by Love Belvin
“Whew! Everything was good tonight…the food and the Word! I’m sorry that I have to get home to my Jimmy and those three rough boys of mine. Rayna, this is a nice place you have here. We should come every week!” Tanya stretched out her arms and shrieked.
Now, I knew Tanya was married to an automobile repairman and had children because she often spoke about how overwhelmed she was with it all. I liked her and thought she was sweet and easygoing. She often shared her struggles, most of the time causing me to shiver at the details of her life because she seemed to put up with so much. They struggled financially though he worked like a dog and she stayed home with her youngest children.
“You always running out of here to those boys and husband of yours. You should relax and hang out a bit. Me and Lisa going to that jazz club over in Hawthorne. It’s a nice place to meet people,” Rhonda announced. She was always on the prowl for a man. And I didn’t know why she even suggested that to Tanya.
“Girl, I am married. I ain’t got no business hanging out in no bar with a whole bunch of single people! I got too much stuff to do at home,” Tanya protested.
“You don’t have to be looking for a man because you at a jazz club. It ain’t like you at a dance club. It’s nice and mellow,” Rhonda rolled her eyes, clearly affronted.
“Well, I’m willing to go! I’m tired of looking at the same men Sunday after Wednesday after Sunday after Wednesday. I was so happy when we started these groups! I would rather look at a whole bunch of women than look at the same men in that church!” Lisa growled causing us to burst out in laughter.
She was extremely petite, had to be no more than five feet and 110lbs wearing turquoise fitted jeans with a paisley shirt to match. She kept the same hairstyle; a bun in the back with a blunt cut bang. Lisa had a permanent scowl etched into her face. Rarely did I see her smile, but she was very outspoken. “I’m serious! Name one man in that church that’s single and desirable.”
Trying to muzzle her laughter, LaWanda defended, “There a several eligible bachelors in Holy Deliverance Tabernacle Church. You have Mark that plays the keys—” All the women blew air from their faces or made some type noises with their mouths in disagreement. “Okay. Paul the deacon and Greg the usher.” The crowd went up in roar.
“Yeah, right!” one yelled.
“Come again?” another demanded.
“Is she serious? Paul picks his boogers during service and Greg flirts with everybody that he ushers to a pew!” Yolanda screamed.
LaWanda, wanting to belly over in laughter, waved her finger in the air instead. “Y’all women gotta stop being so picky! God can be calling Deacon Paul to you and you worried about something as petty as his booger picking habit instead.”
I liked LaWanda. She was beautiful with her almond complexion and bouncy natural afro that flopped at least nine inches out. She was tall and slim and always wore over sized clothing. Her style resembled hippy. LaWanda always seemed to be leveled and focused. She initiated this particular group. In one of our previous meetings, she mentioned her degree in political science and that she’d been pursing a graduate degree in Public Administration. I could see her gathering and leading people to the promise land with her passion. I kind of envied her confidence and initiative. She’d been consistently warm and friendly. I’d heard from Yolanda’s rants one week that she was seeing the bass player from the church.
“No! I’m not picky just because I’m not desperate enough to take on just any man that flicks his eye at me! Shoot. It’s hard being single, but I got me a mechanical device to pass the time,” Karmen blurted out with the roll of the eyes while she rested her elbows on the marble countertop of the island that we’d all retreated to. The kitchen was divided with half silence and half high-fiving her. I was a neutral party and watched.
“Now, Karm, you know any sex outside of marriage is a sin, right?” LaWanda admonished. I guess she felt the need to be responsible since she was the group leader.
Holy crap! Time to get everybody out of here!
“That ain’t sex. It’s call self-preservation until God sends my Boaz!” Trina declared. There was another round of laughter in the room and I went to one of the cabinets to grab small plastic bags for them to carry their containers in.
“No. Penetration or stimulation period should only happen in marriage, Karmen. You sat at the First Lady’s conference this spring when she spoke about the conduct of the Christian woman. She said a huge part of your faith is abstaining until God sends you a man. You know this,” LaWanda calmly scolded.
“Well, I got faith and while I’m fighting it, Im’ma keep my rabbit charged and ready!” Rhonda huffed surly. Again, an uproar of opinions had erupted.
“There are many of us who are fully abstaining. Abstinence is extremely difficult, but we can overcome anything through faith.” LaWanda fought. I dropped the salad serving bowl in the sink trying to rinse it for the dishwasher. It was loud and somehow quieted the room.
“Rayna, you’re always quiet during these talks. I know you’re a medical professional and I can see by this expansive pad you got here that you’re doing well. I also know you’re not married. What can you share with these women who are clearly divided on how a single woman of God should keep herself busy until she finds a man? You seem to have your head on straight and Pastor Edmondson speaks highly of you. Share.” LaWanda’s big brown eyes implored.
In slow motion all heads flung in my direction awaiting my response. My heart fell into my stomach and I felt an anxiety attack coming on. I knew this wasn’t a good idea! I swear, I will never host a Bible study again. I felt the air invading my mouth telling me it was open and wide.
“Errrrr…errrrr…I really don’t know.” Rayna, surely you can come better than that! “Ummmm…everyone’s walk is different. I’m no better than anyone in this room. We all have needs and desires, but we’re all on individual and singular journeys. Who am I to say?” I smiled sheepishly hoping no one could detect my embarrassment and riddle in my answer.
“Well, are you dating?” Lisa demanded with the twirling of the head and crossed arms.
Crap! Crap! Crap! No, not me…get the spotlight off of me!
“Ummmmm…dating? Maybe not. I—” I was cut off by the ever strepitous Rhonda.
“Everybody wants to know do you have a boyfriend, sleeping with somebody’s man, gay…what? You be so quiet that we don’t know much about you. Now we see your sharp place that can fit a hundred elephants and…well, inquiring minds wanna know!” Rhonda’s eyes were big and almost scary. I looked around the oversized rectangular island to see all eyes searing me, including LaWanda’s!
Really?
I was not about to sit there and talk to virtual strangers about my personal life. Wasn’t it enough that I invited them over? They wanted me to draw blood, too! I don’t think so!
“I do have a…friend, yes. I’m sorry, I’m a little reserved and don’t mean to be standoffish. I’ve always been a private person.” I supplied the softest smile that I could employ.
“Well, is it serious?” Sheila, the schoolteacher who was just as quiet in these groups as I had been, had the nerve to ask me. How dare she! I didn’t probe into her personal affairs? This led me to wonder if they’d discussed me previously in my absence.
“What’s he do? Does he make good money like you?” Ronda blurted out.
“Or is he intimidated by all of this?” Lisa gestured with her hands referring to the lush apartment. “Because you know they can’t handle it when we make more than them! Humpf!”
“Yeah!” a few of the women agreed, not giving me a minute to think.
“Woooo,” I verbally sighed to make them aware of my uncomfortable state. “Errrr…yes, I believe it’s serious. He has his own career and has no need to be intimidated by my measly salary,” I spoke slowly trying desperately not to offend anyone, yet let down my guard a quarter of an inch to dispel their opinion of my quietness.
Thankfully LaWanda caught the hint and
said, “Guys, that’s enough. I feel like we’re interrogating Rayna and we shouldn’t. She’s our sister in Christ. She invited us in to fellowship and if we want to be invited back we should show a little class and not badger her.” With an added wink she said, “Let’s give Rayna a round of applause for this awesome place and delicious spread!” LaWanda sounded as if she had led the charge of troops. They all fell in line and clapped. I thought it was unnecessary and quivered on the inside at the attention.
I just want to shower and sink into bed calling this a wrap!
Minutes later, after everyone had taken as much food as they could pile into the containers I thought to buy, we were in the foyer discussing who would host next week. No one quickly volunteered, but LaWanda, and reluctantly.
“Ladies, if no one offers up their place we’ll be forced to meet at the church losing the intimacies of a home setting. So far four people have hosted and last I checked there were more than four people in this group.” LaWanda scolded in her cool and non-offensive way.
I quietly handed out parting gifts, the book The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian. I had read it a few weeks back and thought it would be nice to share with the group. I tied a pink ribbon around the book and stuck a pen beneath the bow giving it a classy spin. The women ooooh’ed and ahhhhh’ed affirming my efforts.
“We can do it again here next week,” Tanya suggested in jest…or was it?
Just in case it wasn’t I spoke up, “Sorry, next week wouldn’t work well here. I’m having work done.” This was slightly true just not in that timeframe. Next week the lighting was being re-wired but that was on Monday.
“Come on, guys!” LaWanda implored.
“Oh, alright! We can do it at my place,” Rhonda sulked. I sighed in relief. “It ain’t near as fancy as this one level mansion and I have cats, but if we need a place we can do it there. And don’t think Im’ma have food and gifts like we had tonight because I can’t afford all of this!”
I knew no one typically served food or gave out favors for attending, but I also knew no one stayed in this area and all traveled considerably so I thought to extend my hospitality.
LaWanda exhaled, “Cool. Do me a favor and text me your address and I’ll send it out to everyone in the group by—” her words were halted by the opening of the door and we watched Azmir’s gait as he strolled in on the phone.
My surprise and horror didn’t allow me to catch much of his conversation, but I did hear, “I’m home now and about to go into my office to take a look at the numbers. They have to come better than that. This is a seventeen million dollar deal we have on the table.”
The silence in the room made me want to crawl into a hole and never return. The group of women were all standing at attention of Azmir’s tall frame wearing a light gray suit with a white shirt that was unbuttoned at the top. He had his gym bag strapped to his shoulder and his phone glued to his ear. He exuded all things alpha male in a place where estrogen dominated, making him prey.
He looked up and was stopped in his tracks with wide eyes, but didn’t jump like I thought he would, instead he played cool and flashed his charming smile. I was all too familiar with that smile. It’s the one that made your vajayjay cry in need. His face registered embarrassed once he realized what he’d walked in on. And all you heard was a chorus of gasps and appraisals.
“Jesus!”
“Oh, my gawd!”
“Who is…?”
“Mmmmmm!”
“Is that her man?”
“Oooooh!”
“Rich, I gotta go,” he ended his call and surveyed the vestibule. His eyes landed on me apologetically. “Hey,” he managed.
“Hey!” I stated in an overtly contrived manner, waving my hand with a faux smile.
“Hello, ladies,” Azmir beamed, trying to lessen the awkward moment that was taking place.
“Hiiiiiiiii!” the chorus sang in unison—this time.
I couldn’t believe there was an ounce of unity in this group, but of course it would be for a man. I discovered Azmir’s natural comfort of being in front of strangers. His response was graceful and it seemed that he was doing a bit of harmless flirting to soften the blow of my pending punishment for him coming in during the session. He unleashed his infamous coochie creaming smile, I wondered if it was purposely or just a common facial expression that simply had lecherous effects on all women. It was uncanny witnessing the reactions of the women knowing he’d had the same influence over me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I thought you’d be done,” Azmir was still addressing the crowd. I had a leading suspicion that he had forgotten about them coming over.
The choir broke into sections. “No, it’s okay.”
“You’re no bother.”
“We were just leaving…?” LaWanda prompted him for a name.
Azmir paused, looking at me to gauge my lead. I was still in shock and had nothing to offer. His 6 foot 4 frame stood at the foot of wolves ready to devour him. Heck—even I was a little turned on by his presence after being in a room with a bunch of women for the past three hours or so. His beauty was really a sight to behold, even after coming from playing ball.
“I’m Azmir,” he replied to LaWanda with his gazed fixed on me, still trying to read me. “I’m happy you guys came and trust you were able to share and impart a little knowledge on each other.” His eyes then ran across the crowd giving them individual attention and genuineness.
“Oh, yeah! We had a really good time!” Lisa’s buoyancy was on full blast. Wipe your mouth, girl! You’re drooling. A few other women echoed her sentiments, at least those who were able to speak and had come down from their lustful discovery.
Azmir’s gazed rested on me. I guess he picked up my alarm. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. Have a wonderful evening and safe travels home, ladies.” He turned and headed down the corridor to his office.
“Bye!” They all seemed to sing in concert with just a few stragglers.
Mortal shock coursed through me at their audacity to watch him amble down the corridor and into his office. Thank goodness he didn’t proceed to the bedroom, which was at the far end of the hallway, prolonging their gaping.
“Ummm-hmmm!” I coughed in attempt to call their attention away from my man and back to their pending departure. “Ladies, it’s late and I know some of you have to travel further than others.” I shot LaWanda a look hoping she could help reel them back in. It took a minute for her to snap into action as she was fighting her good fight of faith, trying to crawl out of her bed of immoral thoughts that included Azmir as well.
“Oh! Yes, ladies, where were we?” LaWanda was a little disoriented.
“We were just about to ask is that your man or your gay roommate because if he’s your roommate, I can stay and lay hands on him to set him straight,” Rhonda bellowed.
“Rayna, you living in sin?” Lisa asked.
“Wouldn’t you if you could do it with that?” Sheila challenged.
“How tall is he?” Tanya asked.
“Oooh, did you hear the business he was talking on the phone? He was talking millions! What he do for a living, girl?” Karmen chimed in.
“All I’m asking is does he have a brother?” Trina asked.
All I could do was shake my head in disbelief. They somehow all quieted down to give me the opportunity to respond like earlier in the kitchen and I was nice then, but now I had to be a little more forceful.
“Ladies, this has been a wonderful meet. LaWanda, you were great this evening. As usual, I’ve learned quite a few things that I can pick up and take on my journey with me. Now, I’m going to have to say goodnight,” I said with all smiles, but a convincing enough tone that they understood they had to go without learning another detail of my life.
“Oh, okay…okay! I don’t want to not be invited again. I can take a hint,” Rhonda said as she began collecting the bags that she managed to drop on the floor when Azmir came in.
The
others more or so repeated her expressions and filed out. LaWanda and Tanya slipped me their numbers offering up their friendship. I couldn’t fight the accusation of their motives that conjured in my mind. After seeing them out and locking the door I returned to the kitchen, drowning in exhaustion, to finish cleaning up. I knew Azmir relied totally upon his cleaning staff to tidy up this place, but I hadn’t become accustomed to it and wasn’t sure if I wanted to ever be.
While washing, sweeping, and organizing the trash I began to reflect on the lesson and attempted to apply the principles of the spirit of peace in my personal life. I quickly thought of several ways in which I didn’t actively pursue peace and how I could improve upon it. My thoughts were so deep and engaged that before I realized it, I had the living room, dining room, and kitchen back in place and spotless.
After turning off the lights, I sauntered back to the master suite feeling comatose. As I passed Azmir’s office door I saw it was almost closed and I was too tired to stop in so I kept my stride to the back. I was beyond thrilled that it was Friday and I didn’t have to get up so early the next morning.
While in the shower I mentally rolodexed my plans for the following day. I had planned to meet up with Chanell at the mall. She was trying to put together an outfit for Kid’s birthday party in Vegas next week and wanted to hang out, so I told her I’d tag along before my dance class that evening. I dried off in the mirror, taking note of my pink eyes. I really needed to get some rest. I could swear I looked at least ten years older from being so tired.
I saw a white undershirt that Azmir must have tossed onto the bench before his shower and I couldn’t resist. I grabbed it, held it up to my face and filled my lungs with the delicious fragrance of Azmir. Per usual, it was laced with his natural body oils, fabric softener and cologne—altogether a heady concoction. I had a not so hygienic inclination to wear Azmir’s worn undershirts. They were comfortable, sensual, and well fragrant. Whenever he was due to leave town, I found myself collecting enough for the duration of his time away to keep me feeling near to him in his absence. Tonight was one of those nights that he was home but I couldn’t resist.
