No Surrender

by Sara Arden

  “Thank you.”

  She leaned down and brushed her lips against his, kissing him softly. The press of her lips was gentle but firm. It was achingly tender but so damn hot.

  He liked her being in charge just a little bit.

  “I think I’m in need of some healing only you can give me.”

  “Oh, really, flyboy? What if the doctor said no?”

  “But I say yes. What do you say, my sweet Kentucky Lee?”

  “I say you’re a flirty charmer and a scoundrel to boot.”

  “You like scoundrels.”

  “Not as much as I like flirty flyboys.”

  “So how about some tender care?”

  “I don’t know how tender it will be.” She slid her lips over his again.

  He’d never thought he’d have the chance to do this again, be with her. Maybe he still wouldn’t, but there was a part of him that wanted to tell her how he felt, to not waste any of the time they’d been given.

  It could be so fleeting.

  But he considered his situation again. He didn’t know if he’d ever be anything more than a burden.

  So he didn’t speak of his feelings but instead tried to show her with his kiss. He couldn’t even touch her.

  Her hand slipped between them and cupped the length of his shaft before stroking up and swirling over the crown with a deliberate, agonizing, ecstasy-inducing slowness.

  “Is this tender?” she teased, her lips hovering just above his so that he could taste the sweet cinnamon of her breath.

  “Tender as can be.”

  She got up and went to the door, locking them in and interruptions out.

  Her eyes darkened, all trace of sadness in them gone, leaving only what seemed to be a pure desire. Her hands weren’t soft, not like the rest of her. But they were knowledgeable, moving over his engorged flesh with a sensual precision.

  It felt so good just to have her touching him. The scent of her hair in his nose, the softness of her breasts, the heaven that he could find with her were all experiences he’d thought he’d never feel again.

  The fact that when he’d opened his eyes, she’d been here with no judgment, only her concern for him.

  He bucked his hips and thrust up into her hand.

  She continued stroking him, increasing the pressure and staccato rhythm of her caress as he let her pleasure him.

  “Come for me.”

  Sean had never had a particular bent for dirty talk, but something about hearing it from Kentucky’s sweet mouth made it hot.

  He wished he could touch her; the memory of her skin under his fingers seemed as if it was so long ago.

  She moved so that she straddled him, and she pulled her thong to the side underneath that tight, sexy denim skirt so that he could enter her.

  Kentucky was still wearing those red cowboy boots and damn if that wasn’t the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

  His Kentucky, wearing her boots while she took her pleasure.

  “You’re so goddamn beautiful.” He meant to whisper it reverently, like a prayer, but instead it came out harsh and guttural.

  She tilted her head back as she rode him, grinding into him with seemingly no reservations about his injuries. He liked that; it made him feel as though maybe this wasn’t the end of the world. That he would heal.

  That he would be useful.

  Kentucky bent down and whispered in his ear, all the while her hips still rolling forward, still pulling him deeper, still riding him. “Give it to me, soldier. It’s mine.”

  “What’s yours?”

  “My pleasure. Yours.” She tensed around him. “This. It’s mine.”

  It was such a strange sensation, allowing her to be in charge. Surrendering to her will. But he found he loved it. He loved seeing her with her head thrown back in pleasure, loved the way she demanded his compliance.

  The muscles low in his belly tightened and he tried to fight the wave of bliss as it surged up within him. He wanted this to last longer; he wanted to engrave every second of it on his memory.

  But she was right—it did belong to her.

  Everything belonged to her. Even his battered heart.

  13

  KENTUCKY LEE CREPT out of the hospital room once Sean was asleep and told the nurses that he’d been awake but was now sleeping a natural sleep. She’d been assured that he was on his way to recovery.

  She hadn’t told him that she was pregnant. How could she?

  Well, if she was talking about things she probably shouldn’t have done…sex with him all bound up like that had been kind of hot. He’d been completely under her control, and all she’d thought about was how to best bring him pleasure.

  But he’d loved it.

  He seemed different somehow—she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. It was something separate from almost dying, from being tortured. It was… She just didn’t know.

  Kentucky moved through the halls of the hospital quietly, unsure of where she was going until she got behind the wheel of her car.

  She needed Lynnie.

  Kentucky drove to the cemetery and walked over to her best friend’s headstone. She knew that Lynnie had gone to a better place, that she wasn’t hanging around in a box. But it comforted her nonetheless.

  She sat down and leaned against the headstone. “Oh, Lynnie. Have I ever stepped in it.” She sighed heavily, trailing her fingers across the smooth surface of the stone.

  “It’s a little bit crazy how much I miss you and how much I need you. But if you were still here, I wouldn’t be in this position, I’m sure.” She sniffed as the tears welled, hot and acidic, in her eyes and her throat became choked with emotion. “I hope you’re not pissed at me. I hope this was all okay. Part of me knows that you’d want us to take care of each other. To be happy.” She sniffed again. “But there’s another part of me that feels guilty because I always wanted him. I wanted what was yours. I got the fucked-up version of your happily-ever-after.”

  “I don’t think that’s true.” Eric startled her.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He held up a bouquet of daisies. “Bringing her some flowers so she knows I’m thinking of her.” He laid them down and then sat across from her. “It seems like you need Lynnie right now more than I do. But I’m all that’s here. So, do you need to talk?”

  The tears she’d been holding back slipped down her cheeks. “It’s almost like Lynnie sent you to me.”

  “Maybe she did.”

  Kentucky leaned against him, letting his brotherly embrace soothe her. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “With what?”

  “The baby. Sean. My life.”

  “That’s actually pretty easy in theory. Well, maybe not easy, but simple.”

  “Yeah, how’s that?” She sniffed.

  “You were going to tell him when he wakes up and work it out from there, right?”

  “He woke up and I didn’t tell him.” She was ashamed of that.

  “That is a lot to drop on someone first thing,” Eric offered.

  “I don’t want to tell him, Eric.”

  “Why?” He seemed more curious than incredulous, which she appreciated.

  She was grateful that he hadn’t gone into a long speech about how Sean deserved to know, deserved to be given a chance. He wanted to know why.

  “Because he’ll do what he thinks is the right thing.”

  “That’s all any of us can do, sweetheart.” He hugged her closer.

  “No, he…he’ll try to have a relationship with me for the baby.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Not for me. Not because he wants me.” It was like digging a knife back into her own heart to admit that out loud.

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because what happened between us was just supposed to be temporary,” she confessed on a ragged exhale.

  “What if it’s not? Don’t sell yourself, or the possibility of a future with Sean short. It’
s scary as hell, but are you really going to tell me that this is the one time that you’re not going to take a chance?”

  “I don’t know that I can afford to.”

  “I don’t know that you can afford not to. Look, maybe this will help you. Before Sean broke it off with Lynnie, she’d been having some doubts about their future together.”

  “What?” The revelation was like a slap to the face. “She didn’t say anything to me.”

  “No, and she wouldn’t have. She didn’t want to put you in an awkward position since you were friends with both of them.”

  “She told you.”

  “I’m her brother.” He shrugged.

  “Did she say why?”

  “Different directions. Growing apart. The usual stuff. She said he wasn’t the same boy she fell in love with and that just maybe they both had something better on the horizon. Maybe better for Sean is you and this baby. You see him in a way Lynnie never did. You see who he is now. That was hard for her.”

  “That feels a little sacrilegious.”

  “What, like my sister was some kind of goddess? I love her. She was an amazing woman, but she was human, too. She wanted a future but it wasn’t with Sean. Not really. You’re not taking anything from her.” Eric pulled back and looked at her. “She’s the last person who’d want anyone to make a martyr out of her. She was a whole person—she had her flaws. She wouldn’t want you to forget that.”

  Kentucky didn’t know what to do with that knowledge or how to process it. As of now, she knew there were no mulligans, no do-overs. It was just her without a safety net.

  “I know I have to tell him.”

  “I guess you don’t have to.”

  “Rachel says I do.”

  “Rachel is Rachel. She has very set ideas about how things should be done. I do, too. But I also know that you’re the one who has to live with your actions. If you want to turn your back on this guy you’re completely in love with because you think it’s best, that’s on you.”

  What did she think would happen if she decided not to tell him that she was having his baby? How did she think that would go down?

  Actually, she’d just kind of assumed that after their liaison was over, she’d never see him again.

  Only he hadn’t acted like that at the hospital. He’d seemed so happy to see her. He wanted her.

  Of course he wanted you—you were jerking him off while his hands were in traction. What man would say no to that?

  “I guess I’m just scared.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “You’re not. Sean’s not.”

  “We all are scared of something. No matter how together someone is, they have that one thing, that one chink in their armor that leaves them vulnerable and afraid. When we risk showing that to someone else…” he shrugged “…we’re giving them the tools to hurt us. That’s terrifying.”

  “When did you get so smart?”

  “I don’t know. Being a big brother with no parents kind of forced it on me.”

  She realized that Eric hadn’t lost just a sister. She was almost like his child because he’d basically raised her. She couldn’t imagine the pain he was in and he’d come to her grave and instead of finding his own comfort, he was giving it to Kentucky, just like a big brother would.

  “You were a good caregiver, Eric. You still are.”

  Eric looked down at his hands, took a deep breath and then looked back at Kentucky. “Thank you for saying that. You know, sometimes I wondered if I’d done things differently, just one thing out of sequence, if that could’ve changed all of our circumstances. If there was something I could’ve done… But I know that’s not how it works. Logically, anyway.” He sighed. “I think maybe you’re right, that she did send us here to each other because she knew we both needed it.”

  “I know that I’m not your sister—” she began.

  “Yes, you are. Lynnie always called you the sister of her heart, so you couldn’t be anything less to me, too.”

  The tears choked her again and she took Eric’s hand and placed it on her still-flat belly. “Our little group of friends is the only family I have left, but that’s not all bad,” she rushed to add. “On holidays, I’m not stuck with drunk Aunt Maude or Cousin Sticky Fingers. I get to choose my family. I’d be honored if you’d be Uncle Eric.”

  “It would be my honor.”

  “And, if you don’t mind, if it’s a girl, I’d like her middle name to be Lynnette.”

  “She would’ve loved that, and so would I.”

  Kentucky felt as though she could breathe again, as though she had solid ground beneath her feet. She knew she needed to go back to the hospital and tell Sean.

  It was now or never.

  “Thank you, Eric. For everything.”

  “Anytime, Kentucky.” He hugged her and got up, extending his hand to help her up, as well. “You know if for some reason Sean declines to be a man about his responsibilities, you will never be alone. Rachel and I will always be here for you.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She smiled. “But it was nice to hear again. You guys have been like a touchstone in the eye of the tornado.”

  “Are you going back to the hospital?”

  “Yeah. I guess I just needed a moment to breathe, if that makes sense.”

  “I had a few of those before I asked Rachel to be with me. I get it.” He made a face. “Not that our situation was anything comparable, but for a while I was convinced that if I admitted to Rachel how I felt about her, the universe would conspire to take her away from me. I know it’s stupid, but after losing so many people, I couldn’t chance losing her, too.”

  “That’s mostly how I feel, but with a few other spices.”

  “I get it, Kentucky. I really do.”

  “It’s strange, but I thought it would be Rachel who really got me on this, but it’s you.”

  Eric smiled at her. “This is what big brothers are for.” Her hugged her again and she did her best not to blubber.

  They really had made their own little family—her, Rachel, Eric and Sean.

  Eric walked her to her car and she drove the forty-five minutes back to KU Med and made her way up to Sean’s room.

  He was awake, and a certified nurse’s aide was feeding him chocolate pudding.

  “Doesn’t seem like a bad way to spend your day,” she said, holding out her hand for the pudding. “You were asleep when I left.”

  “That’ll teach me to fall asleep.”

  She smiled at the CNA. “I’ve got this.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  She waited until the CNA left.

  “Are you sure?” Sean repeated.

  “Sure, I’m sure. Getting to torture you with chocolate pudding sounds like the best afternoon ever,” she ribbed.

  “It’s pretty undignified.”

  “Dying is more undignified,” she replied, and shoved a bite of pudding in his mouth.

  “God, I feel like such a pussy.”

  “Why?”

  “Lying here having you spoon-feed me? It’s pathetic.”

  “Hmm, because all the bones in your hands are broken? Yeah, and you’re not on any pain meds? That’s not hard and strong at all. Neither was the way you got those injuries, saving your team. Yeah, total bitch up.”

  “Kentucky.”

  “What? Honestly, I bet I could get women to pay money to come in here and feed you chocolate pudding.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re a hero.”

  He growled.

  “No, really. Look at what you did, how you survived. Those people came home because of you.”

  “But what do I have left?”

  He sounded so bitter.

  “Everything.” She didn’t understand why he was saying that. “The doctors said that you’re going to recover and with enough physical therapy, you can still fly. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “Yeah, I can still fly. Not combat missions. I won
’t be spec ops anymore.”

  “There’s more to you than spec ops, Sean.”

  “Like what?” He seemed so sad and resigned.

  “Like how you’re a good friend, a good soldier, a good man.” She pursed her lips together. “You’ll be a good father.”

  His head snapped toward her. “What?”

  Kentucky felt like a deer in the oncoming lights of a semi—trapped, afraid—but she couldn’t go anywhere but forward. “I’m pregnant, Sean.”

  It was his turn to be the deer.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a thing. I just thought you should know.”

  14

  “IT’S NOT A THING? Like this isn’t a big deal? How can you even say that? Of course it’s a thing.”

  “I promised in the beginning I wouldn’t ask you for anything.”

  “Jesus Christ, Kentucky.” Sean studied her for a long moment and saw the lifted set to her jaw, her defensive posture and even the shadows in her eyes. “You shouldn’t have to ask. What kind of asshole do you think I am?”

  “It’s not that. I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you, but I knew I had to tell you…or I wasn’t going to.”

  The hits just kept coming. He didn’t know how the thought could possibly occur in her mind that not telling him he was going to be a father was an acceptable thing. Like she’d let him go back to duty and he’d never know they’d made a life together.

  It gutted him, made him feel utterly unworthy. Bile and venom rose up inside him until he looked at the fear on her face. He saw her fear scrawled over her features. This wasn’t just about him.

  She had to be so afraid and she’d probably found out while she was alone with no way to get in touch with him. Then to have to come to the hospital… “It’s going to be okay. We’ll make it all okay.”

  “Really? How?” she asked, easing down on the bed next to him.

  “We’ll get married—”

  “No.” She shook her head. “A baby isn’t a good reason to get married.”

  “Isn’t it? Don’t you want a family? What about the benefits I have through the army? What about taking leave when I want to and need to? What about benefits to help you if something happens to me?”

  She pressed her hand to her mouth as it seemed she contemplated that very thing, shaking her head. “I can’t live that way, Sean.”