Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  Determined not to let him think that he was winning her over, Skye shook her head.

  ‘Oh, well, all the more for me.’ Col grinned. ‘Last one to finish usually clears up, by the way. But I’ll let you off, seeing as it’s your first day.’

  Skye stood up without answering and headed for the door.

  ‘Going back to your room?’ Col asked. ‘I’ll pop up when I’ve finished down here; tell you about some of the activities we’ve got lined up for next week. I’m sure there’ll be something we can tempt you with.’

  Skye pulled a face and carried on walking. He was one of the most cheerful people she’d ever met, and she had a sneaking suspicion that she might have quite liked him if they had met under different circumstances. But she had no intention of getting involved in any of his stupid activities and she hoped he wasn’t going to keep trying to gee her up, because she just wanted to be left alone.

  Back in her room, she lay on the bed and stared at the stains on the underside of the mattress above until her eyes drifted shut.

  Waking with a start some time later at the sound of raised voices in the corridor outside, Skye crept over to the door and pressed her ear against the wood in time to hear Lucy blast Nadine for having left the grounds without permission.

  ‘I’m getting seriously fed up with your lack of regard for the rules,’ the woman was saying. ‘I don’t know how many times I’ve warned you, but if you think you can carry on doing as you please without any consequences, you’d best think again.’

  ‘What you gonna do, put me on the naughty step?’ Nadine shot back insolently.

  ‘No, I’ll make arrangements for you to be moved to a different facility,’ said Lucy. ‘See how you get along without your little lapdogs egging you on and making you feel like some kind of big shot.’

  ‘Are you calling my mates dogs?’ Nadine demanded sarcastically. ‘I can get you kicked out for that.’

  ‘Go ahead and report me, then,’ Lucy challenged. ‘But I can assure you that the only one who’ll be leaving is you. Now lose the attitude and get yourself down to dinner. And you lot can get moving, too,’ she added sharply, obviously talking to Nadine’s friends. ‘And that goes for anybody else who’s still up here,’ she yelled then, banging on Skye’s door.

  Almost jumping out of her skin, Skye hugged herself and waited for a few minutes to make sure that the corridor was clear before reluctantly opening her door. She wasn’t hungry, but she had no doubt that Lucy would only come and drag her downstairs if she didn’t go of her own accord.

  Nadine and the others had already been served and were seated at the table when Skye walked into the dining room. She pretended not to notice them as she made her way to the hatch. She had already been wary of Nadine but she was even more so now, because she figured the girl had to be really tough to disobey the rules and argue with that battleaxe Lucy.

  When she’d been served, Skye carried her plate to the other end of the table and sat with the younger kids. She ate slowly in the hope that Nadine’s lot would finish quickly and go about their business. But they had obviously guessed what she was up to and her stomach churned as, one by one, all the other kids left the table, leaving just her and Nadine’s crew.

  Ten agonising minutes dragged by. But just as Skye was wondering how she was ever going to get out of there in one piece, Lucy popped her head around the door and asked, ‘What’s taking you girls so long?’

  ‘Keep your hair on,’ Nadine drawled, flashing Skye a sly grin as she pushed her chair back and stood up. ‘We were just going.’

  As Lucy shook her head and went about her business, Simone and Maz followed Nadine’s lead and stood up. But when Jackie also went to rise, Nadine shoved her back down, saying, ‘Where d’you think you’re going? It’s your turn to do the dishes.’

  ‘But she’s still here.’ Jackie nodded towards Skye.

  ‘Who?’ Nadine looked around. ‘I can’t see no one; you must be imagining things.’ She slapped Jackie on the back of the head, and then, laughing, linked arms with the others and strolled out.

  Skye glanced at Jackie from beneath her lashes, and felt sorry for the girl when she saw that her cheeks were scarlet with embarrassment. She’d already sensed that this one wasn’t quite as nasty as the others, and didn’t understand why Jackie hung around with them when they were so mean to her.

  ‘Do you want me to help?’ she offered when Jackie started gathering the empty plates from around the table.

  Jackie shook her head.

  ‘I don’t mind,’ Skye persisted, hoping that it would break the ice and she’d have someone to talk to while she was here.

  ‘I said no,’ Jackie hissed, scowling at her as she snatched her plate. ‘And don’t talk to me again, ’cos I don’t want to know you.’

  Skye was offended, but she knew when she wasn’t wanted so she got up and left Jackie to it. Relieved to see that Nadine and the others weren’t waiting for her in the hall, she dashed up the stairs, desperate for the solitude of her room.

  5

  Skye stayed out of everyone’s way for the rest of the weekend, only venturing out of her room when she absolutely had to, to eat or to use the bathroom. Thanks to the uncomfortable mattress and the paper-thin walls through which she could hear everything that was going on in the adjoining rooms, she had barely slept and was exhausted by the time Monday morning came around.

  It was Skye’s birthday, but she didn’t feel the slightest bit excited as she lay there listening to the other kids arguing in the corridor about whose turn it was to use the bathroom. According to Val, her dad knew she was here, but he never remembered her birthday when she was at home so it would be a miracle if he’d sent her a card. And she doubted that anyone here would even know.

  Her suspicions were confirmed when Lucy marched into her room a few minutes later without so much as a smile, never mind a Happy Birthday greeting. She pushed herself up onto her elbows when the woman dropped a pile of clothes onto the end of her bed, and asked, ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Your uniform,’ said Lucy, tugging the thin curtains open. ‘You’ll get a new one when money starts coming through for you, but this will have to do for now.’ She turned now, and raised her eyebrows when she saw the look of disgust on Skye’s face. ‘Problem?’

  ‘It’s the wrong colour,’ Skye protested. ‘We wear red at my school, not green.’

  ‘You’ll be going to the local comp with everyone else while you’re here,’ Lucy told her. ‘The minibus takes you in but you all walk back together, so make sure you meet up with the others at the front gate at home-time. And don’t be late, or everyone will be grounded for a week,’ she warned as she headed back out into the corridor. ‘And that won’t make you very popular.’

  Skye pulled the thin quilt over her head when Lucy had gone and released a silent scream. She hated the bitch with a passion – and hated even more the fact that she was being forced to go to a new school. The thought of seeing her friends again was one of the only things that had kept her going over this weekend, and she had been toying with the idea of skipping out at lunchtime to pay Hayley a quick visit. But that was out of the question now; and she couldn’t even call or message her, because they weren’t allowed to use phones or the internet here.

  ‘Help me,’ she whispered, pressing her angel to her lips. ‘I’ll do anything, just please, please, please get me out of here.’

  Skye lay there for a few minutes more, praying for some kind of sign that her plea was about to be answered. Dismayed but not really surprised when nothing happened, she got up reluctantly and, not caring if the clothes she snatched off the pile fitted her, got dressed and made her way downstairs.

  Nadine and the others had already claimed the back seat of the minibus when Skye climbed aboard after breakfast, and she could feel them staring at the back of her head when she took a seat up front. Apart from her little run-in with Jackie in the dining room, none of them had spoken directly to her in days, but she suspe
cted they were just biding their time; waiting for an excuse to have another go at her. The tension was unbearable but she forced herself to gaze calmly out of the window, determined not to let Nadine see that she was getting to her.

  When the minibus pulled up outside the school gates ten minutes later, Skye’s mood took yet another dip. Her old school had been surrounded by houses and greenery, but this place looked as cold and faceless as the home; and the kids who were hanging around outside the gates looked so rough that Skye doubted whether even Janet Hampson would dare to try it on with them.

  That first impression carried through into the classroom, where Skye was greeted by dirty looks and whispers from her fellow pupils.

  ‘Who’s that tramp?’ she heard one of them say as she took the seat the teacher had directed her to at the front of the class. ‘Dunno,’ said another. ‘But it best stay away from me, ’cos I can smell it from here; scruffy bastard.’

  Skye wanted to shrivel up and die when she heard this. She had stubbornly refused to take a bath since arriving at the home, resentful at being ordered to by Lucy. She also hadn’t washed her hair, and the disgusting green jumper made her skin look sallow and unhealthy. But it hadn’t even occurred to her that she might smell bad, and the shame at hearing that she did was overwhelming.

  The teacher compounded her misery when, after taking the register, she announced that Skye was from the children’s home and asked everyone to make her feel welcome – a plea that was guaranteed to have the exact opposite effect, as Skye soon found out. The only ray of light in the whole horrible experience was finding out that she was in the year below Nadine and the others and so wouldn’t have to share any of their classes.

  The first four lessons were single sessions, and Skye struggled to navigate her way around the unfamiliar building without help after the two girls she had asked for directions told her to get lost, and the teacher she approached almost bit her head off for wandering around when everybody else was already in class.

  The stress of being treated like a leper and having to constantly look over her shoulder in case Nadine caught up with her brought on a headache. It got worse and worse as the afternoon wore on, and by the time her last lesson came around Skye felt so rough that she couldn’t concentrate on a word the teacher was saying – which didn’t go unnoticed.

  ‘Are you paying attention?’ the teacher barked, marching up to Skye’s desk and slamming a hand down on it. ‘I asked you to tell me the square root of sixteen.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Skye mumbled, blushing with humiliation when she heard sniggers from the kids who were sitting behind her.

  ‘What do you mean, you don’t know?’ The teacher scowled. ‘Are you some kind of simpleton?’

  The sniggers changed to outright laughter at this, and Skye couldn’t take any more.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ the teacher yelled when the girl jumped up from her seat and rushed towards the door. ‘The bell hasn’t gone yet. Get back here this instant!’

  Skye ignored her and ran out into the corridor and on down to the girls’ toilets. But just as she reached out to push the door, it was pulled open from the other side and her heart lurched painfully when she found herself face to face with Jackie. Terrified that Nadine and the others might be right behind, she stepped back and glanced around in search of someone who could help if they tried to do anything.

  Jackie felt immediately guilty when she saw the fear in Skye’s eyes. She hadn’t seen much of her during the weekend and had felt bad about biting her head off when she’d offered to help clear the dishes that day. But she’d had no choice, because Nadine would have made her life hell if she’d thought that Jackie was being nice to the girl. Still, Skye wasn’t to know that, and Jackie couldn’t help but feel sorry for her now because she clearly wasn’t coping very well. It was traumatic to be taken away from your family against your will, and that pain never went away – no matter how many times people told you that it would. But it was so much harder to deal with when you had bitches like Nadine, Simone and Maz to contend with.

  Her conscience pricking sharply, Jackie glanced around to make sure that no one was around before jerking her chin up at Skye. ‘Come in here a minute.’

  Afraid that it might be a set-up, Skye shook her head.

  ‘Please,’ Jackie hissed. ‘I need to tell you something.’

  ‘Tell me now,’ Skye said, staying put.

  ‘Not out there. Someone might see us.’

  ‘Promise they’re not in there?’

  ‘Honest to God.’ Jackie made the sign of the cross on her chest with her finger. Then, flapping her hand to urge Skye to hurry up, she said, ‘Come on. I’m dead if they find out I’ve been talking to you.’

  Still nervous, but curious to hear what the other girl had to say, Skye hesitantly followed her into the toilets.

  ‘Nadine’s going to jump you on the way home,’ Jackie blurted out as soon as the door was shut. ‘They’ve been planning it all weekend. They’re gonna get you behind the old factory at the end of the road, then tell Col and Lucy that some girls at school were ganging up on you and they chased them off. They did it to me when I first got here,’ she went on, her cheeks reddening at the memory of the humiliation she’d suffered. ‘They said they’d cut my face with a Stanley knife if I told on them.’

  Skye’s legs had turned to jelly, and she leaned back against the door for support. ‘Why do you hang around with them if they did that to you?’

  ‘I’ve got no choice,’ Jackie replied miserably. ‘My aunt sends me money every month, and Nadine used to take it off me. But then Lucy got suspicious so she started making out like we were mates. And I had to play along and act like I was okay about sharing it with them, or they’d have killed me.’

  Skye was still uncertain, and it showed in her eyes. Jackie saw it, and tutted. ‘Look, it’s up to you if you don’t believe me, but just don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  Shocked when the girl pushed past her and rushed back out into the corridor, Skye stepped out and watched as she ran back to her classroom. Now she believed her, and the feeling of dread that had been hanging over her all day intensified a thousand-fold.

  Now that she knew what the gang were planning there was no way she was going to meet up with the others at the front gates as Lucy had directed her to. She also couldn’t make her own way back to the home, because she had no idea how to get there. And she definitely couldn’t ask the teachers for help, because they’d be bound to question Nadine – who would then not only know that Skye had grassed her up but that Jackie had betrayed her, too.

  Aware that she had little time to act before school ended, Skye made a snap decision and walked quickly down the corridor in the opposite direction from her classroom. She’d left her blazer hanging over the back of her chair, but she didn’t care about that. She just needed to get out of there.

  The kids from the home gathered at the front gates after the bell went, but as the minutes ticked by with no sign of the new girl they began to get edgy.

  ‘What if she’s sussed what’s going down and blabbed?’ said Maz.

  ‘She doesn’t know anything,’ Nadine said with confidence. ‘The thick bitch is probably lost. She’ll be here in a minute.’

  ‘Well, she’d best get a fuckin’ move on,’ Maz said, cracking her knuckles as she peered around in search of their prey. ‘If I get grounded because of her, she’s really gonna get it.’

  ‘You can wait your turn.’ Nadine grinned slyly. ‘I get first dibs. You can have whatever’s left.’

  ‘Not a lot, then?’ Maz smirked.

  While her friends were talking, Simone had been watching Jackie and, suspicious of the way she was jiggling around as if she was nervous about something, she asked, ‘What’s up with you?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Jackie lied, folding her arms.

  ‘You sure about that?’ Simone stepped closer and stared down into her eyes. ‘You’re acting proper shifty, if you ask
me. What you shaking for?’

  ‘I’m cold,’ Jackie told her, fronting it out.

  Nadine noticed them having words and gave them a questioning look. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘It’s her.’ Simone nodded at Jackie. ‘She’s acting weird. I reckon she’s warned that bitch off, and that’s why she hasn’t come out yet.’

  ‘No, I haven’t!’ Jackie protested, her cheeks blazing with guilt. ‘I haven’t even seen her since this morning.’

  ‘You’d better not be lying!’ Nadine pushed past Simone and shoved Jackie up against the railings. ‘You know what’ll happen if I find out you’ve gone behind my back.’

  ‘I haven’t said anything, I swear!’ cried Jackie. ‘Like you said, she doesn’t know her way around yet so she’s probably just lost.’

  Nadine stared down into Jackie’s eyes for several long moments. It did seem a bit suspicious that the new girl hadn’t turned up yet, and Jackie was decidedly nervous about something. But would she really have the guts to betray the gang? Nadine doubted it somehow.

  ‘Right, we’re gonna have to leave it for today,’ she said. ‘But if I find out this is down to you …’ She left the sentence hanging and gave Jackie a fierce look before walking away.

  Jackie cast a worried glance back at the school before following. She had regretted her decision to warn Skye as soon as she’d done it, and had been praying that the girl hadn’t gone straight to a teacher to tell on them. If she had, there would be hell to pay when they got back to the home. But the real punishment would come tonight, after lights out.

  Skye had no idea where she was going after she’d squeezed her way out through the fence at the back of the school. But she kept her head down and walked quickly on down the road, desperate to put as much distance between herself and Nadine as possible.

  The further she went, the more run-down the area became, and her stomach twisted into a huge knot as she passed row after row of scruffy houses and boarded-up shops. Just like the children’s home, every building she passed seemed to have razor wire protecting its entry points; and the people who were hanging around on the street corners looked shifty and dangerous.