Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1)

by Jamie Mayfield

  It was actually more like twenty minutes before I climbed down the tree house ladder in a bit of a daze. My lips were swollen and my hair was a mess, but I was happy as I jogged home to get cleaned up. Jamie and I might have to have two giggling and annoying girls between us at that fair tonight for the sake of propriety, but at least we would be together. It was infinitely better than staying home and wondering what was happening with my boyfriend and that girl.

  My boyfriend.

  The word was so inadequate but at the same time so exciting to me. Jamie was my boyfriend, and I was prepared to do anything I had to in order to keep that, including taking Suzy Sunshine to the fair.

  9

  “IT’S just a retreat with a bunch of kids from church. We’re going down to the river to camp, swim, and fish. I thought it would be nice to go together. Well, not together-together, but… you know what I mean,” Jamie said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Look, it’s not uncommon for people to bring friends. To be honest, our youth group pastor has been wondering when I’m going to bring you on an outing. I thought this would be a good time.”

  “You really want me to go with you?” After the date I’d made him go on, how could I refuse him this?

  “Yes, I really want you to go with me.”

  “Then I will.” I kissed him lightly on the nose, and he grinned.

  Later, his words rang in my head as the bus headed out of town on the highway that led to the campgrounds near the Tombigbee River where we would be spending Friday and Saturday night. According to the youth pastor, Ben, we would be returning home early enough for church on Sunday. God forbid we miss church on Sunday, even for a church activity. The weekend seemed important to Jamie, and after he had agreed to our date despite his legitimate fears, I could certainly hang out with him and the church crowd for a weekend of camping.

  Sitting side by side on a bus full of mostly teenage boys, I felt more comfortable with Jamie in public than I had in a long time. We laughed and joked with the guys sitting in front of us. Bobby was going to be a junior at Madison High in the town next to Crayford, and Karl was an incoming junior at Crayford. They had become friends in the youth program and sounded almost as close as Jamie and I. I’m sure they’d been hanging out at church for years, and it was nice that they weren’t exclusionary about it, not like the social groups at school. They wanted to laugh and crack jokes with us just like we were a part of their group.

  It was nice.

  The drive to the campground took just over half an hour, and I started to get excited as we pulled into the lot where they would park the bus. I had never been camping before, and the prospect of doing so, especially with Jamie beside me in the tent, was exhilarating. Even though it was one of the weekends we would have spent Saturday night in the tree house, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. We’d talked about it ahead of time and had decided that trying to fool around in the tent would be too risky, but it wasn’t always about sex with us; just being with Jamie was enough for me.

  We filed out of the bus and lined up single file so they could account for all of us. I wasn’t sure if they thought one of us had jumped off the bus while it was in motion, but I guess if you were responsible for twenty or so teenagers, it was better to be safe than sorry. The few girls who had braved the trip, thankfully Emma not among them, stood huddled off to the side. The guys were spread into small groups and anxious to get the show on the road, Jamie and me included. He looked cute in his cutoff jeans and that blue T-shirt that was my favorite on him, his hair wild from the wind blowing through the open bus window. The heat in the bus had been stifling, so his face was a little red, but he still looked perfect to me.

  We looked excitedly around the wide expanse of the campsite. The bright blue sky spattered with clouds set off the greenery completely—the shrubs, the trees. It was the picture of beauty, and with the sound of the river flowing in the background, the soundtrack was just right too. They unpacked the minivan where all our gear was stored, setting the tents, sleeping bags, and backpacks on the ground. We swarmed the stuff, pulling our own gear onto our backs and waiting for further instructions.

  “Okay, guys, I need for you to gather around while I give you your lot assignments. I want you to head straight there once you know where you should put up your tent. Build your campsites over the next hour, and then we’ll start getting things together to go swimming. After that is lunch, and then we’ll go over the evening Bible study itinerary,” Pastor Ben said, trying to compete with the excited babble from the rest of the campers.

  “Two-twelve…. Two-thirteen…. Here, Brian, this is us, two-fourteen,” Jamie said as we walked along the man-made trail carved through the dense undergrowth. Except for the twenty or so high school kids laughing and fooling around, the campsite had a quiet majesty. It wasn’t a commercialized park like some others; there were no advertisements blocking the view of the trees. The only building to be seen was the ranger station, and I’m pretty sure there were no souvenirs to be found there. The founders of the place had taken great pains to keep it natural.

  It was beautiful.

  The flat, grassy, numbered lots we were camping in were spread out on either side of the trail with a sort of cul-de-sac at the end, which was surrounded by huge leafy oaks. In the center of the semicircle of lots was a large campfire pit. A few of the chaperones had already begun to gather wood to build a fire before nightfall.

  “Howdy, neighbors!” someone called from the next campsite, where Bobby and Karl were setting up their tent. It seemed they had a little more experience than the rest of us, because in the short time since we’d left Pastor Ben, their tent was almost completely set up.

  “Hi, Bobby, Karl,” Jamie greeted with a smile. I was happy we were in such friendly company; since we had started our relationship, we had cut ourselves off from everyone, and I was looking forward to socializing with other people for a while. Briefly, I wondered if that was what Jamie had had in mind when he had invited me on the trip, or if it was because he would have missed me as much as I would have missed him.

  Pulling out the old tent that Jamie’s parents had given us, we organized the pieces on the ground and began to put them together. Jamie’s dad had gone through setting it up the night before, making us set it up and take it down three times before he deemed us ready to do it on our own. After all the practice last night, Bobby and Karl only finished a few minutes before we did. Next, we crawled inside and set up the rest of our equipment, the sleeping bags, and snacks.

  “You know what this reminds me of?” Jamie asked with a smirk. Looking around at the canvas walls and floor, I shrugged, having no idea what he was talking about.

  “Our tree house,” he whispered and then leaned forward. The kiss was brief but soft and sweet as he stroked my cheek lightly with his fingertips. “I’m glad you’re here, Brian. I didn’t want to come without you and miss you all damned weekend.”

  “Thank you for inviting me,” I told him, realizing for the first time since he’d asked me to go with him that my apprehension was gone. The tension in my stomach had eased, and I was truly happy to be there with him, even though we were with the people who hated gays and told us we were going to burn in hell. I guess there was really no way to avoid interactions with those kinds of people; they made up the majority of our world.

  Our lips met in one last tender kiss, and then he sighed and crawled out of the tent. I allowed myself one huge smile, a feeling of triumph in my heart, before I followed him. The rest of the kids were gathering in a clearing near where we had received our lot assignments, laughing and talking. A couple of them were smacking a volleyball around while others were tossing a football. It was a laidback kind of atmosphere that felt very welcoming. We waited for our new neighbors and then headed over.

  Pastor Ben went over the rules and precautions of swimming in the river. He made sure to stress that it wasn’t like swimming in a pool, that we needed to be aware of the current and be sure we
could always see the red flag of the campsite. After about ten minutes of lecturing, he let us go back to our tents to change. It was everything I could do not to watch Jamie, naked next to me in our little tent.

  God, I wanted to touch him.

  Fortunately, we were both more frightened of what would happen if we were caught than we were aroused. So as much as I wanted to touch or kiss him, or even just hold his naked body against me, I kept my distance. We changed quickly, tossing our discarded clothes into the corner of the tent before heading out to join the others. It was a clear, hot day, perfect for swimming. Pastor Ben said we would have a couple of hours to swim and relax before dinner.

  When we got down there, a couple of guys I hadn’t met had started a game of touch football near the bank of the river. They asked Jamie and me to join, but we wanted to get in the water.

  “Maybe later,” Jamie told them with a grin as we waded out into the river. He was in higher spirits than I had seen him in a while. I wasn’t sure if it was due to being with his friends from church or because he was with me, but it didn’t matter as long as he was happy.

  “Let’s go farther downstream, away from this mob scene,” he said in a low voice, grabbing a discarded Frisbee from the bank. We both reclined back to lie on top of the water, letting the current take us downstream. We stood up several hundred yards away from the group but could still see them. No one seemed to notice or care that we had drifted off.

  One of us stood on either bank of the small, fairly shallow river, and we began to toss the disc back and forth. Jamie had made some truly spectacular catches, diving into the water on either side of him in order to grab it. After a while, we were laughing and grateful for the time we got to spend together outside the sanctuary of our tree house. Nearly an hour later, we were both exhausted from playing in the water against the current. Hiking up the bank, we found an open patch of grass and lay down.

  The beads of water glistening on his sun-kissed skin drew every bit of my focus. I watched as the water trailed a gentle, winding path down over his smooth chest. It took every measure of control I possessed not to lick it. Jamie turned onto his stomach, letting the sun warm his back, and I let my eyes wander over his damp skin, soft and supple in the fading sunlight. I followed the lines down his back, his side, until the curve of his hip disappeared into his low-riding swim trunks.

  My God, he was beautiful.

  I took several deep breaths in an attempt to get my growing erection to calm. It wouldn’t be good for someone to stumble upon us, lying less than a foot from each other while I was hard as granite. Desperate, I looked away from Jamie, burying my face in my arms. Lying on my stomach started to get uncomfortable, but I didn’t dare turn over.

  “I… I think we need to get back in the water,” Jamie said in a strained voice. “The water is cold and I… I’m….”

  “Me too,” I said with a slight chuckle. At least I wasn’t alone in my arousal. I was thrilled that I seemed to have the same effect on him, that he was as strongly attracted to me. I loved that I turned him on just by lying next to him in the grass. There was so much I wanted to do to him right now, but there was no way we could take the chance.

  “Come on, then.” Jamie took my hand for just a minute to pull me up. He held it longer than necessary as we made our way over to the water. I was about to say something, worried that someone would see us, when he finally let go. Once again, we waded in up to our chests, the cool water soothing my hot skin, and I began to calm down. Jamie looked more relaxed as well and started a lazy forward crawl against the gentle current. I waited a moment so we would not be too close and then followed, Frisbee in hand.

  “Okay, guys, dry off and head back to the tents; you have about thirty minutes before dinner,” Pastor Ben called to the kids in the water as we rejoined the group.

  Dinner consisted of chips, soda, and hot dogs cooked over the open flame of the campfire while Pastor Ben regaled us with tales of his youth trips with a church he’d attended growing up in Wyoming. I didn’t pay strict attention to what he was saying but instead watched the spectacular sunset behind him as he spoke. Sitting on a collapsible camp chair, he was like the elder of the tribe, while we sat on the ground looking up at him. Our paper plates sat precariously on our laps as we ate and paid tribute to his storytelling. The day was still warm, so the campfire was largely unneeded except to roast the hot dogs. The purpose it served was one of atmosphere, allowing us to come together as a group, as friends, and bond.

  For one night, because of our lies of omission, we were accepted.

  After a long, slow, tender kiss goodnight hidden in the confines of Jamie’s sleeping bag, I retreated to the opposite side of the tent. For an instant, it felt like banishment, and the sadness flooded through me. When we were lucky enough to be alone together, I was used to sleeping in Jamie’s arms. I had to be content to watch his moonlit profile from a distance. Sighing quietly to myself, I lay down in my sleeping bag and watched Jamie as he gazed at me. Lost in each other’s eyes, we finally fell asleep.

  The next day was full of all kinds of activities that we participated in with the group. We seemed to be accepted by default. Even the social hierarchy that was prevalent at school didn’t exist here. The playing field was level. It must have been the “love thy fellow man, if he looks like you” church attitude radiating down from on high. By on high, I meant Pastor Ben, not God.

  For once, I wasn’t even picked last.

  “Hey guys, let’s get washed up for dinner,” Pastor Ben said as our volleyball game came to a quick and decisive end with the spike from our six-foot-three center. We all headed up to the ranger station to wash up. The sense of camaraderie, of a brotherly friendship, a brotherly love, lasted for most of the night.

  But as we know, all good things must come to an end.

  While we were sitting around the campfire, Bobby told a ghost story, intending to frighten us, but that wasn’t the scariest part of the night. One of the other boys, Dale Parks, tripped on a branch in the dark on his way back from the bathroom and landed on Karl, knocking him flat with Dale sprawled precariously on top of him.

  “Hey!” Karl shouted at the bewildered Dale while Bobby pulled the boy off of him. “What are you, some kind of fag?”

  Of course, I doubted that Karl thought the boy was gay, but he was embarrassed and humiliated by having this guy on top of him. I suspected maybe he was a little aroused by the way Dale had moved against him in an attempt to extricate himself.

  “Shut up, of course I’m not a fag. I tripped, you asshole,” Dale retorted, his flushed face perfectly illuminated by the firelight. He started toward Karl, and it looked like even though he was smaller, he intended to punch him. Bobby got up and pulled Karl behind him.

  “Hey, it was an accident, right? Let’s just calm down,” Bobby said, putting a hand up to caution Dale from taking things any further. Another boy stood up. I didn’t know his name, but his face was alight with mischief and excitement.

  “Speaking of fags, did you guys hear about Ray Andrews over in Dalton? Jimmy goes there, and he was just telling us.” He spoke quickly, indicating a grinning, mousy, sandy-haired boy at his feet. The rest of the boys stopped what they were doing to listen. Even Karl and Dale backed off and gave the story their attention. “He got caught jacking off in the locker room after gym. Apparently, he liked the sight of all the naked guys.” A collective sound of shock arose from the enraptured group. “Yeah, Jimmy said the kid’s parents were so ashamed that they pulled him out of school. They’re gonna send him to a special school for queers, try to cure him.”

  “Goddamn fags,” Bobby said, sitting back down. “They should all just get AIDS and die, burn in hell like they deserve.” The matter-of-fact way in which he said it, the automated, programmed response coming from someone who, until minutes before, I might have considered a friend, made me sick. The worst part was when I looked over and saw Jamie nodding right along with them. As I caught his eye, he gave me a m
eaningful look, and I started to nod too. Of course we had to nod, of course we had to agree, to belong. Just as soon as I could safely do so, I excused myself from the group and went back to our tent. Jamie and I didn’t so much as kiss before going to bed; we just couldn’t take the risk.

  The next morning, Jamie and I packed in silence. I had never been so relieved to be going home. Richard and Carolyn may have been foster parents, but I always felt safe with them. One wrong step with the brainwashed zealots, and we could have found ourselves drowning in that river. After that boy was tied to a fence in Wyoming, anything could happen to us.

  Anything.

  “BRIAN, I’m going to the grocery store tomorrow; have you decided what you want for your birthday dinner?” I was startled out of my musings and looked up as Carolyn continued frying chicken for supper.

  “I hadn’t really thought about it. Whatever you want is fine with me,” I told her, somewhat distracted. Earlier in the week, Jamie had also asked about my birthday, only he had asked about a gift. What more can I want for my birthday than him? And then it came to me. I knew exactly what I wanted from Jamie for my birthday.

  “Carolyn, can we have tacos?” I asked her, knowing that tacos were something very fast and easy to make and eat. I’d be able to get out of the house and over to Jamie’s for the night. Neither Jamie’s parents nor the Schreibers would take issue with me wanting to spend my birthday with my best friend. Only, they could not know what I was going to ask him to give me for a present.