“What the fuck do you mean I can’t? You don’t make the fucking rules! Why are you trying to protect her and I’m supposed to be your woman?”
“Diamond, my son will be there. You can’t do that!”
“Your son? Since when did you have a son?” I had to ask that question because he never told me anything about having a child before. This was definitely a shock to me. Then I thought about it even deeper. So Nyssa was his baby’s mother? What the fuck? I damn sure didn’t sign up for this shit.
“He’s three years old,” he replied in a low tone, almost as if he was afraid to say it any louder.
“You mean to tell me you have a three-year-old son? So you fucking cheated on me and had a baby? And then had me fuck your baby’s mother?” That was it; I couldn’t sit still any longer. I got up from the chair and began hitting him with the broom. He tried to get ahold of it, but the wooden stick broke over his arm. Once it broke I moved closer and began punching him. After a few seconds he got ahold of my arms and held them. I tried kicking him once I couldn’t get my hands free.
“You’re lucky I don’t have a gun because I’d shoot your ass! Get the fuck off of my hands,” I yelled, trying to get my hands free so that I could leave. I wasn’t going to stay in this apartment any longer. I couldn’t believe the twisted shit that he had gotten me involved in. He’d had a child and never told me. That hurt my heart because at one point I was pregnant by him and he forced me to get an abortion. I went along with it because I wasn’t trying to raise a baby alone if he backed out on me. So, to hear this was like a stab in the heart. Then I thought back to the tape. How many people have seen it? I guess he felt like a fucking king having me and his baby’s mom fucking him on tape.
“Get the fuck off of me,” I continued to yell. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and I was like a raging bull trying to get loose. I bit and kicked him until he finally let me go.
“Diamond, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“How the fuck did you think I would never know? I guess you didn’t plan on being with me very long, huh? You can keep your apology because it’s bullshit, just like this fucking relationship. I never meant shit to you. There is no way that you could love me and do the shit that you continue to do to me. I’m leaving, Davey, and don’t bother calling me because you won’t get an answer.”
I turned and walked toward the bedroom to gather up a few things. Kiki told me that if I ever needed a place to crash that I could come stay with her. I was going to take her up on that because at that point this thing I thought was a relationship was officially over.
“Diamond, please, let’s talk about this. Don’t walk out on me like this.”
“Fuck you. You are never going to do right by me and I’m not going to keep being your fool.”
“We can fix this. I know I fucked up, but give me another chance to make it right.”
“How many times have I heard that line? I’m done Davey,” I replied as I grabbed my bag and headed back toward the door. I couldn’t stand the sight of him. I felt sick to my stomach the longer the thoughts weighed on my mind. I would have never believed that he would stoop this low. I mean, how could you not tell me about a child? Three fucking years? I’d been a fool for way too long.
My heart felt like it had been shattered and my body was extremely weak. I could barely stop shaking long enough to control the steering wheel in the car. I made it over to Ki-ki’s house safely, though I almost got in two accidents, being an emotional wreck. I was almost too embarrassed to knock on the door. I hadn’t called and gave her a heads-up, but she probably already expected that I would be coming after she told me about the tape. I knocked softly since I couldn’t exert enough energy to use any force.
“Girl, I knew you were coming. I hope you’re leaving his sorry ass for good!” She reached out and grabbed my shoulder to pull me inside. “You know you can stay here as long as you need to.”
I was glad I had a friend like Kiki. I had some relatives, but since I found out I was adopted I never really felt like I belonged. I hadn’t even seen my mother in months. I called from time to time to check on her, but I never made it down to the place that I once called home to actually see her. I had heard through the grapevine that she’d been using drugs. I knew I couldn’t believe everything I heard, but once she and my dad broke up, she lost it. She gave up on herself, and living in North Philly surrounded by a bunch of drug dealers didn’t help, either.
Once I got with Davey things changed. My family grew jealous of the things that he did for me. I strayed away from them and hadn’t been back since. So, there I was clinging on to the only person who had been my friend since leaving my grandmom’s house a few years back. I met Kiki while hanging out at the club with Davey. He was pretty well known and when he said that he wanted to show me to the world, that was exactly what he did. He didn’t waste time showing his trophy off. Kiki, though cordial with him, never really cared for his type. She always told me that men like him aren’t to be trusted. She warned me about falling in love, but by that time I had already fallen hard. I had smacked the ground hard and couldn’t peel myself away from it.
Surprisingly, he allowed me to hang out with Kiki when he was working or when he wanted to get loose in the club. The women would be all over him and there were plenty of times that I almost came to blows with chicks for the blatant disrespect. Kiki always had my back but at the same time tried to diffuse any altercation. I respected her for that the more I learned that men will be men. She had been there for me every time I had a blow with Davey. Whether it was an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, or a place to lay my head until I decided to take him back, she was always there. For that I was grateful and I planned to repay her one of these days.
I took a long shower that night, damn near using all of her hot water. I let the water hit my face, hoping that it would drown my pain. The more I tried to think about him the harder it was. I pulled myself together and after the shower I went to bed in her extra bedroom. I closed my eyes and soon I was off in la-la land, praying that tomorrow would be a better day.
Chapter Eight
Mica: Family Matters
In my attempt to get close to Tyson I’d moved in with him. At first I wasn’t all too keen on the idea, since I knew it would take time for him to get used to me being around all the time. I didn’t want to impose on his daily routine, but I wanted to get closer to him.
A little over a month had passed since the day I burst in the stash house making a fool of myself and I had managed to stay on his good side ever since. Things were good but there’s always drama and I knew there was someone waiting in the wings to throw salt in the game.
“Hello, is Tyson there?” a female voice boomed through the receiver.
I had to sit for a second before responding. I couldn’t believe that a bitch would have the audacity to call here for him. I didn’t know what to say so I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, is Tyson home,” the female replied, annoyed.
“Who is this?”
“None of your business. I just need to know where Tyson is.”
“That’s not an attitude that gets answers.”
“Well, if you must know, this is Deanna, his son’s mother.”
“Well, Deanna, Tyson isn’t here and I suggest the next time you speak with him you get his cell number.”
“First of all, Little Miss Prissy, I was around long before you and I’m still going to be here when you’re gone so you can talk that shit if you want, but you’re going to end up with the broken heart.”
“I’m not going anywhere, so if someone is going to end up with a broken heart it’s going to be you.”
“Why would I have a broken heart? If you don’t know, I know Tyson like the back of my hand and he changes women like he changes his drawers. I’m the one who’s got the baby and the title. Have you forgotten he married me, or did
he not tell you that? He’s got to divorce me to get rid of me, and even then I got his kid so he’s bound to me for life.”
“Is that why you called here? Does that make you feel better? Because honestly, I don’t give a fuck about that. The bottom line is he’s my man and I ain’t going nowhere.”
“Don’t be so sure about that. Tyson doesn’t give a fuck about you. You’ll see. Now when he comes home, tell him I called and you make sure you have a good day.”
Click.
I heard the sound of the dial tone before I could say another word. Tyson always told me how crazy his ex was, but one thing she didn’t know was how crazy I could get. I tried to keep my cool but the bottom line is there wasn’t but so much that I could take before I was fed up. I couldn’t wait to talk to him to let him know about the conversation. It was about six o’clock when he walked in the door and I instantly began my case.
“You know that bitch called here disrespecting me? When are you going to put her in her place?” I yelled, walking toward the door, where he was still standing in the vestibule.
“What bitch? Who are you talking about, Mica?”
“Deanna. I wish you would put her in her place!”
“And where is that? She’s a grown-ass woman. I can’t tell her what to do.”
“What the fuck do you mean you can’t tell her what to do? So what you’re saying is that it is okay for her to disrespect me?”
“That’s not what I am saying, I’m saying that I can’t do shit about her ways. That’s just how she is, that’s why we aren’t together now.”
“You might as well be with her, you won’t divorce her.” I was pissed. It was bad enough they were still married but he wouldn’t even stand up for me. It wasn’t rocket science. All he had to do was tell her that she had to stop calling here.
“You know what, Mica? The attitude ain’t gonna make shit change. She knows that I’m with you and that’s all that matters. I don’t know what the fuck else you expect me to do.”
“I don’t want to hear shit when I have to fuck her up! Ain’t nobody going to keep disrespecting me.”
“It’s not that deep. You’re turning it into something else.”
“How do you figure it’s not that deep?”
“Look, would you just drop it? I’ll talk to her, Okay? I got enough shit to deal with for y’all to keep arguing all the time. Satisfied now?”
“I’ll be satisfied when she stops calling,” I snapped before leaving the room.
I knew he probably wouldn’t talk to her. I was tired of her feeling like she was in control. When things got serious with me and Tyson, he told me that she would never be an issue. It didn’t take very long before I found out that was so far from the truth you couldn’t reach it. I thought I could handle it but the longer it went on the more I realized I couldn’t.
I headed upstairs to get my purse so I could leave. I needed some fresh air to calm me down. I started thinking of where I could go, and my thoughts about cousin Deidra, from my father’s side of the family, popped up in my mind. I hadn’t seen her in six months, and the last time I saw her it was so brief that I hadn’t been able to find out what she’d been up to. I missed her. Deidra and I were pretty close growing up, but once my father passed we kind of strayed apart. My mother never really cared too much for my dad’s family, but dealt with them because of him. After he was killed his family didn’t want anything to do with us. They blamed my mother for his death. I never understood why they blamed her. I mean, Johnny was his child too.
I was tired of being cooped up in the house. I wanted to take a drive, which was something that I didn’t usually do. I rarely drove anywhere, especially long distances. That was why I always caught the bus to see Johnny. I dialed Diedra’s number from my cell phone but the number was disconnected. Since I didn’t have any other number to reach her at I decided to just drive to her house and surprise her with a visit. I got on I-95 North toward Aramingo Avenue. I sat in the car bobbing my head to the sounds of Mary J. Blige. I loved her music. No matter what you were going through you could always find a song of hers that matched your situation. I found a parking spot and walked toward the entrance of the building. I noticed a guy named Money, who I hadn’t seen in a while, standing on the corner.
“Money? Is that you?”
“Mica? What’s up? What the hell you doing in this hood?” he asked before hugging me.
I had the biggest crush on Money while I was growing up. I was always the shy one in the bunch, so I never had the opportunity of telling him. By the time I gathered up the courage to tell him, he had already gotten with Deidra. I never told either one of them that I had the crush, so I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.
“I came by to see Deidra. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“A lot has probably changed since the last time you saw her.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m not going to throw no salt on her but she ain’t the same ol’ Deidra no more.”
I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. I mean, how much could she have changed in six months? She looked perfectly fine to me before.
“I still don’t get it, Money. What happened to her?”
“You’ll see for yourself, but it’s good seeing you, though. I see life’s treating you good.”
“Yeah, I’m doing good, found me a good man finally,” I said, laughing.
“That’s what’s up, you deserve it. I’m not gonna hold you, though. Go see how you cousin is. I’ll see you around.”
“Okay, good seeing you,” I replied, before heading toward her apartment. I climbed the two flights to get to her door. I knew I needed to exercise more because I was exhausted after that. Anyway, I knocked a few times before I heard the locks being turned. I was nervous to see who was behind it. The comment Money made was replaying in my mind like a skipping CD. Still, I stood there hoping that he was just exaggerating.
“Who the hell are you here for?” a thin-framed woman asked through a crack in the door, showing only her body. I couldn’t see her face so I knew that she couldn’t possibly see mine.
“I’m here to see Deidra.”
“Who are you? What do you want with her?”
“I’m her cousin, Mica. I just want to see how she’s—”
“Mica? Hey girl, where have you been?” The thin frame was that of Deidra. I didn’t know what to say as she reached her arms out to hug me. I had never seen her so thin, and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know what was going on with her. Instantly two things popped in my head: either she was on drugs, or she had HIV. The last time I saw her she looked perfectly healthy. It wasn’t as if she had been a big woman, but her frame looked healthier than the emaciated look it had now.
“Come in, girl. I missed you,” she said, motioning for me to come inside the apartment.
“You were on my mind so I tried to call you. The number was disconnected so I just stopped by.” The apartment was a mess. Clothes and food containers were everywhere. I didn’t even want to sit down for fear I would carry some unwanted rodents home with me.
“Yeah, I couldn’t afford it, girl, so I had to let it get cut off. I see you dressed all fly. Life must be good for you.”
“Yeah, it is. What’s going on with you? I have never seen you this thin.”
“I know, girl. To be honest, I got messed up on some shit. Hanging with the wrong people getting high, the drugs kept calling my name. I couldn’t stop.”
I was shocked that she just blurted that out. I’d never seen a drug addict who could be honest about their habits. “Deidra, how did that happen? You were doing so good the last time I saw you.”
“I know, I’m embarrassed for you to even see me like this. Truthfully, the last time you saw me I was already hooked. I couldn’t tell you that. You always looked up to me but now what do you have to look up to? I look like shit and I know it. The problem is that I don’t know another way—this is all I know now.” She cou
ldn’t even look me in the eye as she talked. What the hell happened to the strong woman I knew? She had the best of everything, clothes, money, and a man that most women would fight tooth and nail for.
“What happened to G? Last time I saw you y’all were on the way down the aisle.”
“Girl, he left me for some skinny bitch that he knocked up. I was depressed for a long time, but the drugs helped ease my pain.”
I still sat there as if the whole scene wasn’t really happening. I hoped it was just a cruel joke and things were really okay. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing, and even if someone were to pinch me and say wake up, this is real, I still would doubt it.
“Is there any way that I can help you? I hate seeing you like this.” I was almost in tears. It hurt my heart to see her in such a vulnerable state.
“If you can lend me a few dollars that would help me a lot.” She still hadn’t looked me in the eye yet.
I grabbed her by the chin to lift her head. “You know I can’t do that, D. You won’t use it for what you should. I want to help you out of this. If I find a rehab program for you, will you go?”
“Rehab? Hell no, I’m not going to no rehab.”
“What’s wrong with rehab? Is this the way you want to live? The woman I know would never turn down help,”
“I’m not the woman you used to know, baby girl, a lot of shit has changed. I’m not happy like this, but who’s to say that I’ll be happy when I’m clean? Ain’t shit out here for me.”
“Yes there is D, you just don’t want to see it.”
“I don’t have nobody, no man, no family. Without love in my heart I might as well be dead. Nobody gives a fuck about me.”
“I do,” I replied as a tear fell from my eye. “Let me help you, please, I can’t see you like this; it’s hurting me, D.”
“I’m sorry Mica, but I can’t, okay? I appreciate the offer, I really do, but it’s just not for me.”
I grabbed my purse and took out a business card and fifty dollars. I didn’t know what else to do. I gave her the card and told her to call me if she changed her mind or needed me for anything. I prayed that she would use the money wisely, but I knew that it would never happen. I didn’t know many drug addicts, but I did know that they would lie, cheat, and steal to get high. I felt that at least she was honest and told me about her addiction. I gave her a hug and told her how much I loved her. I really did care about her and at that point, probably more than she cared about herself. I left her apartment saddened. I kind of wished that I had never stopped by. I know things happen for a reason, and maybe it was meant for me to see her to help her out. I wasn’t going to give up on her that easily, but I wanted to give her some time to think. If there was one thing that mattered to me it was family and I was coming back for her whether she wanted me to or not.
The Black Diamond Trilogy Page 6
