Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Who wants to know?’ Jeff grunted, all set to send her away with a flea in her ear if she turned out to be another nosy social worker.

  ‘I’m Kathy Simms,’ she told him. ‘Hayley’s mum.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Jeff felt guilty for having been so snappy. ‘Sorry, my head’s all over the place at the moment.’

  ‘I can imagine,’ Kathy said sympathetically. ‘It’s a terrible business; you must be so worried.’

  ‘Just a bit.’ Jeff sighed. ‘So, what can I do for you, Kathy?’

  ‘I promised Hayley I’d come round. She’s not very well at the moment, and she’s been fretting about Skye, so I thought it might cheer her up if there was news. But I’m guessing there hasn’t been any?’

  ‘Not yet, no.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Kathy gazed up at him with genuine concern in her eyes. ‘I can’t begin to imagine how hard this must be for you.’

  Jeff gave a tight smile and cast a surreptitious glance at his watch. It was kind of her to call round but he wished she’d hurry up, because time was running out fast and he still had tons to do.

  ‘Hayley was so upset when she got ill again just before Skye’s birthday,’ Kathy was saying now. ‘She’d already bought her present, but she thought she wouldn’t be able to give it to her, so she was made up when Skye called round last Friday.’ She smiled fondly now, and said, ‘It was only a cheap little necklace, but Skye seemed to like it.’

  Jeff gave her a blank look. He didn’t know anything about a necklace, but he was more bothered to think that he might have missed Skye’s birthday. He couldn’t for the life of him remember its date but he wasn’t about to admit that to this woman and have her thinking he didn’t care about his daughter.

  Embarrassed when she remembered that Skye had received the gift immediately before finding him that day, Kathy said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, you probably didn’t see it. It was just a little angel, nothing special. Hayley told her to wish on it whenever she feels low and it will lift her back up. Daft, I know, but that’s girls for you.’ She stopped talking at last and gave Jeff an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry. You’ve got enough on your plate without me going on.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ Jeff assured her. ‘But I am kind of in the middle of something, so I should really get back to it.’

  ‘Oh, of course, sorry,’ Kathy apologised again. She turned to leave, but then hesitated and turned back. ‘Before I go, can I just say that I know Skye, and she’s a sensible girl, so I’m sure she’ll turn up safe and sound.’

  ‘I hope so,’ Jeff murmured. ‘Thanks again for coming round, love. And I hope Hayley gets better soon.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Kathy, smiling wanly. ‘Bye, then.’

  Jeff nodded goodbye and watched as she walked away. He’d written Hayley off as a posh kid when he had met her that time, but her mum hadn’t struck him as being at all stuck-up. She just seemed like a genuinely nice, caring woman, and he was glad that Skye was mates with her daughter because God knew she needed at least one good female role model in her life.

  When Kathy had turned the corner, Jeff closed the door and made his way back up the stairs. In his bedroom he cast a thoughtful gaze at Andrea’s clothes still hanging in the wardrobe. He had been so pissed off with her for landing him in this mess that he had contemplated leaving her stuff behind for the landlord to dispose of. But as he looked at her dresses and blouses now, he knew he couldn’t do it. She was a nightmare, but they had worked their way through some pretty tough times in the past and he was sure they could get through this, too.

  He would just make damn sure that Andrea couldn’t get her hands on any more knives when she came home. And it would be a long time before he trusted her enough to turn his back on her again.

  Reaching a decision, he lifted Andrea’s clothes out of the wardrobe and laid them inside a box. If he got cracking, he reckoned he could have most of it done by morning. He would then have to throw himself on Alan Ford’s mercy and ask if he could leave the boxes here until he’d found a new place, because there was no way he could lug everything around the streets by hand. And if Jeff had to swallow his pride and beg the smug bastard on his knees, so be it. He just hoped he found somewhere fast, because he needed to get everything sorted before Andrea and Skye came home.

  9

  ‘No, don’t!’ Skye gasped, struggling to push the man off. His breath was hot on her neck, and the stench of sweat was suffocating. ‘I can’t breathe! Stop it! Please!’

  She woke with a start, and a little whimper of fear escaped her lips as the pitch darkness weighed down on her. She was alone, but as her vision began to sharpen and silhouetted shapes came into focus she knew that something wasn’t quite right. Everything was in a different place. No, not just that. It was different furniture. In a different room.

  Terrified when the door creaked open slowly, she pushed herself up the bed with her heels until her back struck the metal bedstead. As dim light from the landing began to creep in, she saw Tom in the doorway and cried out with relief.

  ‘Hey,’ he crooned, rushing to the bed when she burst into tears and taking her in his arms. ‘What’s all this?’

  ‘I didn’t know where I was,’ Skye sobbed, clinging to him. ‘I thought – I thought a m-man …’

  ‘Ssshhh.’ Tom stroked her hair as she gulped back her tears. ‘It was just a nightmare, but you’re safe now. I’m here.’

  Glad of his presence, Skye stayed in his arms until the fear had subsided. Then, easing herself free, she wiped her eyes and asked, ‘Is this your room?’

  ‘Yeah. It seemed a bit daft, you sleeping in there after we …’ Tom trailed off and smiled as he looped a lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘I wasn’t sure you liked me at first, but you do, don’t you?’

  Skye thought it was a strange thing to ask, but she did like him, so she nodded.

  ‘Good, because I liked you as soon as I saw you,’ he went on. ‘But I didn’t think I stood a chance, because you’re so pretty. Then, when you kissed me last night, I just knew it was meant to be.’

  Skye felt as if someone had just dripped ice water down her spine. She didn’t remember kissing him. Oh, God, what had she done? And why did she keep falling asleep and forgetting everything? Was she going crazy – like her mum?

  ‘Don’t worry, my beautiful princess,’ Tom was saying now. ‘Your mum and dad might not love you, but I do, and if anyone ever tries to hurt you again, I’ll kill them. You’re mine now, and we love each other.’

  Skye had started to tremble. He was talking as if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and something had obviously happened if he was saying that she had kissed him. But she couldn’t remember a thing after him giving her that brandy yesterday. Maybe she was an alcoholic? There had to be something wrong with her.

  As he gazed down at her, a flicker of a frown crossed Tom’s brow. ‘You’re not regretting it, are you?’

  Skye was more confused than she had ever been in her life before, and she felt guilty when she saw the uncertainty in his eyes. Her mum had always said that the truth came out in drink, so she guessed that she must like him even more than she’d thought she did. It was the only explanation, because she would never have thrown herself at him otherwise.

  ‘Have you changed your mind?’ Tom was peering deeply into her eyes.

  Skye bit her lip and shook her head. This all felt very, very weird, but she had to admit that it was kind of nice to know that Tom liked her so much.

  She stiffened when he raised her chin and lowered his face to hers, but she tried her hardest to relax when he whispered, ‘Don’t fight it – this is what being in love feels like.’

  She didn’t really enjoy the kiss. Tom’s lips were wet and sloppy, and she hated the feel and taste of his tongue poking around inside her mouth. But she closed her eyes and let him carry on, telling herself that it was different from the kisses she’d shared with boys in the past because they obviously hadn’t known how to do it properly.

 
Excited more by the thought that Tom saw her as a woman than by what he was doing to her, she didn’t resist when he fondled her breasts. But when he slipped his hand down between her legs, she winced and pulled back.

  ‘It’s okay,’ he whispered, pushing her down gently onto her back and climbing on top of her.

  ‘It’s sore,’ she cried, struggling to push him off as he unzipped his fly and pushed his knee between hers to part them. ‘Don’t, Tom! I don’t want to!’

  ‘That’s not what you said the first time.’ Tom’s voice was breathy in her ear. ‘Stop fighting, you’ll just make it harder. It’ll be easier this time, I promise.’

  Skye was crying by now, and she struggled with all her might to stop him from peeling her knickers down. But he was too strong, and she felt as if she was being ripped apart when he entered her roughly.

  ‘God, that feels good,’ he said hoarsely, pushing deeper.

  Skye squeezed her eyes shut and bit down hard on her lip as the tears rolled down her face and soaked the pillow. It hurt, a lot, but she couldn’t stop him so she had no option but to lie still and pray that he would hurry up and finish.

  Ten agonising minutes later, Tom’s body stiffened and he clamped his lips down hard on hers, almost choking her when he thrust his tongue deep into her mouth. Then, at last, he sighed and rolled onto his back.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asked, reaching out after a while and pulling her towards him.

  Still sniffling, Skye nodded and laid her head on his chest. Like the man in her nightmare, Tom smelled of stale sweat and cigarette smoke, but she was just glad that it was over and he was being nice to her again.

  ‘You’re so special,’ Tom murmured sleepily as he stroked her hair. ‘I just know we’re going to be together for ever.’

  Skye closed her eyes and listened as his heartbeat gradually began to slow to normal. She hadn’t liked the sex one little bit, but she didn’t dare risk upsetting Tom by telling him that. Now that the police were looking for her, and her mum and dad had turned against her, she had absolutely nowhere else to go if he kicked her out.

  Skye fell asleep in Tom’s arms, but she was alone when she woke up the next morning, and she was mortified to see dried blood on her thighs and the sheet. Desperate to wash away the shameful evidence of what she had done, she pushed the quilt off her legs and lowered her feet to the floor. But she hesitated when she saw the roses that Tom had bought her sitting in an old vase on the bedside table. A folded note was propped against it and, guessing that it was for her, she reached for it.

  Morning, Princess, it read. You look so beautiful sleeping I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but I’ve had to go to work. I’ll be home as soon as I can get away. Try not to miss me as much as I’m going to miss you. All my love, your Tom.

  He’d put ten kisses at the end, and had drawn a love-heart with an arrow through it. It was the most romantic thing Skye had ever seen, and it made her feel guilty for having tried to resist him last night. She’d thought that her mum and dad loved her, because that was how parents were supposed to feel about their children; but she had never felt as loved by them as she did by Tom.

  She just wished that the sex didn’t have to hurt so much.

  Still clutching the note, Skye got up and wandered over to the window when she heard the sound of birdsong outside. It made a pleasant change from the noise of cars racing up and down, neighbours arguing, and drunks singing or shouting abuse as they made their way home from the pub – which was all she ever heard through her window at home.

  It was a bright day, and she felt the heat of the sun on her face as she gazed out at the countryside. It was so peaceful out there, and she felt safe knowing that nobody had a clue where she was. It still hurt to know that her mum and dad had betrayed her, but she had Tom now so she didn’t need them any more.

  Even as she thought it, Skye knew that she was lying to herself. She still loved her parents, and probably always would. Not that they deserved it after what they had done, but she couldn’t control what her heart felt.

  Determined not to think about them, because she knew it would ruin her fragile mood, Skye went to the bathroom and ran water into the sink. As she waited for it to fill, she gazed around at the mess and decided to do some cleaning before Tom came home. It was the least she could do to repay him for his kindness. And, anyway, if he’d meant what he said about them being together for ever, then this was her home now, too; and it was her duty to do the housework while he was out earning money to feed her.

  After washing, Skye went back to the bedroom and got dressed before tackling the bed. But just as she was pulling the soiled sheet off, she heard a snuffling sound behind her and almost wet herself with fear when she turned and saw the dog standing between her and the door. She hadn’t been downstairs since that first night, and it looked even bigger and more dangerous up close.

  ‘Sit!’ she squeaked, praying that her voice wouldn’t spur him on to attack her. When the dog cocked its head but remained standing, she tried to imitate the firm way she’d heard Tom speak to it, and repeated her command more sternly: ‘I said sit!’ Amazed when the dog obeyed this time, she edged around the bed, murmuring, ‘Good boy. Now stay there. Stay!’

  Her plan was to get out of the room and lock it in, but she stopped in her tracks when the dog suddenly stood up again, and whimpered, ‘Please don’t bite me’ when it came towards her.

  Shocked when it sniffed her feet and then licked her leg before sitting down, she reached out tentatively and patted its head. Feeling braver when it gazed up at her with mournful eyes, she squatted down and held out her hand. Delighted when it plonked its paw onto her palm, she laughed. ‘Wow! You’re just a big softie, aren’t you?’

  An old leather collar was buried beneath its fur, and Skye squinted at the disc that was hanging from it when she noticed faded lettering etched onto it.

  ‘Bernie,’ she said when she was able to make it out.

  At the sound of its name, the dog licked her face, and Skye grimaced as she wiped the slime off with the back of her hand. ‘God, you stink!’ she complained, wrinkling her nose in disgust. ‘I think you need a bath when I’ve sorted this place out.’

  She stood up now, and smiled when Bernie followed her out onto the landing and down the stairs. When they reached the kitchen he went straight to the back door, and she guessed that he wanted to go outside to do his business.

  ‘Sorry, boy,’ she told him when she saw that there was no key in the lock. ‘You’ll have to wait till Tom gets home.’

  Bernie ran around her when she tried to walk away, and then sat down and barked up at a shelf that was screwed to the side of the cabinet. Skye followed his gaze and saw a rusted old biscuit tin. Intrigued, she reached for it, and was amazed to see a load of old keys nestled among the buttons, reels of cotton and various other bits and bobs that it contained.

  ‘Oh, you clever boy,’ she exclaimed, laughing when Bernie ran back to the door. ‘Come on, then; let’s see if we can find one that fits.’

  Bernie waited patiently as she tried the keys one by one. But as soon as she found the right one and started to open the door, he shoved his nose through the gap and squeezed his way out. Nervous of following in case someone should happen to be passing, Skye watched from behind the door as he emptied his bladder against an old bicycle. Alarmed when he then trotted into the long grass and she lost sight of him, she hissed, ‘Bernie, come back! Bernie!’

  Annoyed with herself, because Tom had told her not to open the door, and now she had lost his dog, Skye stuck her head outside and peered around to make sure that nobody was around. Then, calling ‘Bernie?’ in a loud whisper, she made her way across the cluttered yard. He was nowhere in sight, but she heard a scratching sound and followed it through the long grass and around the side of an old shed.

  Bernie was pawing at the door, but he sat down when he saw her, as if waiting for her to let him in. She glanced at the cobwebs and shuddered. ‘I don’t think so,
mate. Come on.’ She patted her thigh and turned to go back to the house, but hesitated when he didn’t follow. ‘What’s up, boy?’

  When Bernie barked and then lay down with his head on his paws, Skye groaned. ‘Come on, you don’t want to go in there. Let’s go back to the house and I’ll find you something nice to eat. Would you like that? Some nice din-dins?’

  She sighed when Bernie still didn’t budge. She really didn’t fancy getting attacked by an army of spiders. But he seemed desperate to go in there, for some reason, and if letting him have a quick look around would get him to come back to the house she supposed it wouldn’t hurt.

  The door was locked when she tried the handle, so she said, ‘Okay, wait there while I go and get those keys. But if you’re not here when I get back, you’re in big trouble.’

  Amused with herself for talking to Bernie as if he could understand a word she was saying, Skye made her way back to the house. She heard a car approaching just as she reached it and, terrified that it might be the police, she ran inside and peeped out through the dirty net curtain. Her legs shook with relief when she saw that it was Tom, and she quickly opened the door again.

  ‘You scared me half to death,’ she said, smiling as Tom stepped out of the car. ‘I thought you were at work.’

  Anger blazing in his eyes, he strode towards her, demanding, ‘How did you unlock that door?’

  Her smile slipping, Skye said, ‘I found some keys. Bernie wanted to go out.’

  ‘Where is he?’ Tom peered around.

  Skye pointed in the general direction of the shed but decided not to mention that she had ventured round there, too. She wasn’t sure why Tom was so annoyed with her, but she didn’t want to make him even more so.

  ‘BERNIE!’ Tom yelled. ‘Get back here!’

  ‘He only wanted a wee,’ Skye murmured, hugging herself when she heard the harshness of his tone. ‘It’s my fault, not his.’

  ‘I told you not to open the door,’ Tom snapped. ‘If anyone had seen you, you’d be going straight to prison – and so would I for letting you stay here. Is that what you want?’