forgiveness of the situation.
