Ashes & Embers Series Collection (Books 1 to 4)

by Carian Cole

  She wipes her finger beneath her eye, smearing her eyeliner in the process. "You're not an asshole. You're entitled to your own thoughts. I'm sorry I don't have the bang factor, or whatever you called it."

  "Come on… that's just shit guys say when we talk about women."

  "Either way, I'm pretty certain I'm never gonna live up to that. So I'm not sure where that leaves me."

  "Well…" I begin, struggling for some kind of right words. "Maybe that's a good thing. The bang factor is just like wham-bam." I reach out and pet Pixie, my fingers lightly brushing over Asia's hand that is resting on the cat's back. "Something tells me you've got way more to offer than just something to bust a nut in."

  Her eyes widen and her lip curls up a little bit. "Bust a nut?" The words sound so much worse coming out of her mouth.

  "I guess I'm not making this any better, am I?"

  "I can see that you're trying, so at least the effort is there, but your choice of words leaves a little bit to be desired."

  "I was trying to say I think you'd be more than just a quick fuck."

  As she shakes her head slowly from side to side, an awkward smile creeps across her face. "Let's quit while we're ahead. I think I get what you're trying to say."

  "Good idea. So, Dr. Hollister got on my case about the bed thing, too."

  "Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't have the bang factor, then. It makes me feel safer sleeping in the same bed with you not having to worry about waking up with your dick poking at me."

  Goddamn. Her snarky comment literally gave me a hard-on. First time that's ever happened to me.

  "I can't make any promises about that," I admit, winking at her. "Sometimes it's got a mind of its own."

  With a little pout on her face, she nudges my leg with her foot. "You're kinda hard to stay mad at, ya know."

  "I hear that a lot, actually."

  "You can't keep using it to win every fight."

  "Neither can you. Those eyes really get to me."

  "Really?" She bats her lashes at me. "I didn't know that."

  "Now ya do. So stop it."

  My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket to see I've got an email from the Realtor. Scanning it quickly, I read that she's got five houses for us to view tomorrow.

  "Good news. The Realtor has a bunch of houses for us to check out tomorrow."

  "Wow…so soon? That's like…tomorrow."

  "Yeah, I'm stoked." I type a reply to Sandra to tell her we'll meet her at eight a.m. "We're gonna meet her in the morning, but first let's stop at my condo and get my other car. I think you've had enough of the truck."

  "All right. That sounds good. Are the houses near where either one of us lives now?"

  "Not too far," I respond, browsing through the listings. "A few are kinda near the city and the rest are in smaller, woodsy towns. I kinda want to move away from the city. What about you?"

  She nods slowly. "I never really thought about it much, but I would really like to live in one of those little, typically quaint New England towns. Woodsy, like you said. Something with a nice porch would be amazing."

  "A porch, huh?" I see two of the houses we're checking tomorrow have porches. Whew. I should have asked Asia what kind of house she would like before I contacted Sandra this morning. It's going to be hard remembering that I have someone else to consider now when I do things, as I'm used to making all decisions by only thinking about myself and what I want.

  "I've always wanted a porch with a swing," she adds.

  "A porch and a swing?" I sigh heavily, pretending to be annoyed. "I guess we can make that happen."

  "Really? That would definitely make me like you a little more."

  I stand up and smile down at her while shoving my phone back in my pocket. "I might just get two swings, then, jelly bean." I reach my hand out to her. "Can we be friends again? I don't like you and the princess sitting out here plotting against me."

  She takes my hand and I pull her up to her feet. "I guess if you're getting me the porch and swing, I can forgive you."

  I put my arms around her before she can walk away again. "You kinda take off and pout a lot, don't you?"

  Embarrassment heats her face and she looks down at her feet. "Sometimes."

  "I think this might be the third time, and we've been together less than two days. I see a pattern starting."

  "I'm sorry… I don't cope well sometimes." The cat jumps from her arms that were squashed between us, and Asia quickly tries to squirm away too, but I tighten my embrace so she can't.

  "Not so fast. The cat can go but not you."

  She peers up at me with those big, pastel eyes. "It's not fair that you're so much stronger and bigger, ya know."

  "I'm going to refrain from making a sexual comment for once."

  "Impressive."

  "I'm trying to be serious. Isn't that what you asked for?"

  "Yes…"

  "Then stop it."

  "Geez—"

  "Shh." Damn, sometimes she doesn't shut up. "You can't just throw a tantrum and stomp off to pout every time you get upset. Okay? Talk to me when something's bugging you."

  "What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Talon, I eavesdropped on you and heard you say I was too cute to fuck'?"

  "Yeah, that works. Don't just go hide and then I gotta come find you. Or find out you're gone, like you tried to do at the hotel. I don't like that at all."

  "I'm sorry. I don't think I realized I was doing it that much."

  I lift my hand and push her long hair away from her face so I can see her better. "I'm a little worried that if I'm gone on tour, and you get some kind of bug up your ass about something, you're either gonna move out of the house while I'm gone, or not answer the phone when I call…things like that. That will seriously drive me crazy. I'd rather you just confronted me with whatever's bothering you."

  She leans her forehead against my chest for a moment and then looks up again. "Okay, you're right. I'll try not to do it. I definitely won't move out—I can promise you that. This is just hard, ya know? It hurts hearing that you don't like me in that way. That's not exactly what I was hoping for in a husband."

  "Do you think I liked hearing that you don't like the way I look? I have feelings too. I may joke and be sarcastic a lot, but I still was hoping that whoever I ended up with wouldn't be repulsed by me."

  Her hands clutch the scarf that's still draped around my neck. "I'm sorry." Her voice is soft, almost inaudible. "And I'm not repulsed by you."

  "You could prove it by giving me a kiss. Maybe." I move my hand to her chin and gently lift her head up. "You might actually like it."

  "Close your eyes," she says. "I can't do it if you're looking at me like that."

  "Are you twelve? Stop stalling and put your lips on me like you own me."

  I close my eyes and wait. A few seconds go by and I feel her go up on her tiptoes. Her lips touch mine quickly, then they're gone.

  My eyes fly open. "What the hell was that?"

  "A kiss."

  I laugh in her face. "That was not a kiss."

  "Yeah, it was. Don't laugh at me."

  "That was supposed to prove to me that you're not repulsed by me? If anything that proves you are."

  "Talon, I am not. Not at all. I'm just kinda…shy, I guess. And not used to kissing on demand." Her eyes lower again, like she's afraid to make eye contact with me for too long.

  And then it hits me. It's not that she's not attracted to me. It’s that she's too attracted to me and it's freaking her out. She's a jittery, nervous mess around me.

  This changes everything.

  This, I can have even more fun with.

  "SO, what do you want to do now?" I ask her as we're strolling back to the guesthouse after having dinner with Gram.

  "Hmmm…" She ponders. "Anything?"

  "Sure. If you wanna go someplace, I'll take you."

  "Do you promise not to laugh at me?"

  "No, I'll probably laugh at you, but I'll still do
whatever you want to do."

  "Fair enough. I want to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie, and eat popcorn."

  I stop walking. "That's what you want to do?"

  Shrugging a little, she grabs my hand and tugs me to keep walking. "Yeah. It's actually something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but it sucks to watch movies alone."

  "Ya know what? That's something I haven’t done since I was in high school. So you're on."

  "Are you kidding me?"

  I open the front door of the guesthouse and let her go in before me. "Nope, I can honestly say I haven't hung out on the couch and watched a movie with a chick since I was about sixteen."

  "Wow. What did you do with your exes then?"

  The past ten years flash through my brain, and none of it seems like something I should share with my new wife if I plan to keep her. "You really don't want to hear all that, babe."

  "Yeah, no. I don't want to hear gory details, but I'm really curious. How did you spend your time?"

  I head into the kitchen to see if I can find some microwaveable popcorn. Gram keeps this place pretty stocked since there is usually someone staying here several days per month. "Um…drink, sometimes some recreational drugs, went to some clubs, and sex. That's about it."

  She opens a cabinet and pulls out a box. "Look! Popcorn!"

  "Awesome."

  "And that stuff really doesn't sound like much fun. No offense."

  "It was at the time, but I guess I outgrew it and started to want more. Which is why I signed up to do this."

  "This with me?"

  "This with whoever who ended up to be you."

  "Is it disappointing? So far?" she asks, opening up the popcorn box and taking a pack out.

  "Disappointing is not the word I would I use. Would you?"

  "Not exactly."

  She heats up the popcorn in the microwave while I hunt for a bowl. "I think my Gram is right, though. We should stop focusing on what we were expecting and didn't get and just focus on us."

  "You're right. She's right. If we keep dwelling on it, we're going to waste the time we have together causing damage and not getting to know each other."

  The microwave beeps and I take out the puffed-up bag and dump it in the bowl, afraid she might burn herself if she does it. She grabs the bowl and skips to the living room with the cat chasing her.

  "Come on! We have to find a movie before it gets cold!"

  I follow her to the couch, enjoying seeing this happier side of her. I guess I'll have to be sure to give her popcorn more often if this is the effect it has on her.

  "Here." She hands me the remote control. "I'm not good with all those buttons, so you find us a movie."

  I lean back and bring up the movie guide on the TV. "Is porn okay?" I ask casually.

  She throws a piece of popcorn at me and I catch it in my mouth. "No porn, mister. And nice catch."

  "Thanks. I have lots of oral talents to show you."

  "I'll keep that in mind. How about a good comedy or a mystery?"

  I pick a movie from the on demand service and hit play, then kick off my shoes to get comfortable while she's sitting on the other end of the L-shaped couch with a throw blanket over her.

  "What?" she asks, catching me looking at her. "Popcorn?" She holds the bowl out to me.

  "No, you said you wanted to cuddle on the couch."

  "I did. And I am."

  "You can't cuddle yourself."

  She blinks at me, midchew.

  "Get over here, then." I snap my fingers and motion for her to come closer.

  "What?"

  "Get over here and do it right."

  She scoots over until she's about a foot away from me. "Better?" she asks.

  I pull her closer. "Stop acting like I'm contagious or something."

  "Sorry. I didn't know if you wanted me on top of you."

  Raising an eyebrow at her, I reach into the bowl and take a handful of popcorn. "I can't wait to get you on top of me, baby. Anytime you're ready, just hop on."

  "Everything with you goes back to sex. You're like that Kevin Bacon movie game."

  "No idea what that is, babe. I'm just trying to enjoy a movie with a chick properly."

  A smile lights up her face. "Am I really your first real movie date?"

  "You are. You're my first wife too. I see why you wanted to skip the dating part of a relationship. You're not very good at it from what I can see."

  "Look who's talking."

  I put the popcorn bowl on the coffee table and stretch my legs out across the couch, pulling her so she's half lying on top of me. She rests her head on my chest and turns so she can still watch the movie, and after a few minutes, her hand slowly creeps from my wrist up to my bicep. "I guess these don't wash off?" she muses, tracing my tattoos.

  "Nope."

  "They're kinda cool close up. There's so much more detail than I noticed before." Her hand travels farther, pushing the fabric of my T-shirt up so she can inspect my shoulder, and I like how it feels to have her touching me so softly, her fingertips delicately gliding over the designs.

  "Thanks. I saw you have that little one on your shoulder. What is that, a comma?"

  "It's a semicolon."

  "It's cute."

  Her hand stops moving. "It's not supposed to be cute."

  "Okay…sorry."

  Her body tenses up and a sad quietness overcomes her that's thick like fog. Her eyes stay on the TV, but I can tell she's not really watching it and is somewhere else in her mind. I'm assuming it's got something to do with that tiny mark gracing her shoulder. I can fully respect that, though. Lots of ink has a special meaning to people that may also be attached to not-so-good memories, like the one I have on my leg of a tiny teddy bear in memory of my five-year-old niece who passed away. I like knowing it’s there, but I don’t want to tell people what it means to me because it dredges up too many sad memories.

  I relax into the couch and wrap my arm around her, slowly rubbing her back as we watch the movie. She snuggles deeper into me, pulling the blanket up over us, while the cat sleeps on the top of the couch above our heads. The feeling of closeness is so foreign to me, having a woman's body entwined with mine, touching but not touching, fully clothed but still so warm and close. It feels nice, to know she’s not waiting for me to start doing a sexual performance on her based on rumors she’s heard about me. I can just relax and touch her however I want, with no expectations. It’s equally as nice that she seems content just lying in my arms and doesn’t feel like she has to prove something to me by gobbling on my dick.

  I could possibly like this.

  14

  ASIA

  "HEY…" His voice rouses me awake and I blink, hearing the thump, thump of his heart beneath my head resting against his muscular chest. As I sit up, his hand slowly slides down to the small of my back and rests there.

  "You kinda did the whole movie thing wrong," he teases. "It helps if your eyes stay open."

  Eek. So embarrassing. "I'm so sorry I fell asleep."

  "It's okay. I may have dozed off a little too."

  "I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks. Worried and excited about the wedding and all."

  He yawns and stretches his arms out. "I guess we should go to bed. I told the Realtor we'd meet her at eight."

  "Yikes. I'm not good at mornings."

  "Yeah, me neither. We'll get coffee. You drink coffee?"

  "Yes. With soy."

  "Hmm. I'll let you order your own 'cuz I'm bound to screw that up the first few times."

  While he brings the popcorn bowl to the kitchen, I fold up the blanket, apprehension buzzing through me about getting into bed with him. Lying with him on the couch during the movie was really nice, but moving into an actual bed is freaking me out a little.

  "You coming?" he asks from the doorway.

  I swallow hard. "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. I just have to brush my teeth."

  "All right. If you need anything, just
hunt around the bathroom or yell if you can't find it. I won't be much help, but yell anyway."

  I nod and flick off the television. "Okay. Thanks."

  As I stare at my reflection in the mirror while brushing my teeth, the puppyfuck comment floats through my head.

  Un-put-together.

  Puppyfuck.

  Charity case.

  I'll take sticks and stones any day over these words. Words do hurt. They echo in your mind, then bounce off your brain before falling down the hole into your heart to slowly leak into your gut, eating at you slowly over time.

  Bug-eyes.

  Ghettogirl.

  Trailer trash.

  Those childhood names cut deep, and these new ones aren't much better.

  My shiny sparkle.

  I try to focus on Kat's nickname for me, which is the only nice, affectionate nickname I've ever had.

  "You okay in there, jelly bean?" His finger taps on the door.

  A small smile touches my lips. Well, up until yesterday. Now I have a new nickname, and I kind of like it.

  "I'll be right out," I say around my toothpaste-rabid mouth.

  I rinse and spit then brush my hair. What am I supposed to wear? What the hell do you wear to bed with your new, stranger husband when you want him to be attracted to you but you don't want to lead him on?

  I go out in the hall and tiptoe down to the guest room where my suitcase is.

  "Wrong room!" he yells from the master bedroom.

  "I'll be right there!" I yell back, giggling.

  I dig through my suitcase and pull out a pink tank top and a pair of black boy shorts. These should do. Comfy and cute with a dash of sorta sexy…but not slutty.

  I think.

  "Christ, it's almost morning. What have you been doing?" He groans when I enter the dark room. There's a nightlight on in the corner, throwing a bluish glow onto the bed, which he's already in, the sheet and comforter pulled up to his waist. All I can see is muscle and ink on his upper torso against the white sheets.

  "Asia."

  "Hmm?" I chew my lip as I stand next to the bed. Damn Dr. Hollister! This is so freaking awkward.

  "Get in here."

  "Are you naked?"

  "I can be."

  "Talon! No."

  "I have boxers on. Jesus, what’s wrong with you?"