by Owner
warningly.
With that, she ran out of the room, down the corridor and barged out of the
front door. Lily managed to compose herself as she stepped out on to the
columned portico and walked calmly down the front path and on to the
streets.
She may have presented a serene facade to the world, but inside, Lily was
screaming. A faint tremble had overtaken her body and as she placed one
foot before the other, it took great control to not simply crumble to the
ground.
Despite her frailty, she hastened her pace. Knowing the importance of
reaching home before she did something ridiculous like swoon!
Streets and avenues passed in a hazy blur, but she finally made it home.
With one step over the threshold, she strode to one of the two decorative,
carved, oriental chairs that stood pride of place in the front hall, one at
either side of the door, and with a sigh of relief, sank into it.
Lily rested there for endless moments until the butler came over to her. "Are
you well, my lady?” he asked courteously.
She fought hard to withhold a sob but nodded shakily.
“Do you require your aunt, Lady Lily?” Rodgers asked softly.
“Please, Rodgers,” she whispered.
He disappeared and moments later, returned. With his help, she stood on
trembling feet and was guided into her aunt's sitting room. He soon
departed after having helped her into a small armchair.
“What is the matter, Lily?” Aunt Millie asked, her voice plagued with concern.
She strode over to Lily and bent over her. The scent of rosewater permeated
Lily's nostrils and she had to fight a burst of nausea.
“I-I wish to return home, Aunt Millie.” Her voice was steady and filled with
purpose, even as her lips trembled as she spoke.
“But the Season is not yet done!” Millie protested.
“I know, but I need to go home. I don't feel well and I know that I'm simply
homesick, that if I return I shall quickly recuperate,” she lied, knowing that
to spend one more night in this Godforsaken city would be the death of her.
“You are not promised to anyone! You cannot leave until you are wed!”
“It was never my intention to marry, Aunt Millie!” she snapped and regretted
her harsh tone as the older woman's face crumpled. "I came here to put my
mama's mind at rest. She was so certain that I was wasting my life on her.
But I'm not. I've experienced the Season and I want to experience no other
part of it!” she said in a softer voice than before.
Millie looked shocked, and Lily could well understand that. She herself was
feeling shocked. Dumbfounded, dismayed and dejected.
She felt quite rotten for abandoning her aunt, when Lily was quite aware
that she was enjoying squiring her around the ton and had Dorian not
behaved as though she were the devil incarnate, perhaps she would have
remained for the rest of the Season but not anymore. No longer could she
stay in London, when he was here and hating her from afar.
The baby did not concern her. For one, she was not certain as to whether or
not she was with child and if she were, it would take quite a while for the
babe's presence to make itself known on her figure.
Her monthly was soon due . . . . Janie would know the exact date, and Lily
knew that with it, would come the answer. She was only now coming to
understand the way a woman's body worked and for the most part, fiercely
resented how much information had been withheld from her. It seemed
quite ridiculous to be so in the dark as to how one's body worked, but that
was the way of the world, unfortunately. There was nothing she could do to
change it, either!
If she was indeed with child and the babe was a girl, then Lily vowed to
inform her baby of every single circumstance that happened upon a woman.
To be forewarned was to be forearmed and Lily would quite definitely ensure
that her child could not be pressured into a situation such as the one she
found herself in! Some good had to come from the bad, after all.
Lily pondered that thought for a moment and knew that were she indeed
carrying Dorian's child, she was not upset to be in such a situation.
Naturally, she would be condemned by her peers, but that did not matter to
her. The thought of carrying her lover's babe filled her with a warm glee.
Indeed, it went some way to improving the shakes that had so besieged her.
She could not have Dorian, but she could have his babe.
“It isn't done not to marry, Lily,” Aunt Millie inserted softly and pierced her
thoughts.
“I know that, aunt,” she retorted impatiently. “But I am quite prepared to
become a spinster. I'm wealthy enough to live how I choose. I see no reason
why I should attach myself to a man who is with me solely to line his
pockets! And do not deny, the majority of men that have swarmed around
me are severely short of blunt! I refuse to be their bridge to solvency!”
Millie gasped. “But you . . . you can't be serious. A woman such as yourself .
. . a spinster? It would be such a waste!”
“A waste it will have to be. I do not need your permission, Aunt Millie, to
leave tonight, but I wished simply to inform you of my plans and I also
wished to thank you. I am most grateful for your help these months
passed.”
“A fine way to show it!” Millie commented sourly. “Abandoning your me and
your uncle at such a time!”
“I regret that,” she admitted honestly. “I truly do. Had I . . . ,” Lily
hesitated. “Had I not become ill, then I would have stayed. But I am ill and I
need the fresh air of home, not the smog-laden atmosphere of London. It
will do me the world of good to be in the country again.”
“Perhaps, if you recuperate swiftly, you could return. You have to think of
the gossips, Lily. What will they say to your leaving, when the Season is not
over?”
Lily shrugged. “I care not and neither should you! There has to be some
advantage to the position we hold in society, my dear aunt. The tabbies can
say what they wish, for they do so anyway! And no,” she added gently, “I
will not return. London is not for me. I have realized that now.”
A knock sounded at the door and it swung quietly open a moment later.
Rodgers walked in with a tray of tea and small cucumber sandwiches and
freshly baked biscuits.
Thankfully, the conversation came to a halt as Rodgers settled the tray on a
small table which sat between the two patterned settles upon which Aunt
Millie and herself were seated.
When the butler had departed, so it seemed had the topic of conversation.
They both sat quietly as they sipped at their tea, before Lily excused herself
and headed up the stairs and to her suite.
When Janie arrived at her rooms an hour later, Lily ordered the maid to pack
her things, for she had decided they would be traveling the following
morning. Content she may be at the thought of carrying a small part of
Dorian, she was not so happy at the prospect of having lost him forever!
Janie, for some reason, was not all that surprised.
Perhaps, from the misery and dejection Lily w
as displaying, it was an easy
conundrum to solve.
For in a girl of Lily's age, what else could cause that particular brand of
disheartenment, but unrequited love?
Chapter Ten
After four days of slow traveling, Lily had yet to grow accustomed to the
constant motion and the vibration of the horse's hooves against the packed
earth of the roads. She felt quite certain that she could be traveling for an
entire year and her body would never acclimatize to the rocking pace of the
horses as they bumped their way along coarsely hewn roads.
For the most part, she had spent the last hundred or so hours wishing to
God that they could travel at a faster speed but it was impossible. At any
pace above a slow trot, the nausea that had so plagued her for the last
week, returned with a vengeance.
And so, she had either been in a state of constant discomfort, or severely
nauseous if they had attempted to bring the journey to an end.
Such a fabulous time she had been having!
Lily shook her head at the thought and grimaced at Janie, who had been
content to stare at her as though she were a rather large insect under a
magnifying glass.
She was growing rather tired of the expression on the maid's face. That
strange combination of concern and irritation severely chafed at Lily's
admittedly ill temper.
Had she not been utterly exhausted, then Lily would have asked Janie what
on Earth she thought she was doing- staring at her like a demented owl! But
she was exhausted and looked forward to doing nothing more than sleeping,
when they eventually arrived at Grantlake!
With a sigh, she lounged against the padded cushions of her uncle's coach
and stared somberly out of the window. At long last, today was the day they
were due to draw up to Grantlake and to say that she was excited at the
prospect of seeing her mama and Devlin was like saying she was enjoying
this hellish journey!
On the second day of traveling, they had finally come across the green
countryside and it had been a sight for sore eyes. Now, two days later, she
still reveled in the beauteous landscapes around her. Indeed, it was her only
comfort!
****
In fairness, that and the freshness of the air were of great solace to Lily. It
was so clean, so pure that it made London's putrid atmosphere seem almost
poisonous! Indeed, she was quite sure it was just that! While her nausea
hadn't entirely cleared, it had improved somewhat, which was frankly a
Godsend!
A part of her longed to call to the coachman to jump into a canter, carve the
remainder of the thirty minute journey down to ten minutes, but she did not
wish to present a blanched and ill-looking face to her mama or brother and
so, even though she had fought the impulse all morning, Lily had chosen to
sit here meekly as they traversed the bumpy roads and simply waited for
home.
Tapping her fingers against her knee, she sighed again and almost jumped
out of her skin, when Janie slapped her hand.
“Would you stop sighing, Miss Lily! Honestly, if I hear it one more time I
think I'll scream.”
Unable to help herself, a peal of laughter escaped Lily's throat. “Charming,
Janie!”
“Well, it's enough to try a vicar! We'll be home soon enough!”
“Soon enough isn't adequate. I wish to be there now.” Her tone held a bite
and she instantly regretted it as another frown of concern flashed over
Janie's homely features.
“Aye, I suppose you do, what with your sickness and all.” There was a pause
and it was pregnant with words unspoken.
“What?” Lily asked impatiently, her brow pleated with a scowl. She turned
from her silent vigil of the rolling hills of England's green countryside and
faced her maid.
“Is there something you'd like to tell me, Miss Lily?” Janie asked, hesitantly.
“No, of course, there isn't! Why should there be?”
“You've missed your monthly, Miss Lily.”
Lily stilled and felt her cheeks redden. She ducked her head. "Ah. It seems
that your first suspicion was quite correct then, Janie, wasn't it?” she
whispered.
“First suspicion?”
“The malady that I just couldn't be afflicted with? Pregnancy?”
Janie bit her lip and turned her head to stare out of her window. “Who's the
papa?” she asked softly.
“I doubt it's anyone you know, Janie,” Lily replied equally as quiet, her sigh
gentle as she thought of Dorian. Not that he'd been far from her thoughts
these four days past.
“Hasn't he called at the house?”
“No. He hasn't been one of my entourage, if that is what you're asking.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Has he offered for you?”
“No.”
Janie hissed but Lily held up a hand and shook her head.
“It isn't like that, Janie.”
“Of course, it's like that, Miss Lily! It doesn't matter if he knows there's a
babe or not! He's taken your virginity, my lamb, he should have offered for
you. Devlin will have his hide, when he finds out.”
“That's exactly why I won't tell you, who the gentleman is. I know for a fact
that as soon as Devlin does find out, he will instantly seek you out and
demand you tell him who the papa is. I am saving both yours and the
father's hides!”
“He has the right to know, Miss Lily.” Janie chided. “He's taken your
innocence!”
“It was given with the greatest pleasure,” Lily retorted wryly and watched as
Janie flushed with discomfort. “He did not force me, Janie. I sought him out,
not the other way around.”
“It doesn't matter! He should have sent you on your way!”
Lily sighed. “Do be reasonable, Janie. What man in his right mind would do
that?”
“You're quite correct! No man! They're all beasts, all pigs the lot of them,”
the maid spat staunchly.
“Actually, this one wasn't. Or at least, I thought he wasn't.”
“That's right. And don't you believe that I've not known something like this
has been going on. Never seen you so down in the dumps, I haven't. I just
knew it had to be a man. Damned trouble causers, that's what they are!”
“Yes. I suppose they are, Janie. However, you mustn't say a word to
anyone. I'm going to visit with my mama and when the time is right, I shall
inform her of what has occurred. I won't prolong the agony, she needs to
know, if . . . if . . . . Well, you're sure that I am?”
Janie's head bobbed up and down. “Aye. Morning sickness, a missed
monthly and all those swift changes of mood! I just wish it weren't this way.
I've dreamed of this day ever since you were a babe. But I'd never imagined
it would be like this. The babe without a papa and you having to flee London
in case the gossips start to twitch!”
“Don't be ridiculous, Janie,” Lily snapped. “I'm not fleeing London and if I
was, which I'm not, I certainly wouldn't be doing so to escape the tabbies'
talk! I care not a whit of their opinion. I simply wish to return to Grantlake,
my . . . morning sickness, you call it?” Janie nodded. “Yes, well, it's rather
unbearable. Some good country air and frequent promenades should do the
trick, I'm sure. It has already worked to some extent. I can only imagine
how my health will improve once I'm out of this damned carriage!”
Lily paused and looked out of the window once more. The weather was
turning. The morning had promised a bright day and now, storm clouds were
roiling in. She looked up at the sky with a grimace and then, let out a shriek.
“Grantlake! Grantlake, Janie! It's just over yonder! I can't believe it, I'm
almost home!”
Lily cheered and moved out of the way a tad as Janie peered out of the
same window, then let out a cheer of her own.
“My, you're right, Miss Lily, it will be good to be home, at last! I couldn't get
on with London. I know it's the place to be and all that, but I much prefer it
here. It's home, isn't it, miss?”
“It is indeed, Janie. It is indeed.”
Lily smiled and sat back. For the next twenty minutes or so, she kept her
eyes glued to the Grantlake's roofs and when finally, they were about to
enter the grounds of the estate, she let out a squeal of excitement.
Uncaring now, she opened the door to the carriage whose slow speed
ensured that she could easily do so and stuck her head out of the door.
“Miss Lily!” Janie chastised. “Get back in here!”
Lily jerked her arm from Janie's hold. “Stop it, Janie. I wish to see if mama
is in the dower house, that is all.”
“Let me look, then! Honestly, you can't behave like this no more, what with
you being in the family way!”
“Dammit, I'm not useless!” she retorted caustically and peered at the large
house which her mother had been inhabiting since before Lily had departed
for London. It was a two story property, double fronted and with a lovely
verandah that looked on to Grantlake's namesake, the beautiful lake. “I
think the curtains are closed.”
“Well, she'll be up at the big house then.”
“You think?” Lily asked and turned to look at maid. “I wish to speak with her
urgently, Janie.”
“Aye. As sad as your mama is, she wouldn't sit around with the curtains
closed. Not in the middle of the day!”
