Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Will you do it for me?’ Chloe asked, gazing up at her with a mixture of gratitude and adoration. ‘I want it like yours, ’cos you look dead pretty like that.’

  ‘If you like,’ Skye agreed, blushing at the unexpected compliment.

  Alone in the bathroom a few seconds later, Chloe’s gushing smile was replaced by a smirk as she gazed at her reflection in the pitted mirror. Skye was thick if she thought they were going to be friends, because Chloe didn’t do friends – not female ones, anyway. Every bitch she’d ever made the mistake of trusting had stabbed her in the back, so men were her only pals these days. Men with wallets, who didn’t mind shelling out for a bit of the magic her young body could bring into their sad, perverted lives.

  And she fully intended to get her sticky little fingers on Tom’s wallet before she was done here. But after the way she’d just seen him flip out on Skye and the dog, she knew she would have to tread carefully. She had made the mistake of underestimating freaks like him before, and she didn’t fancy getting a kicking before being booted out empty-handed if she tried to strike too soon.

  Tom was getting impatient. It was only mid-afternoon but he was in the mood for a party, so he’d poured the wine, closed the living-room curtains, switched on the lamp, and pushed the couch and table back to create a little runway.

  When, after waiting almost an hour, the girls still hadn’t come back down, he went out into the hall and called, ‘What’s taking so long?’

  In the bedroom, Skye was kneeling on the mattress behind Chloe, a look of concentration on her face as she teased the girl’s fine hair into shape. ‘Just coming,’ she called back.

  ‘Bet that’s what he’ll be doing after he’s copped a look at you,’ Chloe teased, grinning round at her.

  ‘Don’t be cheeky,’ Skye chided, tugging gently on Chloe’s hair to make her turn her head back around.

  A little tap came at the door just then, and Tom said, ‘I’ve poured you some drinks, but I’ll leave them out here so I don’t ruin the surprise. Hurry up – I’m dying to see you.’

  Chloe jumped down off the bed and rushed over to the door. After pressing her ear against it to make sure that Tom had gone back downstairs, she reached out for the cups of wine he’d left on the floor outside and handed one to Skye before sitting back down with her own.

  ‘Do you like wine?’ Skye asked, watching as she swallowed a large mouthful.

  ‘Nah, it’s minging,’ Chloe admitted, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. ‘But it’s better than nothing, and you don’t notice the taste so much if you drink it fast. Why? Don’t you like it?’

  ‘Not really.’ Skye pulled a face and returned to her back-combing.

  ‘So why do you drink it, then?’

  ‘’Cos Tom likes it.’ Skye shrugged.

  ‘Doesn’t mean you have to have it,’ said Chloe, gazing at her in the mirror. ‘Just tell him you want something different. If he loves you, he’ll get you anything you want.’

  ‘No, it’s okay; I don’t really mind it,’ Skye murmured, reluctant to admit that she wouldn’t dare ask Tom for anything right now in case he went into another mood with her.

  ‘You proper love him, don’t you?’ Chloe asked. When Skye nodded and reached for her drink, she took another swig of her own, and then asked, ‘So what’s it like, shagging him?’

  Almost choking, Skye gasped, ‘You can’t ask that! It’s private.’

  ‘I just want to know if it’s any good,’ Chloe persisted. ‘Has he got a big one?’

  Skye didn’t answer this. The truth was that she didn’t know, because she had nothing to compare it with. Anyway, it was ugly, so she avoided looking at it unless she absolutely had to. But it did hurt if they did it when she was sober, so she supposed it must be quite big.

  ‘Bet it feels good doing it with someone you love,’ Chloe went on wistfully. ‘I went out with a lad once, and it was kind of nice with him. His mam worked at a newsagent’s, and he used to smuggle sweets and cigs out for me. But then my dad found out and warned him off, so he spread it round school that I had Aids.’

  ‘That’s horrible,’ Skye said sympathetically.

  ‘I didn’t care.’ Chloe shrugged. ‘He was a dickhead, and I only went with him for the cigs.’

  ‘Yeah, but telling people you had Aids?’

  ‘It stopped them bullying me, ’cos they were scared of catching it if they touched me,’ Chloe said philosophically. ‘Anyhow, I moved out of that school a few weeks after and then I ran off, so it made no odds to me what they were saying. I might go back one day and blow the place up,’ she said then, as casually as if she were talking about paying an old friend a visit. ‘Or get a gun and shoot all the teachers, like them American nutters you see on the news.’

  Skye didn’t know if Chloe was joking, but she was starting to understand why the girl had been so aggressive when they had first met. It sounded like she’d had an even worse time at school than Skye, and then she’d had her dad to contend with when she got home. It was horrific, and Skye felt really sorry for her.

  ‘You know when you get married?’ Chloe said, abruptly changing the subject. ‘Can I be your bridesmaid?’

  ‘Tom’s already said his sister’s going to be my bridesmaid,’ Skye told her. ‘But I can ask him if it’s okay to have two.’

  Even as she said that last bit, Skye was half-hoping he’d say no. As nice as it was to have another girl to talk to after weeks of seeing nobody but Tom and Bernie, she wasn’t sure how she felt about Chloe staying from now until the wedding next year. The girl had displayed two extremely different sides to her personality, and Skye would have to see which one was the real Chloe before she let down her guard completely.

  ‘Is this yours?’ Chloe leaned over the bed and picked up the angel necklace that was still sitting where Skye had left it on the bedside table.

  ‘Mmmm.’ Skye nodded and averted her gaze quickly. It had been three full weeks since she’d taken it off, and she had vowed never to wear it again. But still, she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away. Just as she couldn’t deny that, at times, she still missed her old friend.

  ‘Can I try it on?’ Chloe asked, already looping it around her neck.

  Skye sighed, and said, ‘I suppose so. But you can’t keep it, ’cos my friend gave it to me for my birthday. She reckons it’s a guardian angel, and when you need something you ask it to help you get it.’

  ‘Cool.’ Chloe smiled and rubbed the little angel between her fingers. ‘I’m going to ask it for fags.’

  ‘Good luck with that.’ Skye snorted softly. ‘The stupid thing’s never answered any of my prayers, so I can’t see it answering yours.’

  ‘We look like sisters, don’t we?’ Chloe remarked, changing the subject yet again.

  Skye glanced at their reflections and had to admit that they did look alike; especially so since they had decided to model the matching dresses and style their hair the same way.

  ‘Yeah, a bit.’

  ‘Wonder what Tom’ll say when he sees us,’ Chloe mused, twisting her head this way and that to check her hair. ‘Do you think he’ll like us in our dresses?’

  ‘Probably, seeing as he chose them,’ Skye said, climbing down off the bed and reaching for her cup.

  ‘Race you,’ Chloe challenged.

  ‘Okay, go on, then.’ Skye took a deep breath and finished her drink in one.

  Chloe did the same, and grinned when she finished a fraction of a second faster. ‘Winner!’ she crowed, placing the empty cup upside down on her head.

  ‘Get it off, you nutter,’ Skye ordered, laughing. ‘You’ll ruin your hair.’

  Chloe did as she’d been told and said, ‘Told you it’s not as bad if you drink it fast.’

  ‘Suppose not,’ Skye agreed, giggling when she felt it go to her head. ‘I think I’m getting tipsy.’

  ‘Me, too,’ Chloe said, linking arms with her. ‘Come on. Let’s go get another one before it wears off.’

&nbs
p; Tom was drumming out an agitated beat with his fingertips on the arm of his chair. He stopped abruptly when the girls stumbled into the room, and his eyes lit up when he saw that they were wearing the matching dresses. He’d noticed a similarity between them from the start but dressed like this they could almost have been twins, and the thought thrilled him.

  ‘Oh, wow,’ he murmured as the stiffness in his trousers strained against the zip. ‘Look how beautiful my girls are.’

  ‘Can we have some more?’ Chloe asked, thrusting her empty cup towards him. ‘We want to get pissed – don’t we, Skye?’

  Tom pulled his jumper down over his crotch and leapt to his feet. ‘Good job I got a few bottles,’ he called back over his shoulder as he rushed into the kitchen. ‘We can have a party.’

  ‘What for?’ Skye asked, wondering if it was even possible to have a party with just three people. She’d only ever been to Hayley’s birthday parties in the past and while there weren’t usually too many guests there because her friend – ex-friend – more often than not would be suffering one of her imaginary illnesses there were always more than three people there.

  ‘A welcome Chloe into the family party,’ Tom said, coming back with their refilled cups.

  ‘Yay!’ Chloe grinned. ‘No one’s ever had a party for me before.’

  Skye smiled when she saw the joy in Chloe’s eyes, and she felt stupid for having been so jealous of her. She looked like an excited little twelve-year-old, so of course Tom wouldn’t fancy her.

  ‘We need music if we’re going to have a proper party,’ Chloe was saying now as she bounced on the spot. ‘Can you play something on your laptop, Tom?’

  ‘I can’t get music on there,’ he told her. ‘But we don’t need it; we’ll make our own fun.’

  ‘Oh, aye?’ She gave him a knowing smile. ‘And what kind of fun did you have in mind, exactly?’

  ‘I thought we were supposed to be doing a fashion show,’ Skye reminded them. ‘What do you think, Tom?’ She put a hand on her hip and twirled around. ‘Does it suit me?’

  ‘And me?’ Chloe joined in, adopting the same stance as Skye and strutting the length of the room with her lips pushed out in a parody of a sexy pout.

  ‘Not like that,’ Skye asserted, pushing her out of the way. ‘This is how you do it.’

  Laughing when Skye pranced past her, lifting her knees high with each step, Chloe spluttered, ‘What’s that supposed to be? A horse?’

  ‘This is how they do it on America’s Next Top Model,’ Skye informed her, stopping at the window and making a flamboyant turn. ‘They all walk funny on there; and the weirdest one always wins.’

  ‘Have another drink and then do it again,’ Tom ordered, his eyes gleaming as he sat back in his seat. ‘I’ll be the judge.’

  ‘What does the winner get?’ Chloe asked, reaching for her cup.

  ‘It’ll be a surprise.’ He grinned.

  Excited by the thought of winning a prize, Skye and Chloe downed their wine and then took it in turns to walk up and down the room, each trying to outdo the other with their exaggerated pouts and turns.

  Tom made them do it several times before declaring Skye the winner.

  ‘Aw, that’s not fair,’ Chloe protested, flopping down sulkily onto the couch. ‘You only picked her ’cos she’s your girlfriend.’

  ‘You’re both my girls,’ said Tom. ‘But I had to give Skye an extra point because she’s the eldest.’

  Chuffed that he had chosen her, Skye sat down beside Chloe and gave her a playful dig in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Shut up moaning, you,’ she slurred. ‘This is your party, so crack a smile before your face gets stuck like that.’

  ‘Who’s ready for another drink?’ Tom asked, standing up again.

  ‘Me!’ Skye and Chloe said simultaneously.

  When they burst out laughing and fell into each other’s arms, Tom snatched up their empty cups and carried them quickly into the kitchen.

  16

  Chloe woke with a start, and let out a whimper of confusion when the pitch darkness pressed down on her like a lead weight. She had been dreaming that she’d been kidnapped and tossed into the boot of a car. At least, she’d thought it was a dream but now she wasn’t so sure, because her body was still jumping around.

  It took several moments before she realised that she was lying on her back in bed, and that her body was jumping because Tom was bouncing on top of her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she demanded, trying weakly to push him away. ‘Gerroff.’

  ‘Sshhhh,’ he gasped, his breath coming in short bursts as he picked up speed. ‘Just stay like that … stay like – aaggghhh!’

  He stiffened and arched his back, and Chloe felt nauseous when she saw the gargoyle-like grimace on his heavily shadowed face. But when he then flopped down on her she released an involuntary whoosh of breath, and croaked, ‘I can’t breathe!’

  ‘God, that was good,’ Tom panted as he pushed himself up onto his elbows and gazed down at her. ‘And you enjoyed it, too – didn’t you?’

  Chloe didn’t answer: she was too busy wondering what was going on. She noticed a tiny red light winking at her from the dresser at the side of the bed and twisted her head to squint at it. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Just my alarm clock.’ Tom jumped up and rushed over to switch it off. ‘I thought I’d best bring it in case I fell asleep.’

  He reached for his dressing gown, which was draped over a chair, and took a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket after slipping it on. Lighting two, he passed one to Chloe and then sat down on the bed again, with his back against the metal bedstead and his legs stretched out.

  ‘That was great, but I think it’s probably best if we don’t tell Skye. She’ll only get jealous, so we’ll keep it our little secret for now – okay?’

  Chloe frowned and took a deep pull on her cigarette. This was her second night at the house, and the second time she’d woken up in bed with no memory of having walked up the stairs. The last thing she remembered was that they had been having a party, and she and Skye had done a fashion parade for him. After that it was a complete blank, and she guessed that the wine must have knocked her out again. It definitely wasn’t the smack, because she’d deliberately not had very much, so that was all it could be.

  Tom was staring at her in the darkness. ‘I hope you’re not regretting it,’ he said, the glow from her cigarette making his eyes gleam eerily. ‘I only did it because you said you wanted to.’

  ‘Eh?’ Chloe squinted up at him. ‘When did I say that?’

  ‘Last night, after Skye went to bed. Don’t you remember?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, you did,’ Tom insisted, a hurt expression coming onto his face. ‘And then you kissed me, so what was I supposed to do?’

  ‘Did I?’ Chloe screwed up her face. She didn’t even like kissing, because it reminded her of her dad, so that definitely had to have been the wine’s doing.

  ‘I should have known you didn’t mean it,’ Tom said, lowering his feet to the floor. ‘Why would a beautiful girl like you be interested in someone like me? I’m such an idiot.’

  ‘I thought you were supposed to be madly in love with Skye?’ Chloe reminded him.

  ‘I am.’ Tom turned and peered down at her. ‘But that doesn’t mean I can’t love you as well.’

  ‘You’ve only known me a couple of days,’ Chloe pointed out, thinking that he must be even weirder than she’d originally thought if he believed that he was in love with her already.

  ‘You’ve told me all I need to know,’ Tom said quietly. ‘That’s good enough for me.’

  ‘I haven’t told you everything,’ said Chloe, rubbing at her arm when it started itching.

  Tom gave her a piercing look. ‘I hope you’re not keeping secrets from me? That wouldn’t be very nice after everything I’ve done for you.’

  ‘No, but there’s stuff girls tell each other that we wouldn’t tell blokes,’ said Chloe, adding, ‘Like about perio
ds, and that,’ in the hope that it would put him off asking any more questions.

  ‘I know about periods,’ Tom informed her. ‘We’re not all Neanderthals like your father.’ He stubbed out his cigarette on a plate that was sitting on the dresser and said, ‘Anyway, I won’t have secrets in my house.’

  ‘You’re keeping one,’ Chloe reminded him indignantly. ‘You don’t want me to tell Skye about this.’

  ‘Only because it would upset her,’ Tom said, as if it were a perfectly reasonable explanation. ‘You know what she’s like. She’d only fly off the handle and make me kick you out, and then what would you do?’

  ‘Go back to the doss house.’ Chloe shrugged and sucked on her cigarette. ‘Or go home.’

  ‘No!’ Tom slammed his hand down on the mattress. ‘I will not let you go back to that filthy life. You’re staying here with me where I can keep you safe, and that’s final.’

  Unlike Skye, who jumped to Tom’s every command because she was terrified that he might kick her out and she’d end up in prison, Chloe was unfazed by his outburst. She wouldn’t get into trouble if she decided to leave – at least, not with the police. If she went home her dad would probably give her a beating to teach her a lesson for running away again. The bruises only lasted a few days, so everything would soon be back to normal. But if Tom was that desperate for her to stay, she saw no harm in playing him along for a bit.

  ‘Will you get me a telly if I stay?’ she asked. ‘Only it’s dead boring without one, and I’m missing ’Ollyoaks.’

  ‘Olly what?’ Tom frowned.

  ‘’Ollyoaks,’ Chloe repeated. Then, rolling her eyes, she said, ‘God, don’t tell me you’ve never seen it? Everyone watches it. So can we get one, or what?’

  Tom shook his head. ‘There’s no signal out here. That’s why I haven’t already got one – or a house phone.’

  Chloe’s shoulders slumped with disappointment. Then, perking up again, she said, ‘We can still get one to watch DVDs on. My dad’s mate’s got one with a built-in player; it’s massive.’