Qaletaqa

by Gladden, DelSheree

  Unable to bear the hurt in Claire’s face, or my own guilt anymore, I took her in my arms. Silent teardrops rained down my shirt. “I am so sorry, Claire. I never should have left you behind.”

  Claire sniffed and pulled back. “Why did you do it?”

  “I thought I was protecting you, but I wasn’t. I was only protecting myself from any more pain. It was selfish. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?” I asked.

  “Only if you promise never to do it again,” she said. Her voice was serious. She was not playing some lover’s game. She wanted a real, binding promise from me.

  “I swear I will never leave you again, Claire Brant. I couldn’t bring myself to do it even if I wanted to,” I said.

  Claire watched me, her eyes searching my face. “Even when you reach your Twin Soul and rescue her from the Matwau? Can you promise you won’t leave, even then?”

  “You know?”

  “Yes. I know that right now you’re searching for her, and you’ll fight the Matwau to save her life. I know when you rescue her, the Twin Soul bond will form between the two of you,” she said. “What I don’t know is if you’ll still want me after that.”

  “Of course I’ll want you, Claire. Nothing could ever change that. I promise I will never leave you again,” I said. “How do know all of this?”

  A deep frown crept onto Claire’s lips. “Quaile told me.”

  “You spoke to Quaile?” I asked, my hope speeding its way through my veins. I left the potion to break the Twin Soul bond with Quaile. I couldn’t give it to Claire directly because of the risks of it harming her if she didn’t take it willingly. If Claire spoke to Quaile, then she should have found out about the potion.

  My thoughts closed down and I let myself feel, search for the bond that linked my precious Claire to her own Twin Soul. For the second time in just a few minutes, I couldn’t find my voice. I shouldn’t have felt anything. The absence of consuming passion should have left her clean and pure again. The fact that I could still feel it pulsing against me sent a tremor through my body. I didn’t understand.

  “The bond,” I said quietly, “I can still feel it.”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “But why? Didn’t you…?” I stopped myself from completing my question. She spoke to Quaile, but if for some reason she never asked for the potion I couldn’t bring it up now. Samantha warned me that if drinking the potion wasn’t Claire’s idea it might hurt her. Frustration made it impossible for me to keep quiet. “Didn’t you know why I left, what I went to find?”

  Claire nodded, her hand coming up to my cheek when I started shaking my head in confusion. “I know you went to the Shaxoa, and that you came back with the potion. I asked Quaile for it, but I didn’t drink it.”

  “Why?” I asked, my heart threatening to burst.

  “Because I couldn’t, Uriah. Quaile lied to you about what the potion would do.”

  “No, Samantha said it would be fine as long as you drank it willingly.”

  “But she wasn’t sure,” Claire said softly. “She didn’t know because she wasn’t trained by another Shaxoa. She didn’t know what the potion would do, but Quaile did. She told me the truth and gave me the choice.”

  More lies. My hands clenched into fists at the thought of that woman lying to me again. Her lies started this whole mess. Would they never stop?

  “What did she tell you?” I ask stiffly.

  “The potion would break the bond, but only by stealing my ability to love. I would be free of Daniel, but I would have lost you too.” Claire’s face crumpled, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to hold back tears. “I’m sorry, Uriah, but I couldn’t drink it. I dumped it down the sink.”

  Numb, I pulled her against my chest and stroked her hair. “It’s okay, Claire. Of course you couldn’t drink it.”

  I spent days away from Claire to get that potion, bruised and skinned my knuckles, bled for it, sacrificed for a chance at freeing her, and it had all been for nothing. Seeking penance, I opened myself up to the bond hovering around Claire and forced myself to feel it. She asked me to break it, and I failed. I had failed her again. Despair threatened to overcome me, but some part of me held it back, recognizing a difference in the bond. Afraid that I was imagining it, I held very still and memorized the feel of the link trying to pull her away from me. The last time I felt it the force of the bond, it had nearly crushed me. It was so overpowering I could hardly breathe. Now, it merely swirled around her like a light mist. It waited on the edge of regaining its full force or being snuffed out forever. I was at a loss for what caused the change.

  “You didn’t drink the potion, but something is different,” I said.

  Claire nodded slowly. “Daniel came back to San Juan.”

  Instantly my muscles coiled, my eyes darting around as if I expected him to have followed her here as well. Claire’s hands slid up to my cheeks and brought my focus back to her. The purity of her smile calmed my sudden panic.

  “Quaile told me that I couldn’t break the bond…” She paused, a flicker of something I couldn’t quite catch lighting in her eyes before she continued. “She said I could suppress it, though. I had to face Daniel and convince him I didn’t love him. I had to do it on my own, make that choice from the deepest part of my soul and convince Daniel of it.”

  “How?” I asked in disbelief.

  “I had to face Daniel and make him believe I didn’t love him, convince him to walk away and let me go.” She stared up at me, looking both ready to cry and dance at the same time. “I did it, Uriah. I told Daniel about how you have changed me and made me stronger because of your love. I told him how I wake up every morning happy because I know you are a part of my life. I told him…I told him that there was someone out there waiting to make him as happy as you make me.”

  I blinked at her in surprise. “And he believed you?”

  For a moment Claire looked offended that I would question her, but then her expression softened. She opened her mouth to say something. Her head shook as her lips pressed together before opening again. “I let him kiss me,” she said quietly. “I was the only way make him believe I didn’t love him. He needed to feel the wrongness of the bond.”

  “And he did?” I asked.

  Claire nodded. “He let me go, and the bond changed. It’s still there waiting for me to call it back, but for now I’m as free as I can be. I’m here with you.”

  “You’re here with me,” I said.

  I stepped closer to her, bringing my hand up to her face and running my fingers along her jaw. It was the way I touched her when I wanted her to know just how much she truly meant to me. Claire knew she gesture well. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

  “I missed you so much,” Claire whispered. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

  Thanks to Talon, I had a very good idea. The things he’d shown me threatened to bring me to tears. “I am so sorry,” I said. “Quaile told me there was a chance to sever the bond, and I leapt at it, but I was too afraid of failing you again to tell you what I was doing.”

  “It wouldn’t have mattered, Uriah. With you by my side, I could have held on forever,” Claire said. “My love for you is what convinced Daniel to let me go. It’s what keeps me from bringing the bond back to the surface and taking the easy way out.”

  “I saw you, Claire, you were barely hanging on. I don’t know how you managed to hold out. You never thought you were strong, but you are. I hope you realize that now,” I said.

  “What do you mean you saw me?” The accusation in her voice hurt. “Did you see me before you left? Did you see how much pain I was in and still left?”

  “No. I didn’t see you before you left.” I paused, not sure how to explain what I had let slip out. Was she ready to find out how much I had changed since she drank the poisoned tea? I decided to trust her. I had screwed up terribly in my efforts to protect her by holding back. “My friend Talon showed me what you went through the past few days.”
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  “Oh, you mean the cougar?” Claire asked. “That makes sense, I guess.”

  I smiled. Why had I ever doubted her? “You know about Talon?”

  “Sure, Cole told me about him and how he helped you guys when you were looking for Daniel. I didn’t realize he had stayed with you, though.” Claire glanced around unafraid.

  “Talon has been with me ever since the Matwau attacked Daniel. Did Cole tell you about that too?”

  Claire nodded with a deep frown. “He told me everything,” she said. Her body softened as she leaned against my chest. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, Uriah. I guess I’m not the only one who has been struggling lately. I’m sorry I slapped you. Forgive me?”

  I wrapped my arms around her body and kissed the top of her head. “There’s nothing to forgive. I deserved it.”

  Claire looked up with a smile. “Is Talon still here? I want to meet the one who’s been taking care of my Uriah for me.”

  Before I could even relay the question to him, Talon stepped out from behind a clump of bushes and walked slowly up to Claire. Her eyes widened with surprise, but she did a good job of hiding her fear at facing the large cat. As children we had grown up being taught about the dangerous animals we shared the desert with, snakes, coyotes, wolves, and cougars. Claire showed her strength by approaching Talon and gently stroking his tawny fur.

  “She is very brave,” Talon said. Like the stream of images he had showed me before, his words were not actual words, but pictures I could use to interpret his thoughts. I could answer him in the same manner. It had been less than a week since first experiencing his unique brand of communication, but the skill had developed rapidly and I no longer had to take the time to interpret. His messages flowed into my mind as simple words.

  “She is amazing,” I said to him. Claire continued to stroke Talon’s fur, and I took the moment to ask him about his earlier display. “How did you do that? How did you see her thoughts? I thought you could only do that with me and shaman.”

  “So did I,” Talon said. “Through your thoughts, I heard the phone call and decided to stay out of the way and let you have your reunion with Claire. When she appeared, I instantly felt a connection with her, not as I have with you, but closer to what I had with Kaya or Quaile. When she began thinking of what she had gone through during your absence, the power of it flooded my mind. I did not mean to relay those images to you. Her emotions were so strong that I projected her thoughts without realizing what I was doing. I apologize.”

  “No, I’m glad you did. I needed to know what I put her through so I could truly ask her to forgive me. I was a fool for leaving her.”

  Talon nodded, satisfied with his confession.

  “He’s beautiful,” Claire said.

  She didn’t seem to have heard any part of my conversation with Talon, just as Kaya and Quaile, both shamans, could not. It made me wonder about Claire’s future role in our Tewa Indian tribe.

  Claire stood and faced me. “Well, where are we heading?”

  My first reaction was to tell her that we were not going anywhere, that she should turn right back around and go home, but her firm stance and my earlier promise forced me to bite my tongue, literally. I clamped down on the soft issue until my protective instinct died down and I could speak to Claire rationally. “To be honest, I don’t really know. I’m following the link. I can feel her through the Twin Soul bond.”

  Claire blanched at the mention of the bond. She was afraid and so was I. “Where is the bond leading you?” she asked.

  “North. Since I left San Juan I’ve been pulled almost directly north.”

  “Is she okay?”

  The concern in Claire’s voice was sincere. This mystery woman was the only thing standing in the way of Claire and I finally getting to enjoy our happily ever after, and Claire was concerned about her wellbeing. I couldn’t believe how wonderful she was. “She’s alright for now,” I told her. “I think she’ll be fine as long as the Matwau knows I’m coming for her.”

  “How will the Matwau know whether or not you’re coming?” Claire asked.

  “He can feel me because of the bond. He may have even been able to feel me before that, but I’m not sure. He’ll know I’m coming, though. I am sure of that.” Claire shivered at the mention of me sharing any kind of connection with an evil beast created by the dark gods. I pulled her close to me again and stroked her hair. “It’ll be okay, Claire.” She only sighed and tucked her head closer against my chest.

  “Uriah, we should be moving,” Talon said.

  “Of course.”

  Gently, I lifted Claire away from my body. “We need to get on the road again.”

  Claire nodded, biting her lower lip at the same time. I knew that habit well. She was worried, but she would continue on. Claire was not one to be deterred by any type of obstacle, big or small.

  “Do you want to follow me?” I asked her.

  Claire started shaking her head. “No way. The truck is perfectly capable of hauling your bike and Talon. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

  “That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Talon said. He was tired of running along the road beside me. I wasn’t against the idea either.

  3: Weakness

  Claire’s body was warm against mine. The heat was distracting, but welcome. I had missed her touch so badly over the past four days. I’d loaded the motorcycle and watched Talon jump into the truck bed, happy for the chance to be next to Claire. However, not being able to stay focused on the road made me question the wisdom of my decision.

  More than willing to let me drive, Claire had handed over the keys and slid into cab. I drove down the highway with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand clasping hers. I wasn’t sure whether it was her tight grip or mine that had caused my fingertips to go numb, but neither of us was willing to let go. I knew the glimpses Talon had given me of Claire’s pain were only that, glimpses. I wondered if I could even bear to hear the rest of her pain.

  Claire’s voice rescued me from such thoughts.

  “Who’s Kaya?” she asked.

  “Kaya? Where did you hear about her?”

  “The voicemail message on the cell phone. The greeting said the phone belonged to Kaya.”

  Claire’s voice held only the slightest hint of jealousy. I could hardly blame her. “Kaya is the Shaman in Hano, Arizona. She helped me find the Shaxoa who knew how to make the potion to sever the Twin Soul bond,” I said.

  Claire nodded. “I can’t imagine Quaile ever helping somebody get in touch with Zarafen. I thought all shaman and Shaxoa hated each other.”

  “Well, Kaya and Samantha, that’s the Shaxoa, are a little different than your typical shaman and Shaxoa. They’re sisters.”

  Suddenly I knew exactly what my face looked like when Kaya revealed the same thing to me, because the matching expression was plastered across Claire’s face. I smiled and let out a laugh.

  “Sisters, really?” Claire asked. “I wouldn’t have imagined that was even possible.”

  “They’re two very interesting women. You would like them,” I said. “In fact they’re dying to meet you.”

  “Me? Why?”

  I finally released Claire’s hand and slipped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. “They want to meet ‘the girl that would make me risk so much.’ Their words exactly. They probably feel like they already know you after everything I told them about you.”

  “What did you tell them?” Claire asked. The smile on her lips was soft and timid, as if she needed to be reminded of my feelings for her after what she had been through. I was happy to oblige.

  “I told them everything that happened after Quaile told us we weren’t Twin Souls and couldn’t be married, but more importantly, I told them how much I loved you. I told them about how I used to watch you at school and hope you would come over and talk to me. I told them about the day you tricked Jonny into driving to the river because you knew I’d be there to he
lp you get away from him, and how that day changed the rest of my life.

  “I told them how kind you are, and how you make me laugh and try new things. I told them how strong you are. You never let anyone tell you what to do, and how you always do the right thing no matter what anyone else thinks. Basically, I told Kaya and Samantha that you are the most amazing person I have ever met, and that I could not imagine my life without you.”

  Claire had been soaking up the reminders, her eyes closed with a pleasant smile on her rose tinted lips, until the last sentence. Suddenly her smile turned into a deep frown. Tears began to sparkle in her eyes, the eyes I loved to look into and try to see myself as she saw me. A tear slid down her cheek just before she ducked her head and turned into my chest. I hugged her to my body and stroked her hair.

  “Claire, what’s wrong? Did I say something to upset you?”

  Claire sniffed, but didn’t look up. Her voice came out muffled against my rumpled shirt. “I know what you almost did,” she whispered.

  “What I almost did? What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “After Daniel woke me up, you said goodbye and left. You were leaving for good, and I don’t mean moving to another state. You were going to…” Claire sobbed into my shirt, struggling to finish her thought. “You were going to let the Matwau kill you.” Then she cried in earnest.

  My heart broke. I had never kept secrets from Claire before all of this started, but that was one decision I had planned to take with me to my deathbed. “How did you find out?” I asked. My anger against Quaile spiked once again. She was the only one who had known. There seemed to be no end to her treachery.

  Claire pulled her head away from me and faced me, tearstained. “Your mom told me. She didn’t know exactly what you were planning, but after Cole told me about what happened on the trip to get Daniel I had a pretty good idea about what you would have done.” Claire took a deep breath and steadied herself before continuing. “Can you ever forgive me?”